I snorted bitterly. There was a huge part of me that didn’t trust anyone not to hurt me.
Sometimes I didn’t even trust myself.
It was hard to after throwing yourself into one romantic relationship after the other, hoping to forget the object of your unrequited love. I guess I thought if I was enthusiastic enough that I would really fall in love with one of them. I talked myself into being in love with my ex-husband, Louis. But Louis turned out to be a giant man-child. And he cheated on me. The only good thing that came from our relationship was Mindy.
I’d met my best friend Mindy at one of Louis’ theme nights at the comic store. We both loved retro clothing and we both designed and created our own. It took us a few years to save and get our finances in place, but we finally opened our dream boutique clothing store.
And it was an enormous hit in the neighborhood. Plus, we made a killing because of our large Instagram following. We’d had to employ a small team of seamstresses and admin staff just to help us fulfill our online orders.
I’d proven my parents and Micah wrong. While I’d cut my parents out of my life after my marriage (and subsequent divorce) Micah had cut me out of his life. For a while I wondered (hoped?) that maybe my feelings weren’t unrequited and he was angry and hurt. Like the way he’d look at me sometimes. Or the night at prom when I could have sworn he was going to kiss me. And the way he reacted to Dillan, the idiot boss I had a short fling with. After Micah had left that day and I’d calmed down, I wondered if it was jealousy that made him lash out at me. I went back and forth, arguing with myself that what I’d felt from him in those moments was real, and that what I’d felt was just me projecting my unrequited feelings on him.
Mom finally solved my inner turmoil by giving me the cold, hard truth about Micah.
During one of my many arguments with Mom, she’d yelled at me that even Micah didn’t want me in his life because I was too like how his mom used to be. Unpredictable, unreliable, and a screw up.
A screw up.
That’s what he had called me.
And it hurt.
I couldn’t even tell you how much that hurt to hear my mother repeat it all over again.
Mom tried to apologize. To say she didn’t mean it.
People who loved each other said hurtful things to each other in the heat of the moment. But my problem with my mom was that it was happening too damn much for it to be healthy.
Fuck, it killed, but I had to cut those ties.
Just like Micah cut his ties with me.
So why couldn’t I let him go?
My life was good! I had my own business at twenty-six. A successful one.
Why did I care if Micah was sexier than ever or laughing in the Commons with his model-like girlfriend of the hour? Though, to be fair, this one had been around longer than the others. According to his Instagram, the elegant ‘E’ had been around for six months.
‘E’ was exactly Micah’s type. Tall, stunning, blond, and according to his comments about her, she was very smart.
What he considered my opposite.
Well, he was right about everything but the smarts. I was way over letting people make me think I wasn’t intelligent just because I wasn’t academic. And I might not be stunning but I wasn’t exactly hard to look at. Some guys liked the whole adorable, curvy, quirky thing I had going on.
“Ugh.” I glowered at a candid photograph he’d posted of him standing hugging a mind-bending building in Peru. He faced the camera, grinning that boyish smile. He looked happy.
That summer, his girlfriend and another couple had taken a trip to Peru to tour the amazing architecture. Micah looked like he was having the time of his life.
He was a stranger now.
Sadness enveloped me.
“Dear God, you’re stalking him again.” Mindy’s voice right at my ear made me jump a mile.
“Fuck!” I turned to glare at her. “You’re a sneaky ninja.”
She grinned, showing off the cute gap between her two front teeth. “No… you were just lost in your mooning again over he who shall not be named.”
I turned my phone over on the checkout counter of the boutique. “No, I’m not.”
My best friend gave me a knowing look. “Uh, yeah you are. But I have just the thing to distract you.”
“Oh?”
She whipped out her phone, tapped the screen a few times and then shoved it in my face. I stared into the smoldering dark gaze of a very cute indie-band front man looking dude.
“His name is Ville and he saw you on our Instagram page and is obsessed with you. He asked for your number.”
“Ville and Val. Really?”
“What? His parents are Finnish.”
“Mindy—”
“Don’t Mindy me. Look, he’s a recent friend of Xander’s.” Xander was Mindy’s longtime boyfriend. “Xander approves of him. Says he’s a nice guy. An up-and-coming artist. They’ve shown his work in galleries. He’s not some bum. I promise.”
“Let me see his photo again.”
She grinned and practically squealed as she handed her phone over. I scrolled through his Instagram. He didn’t seem to be a poser, which was good. A lot of the photos were of his art, which was also really good. “He’s talented.”
“Is that… ‘yes, I’ll go on a double date with you and Xander and in five years’ time thank you all for setting me up with the man who gave me my babies Vilandra and Veronica’?”
I shook my head, laughing at her nonsense. “Let’s just try the double date first.”
“Woop!” she did a little happy dance. “I’ll let Xander know. I’m in such a good mood now, I’m even going to do a stock check.”
“Wins all around.” I hated stock checking.
“I think the size ten is a perfect fit.”
“I don’t need the size twelve? You’re sure?”
“You go the size twelve, you lose the shape. You have such a cute waist. Why not show it off?”
My customer smiled unsurely. “Really?”
“That’s just my opinion. You’re the one wearing the dress and you have to be comfortable in it.”
She sighed and turned to the mirror, studying her lush figure in the tight-fitting ‘50s pencil dress. “Maybe I should try the flare dress again.”
I nodded patiently. We’d been in the changing rooms for thirty minutes trying to decide on an outfit but it was for her ex’s wedding, so I got it. This dress needed to be perfect.
After handing her a couple of dresses that required a petticoat underneath them to give that awesome ‘50s prom dress vibe, I heard the antique bell over the shop door tinkle loudly.
“I might have to disappear for a second to deal with another customer,” I told her.
“Oh sure, of course. You’ve been amazing.”
I walked toward the front of the store from the changing rooms and heard a loud, female voice say, “Oh, this place is perfect. Jenny was right.”
The compliment made me smile, proud.
“We’ll definitely find something for the ‘50s fancy dress theme dinner. I wonder if they only do women’s fancy dress.”
Fancy dress?
My smile abruptly disappeared as I strode out to see who this person was that thought my store could only possibly be a fancy dress store.
A tall heterosexual couple stood holding hands with their backs to me while the woman studied a silk prom dress.
“This isn’t a fancy dress store,” I announced to the back of the couples’ heads.
Then they turned to me.
And it felt like the shop floor disappeared out from beneath my feet.
Micah.
Standing in my store.
Holding the hand of the stunning ‘E’ from his Instagram.
“You’re like… kidding, right?” ‘E’ dragged her gaze down my body and back up again. I wore a purple pencil dress with a stiff white bow attached to the low neckline. “People actually dress like this? Like every day?”
>
“Elizabeth.” Micah warned.
What was he doing here? “Micah.”
“Valentine.”
“Oh, you two know each other?” Elizabeth narrowed her eyes.
Micah gave her a quick look before returning his stony stare to me. “Valentine is the Fairchild’s daughter.”
“Oh. I almost forget they had one.”
She knew my parents?
Anger bristled across my shoulders, but I didn’t let her see. I didn’t let him see. “How can I help you?”
Elizabeth stepped forward, her condescending gaze darting from one item in the store to the next. “Well, we’ve been invited to a ‘50s theme dinner. I’m looking for something… chic. Maybe I’m in the wrong place though.”
“Funny, a second ago I thought I heard you say this place was perfect.”
She gave me a shark’s grin. “Sometimes something that looks pretty at first looks a little cheap on closer inspection.”
God, he really knew how to pick ‘em, huh. “Yeah… I often think people’s souls are a lot like that. You know. Beauty on the outside. A whole bunch of ugly on the inside.”
Her eyes flashed, but she shrugged. “Whatever.” A black dress I’d designed myself drew her attention. It was reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn’s famous black dress in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. “Ooh, this might be perfect.” She released Micah’s hand to hurry over to it. “Do you have this in a size two?”
Minutes later she’d wandered off to the changing room, dress in hand, and I was alone with Micah.
The air crackled with animosity as we glowered at each other. He dressed stylishly in a fitted coat, dark jeans and black ankle boots. His hair was different. Shaved close at the sides, a little longer on top. He even had some fashionable stubble that I really wanted to mock but couldn’t. One, I didn’t mock, no matter how angry I was. Mocking was petty. When I insulted a person, the insult was direct, true, and based on my grievance with them.
I hated how good he looked.
Finally, I blurted, “Did you know this place was mine?”
He shrugged. “I’d heard something.”
The old hurt and defensiveness rose at his casual dismissal of my business. “Clearly it doesn’t meet your standards of success, but we’re doing really great, actually.”
Anger clouded his handsome face. “What the hell does it “doesn’t meet my standards of success” mean?”
Oh, don’t play the innocent. “You and your catty girlfriend, coming in here and mocking it as a fancy dress store.”
Micah looked away, guilt flickering across his expression. “She meant nothing by it.”
“Oh, please. Your girlfriend was being condescending and catty. But then it doesn’t surprise me. She’s absolutely your type.”
If he could have fried my ass with the heat of his glare, he would have. “What the hell does that mean? I don’t see you in years and I get this shit? What the fuck is that?”
Don’t ask me where my bravery came from or why I decided to just put it out there… all I knew was that I’d had enough of Micah pretending to be someone he wasn’t. A perpetually good guy! He wasn’t. I’d had enough pretending that he hadn’t hurt me and known he was doing it all along! “It means that the whole time I’ve known you, you’ve always been attracted to style over substance.”
“That’s not true.” He took a step toward me. If the air crackled before, it was snapping and angry and electric now.
“Yeah?” I stepped toward him too. “Well, I like to think that I’m a pretty great person no matter what you or my parents think. I’m good, I’m kind, I’m hardworking, and I don’t shit over people to get ahead in life. But that still wasn’t good enough for Micah Green. All of it didn’t come with long legs, blond hair, a shitty attitude but lethal ambition.”
Just like that, he froze. The color bled from his cheeks. His voice sounded hoarse when he said, “What are you talking about?”
I was on a roll. The word vomit just kept coming. “Oh, come on. You knew. Everyone knew. Even my parents knew I was in love with you. But you made it clear which side of the fence you were on in that situation, didn’t you? It was perfect for all of you. My parents got the kid they always wanted and you got to get rid of the pathetic girl who made you uncomfortable mooning over you all the time. Because that’s what I was to you. A chubby failure. God forbid Micah Green think with anything other than his dick when it comes to women.” I gestured to the changing room to emphasize my point. “The girlfriend. I barely even know her and I can already tell you that her beauty is only skin deep, baby. Have a nice life with that.” I marched out of the store, leaving him gaping at me in disbelief. I trembled from head to foot but I felt triumphant.
I felt someone had lifted a weight off me.
I’d finally said, in less than two minutes, everything I’d ever wanted to say to him.
Everything he never thought I’d ever have the guts to say to his face.
After explaining to Mindy I needed her to cover the store because Micah was out there, I headed up to our apartment above it.
The first thing I did was block Micah on all my social media. No more internet stalking him. No more pining for a guy who was never really the right guy.
It was time to date again with conviction.
I wasn’t sure Ville would be Mr. Right, but at least this time I’d give a guy a real shot.
7
Micah
AGE 27
“Oh, come on. You knew. Everyone knew. Even my parents knew I was in love with you.”
I shook my head, trying to get Valentine’s voice out of it.
I couldn’t.
It had been three days since our altercation in her store.
Three days since my whole fucking life got turned upside down.
“Because that’s what I was to you. A chubby failure. God forbid Micah Green think with anything other than his dick when it comes to women.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I tried to shove her words out.
Tried not to care.
But there was this ache, deep and gnawing, in my chest that I couldn’t shift.
“You look like you’re in physical pain.”
Opening my eyes, I found my best friend and roommate, Wells, standing at my side. It amazed us both the same firm offered us jobs when we graduated. We’d interned at Watkins & Holtz, but never expected we’d both get something permanent there. They were a firm that specialized in making eco-living beautiful and interesting, something we both wanted to achieve in our designs.
“I think I am.”
He took a sip of champagne, following my gaze to Elizabeth. She was across the room, elegant in the chic black dress she bought from Valentine. When Valentine’s business partner, Mindy, took over for Val in the shop, she’d told Elizabeth the dress was Valentine’s design. I swear Elizabeth wasn’t going to buy it when she heard that. But her better side won out.
And whatever Valentine had said about Elizabeth, she had a better side.
Problem was, that side of her was never fully engaged.
I hadn’t just come to this conclusion because of Val’s split-second judgment of my girlfriend. Elizabeth’s attitude had been bothering me for months. Yet I felt caught. I’d made the stupid mistake of saying yes to a date with the daughter of Richard Meyer, a partner at the firm. He set us up. I thought it was a great idea. Elizabeth was sexy as hell, smart and independent. However, for the last few months I pushed her snide comments about almost everyone to the side.
She had her moments of kindness too.
Elizabeth did a lot of work for charity organizations.
“You can break it off with her, you know.” Wells turned to me, a knowing look on his face. “Richard won’t fire you. Look, I saw it in Peru, man. The woman is gorgeous but she can be downright nasty. And controlling. Every time she swapped out the food you ordered for a salad, I thought my head was going to explode. Cherry can’t stand her. She almost left Peru because of h
er.”
Cherry was Wells’ girlfriend. She was a sustainability expert we’d met through our work.
We’d spent three weeks in Peru touring the country to study the architecture. Our firm had actually let us do it as research. It was supposed to be the time of our lives, but tension had seethed between the four of us toward the end of the trip. I hadn’t realized it was all down to Elizabeth. “You should have said something.”
“I didn’t think I needed to.”
“I saw Valentine,” I blurted out.
Wells knew all about Valentine Fairchild. And how I’d felt about her. His eyes widened. “When?”
“E saw her store online and wanted to visit it. I didn’t know how to say no.”
“More like you didn’t want to say no.”
I shrugged. “Okay, I admit I wanted to see her.”
“And?”
I felt like I was going to throw up. “While E was in the changing room… Val let me have it. Basically implied I’m a shallow piece of shit because I’d rather have someone like E than someone like her.”
“What the hell?”
I looked him straight in the eye. “She outright said she used to be in love with me… and she said I knew it. That everyone knew it. But I didn’t want her because she didn’t meet my shallow standards.”
Wells looked like he’d been punched in the gut for me. “Fuck, man. What did you say?”
“I didn’t say a thing. I was in shock. And then she just walked out.”
We were quiet a moment as we watched Elizabeth move through the crowd of employees and their other halves, a born hostess.
Then Wells said, “It’s not on you. She obviously doesn’t know you all that well after all.”
“I pushed her away because of her parents. I called her a screw up. I cut her out of my life when she married that prick.” My heart hammered. “I could have prevented all of it if I’d just grown a pair and told her how I felt. So it is on me.”
“How do you feel about her now?”
Loving Valentine: A Novella Page 4