by Jessie Cooke
A huff of irritation forced its way out of Bella’s mouth, and she felt as if she were careening into new and uncharted territory. She had a slight sense of vertigo, and she noticed that her mouth was suddenly very dry.
A pale pink plastic pitcher sat on the tray table a few inches from Reece. She picked it up and noted its emptiness. Suddenly, the empty pitcher was the saddest thing she’d ever seen in her life. She opened it up, knowing exactly what she would find, but needing to see it anyway. And suddenly, she felt as if she were staring into her very own heart. Empty, with the bottom staring up closer than she’d have thought. Her eyes slid over to the form in the bed, and she felt like she were that pitcher, being filled with cool, refreshing water that would quench a dry thirst. Then she looked back inside the empty pitcher again, and she knew beyond all doubts.
“I love you,” she whispered as she gazed upon the battered form on the bed. She cleared her throat. “I love you,” she said with more volume and assurance.
Reece’s eyelids fluttered, and Bella felt her heart stop momentarily at the old fear. Perhaps he had heard her. Then she threw the empty pitcher across the room and lay down beside Reece on his small narrow bed, listening to his heartbeat through the machinery.
She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, the nurse from earlier was standing over her with a cotton blanket, asking if she’d be more comfortable in the recliner. Bella righted herself and rubbed her neck, stiff from the position. She thanked the nurse and moved over to the chair as the nurse retrieved the pink pitcher.
“Now how in the world . . .” she mused. She turned a smile to Bella. “Would you like some water?”
Suddenly, Bella remembered how dry her throat had been, and the scratch of it annoyed her instantly.
“Please,” Bella replied, and the nurse left and returned quickly with some ice water. She checked her watch. “He should be rousing sometime soon. The pain meds will be wearing off, and he’ll be getting ready for his next round.”
As if on cue, Reece’s eyelashes fluttered against his cheek, and he opened first his right eye, and then more slowly his left. Bella quickly stepped over to his bed and leaned over into his field of vision. A slow, goofy smile spread over what part of Reece’s mouth it could.
“Angel!!!” he said through swollen lips.
Bella felt her stomach sink to her knees. Her face dropped the hopeful smile it had been wearing, and she turned to the nurse with eyes as big as the plastic pitcher. “Does he have amnesia?” she asked.
“Angel!!” Reece said again with fervor. “I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
“Oh my god,” Bella said, “He doesn’t even remember me. He doesn’t even know me!”
The nurse checked Reece’s pupils and checked the monitors. “There was no sign of amnesia. Mr. Hamilton,” she turned to Reece, “Can you tell me what day it is?”
“I thought days didn’t matter in heaven,” he said slowly with grogginess.
“Do you know who the president is?” the nurse asked.
“The president in heaven? There’s democracy here? Huh. Well, I guess it’s either God or Saint Peter. Who’d have thought?”
Bella looked at the nurse, alarm ringing from her face and her body. “What is happening?”
The nurse tried to retain composure. “Mr. Hamilton, do you know who is here to see you?” the nurse asked.
He turned and looked straight in Bella’s eyes, his own ochre eyes telling her more than his mouth had the entire time. She knew that he knew.
“It’s my Bella. My beautiful Bella.” He turned to the nurse. “Do you think we are named and then live up to our name, or are we already who we are, and the universe sends the perfect name to our parents?” He turned back to Bella and held out his hand. She grasped it carefully. “She certainly fits her name,” he said. Then he turned back to the nurse. “And she loves me.”
The nurse looked at Bella and smiled. “I think our crisis is averted. Sounds to me like his pain meds are doing a lot of the thinking and talking right now . . . except for the part about you. That, obviously, is the truth.”
Bella sighed. “Thank you. That was . . . unsettling.”
“I understand. Patients who rarely take medication often take too well to such high doses of pain meds. He’ll probably say some silly things. May want to write them down so you can tell him later.” The nurse turned her attention to Reece. “Mr. Hamilton, can you tell me on a scale of one to ten how much pain you are feeling?”
Reece’s brow furrowed, and then he winced in pain. He narrowed his eyes in thought. “Oh, about a four,” he said.
“We’ll wait a while then,” the nurse said. “He should be more lucid within an hour or two, but he knows you’re here with him, and that’s important.”
Bella looked at him and smiled. He held his hand out to her again, and this time she took his, brought it to her lips, and kissed it. It was the best pain medicine she could give him.
67
The next afternoon, Bella walked into Reece’s hospital room and brought herself up short. Nicky sat in the reclining chair beside Reece’s bed, and she was holding Hayley Jo, rattling on about some sort of plans for some party when Bella interrupted.
“Well, hey, Nicky,” she said, forcing a lilt to her voice. “How’ve you been?”
Small talk. She hated it, especially with her former best friend who sat holding the child she shared with Reece. The sight of Hayley Jo made Bella’s womb scream with jealousy, and then she imagined giving herself a slap on the forehead: she hadn’t made a decision yet on a very important matter.
Nicky stood and gave Bella a one-armed hug. “It’s about time I ran into you,” she said. “Where did I hear you were in Dallas for a bit?”
They both knew exactly where she’d most likely heard it, but for some reason, Nicky wanted to play coy.
Bella sat down her large purse and the plastic covered tray she’d brought with her from the cafeteria. Then she immediately regretted freeing her hands.
“Hayley Jo wants to see her Auntie Bella,” Nicky said, putting the baby into Bella’s arms before Bella could even protest. Not that she really wanted to protest; she had barely taken her eyes off the baby since she walked in the door, but . . . it was still hard to hold her sometimes.
“Speaking of,” Nicky prattled without taking a breath, “you still haven’t let me know anything about whether or not you’re willing to be her godmother,” she pressed.
Bella smiled wanly. “I know. To tell you the truth, I just haven’t had much time to really think about it, even. I’m sorry.”
Nicky put her hands on her hips. “Well, her christening is coming up in two weeks. Her godparents have to be there, Bella.”
“Who’s the godfather?” Bella asked, hoping to buy time more than really curious to know.
“My brother, of course,” Nicky said.
Bella looked at Reece. “Don’t you have a sister?” she asked, feigning ignorance.
Reece nodded. “Too many of her own,” he replied. “Marie has her hands quite full.”
Bella smiled. “I see we’re a little more lucid than you were last night.”
Nicky took a step back. “Wait. Bella, why are you here?” she asked suddenly.
Bella’s stomach dropped. Nicky still didn’t know the entire truth, and here it was, rearing its ugly head, but was this the best time to tell her?
“I, uh . . .”
“Bella was actually using my apartment while she was in town,” Reece interrupted. “I thought I would be in Vegas, but obviously now I’m not. I heard she was in town and insisted she stay there instead of in some hotel. You know how she feels about hotels.”
Nicky eyed them suspiciously, her brown eyes slipping from Bella to Reece and back again to Bella. “That was extremely nice of you,” she said slowly. “I just didn’t know you two knew each other so well,” she continued.
“We’ve worked on a few projects together,” Reece supplied. “You know that Bella a
nd Christo won the design contest for the Haiti resort. When Bryce couldn’t be out there to take care of everything, he sent me instead.” He looked over to Bella encouragingly. “I guess we got to know each other a little better then. We had to work together for at least a month.”
“All in a place called ‘heaven’ no less,” Nicky responded. “I’ll bet it was quite heavenly for you both.”
Hayley Jo started crying, and Bella bounced her gently in her arms to try and soothe her. Nicky didn’t seem fazed by the sound at all.
“How did you know he was in the hospital?” Nicky asked. “You obviously found out more quickly than I did, seeing as how you’ve been here before now.” She had crossed her arms in front of her and set her jaw. It was obvious to Bella that Nicky suspected them of being much more than friends. Hayley Jo had worked herself from a cry into a full-on wail, most likely sensing the tension within Bella’s body and the sound of harshness in her mother’s voice.
“I listed her as my emergency contact,” Reece blubbered. “Can you do something to console her, please?”
Nicky’s head whipped over to Reece in the bed. “Why the hell should I console Bella? What does she need it for? Sounds to me like you’ve been doing plenty of that yourself.”
Reece shook his head slightly. “Geez, Nicky, I’m talking about the baby. Hayley. Help her,” he said, Bella awkwardly cradling the crying baby and shushing it softly, cooing to her to try and calm her down, but doing nothing other than ramping her up.
Nicky seized the small body from Bella’s arms and held it up against her, patting on Hayley’s back. “She cries so much now that I barely even hear it,” she offered as explanation.
Bella shot a look at Reece asking what they should do with the situation.
“So, you listed Bella—someone you work with—as an emergency contact instead me?” Nicky said, rekindling the flames she’d been shooting from her eyes. “I think that’s sort of odd.” She turned to Bella. “Unless there’s more to this than what you’re leading me to believe.” She took a step towards Bella, the baby still crying in her arms. “Bella, is there something you need to tell me?” she began. “You never were the best of liars.”
Swallowing hard, Bella tried to look over at Reece, but Nicky had strategically place herself within her line of vision.
“Did something happen between you and Reece while you were in Haiti?” she asked.
“Yes,” Reece answered quickly from the bed. “Yes, it did . . . well, almost,” he said. “But then you were in labor, and I flew back for Hayley’s birth, and so it never really got to be what I had hoped it would be in Haiti.”
Which was true . . . sort of.
“Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?” Nicky asked, whirling on Reece. “All of our conversations about what our relationship is or is not going to be, and you never thought to mention that you were starting something with my best friend? Oh, and all the while it was mere days before I gave birth to our child. That’s a class act, Reece.” She turned to Bella. “I thought you were a better friend than that. I thought after everything I’d been through with you that you would never stoop so low as stealing away a father from his family.”
“Nicky . . . “ Reece’s voice warned from the bed.
“Nothing happened in Haiti, Nicky,” Bella said. “And as far as I’m concerned now, Reece has told me that the only thing keeping him in your life is Hayley Jo. This was all unplanned, Nicky. It just happened—much like you and Reece having a kid together. But we can all see it as serendipity if we choose. It’s about moving forward, and I’m trying to be fair to myself when it comes to that.”
Reece’s mouth had dropped open slightly, and Bella caught sight of him finally. His eyes shone with a pride he’d never shown with her before. He winked his good eye at her and gave her a thumbs up.
“That’s why you won’t be Hayley’s godmother, isn’t it?” Nicky said, finally putting at least some of the pieces to the puzzle together. “Because you can’t stand her.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake,” Reece began.
“Nicky, that’s so untrue,” Bella said at the same time.
The nurse chose that very moment to check Reece’s vitals, and when she soft-shoed it into the room, all conversation hushed, save the hiccup cries of the baby. Bella busied herself by opening her plastic tray and picking at the salad she had brought up from the cafeteria. The nurse asked Reece a few questions, and he answered in monotone. When she asked about his pain, he told her that right now it was at a ten and mainly in his ass, but that she probably didn’t have the right meds to get rid of it, but he was looking at Nicky the entire time he was saying it.
“So, do you want some more painkillers?” the nurse asked confused.
“No. I’d like to see how much I can take without them right now. They make me so groggy and fuzzy-headed,” Reece said.
“I’ll check back on you in an hour or so,” she smiled. She stopped to coo at the baby who actually quieted down as the friendly nurse spoke with her. Then the nurse was on her way to check on other patients in less awkward situations.
“I could never resent Hayley Jo,” Bella said. “She’s a baby, for one thing. A completely innocent creature in this whole messed up situation. And I am not a home-wrecker, thank you very much. As far as I can see, there is no home to wreck.” Bella was whispering, but they could all still hear her voice trembling. Still, she finally raised her eyes from the floor and met Nicky’s.
“I haven’t told you anything about being Hayley Jo’s godmother because it didn’t feel genuine, your request. We haven’t been close lately, and I feel like I don’t know you anymore. Add all of this together, and I felt weird about your asking me. That’s it.”
Nicky’s face had reddened, and Bella could see she was clutching Hayley just a little tighter to her. “Well, if you’re going to be with Reece, you may as well be her godmother. You’d end up being her stepmother anyway.”
“I think you’re jumping the gun quite a bit there,” Bella said. “Reece and I have a long way to go for any of that to happen.” And though she was saying it aloud and with Reece in the room, it felt more like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else listening.
Nicky looked around the room, her eyes glistening with tears. Bella’s heart broke for her. She knew Nicky had at one time had high hopes for her and Reece, and she was sure that all of this was devastating for her, especially finding out this way. She remembered how she had felt when the truth had finally emerged for her.
And then she remembered that the entire truth was yet to be shared.
68
Bella came back into the room after walking Nicky and Hayley to the elevator. They had left on good terms, and while she was still taking a little time to think through the godmother thing, she had offered to babysit for Nicky some night so that she could get out.
“It’d be better if you could just come over, bring a bottle of wine, and stay the night. We can have a good old-fashioned sleep over, watch a movie, and really catch up,” Nicky had responded.
Bella had glanced back at Reece’s room. “I guess I’ll have to see what is in store for Reece.”
“You know I’m here to help,” Nicky had said softly. She had put her hand out to Bella’s. “He’s a good guy, and I owe him a lot. It’s the least I could do.”
Bella had hugged her friend, happy to see at least a small glimpse of the Nicky she used to know. “We’ll get together soon, I promise,” she had said. “Maybe even tomorrow. Reece will still be in the hospital for another day or two at the very least.”
Nicky had smiled what Bella felt was a genuine and warming smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she had said as she hit the button for the elevator. When it dinged, Nicky and Hayley had gotten on as Bella waved a finger towards the baby and mouthed “good bye” to Nicky.
Now, Bella sighed, the breath coming from her toes all the way up through her legs and torso and out of her mouth.
&n
bsp; “I don’t remember her ever being this ornery,” Bella said. “But at least it ended well.”
“Now you know the real reason I can’t live with her,” Reece replied. A half-grin snuck around the injuries on his face, and Bella found herself grinning back. He patted the bed beside him and slid himself over as much as he could without dragging IVs and tubes too far. She toed off her shoes and delicately inserted herself onto the bed, trying to make sure her weight didn’t disturb the propped foot wrapped in plaster .
“I was not expecting that,” Bella said as she rested her head on Reece’s chest. “And there you were protecting me even from your hospital bed.”
Reece stroked the side of her arm protectively. “It’s what I do for the people I love,” he said.
“You keep throwing around that word,” Bella said.
“I’m not just ‘throwing it around’, as you say.”
“We’re going to have to tell her the entire truth eventually,” Bella said, changing the subject.
“And what is that entire truth exactly?” Reece asked.
She propped herself up to look him square in the eye. “That you and I met, had sex twice before we really knew each other was, then realized the connection after it was too late. And all of that happened in the early stages of your relationship. That once we realized what was happening and to whom, we called it quits, but our paths kept crossing until you showed up in Haiti.”
“Is that really the truth?” Reece asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Is that all? What about now?”
“What about now?”
“Damnit, Bella! Why can’t you tell me how you really feel about me? Why is it always a game with you? I’m here in a hospital bed, for crying out loud, and still you don’t know what it is you really want with me?!”
“It’s not always about you and your timing, Reece Hamilton. Have you ever thought that I have other things happening in my life? That I can’t simply resign myself over to you or thinking about you every second of the day?”