“You can’t seriously be asking me that? You were there, you saw us talking. How on earth could you possibly think that I would be interested in that sleazeball?” I asked him incredulously. “He’s asked me out a couple of times and I’ve said hell no every time, okay? That. Is. All.”
He sighed and seemed to relax marginally “Why didn’t you tell me you had some guy bothering you at work?”
“So you could do what? Storm the gates of the hospital and threaten a work colleague? I’ve had to deal with entitled pricks like him my whole life. I’m a big girl; I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. I don’t need you coming to my aide like a knight on a white horse, Caleb.” I said angrily, though I would be lying if I said the thought of Caleb dressed as a knight wasn’t slightly arousing.
Caleb didn’t look like he wanted to drop the topic. He opened his mouth to reply, but seemed to change his mind and decided against whatever he was going to say. He nodded tersely.
I furrowed my brow in his direction.
What the hell is that about? The man never backs down from an argument.
The other morning we had spent 30 minutes arguing over the appropriate amount of chocolate chips to put in the pancake batter.
My stance: the more the merrier, his stance: too many chocolate chips and you may as well just eat a damn candy bar for breakfast.
My rebuttal: Why would eating a candy bar for breakfast would be wrong?
I had obviously won that particular argument.
We drove the rest of the journey in complete silence, as he pulled up to my house, I broke first. “Am I getting the silent treatment?”
“No.” he said as he got out of the car. “I just don’t want to argue about this tonight.”
I blinked “Okay. I … don’t want to argue about this either.” I answered slightly perplexed as I had geared myself up for a long drawn argument.
He sighed as we fell into step and walked up to the house “I suppose I’m going to have to get used to guys hitting on you. I fucking hate it. But it’s going to happen anyway. I can’t go round punching every guy that asks you out, as much as I would like to. So, I’m just going to have to deal with it.”
How very civilized of him. I don’t buy it…
I stopped him and pulled him down to me for a kiss “There’s only you, Caleb.” I told him earnestly.
His eyes searched mine deeply for a long while before he nodded. “Okay babe. But if he keeps making you feel uncomfortable…”
“My knee will meet his balls so hard, he’ll be crying for a month.”
“Vicious little thing.” Caleb said, pressing a kiss to my forehead “Come on, I’m hungry and have a craving for lasagne.”
“How do you know what’s for dinner?” I asked confused.
“Niki. She also said that we’re watching The Fox and the Hound. That’s one of the happy cartoons, right?” he asked turning the handle and holding the door open for me.
“Yeah… sure handsome.”
I know I should feel bad about lying, but I really don’t. Pasta and another round of Caleb’s hilarious, outraged, ranting commentary, who could ask for more?
--------------------
“I can’t believe you lied to me again.” Caleb said in a put out tone as we were curled up naked in bed together.
I giggled “I said I was sorry baby and I’m pretty sure I more than made up for it.” I said grinning up him cheekily.
“Liya, a blowjob doesn’t make up for being emotionally scarred, but it suppose it did help a little.” Caleb said, his finger trailing along my spine. “I think Niki is a secret sadist.”
I threw my head back with a laugh. That’s what I had been saying for years.
“I think so too. She comes across as all shy and timid and looks like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, but I suspect she has a little vicious streak hidden in there somewhere. She could probably get away with murder if she wanted to. No one would suspect a thing.”
“Her and Addie teaming up would be disastrous.” he said with a pretend shudder.
“Hmm… I think that may be happening soon. I overheard them talking about plans for a second attempt at “Girl’s Night” followed by a whole load of highly inappropriate conversation I don’t think I should tell you, considering you’ve already been emotionally scarred once today. I think your sister is amazing. Addie could be a really good influence on Niki.”
“You’re crazy if you mean that seriously babe. Addie’s not a good influence on anyone. I swear she’s the reason my aunt and uncle started getting grey hairs.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask… how did you guys end up with Jeremy and Debbie?” I asked softly. When I felt Caleb stiffen slightly, I quickly added “Sorry. You don’t have to tell me, handsome. I didn’t mean to pry.”
His hand started gliding over my skin again. “It’s fine babe. It’s just a subject we don’t really talk about often. Our mom was an alcoholic, after Alex and Addie were born that status changed to an alcoholic junkie. She didn’t really seem interested in being a mother. Nate was the one who pretty much raised us all. Long story, short; we came home one day, she was passed out and some fucking creep was feeling Addie up while she was sat on his lap. Nate lost his shit, attacked the guy with a bat and we left the house. Nate called Uncle Jeremy who hadn’t heard from our mother in years. He came and got us and our mom signed over her parental rights to him and Aunt Deb.”
I lifted my head off his chest to look at him. “That awful, baby. I’m sorry you all had to go through something no child should ever have to experience. Is that why you said you didn’t have the same kind of childhood as other kids?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened to your mum?” I asked, resting my head back on his chest, as my finger drew shapes along his chest.
“None of us knows or cares. Haven’t heard from her in twenty years.” he said gruffly.
“I’m glad you guys had Jeremy and Debbie. I love how close you all are.” I said hugging his torso tighter.
“They gave us a real family. They’re our parents in every way that actually matters.” Caleb said warmly, playing with my hair.
I snuggled into his body, feeling content and happier than I had been in a long time “Goodnight handsome, thanks for sharing.”
“Night, Angel.” he said as he pressed a kiss into my forehead, the soothing motion of him playing with my hair causing me to drift into a wonderfully, peaceful sleep.
Chapter 22
Maliya
The sun streaming through the thin curtains woke me up before the alarm went off.
I tried to stretch but found myself unable to move my arms. I opened my eyes and craned my neck to the side, to find my arms had been tied to the headboard with scarves.
What the fuck? It’s too early for kinky sexy times…
Caleb’s grinning face came into view.
“Bondage in the morning, Jameson? A bit much, isn’t it?” I said pulling at the restraining material.
“Never really been into bondage before, babe. If you like it I don’t mind experimenting in the future. But first we need to have a long overdue talk, Angel.”
“Okay.” I said warily. “A talk about what? And why do I need to be tied up in order for us to have this little chat.”
“I don’t trust you to not try to run and escape instead of stay and actually talk to me. Also, with you tied up I get to have a little fun.” he said cupping a breast and running his thumb around the hard nipple.
“Honestly Caleb, this seems a bit extreme. What if needed to pee?”
“Do you?”
“Well… no. but I could have to. Just start talking already.” I said nervously.
He looked at me directly. “Okay. This arrangement of ours isn’t working for me anymore.”
My heart sank a little in my chest as my body tensed. He wants to stop sleeping together?
“What do you mean? You want us to stop having sex?”
“F
uck no.” He said vehemently “No way do I want to give up what we have.” Oh thank the Gods for that.
“Then, what do you mean?” I said relaxing slightly.
“I want more from you. All this just meeting to fuck business isn’t enough anymore. I want to be able to go out with you in public. I want to be able to hold your hand. I want to be able to call you my girlfriend, Liya.” He said firmly as he hand stroked the curve of my hip.
I stared up at him. “Caleb… if this is about what happened with that Doctor…”
“It’s not about the fucking Doctor, Liya. We do everything a couple does already, baby. I just want to take it to the next level. We’re proven we’ve got chemistry, we like spending time together, we respect each other. I’m not out to screw with your plans babe. Whatever happens in the future, we can cross those bridges together when we get to them.” His roving hand started to stroke along the inner length of my thigh.
“I don’t understand why you’re so scared of being with me.”
I realised my excuse of leaving in a year wouldn’t work this time “It’s complicated.” I whispered.
“Un-complicate it then.” He growled “Just explain to me what’s going on in your head.”
My breath caught in my chest. I hesitated. Nope, nope. Not fucking doing this now.
I tugged harder on my wrists, trying desperately to sit up on the bed. “Let me go, Caleb. Let me go right now.”
He climbed on top of me. “No. Enough. No more running. Tell me.” He pressed a tender kiss to my cheek. “Trust me baby.” He pressed a kiss to the other cheek. “Please.” He said softly, kissing the tip of my nose. “Just trust me enough to explain this to me.” Caleb whispered, looking deeply into my eyes. “Tell me what’s scaring you.” He pressed a chaste kiss on my lips and rested his forehead on mine.
I’m tired. So damn tired. I’m so tired of being afraid of hurting him. Just tell him why you can’t be together…
I felt the tears start to well up and the damn broke. Years of hurt, pain, and fear all came rushing to the surface and heaving sobs wracked through my chest. Through the blurry haze of tears I could see the alarm on Caleb’s face.
He reached up and quickly untied both my wrists, sat up and pulled me into his arms. One hand cupped the back of my head to his neck, the other stroked my back.
I struggled to gain control of my breathing; every breath was taken with a painful hitch in my chest. My arms went around Caleb and I clung to him desperately.
“Angel…” he started softly.
“Everyone…” I sobbed and took another gulp of air “Everyone I’ve ever loved has died.”
“What?” he said confused. I took another deep breath and began to explain.
“Everyone… I’ve ever said I loved has died. My mother. My father. My boyfriends. My best friend. Every. Single. Person. I’m cursed; I’m like a fucking Grim Reaper.”
“You are not. People die, Angel. It’s tragic and awful. But that’s life.” he said in placating tone.
“NO! You don’t understand.” I said angrily through tears. “They’ve all died soon after I told them I loved them. Every single person. Within 48 hours of me saying the words, they’ve died.”
Caleb’s brow furrowed as he opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off “I was seven years old. Little Tommy next door was my first crush, he gave a flower one day, I kissed him and told him I loved him. Next day he was found dead in his room from anaphylactic shock.” I inhaled slowly to try to calm myself down. It didn’t work.
“My best friend growing up was a girl named Julie, we were twelve when she got diagnosed with leukaemia. Watching her ill was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. She fought so hard, but it had just spread too much. The last time I saw her in hospital I gave her a friendship bracelet and told her I loved her. She passed away two nights after.”
“When I was sixteen, my boyfriend Adam and I had just had sex for the first time. Afterwards, I told him I loved him. Couple of days after he was found dead from an ecstasy overdose. This was a boy who had never even smoked a joint before.”
“My parents.” I gave a dry hollow laugh “Well. You already know their story. But what you don’t know is, it was my fucking fault. My mum shouldn’t have even been in the car that day. I was supposed to be the one to pick up dinner on the way home, but it was the last day of school and I ended up getting drunk at a friend’s house instead. When she called to see where I was, she just told me to stay there and celebrate with my friends, that she would go get dinner instead. I told her I loved her and would see her later. When she was driving back a drunk driver swerved into her side of the car, she died on impact.” The tears started falling again.
“I’ll never forget the looks in my father or Niki’s eyes at the hospital. They were in so much pain. Pain that I had caused them through my own stupid selfish behaviour. We had just started planning her funeral the week after, when my father told me and Niki how much he loved us. So of course, like the idiot I am, I said it back to him. My father loved my mother so much, his autopsy said he had a stroke, I could swear he died from a broken heart. She was everything to him, he was devastated when she was killed; It was if he just gave up living.”
Caleb’s hand stroked up and down my back again, but I was too far gone to be consoled.
“It took a couple of years after their deaths to finally let anyone else in again. Niki encouraged me to start dating. So I did. He was such a sweet guy. An accountant named Billy. We dated for a year. On our one year anniversary, after months of him saying he loved me, I finally got the courage to say it back. The next day he hadn’t messaged me like he usually did, so I tried calling him. His sister answered and told me he was found dead in his room from a brain aneurysm, he had died in his sleep.”
I took another deep, shuddering breath.
“Do you understand now Caleb? Relationships lead to falling in love. Whether or not you believe that I’m cursed doesn’t matter. I’m done. I’m done letting people in, only to be hurt again when they leave me. I haven’t got it in me anymore, to go through all that pain. There is no way I am ever going to let myself fall in love again and being with you, I think falling in love would be inevitable. I can’t be responsible for you getting hurt too, I wouldn’t be able to deal with anything happening to you.”
I didn’t give him a chance to respond as I jumped out of his embrace and ran out of my room, into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me.
My heart thudded heavily in my chest as I stripped off my clothes, adjusted the water of the shower, stepped under the spray and let the tears flow freely.
Caleb
Fuck. That was intense….
I felt a crushing guilt at having pushed her so hard, but I had never expected that to be the reason she didn’t want to be in a relationship. I had assumed some asshole had cheated on her or broken her heart, making her wary of trusting other people.
When I had tied her up, I had been expecting her to protest at the possibility of being my girl. I’d just thought I would play with her a little, make her come a couple of times and persuade her that she could trust me.
I didn’t expect Liya to have that kind of agony buried deep inside her. She was always so strong; she hid her pain so damn well. I sat on the edge of the bed and rested my head in my hands, unsure how to proceed next.
As far as I was concerned, nothing had changed. If she had thought that I would be scared off by her Grim Reaper explanation, she was wrong. My heart broke for her and I could tell she had issues that she needed to work through, but I wanted to be there for her every step of the way. Being with her simply felt too damn right. There was no way I was going to let her walk away without a fight.
Man the fuck up and go get your girl.
Taking a deep breath and running a hand over my face I left Liya’s room to go searching for her. When I heard the shower running, I sent up a quick prayer that I wouldn’t fuck this up beyond repair.
I opened the do
or and heard her quiet sobs coming from behind the shower curtain. Taking off the boxers I was wearing, I pulled back the curtain and stepped in behind her body, wrapping my arms around her.
“I want you to go Caleb. We’re done.” she said softly.
“If I thought for one second you actually meant that, I would respect your wishes and go Liya. But us being over is bullshit and you know it. You don’t want me to go any more than I want to leave. I’m so sorry for pushing you. I hate that I made you cry, you being upset is the last thing in the world I wanted. I get it now babe, I understand why you’re afraid of being together, but you can’t be alone for the rest of your life. That’s no way to live the life you deserve to have.”
I gently turned her body under the spray, so we were face to face. I put a finger under her chin and tilted her face upwards so that our gazes would meet.
Falling Completely (Starling Falls #1) Page 17