Stand-in, stand down
My new plan was to keep my nose buried in a book at all times. That way I had a good excuse for being mentally absent from the world and there was less chance I’d think of Eli or how I might feel about him if things were different.
This worked well until Monday afternoon when I ran smack dab into the frame of the auditorium door instead of walking through it.
“Oh, you okay?” I heard Milly say and I looked over at her with a self-deprecating smile.
“Sure. Only thing bruised is my ego.”
Milly shrugged. “It happens. How’s everything going?”
I nodded as we headed in for the meeting. “It goes. Although I’m thinking we’re going to need a few more hands to get these trees done in time.”
Milly looked down at the clipboard I’d given back to her that morning – yes, I’d had it a whole weekend and managed not to lose it or damage it or anything. “We can do work that out. I’m sure we can. We’ve got a few things left to tick off, but I’m sure they won’t take too long.”
I looked at her in concern. “Are you okay?”
Milly nodded, but the panicked expression on her face suggested she was lying. “Sure.”
“Are you?” I checked.
She waggled her head noncommittally, then shook it as we headed over to her base of operations. “Honestly, I’m freaking out. This whole thing has to be together in mere days and I’m just not convinced we’re going to make it.”
It was already Week Ten and only four more meetings left. We had four more meetings to finish everything and get the place cleaned and set up. The Year Twelves on the committee had time off on Friday to get things finalised, but even though I probably wouldn’t be missed in class I thought it best to leave it to them. After all, I wasn’t even going.
“I’m sure it will be fine,” I told her.
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I hope so. I just really want people to have a good time.”
I nodded supportively. “And they will. They don’t need decorations or six kinds of soft drink to have a good time. Quicksilver will make sure that, even if the DJ plays some absolutely terrible rubbish, no one will notice. You’ll all be so hyped up with adrenalin and excitement that anything will be a great time.”
Milly took a deep breath and I saw her visibly relaxing. “No. Of course. You’re right.”
“Do you want me to look over things and double check it all for you?”
She nodded vigorously. “Yes. If you don’t mind, that would be great,” she said as she passed me the clipboard. “And steal whoever you want for the trees.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“No. Thank you. Those trees really look amazing.” She gave a small chuckle. “It’s so weird that the person I can count on most isn’t even really meant to be here.”
I shrugged, always wonderful at taking compliments. “I committed. I wanted to see my project through to the end. Plus I didn’t want to let you down.”
“Unlike some people,” Milly said quietly, her eyes shifting behind me.
I didn’t need to wonder who she’d seen. The excited murmuring and noise that suddenly came from behind me told me exactly who it was. The added calls of her name were definitely unnecessary.
I turned to see my sister stroll in authoritatively, looking around her like she was waiting for her complimentary glass of bubbles and personal slave to appear. Only I was on the other side of the room and had no inclination to go running at her beck and call today.
“Elijah!” she cried happily and I followed her gaze to where he was by our trees.
“What is she doing here?” I muttered as Eli called, “Ella, you’re here.”
I’d been talking mainly to myself, but Milly answered, “I have no idea. I didn’t think she’d turn up.”
“Me either…”
“I was hoping she wouldn’t,” Milly whispered confidentially.
“Me too,” I admitted.
The formal committee had been one of my only safe places, one of the only places where Ella didn’t lord her superiority over me, and now she was there, crashing through the barricades and demanding worship for finally deigning to turn up. Worship that people seemed to be happy to give her. Well, most people except Brenda, Milly, Rica and Me.
“Of course I’m here,” Ella said loudly as she sashayed over to Eli, followed by the simpering Lindy. “Here and ready to help.”
Milly and I both huffed a sceptical laugh as people almost lined up to say hello to Ella as she walked by.
“As long as she’s in no risk of breaking a nail,” Milly muttered and I hid my snort behind a cough.
But Milly saw through it and grinned at me.
“I’m not sure if you want to go over there or not?” she asked.
I shook out my shoulders, passing Milly back the clipboard for now. “I suppose I’d better.”
“Good luck,” Milly offered, touching a hand softly to my shoulder.
I nodded to her and wondered how normal it was to feel like you were heading into a battle to the death just by walking towards your own sister. I wanted to hope it wasn’t normal at all.
“What are these?” Ella scoffed, pointing up at the trees.
“Trees,” Eli told her.
Ella scoffed again, as though he must be joking. “Trees? Why on earth do we want these at our formal?”
“The theme is Enchanted Forest…” Govi said, sliding his eyes to me as I stopped just behind Ella.
Ella’s smile was more a grimace. “Of course. And this is the forest?” Even when she was trying to be sincere, she just sounded stuck up.
“This is the forest,” Eli said slowly as though he wasn’t quite sure what else to say.
Ella lay her hand on his arm and giggled. “You’re so talented.” She took a step towards him and batted her eyes. “So skilled with your…hands,” she said suggestively.
My heart stuttered painfully as Eli smiled at her. “It’s not my only skill.”
“Right!” came Rica’s jovial voice. “I am late again I know. But I bring… Ella!” she finished on a strangled note and I felt her run into the back of me.
Ella turned, finally noticing me as well. “What are you two doing here?” she asked like we hadn’t been here the whole time.
I blinked, trying not to spell it out for her. “We’re finishing the trees for the walkway.”
Ella looked me over as though I’d turned up to the opera in my oldest tracksuit pants. “I’m sure we can manage.”
“Great,” I said sarcastically. “So you need about four or five extra pairs of hands to help you get these finished and in position in time. And someone who can paint them up.”
I should have known better than to challenge her.
Ella looked around the room expectantly. “Listen up, people!” she called out and every one turned to look at her. “I need a bunch of people to help with…” She looked at the trees and waved her hand at them, “these or whatever.”
Almost every person threw their hand in the air and I exchanged a weary look with Rica. When I looked back to Ella, she was looking at me triumphantly.
“Great,” I said, putting on my best fake smile.
“So…off you go then,” Ella said, dismissing me with a flourish of her hand.
“Rica’s actually really good at the painting,” Eli said quickly.
Ella looked at him quickly and smiled. “Of course. Rica can stay then.”
“Chloe’s kind of needed…” Govi started, then looked around for help.
“Every pair of hands,” Ramsey offered.
Ella sighed, then looked at me like she was doing me a favour. “Sure. You can stay.” He hand flourish this time was quite obviously intended to send me on my merry way.
“Uh, Clo,” Eli said, clearing his throat. “Shall we keep on with–?”
“I need to help Rica,” I said, cutting him off and
pushing Rica to the furthest away tree.
“What was that?” Rica asked me, clearly annoyed with me.
“Just… Can we let them…do them or whatever?” I begged.
“He chose you. Again.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Rica held her hands up defensively. “I just wanted it said that one time.”
I frowned at her, then did everything necessary to avoid Ella and Eli as we got on with work. I frowned as I watched our extra volunteers go up to Ella and ask her what they needed to do. Ella would pause in her laughter with Eli, then shrug at them and tell them something along the lines of, ‘I don’t know. Make a tree?’ then go back to batting her eyes at Eli.
I didn’t bother telling myself I wasn’t jealous at the way the two of them were or that she was the one he was laughing with. I had plenty of anger at the significant lack of work they were doing while they flirted to keep the jealousy from getting too heavy.
“Okay!” Rica cried, her hand lying gently over mine. “Can we loosen up just a little?”
I looked at my hand and saw it was white-knuckle tight around the ladder I was holding for her. I took a deep breath and relaxed my hand. It was stiff so who knew how long I’d been tensing it.
Rica batted me away. “Can you just go and take a breather, please?” she said kindly. “I think we both need it.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
“Go backstage. Quiet and calm.”
I nodded again and tried to shake myself into some semblance of loose as I went. I finally stood in the wings and took a deep breath.
“Why are you pissed with me now?” I heard and turned to see Eli had followed me.
“I’m not…” I started, but outright lying was not a fundamental part of my character.
“Why?” he repeated.
I bit my lip to stop myself blurting it out. “I’m fine, Eli. You’re just being you and I have no problem with that. You and Ella are a perfect match.”
“What?” he spat. “Seriously? I thought I was supposed to be flirting with her?”
My nose wrinkled as I bit back another unwise retort. “You do what you want, Eli.”
“Except I won’t because what I want is the opposite of what you claim you want.”
“Claim? I’m not claiming anything.”
“You’re claiming you’re not interested in me.”
“I’m not!” I got some control over myself and said more calmly, “Not like that. We’re just friends.”
“Really? Then why did you kiss me?”
“You kissed me,” I reminded him.
“You kissed me back. Why?”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Eli!”
“I do. Because you like me.”
“I’m just the stand-in and the leading lady has finally deigned to take her place. So let it go.”
“And you always do what you’re told, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t,” he fired at me.
I narrowed my eyes. “A momentary rebellion now quashed.”
“Then kiss me.”
I huffed in annoyance. “You are such a dick!”
“But you’ve just proved my point for me. You don’t always do what you’re told. Only when it comes to Ella.”
“So?”
“So she doesn’t get to tell you who you can and can’t fall for.”
“No,” I told him. “She doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean I fell for you.”
Just because outright lying wasn’t a fundamental part of my character didn’t mean it wasn’t necessary on occasion.
I turned and walked away from him, hiding my annoyance when I got back to Rica and the boys. Rica looked up at me and I noticed she was covered in paint she was supposed to be adding to the trees. For a moment, I was sure she knew something had happened.
But she said nothing except, “Feeling better?”
“Sure.”
“How is this looking?”
I took a breath in to make sure my breathing was even before replying, “Great. I doubt anyone’s going to want to throw them out once you’re finished with them.”
My eyes scanned the room and I saw Ella glaring at me from where she was standing next to Lindy. I seriously hoped she hadn’t seen Eli follow me into the wings, and I even more hoped she hadn’t seen us walk out basically together. But I was pretty sure both of those were a pipedream.
Ella continued to do a spectacular lack of anything while she ‘supervised’ the people she’d roped into volunteering. And that was only because Eli was trying to keep busy with his own work. Not that it stopped her trying to flirt with him at every opportunity. If he needed more paper or he dropped his paintbrush, she was there quicker than the Flash. She’d bat her eyelashes and giggle and push her amble boobage at him. And he’d smile winningly at her every time.
“You did ask him to turn his attention to her,” Rica reminded me again.
I frowned. “You and your logic just keep painting.”
“Just say it once and I’ll let it drop.”
I huffed. “Fine. I’m jealous.”
“And?”
“And nothing. It’s just a little crush. It’ll pass and we’ll all be better for it.”
I didn’t need to be looking at her to know she was rolling her eyes at me.
“Gin?” Govi appeared beside us. “I’m just going to go grab some more paper from the art room, okay?”
“Let her go. Someone needs another timeout,” Rica said.
“Everything okay?” Govi asked.
I nodded, but Rica answered, “Someone’s a little testy today.”
“Hush up.” I nudged her ladder for good measure.
“I never noticed how lazy Ella was…” Govi marvelled.
I huffed a humourless laugh. “Yeah, you and most of the rest of the world.” I pointed to the volunteers Ella had working for her. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
As I was walking through the corridors to the art room, I quite literally ran into Eli, who was shaking out wet hands.
“Shit!” I snapped, more at myself than him. “Sorry.”
He shook his head, wearing a wry smirk. “Nah. You’re good. What are you up to?”
“We’re out of paper,” I told him, making to move on.
He held a hesitant hand up in front of my path. “Clo…”
I sighed. “Eli?”
His eyes were soft, they were warm, they were beautiful. His half-smile was questioning, it was hopeful, it was enticing. He took a step towards me and I mirrored it, feeling like I was running completely on autopilot.
His hand cupped my cheek and, even though there was plenty of time for me to pull away from him and I knew I should, I let him kiss me. My hand came up between us and clutched his shirt tightly, pulling him closer.
It was soft and gentle and full of more meaning than was wise. But I leant into him like he was water in the desert. All the while trying to convince myself I had to stop.
Finally, just as his hands were alighting on my waist, I released my grip on his shirt and gently pushed him away.
“Chloe?”
With one word, with just my name, he implored me. But I wasn’t only leading him on here, I was setting myself up for a world of hurt in more ways than one.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Eli.”
He swallowed hard, but he nodded. “No. Sure.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll – uh – see you in there.”
“Yep.”
He nodded again, then headed off. I watched him go and I could feel his reluctance like it was my own. He trailed his fingers along the wall for a moment, then laced them with his other hand on his head.
“Just a crush,” I told myself. “It’ll pass.”
I collected the paper, and myself, and headed back to the auditorium.
Ella was regaling the committee with her version of ‘Let You Love Me’.
Most people were clapping to the rhythm and she had the bashful smile and coy eyes directed at Eli to perfection.
I slapped the paper into Govi’s hands a little harder than I intended.
“Gin, you right?” he asked, his hand going to my shoulder in concern.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself everything that was happening here was either my fault or how it was supposed to be so getting angry was stupid. I looked up at Govi with a smile.
“I’m good.”
He didn’t look totally convinced, but he nodded. “Give Lake a hand with his tree then?” he asked.
“Please do,” Lake said. “My fingers are sticking together.”
His smile was a little deeper than his usual cool exterior and I felt my smile become more natural in response.
“Sure. Love to.”
Lake moved over and we worked pretty well together. He was always the most aloof of the boys, but he spared me more smiles than I’d ever seen on his face, he sang to me – usually total nonsense but it made me laugh – and generally kept me distracted enough that I barely even looked at Eli or Ella for the rest of the meeting.
I didn’t know if he and Govi had set it up intentionally or not, but I appreciated it anyway.
An off-screen romance
On Tuesday, we were back in the auditorium and I was looking over the trees, pretty sure we should have made more progress the afternoon before.
I had planned to not even turn up, but Govi was adamant that they needed Rica to do the fine-detail painting and Rica was far more adamant that she needed me to maintain her sanity. So there I was, not convinced that our enchanted forest was going to be ready in time.
“How’s it going?” Milly asked and I jumped, not realising she was beside me.
I didn’t want to worry her any more than she already was so I nodded. “Great.”
She looked around as well and she seemed to know I was stretching the truth a little.
“Do you not have enough help?” Milly tried.
We shared a look. “We have enough hands…” I said slowly.
Milly understood. “But those hands aren’t really doing any work?”
The Stand-In: my life as an understudy Page 19