“Come on, it will make the baby come alive…” he promised.
“No! That’s gross! I don’t want to do that. We’ll get in trouble.”
“No, we won’t. I won’t tell. Come on…”
“Joey, no! I don’t want to. Why can’t we just play house?”
“We can’t play house without the baby coming alive,” the boy insisted, growing angry.
Star didn’t know why his ultimatum bothered her so much, but it did. She didn’t want to put their boy and girl parts together. She didn’t want to make the baby come alive. She just wanted to play house.
“If you don’t do it, I’ll tell dad you cussed and you’ll get a spanking.”
Star’s heart dropped. What was going on? Why was he trying to force her? She began to feel a deep, unsettling fear. The thought of being spanked yet again by Diane’s husband was enough to inspire dread. Sometimes, when he hit her bottom, he didn’t stop. He would keep striking her again and again. When he used his belt, it often left welts and bruises.
At that moment, she wanted so badly to cry, even though she didn’t understand why. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal, she thought to herself.
“Fine,” she finally relented, “but you better not tell on me.”
“I won’t tell! It will make the baby come alive.” He seemed so sure of it, but Star knew that would never happen. It was just a toy.
“What do we do?” she asked hesitantly.
“Let’s go to your room.”
Star grabbed her dolly and they ran up the stairs. They crept quietly through the house and into her room. Once inside, Joey shut the door and climbed on the bed.
“Get under the blanket,” he ordered, and Star did as she was told, fear mounting in her heart. She didn’t want to do this. He unfastened the button on his pants and slid them down. “You slide yours down too,” he ordered. Star opened her mouth to protest, but Joey shushed her and said, “Come on, we have to hurry so we don’t get caught.”
“Okay, okay…” Star muttered, pulling down her pants and exposing her underwear.
“Now get under the blanket.” Star pulled the cover back and lay down. Joey climbed in over her and pulled the blanket up so they were completely covered. He took the doll out of her arm and laid it next to them, and then he put their boy and girl parts together.
“See, we just have to do this until the baby comes alive.”
“Is it alive yet?” Star asked after what seemed like forever, a sense of fear growing in her mind.
“No, not yet,” he answered.
Star kept talking, asking questions, while he moved on top of her. She didn’t know what he was doing, and she didn’t like the feel, but she was too scared to ask him to stop. So she lay there, helplessly staring at her toy doll, hoping that somehow Joey was telling the truth.
“The baby is not coming alive. Let’s stop.”
“No…shhh…it will,” he reassured her.
Just then, Star heard the click of the doorknob and the door to her room opened.
“What the hell are you doing?” Diane shouted into the room. She stormed over to the bed, ripping off the blanket. “Get off of her! Pull your pants up!”
Joey jumped off Star and did as he was told. Ashamed, Star pulled her jeans and underwear up and began to cry. Diane yanked Joey by the arm, half-dragging him out into the hallway. Star could hear the solid “smacks” echoing in the hallway as Diane spanked him.
“Star, get out here.” Diane barked. Star climbed off the bed and walked fearfully out into the hallway. “Bend over!” she shouted.
“Mom, he made me! He said if I didn’t do it, he would tell on me,” Star tried to explain, but Diane would not listen.
“He didn’t make you do anything. Bend over!”
Star began sobbing but bent over while Diane swatted her repeatedly. After several minutes, she went numb and it didn’t hurt as much.
Over the next few days, life in the house became eerily silent. When the weekend arrived, Diane’s husband called a family meeting and asked Star to come and talk with them. Reluctantly, she entered the living room. Diane, her husband, and their five sons were seated around in a circle.
“Star, we need to talk,” Diane’s husband said in a monotone. The look on his face was stoic, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. After a long, uncomfortable pause, he said, “You need to pack your things. You’re leaving.”
“I’m leaving?” Star cried incredulously.
“Yes. It has come to my attention that you don’t fit in here. So, pack your things. Your grandpa will be by to pick you up in the morning.”
“What?” Star couldn’t believe her ears. She had wanted to leave so badly, to be free from the torment of the five boys in the house. Now that it was happening, she realized that she didn’t really want to leave. She wanted a family. She wanted someone to love her and tell her she was safe.
The boys stared at her. Was it her imagination or were they leering? She could swear that the oldest boy snickered, and she felt a flush of embarrassment in her cheeks. Why had they called a meeting for this? Couldn’t Diane have told her this news in private?
Humiliated, Star ran up to her room, sobbing. As she packed her belongings, she could not stop herself from thinking out loud,
“Maybe if I had been good? Maybe I am a bad kid. Maybe that is why no one wants me.”
The mind can be a treacherous place, especially for a child caught up in events she does not understand and cannot control. Star’s mind was already setting in motion ideas that would stay with her for a very, very long time.
Moving Out
Chapter 9
Star packed her belongings and everyone in the house avoided her for the rest of the night. She felt like a disease that had attached itself to the people she loved and no one wanted around. She tossed and turned that night, and woke up too early the next morning.
When the sun came up, she skipped breakfast and waited in her room. It seemed to take forever for her grandfather to pick her up. When the doorbell finally rang, Star felt it was the most wonderful sound in the world. She grabbed her suitcase, which once had been nearly empty and now was filled with clothes and Barbie dolls…signs that Diane had loved having a little girl.
She realized that it was not this house or the family she would miss—it was Diane. She had grown to love the woman like a mother.
As she walked out of her room for the last time, she looked back over her shoulder longingly. Bright sunshine streamed in through the window; the plush cream carpet felt soft underfoot. It was the nicest place she had ever lived. She would miss her soft mattress and clean sheets. She shut the door behind her and dragged her suitcase down the stairs to the wood foyer near the front door.
Diane and her grandfather were talking in hushed tones. Her grandpa looked so sad it made her heart hurt. Somehow, she would make it up to him. She would be a good girl from here on out and not cause any more trouble.
“Do you have everything, Star?” Diane asked. Her face was red from crying, her eyes puffy and sad. If only Star had behaved and not peed the bed, and not played house. She would still have a home and a family.
“Yes, mommy,” Star answered softly, choking back tears. She knew it would be the last time she would call Diane that. She wanted her to know she still thought of her that way and still loved her. She dropped her suitcase and ran up to the woman, hugging her with all her might.
Diane hugged her back, and they both broke into tears. The boys were out of the house, and Star was grateful for that. She didn’t want them to see her crying. She didn’t want to see them at all. When Diane let her go, she whispered in Star’s ear,
“Be good for your grandpa, okay?”
Star nodded her head vigorously. She would be a perfect angel…even if it killed her. She looked up at her grandpa who still seemed overwhelmed with sadness; but he smiled at her with kind eyes and then picked up her suitcase.
“You ready to go, little sweetie?”
He motioned for her to come and held out his calloused hand. Star couldn’t even respond, she was so broken and confused by all that had happened. She ran out the front door and climbed into his car, sobbing uncontrollably.
Star’s grandpa didn’t come out right away. It appeared that he was talking to Diane. When he finally came down the walkway and climbed into the car, his face was somber, and he asked, “What happened?”
“Oh, Grandpa…” Star sobbed, and then she told him everything— how she had been spanked repeatedly for wetting the bed, and why it had happened. She told him what Joey had forced her to do. He listened intently and looked very sad.
“I’m sorry, little sweetie,” was all her grandpa managed to say. Star didn’t know how to respond, but it was the one and only time in her life that he had failed her.
Home Or Something Like It
Chapter 10
The drive to her grandfather’s mobile home was longer than Star remembered. It gave her plenty of time to wonder what would happen to her now. Where would she stay? Would her dad send for her? So many questions about the future nagged her mind. She hated not knowing what was going to happen.
“Where am I going, Grandpa?” Star asked in a frightened voice.
“You’ll stay with me until your dad comes,” her grandfather answered. Even though she felt like he had not helped her deal with what had happened, she at least knew that he wouldn’t leave her. He had always been her constant.
They drove up the gravel road to her grandpa’s mobile home. Star had only been here once, the first night she arrived in Montana, but it was the most peaceful night she had experienced in a long time. It was safe and comfortable, which made her happy. After her grandfather parked, she jumped out of the car and ran inside.
“Hi, Grandma!” she called out. Her grandmother was sitting on the couch, looking through a Reader’s Digest. She glanced up with mild interest.
“Hello, Star,” she said matter-of-factly. Her grandmother had never been one to express much emotion, and Star didn’t let it bother her. She sat down on the couch next to her, a happy smile on her face.
Her grandfather came in a few minutes later carrying her suitcase, and he placed it in a corner. It was a small mobile home, ideal for one person and not meant for more than two. There was no room for a kid, but she didn’t care.
“Grandpa, can I sleep under the table tonight?”
“You don’t want to sleep on the couch?”
“No, it’s okay.” Star grinned. He shrugged his shoulders as if to admit defeat and then opened then fridge to pull out something to eat. Star glanced around the cramped mobile home.
At most, it had about four feet of walking space between the walls, furniture, and various fixtures. She could turn around and walk three steps to the sink, or turn the other way and walk five steps to the couch. From there, a 180-degree turn and five steps would take her to the bathroom. Beyond that, two more steps would lead to the queen-sized bed, which in itself, was a room. A clothes closet, two and a half feet wide, ran parallel to the bed. The rest of the storage space was under the couch and cabinets above the small sink and fridge.
Her grandpa cooked a meal of macaroni and cheese over the stove and poured Star a glass of milk from the fridge. After dinner, he rolled out some blankets on the floor, placed them under the table, and Star crawled in with her doll. He hugged and kissed her goodnight, and she slept well.
When Star woke up the next morning, she found that for the first time in a long time, she hadn’t wet the bed, and she was so relieved! She had worried about it the night before, knowing that her grandpa had to go into town to the laundromat to wash the clothes.
Winter was nearly over and Star spent the remaining days outside playing in the snow before it melted. Just as the first buds of spring appeared, her grandfather got a phone call. Leaning out the front door, he called to her, “Hey, little sweetie! Your dad is on the phone. Do you want to talk to him?”
“Yes!” Star yelped with excitement. She hadn’t talked to her dad in so long, and she could hardly wait to hear his voice. Running inside, she grabbed the phone from her grandpa and said, “Hi, daddy! I miss you!”
“I miss you too, baby.”
“What’s going on?” Star asked, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long while.
“I’m coming home, baby.”
“You’re coming home? You’re coming to get me, Daddy?” she asked, excitement building in her voice.
“Yes, I’m taking the bus to Montana. I’ll be there in a week.”
“What about Mommy?”
“Mommy is going to stay here for now. She will join us as soon as she can.”
Star was excited that her dad was coming to Montana and her mom would be joining them soon. She still had questions about her stepmother, but she hoped that with a fresh start, things would be different. Perhaps they could finally be a real family! She couldn’t wait.
Little Lost
Girl
Part Two: Home is Where the Heart is
CONTENTS
1
New Beginnings
2
She’s Got Personalities
3
Daddy is Sick
4
Time to Go Home
5
Decisions
6
The Couple
7
Home is Where the Heart is?
8
Moving
New Beginnings
Chapter 1
Living at grandpa’s home on the little hill overlooking the sapphire lake in northwestern Montana provided a short reprieve for Star’s heart. It was a small mobile home, and Star slept under the living room table, but it gave her a sense of stability and belonging in her young life.
Star’s father, Robert, had moved up from Las Vegas in November, just before the snow hit hard. The change from the desert climate of Nevada to the snowy winters of Montana must have been quite an adjustment for him, but Star was just happy to be reunited with her father.
When the snow melted with the warmer days of spring, Star spent more time outdoors. She enjoyed picnicking with her father and grandparents, and she loved the tranquility of nature. The hilltop where her grandpa’s mobile home stood was idyllic. Trees blossomed around the tiny trailer, flowers brought a lively splash of color to the yard, and blue jays swooped down in pairs, pecking at the ground.
A few months later, Star’s stepmother, Betty, joined them. It was a struggle to fit a family of five into a cramped living space meant for one or two, but they managed. They often took family walks down to the lake, which delighted Star. The dark and depressing memories of her past faded as happier ones filled their place. She was beginning to feel joy.
Once Star’s parents had income, they rented a modest apartment. It seemed as if they had been living in the cramped mobile home for years, but it had been just a few months. After they moved in to the new apartment, her parents enrolled her in school.
Star loved school, even though she didn’t fit in with the other kids and didn’t understand why. Star’s classmates made fun of her nearly every day. She ate lunch alone, or at the far end of the table, and while the other children laughed and talked together, she was ignored. After lunch, she would spend the play period alone, swinging or playing on the monkey bars. When she tried to play with the other children, they made fun of everything from her name to her tow-blonde hair.
Not fitting in never stopped Star from working hard on her studies, and what she lacked in friends, she made up in art and music. She adored painting and fell in love with choir. She was involved in almost every school production, even if she played a small part or helped behind the scenes. The hours she spent on creative endeavors were happy, fulfilling times for her.
One afternoon, Star came home to a gathering of somber adults in the living room. Her grandfather sat in one corner, and her parents were seated on the couch. Her heart raced as she felt a disturbing sense of déjà vu.
This scene reminded her of the time she was called in for a family talk, and her stepmother told her she was being sent away to live with strangers; or the time after that, when the strangers she had grown to love sat her down for a talk and told her they were sending her away too. She wondered if today's news would be the same.
Star’s heart beat faster when her grandpa greeted her with a simple,
“Hello, little sweetie.” Something in his voice stopped her in her tracks. She considered throwing her backpack down and running out the front door, but she forced herself to stay and sat down on the couch next to her father. As the old sofa springs crunched under her weight, she decided that if her parents said they were sending her away again, she would run away. She would run so far and so fast no one would ever catch her. She could not bear the heartbreak of being cast away again.
“Little sweetie, I have something to tell you. Can you be brave?” her grandpa asked.
Star felt a lump growing in her throat and a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach as she answered,
“Yes, Grandpa. I can be brave.” She looked down at her hands and felt guilty for lying.
“Little sweetie, your grandma passed away last night.” Her grandfather spoke ever so softly and then paused to let his words to sink in.
“Passed away? What does that mean?” Star asked. She lifted her head and tried not to show her delight that the news had nothing to do with her being sent away.
“It means your grandma went to sleep and never woke up. She isn’t coming back. She died.”
Star considered her grandpa’s words. She understood the concept of death, but at her young age, she didn’t comprehend what it was like to lose someone. Relieved that she wasn’t being sent away but saddened by the news about her grandma, she burst into tears. Her grandfather’s lowered lip trembled, and his eyes welled with tears. Her dad’s face was somber and reserved as usual. The only time Star ever saw him cry was the day of the funeral, when she saw her grandmother asleep forever in her baby blue, velvet-lined coffin.
Little Lost Girl: The Complete Series Page 3