“Hey, Mom,” Gabe says from the kitchen where he is drinking a tall glass of water, his hands almost black.
“Go wash your hands, dude,” I tell him as he places the glass in the sink, running upstairs.
“Where did all these flowers come from?” Lauren asks, putting Rachel down as my phone rings. “Saved by the bell.” She smirks at me while I answer walking outside, seeing it’s Stephanie on the phone.
“Hey,” I say, sitting on the stoop.
“You got another six bouquets,” she says into the phone. “I didn’t think there was such a thing as too many flowers. I’ve changed my mind.” She sneezes while I laugh.
“Okay, I’ll come and get them now. Put one in the relaxation room as well as the women’s changing area,” I tell her as she continues sneezing. “You know there is a theory that if you sneeze eight times you orgasm. You just had an orgasm at work. Best. Boss. Ever.” I laugh into the phone while she says fuck off and disconnects.
Walking back into the house, Lauren is already at the stove preparing what looks like chicken. “Are you eating with us tonight?” I look around at the flowers in the room.
“Not tonight. I have a date of sorts,” I say, making a plan in my head. I go upstairs, changing into my blue tight jeans and baby pink linen top. The sleeves go tight around my wrist while the neckline falls off one shoulder. I grab my brown sandals to finish the outfit. I say bye as I grab my keys and head down to my studio.
I pull up to the curb across the street right in front of the park. The sound of children playing and dogs barking fills the afternoon. I run across the street, opening the door. “You were not kidding.” I smile, taking in more roses.
“At this rate, we could open up our own flower shop,” Stephanie says as she scratches her nose.
“Okay, let’s get them loaded up. I’m going to bring some to the hospital and maybe church?” I grab a bouquet and rush to the car. It only takes two trips this time. I roll away from the curb, waving goodbye. I’m down the street when I see the red and blue lights in my mirror. I turn my music on louder, thinking of the plan I’m setting into motion.
I pull into my favorite Whole Foods store, picking up my phone.
So change of plans, are you still free tonight?
I send the text to Noah, waiting to see if he will answer.
I get out of the car, going into the store with a list in my head. Pepper, onions, vegan margarine, package of seitan, some garlic powder, oh, and the dairy free provolone. I throw in some fruit, but then put it back when I think of the fruit baskets he had yesterday. I walk around the grocery store aimlessly while I wait for him to text me back. I take my phone out again to check if he sent me anything. Still nothing. The message shows that it has been delivered.
I make a call to Lauren to ask her. She answers breathlessly after one ring, “Hello.”
“Hey, so if you text someone and they don’t text you back, what is the right etiquette?” I ask her vaguely.
“What do you mean, like you text someone and then they ignore you?”
“No.” My voice comes out loud and then I lower it. “Or maybe. So I had a date yesterday. Today he sends me a million roses. When he asked to meet me, I said I had other plans. Well, then I changed my mind and texted him back and I haven’t heard anything.”
“How long has it been?”
“Seventeen minutes. Maybe. Give or take.”
“Kay, he could be driving, in the bathroom, working out, cleaning.”
“We really need to talk about the guys in your imaginary world who actually clean.”
“Hey, if a man passes my vacuum I would blow him. No questions asked.”
“I really have to wonder why you’re still single.” I laugh out. “So you think he’s busy? Oh my God,” I shriek out. “What if he’s on a date with another woman?”
“Kay, calm down,” she says calmly. “No one will send a million roses to a woman and then go out with another one.”
“This is true, unless he had a back-up plan.” I pick up a jar of vegan peanut butter, putting it in the basket. “Imagine I show up at his house to cook for him and there is another girl there.”
“Wait a second. Back up. You’re going to cook for him? You hardly know how to cook for yourself.”
“Very funny. I’m making him vegan Philly cheesesteaks. He won’t even know the difference.” I smile at myself.
“Oh, he’ll definitely know the difference, unless you’re sitting there naked. Then maybe he might forget that chewy thing isn’t actually steak.”
I roll my eyes at her. “So I shouldn’t text him again?” I ask, wondering if I should put everything back. “Or should I just scratch this plan and come home?”
“You like him?” She stops talking then continues before I can answer. “Holy shit. Hell froze over. Kaleigh actually likes a boy.”
“Hardy Hard Har.” I inhale. “I don’t like a boy; he just makes me laugh and he’s funny.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Oh, this is going to be good. Did you try calling him?”
“What?”
“Like actually dialing his number, waiting for the phone to ring, then having him answer? It’s an old-fashioned thing. Started in the 1800s.”
“No one calls anyone anymore,” I inform her.
“Shocking. Did you not just call me? Call him. I have to go. It’s bath time.” She hangs up on me.
I look down at the phone as soon as I see a text message come through.
I’m all free. How about you swing by in about thirty?
I smile at myself. “Call people my ass.”
Perfect. I’ll see you then! I’ll bring dinner.
Oh, I like this even more.
No actual food. See you soon.
I smile, pulling up the text thread to Lauren.
He answered the text. See.
Her answer comes right away
All is right with the world now.
I roll my eyes, walking over to the cash register and checking out my purchases. I walk out with a bounce in my step and then stop. Holy shit, I might actually like this guy!
Chapter Eleven
Noah
“Let me handle this,” I say to the guys as the police officer gets out of his car and walks over to my side of the car. I press the button to roll the window down.
“License and registration papers, please,” he barks, his eyes hidden by his glasses that have a mirror lens.
I see myself in the glass and notice the black polish is smearing down to my cheeks. I have twigs stuck in my hat.
“What seems to be the problem?” I turn to get my wallet out of the middle console.
“We’ve had a couple of calls about some disturbances in the neighborhood,” he says as he reads my name. Leaning in, he takes in Austin and John. “What is that smell?”
“Our dignity, along with some dog poop and I think urine, but I don’t know if it’s human or animal,” John says from the backseat.
“Officer,” I say, trying to cut in, “we might have been going undercover.”
His eyebrows squeeze together, so I continue. “I was spying on a girl.” I smile at him.
“Does she have a restraining order against you?” he asks, and Austin says from his side, “Not yet, but I’m sure it’s coming.”
I turn to glare at him, then turn back and smile at the officer. “I was just making sure she got my flowers.”
“So you decided it was a good idea to hide in the bushes and scare innocent women and children.” He leans in, looking from one to the other till his eyes finally come to me. “I’ll be right back.”
He goes back to his car while my phone beeps. A text from Kaleigh. My eyes open up.
So change of plans, are you still free tonight?
“Yes,” I cheer out, “she has a change of plans and wants to meet tonight.”
“If I get arrested, Dani is going to cut your balls off and then finish you off, so I don’t think you should be celebrating,”
John says from the back.
“And whatever she doesn’t finish I will,” Austin says from his side. “You’ve done some crazy stuff over the years, but this one is right on top of everything. I want to scratch my face, but I’m afraid that the shit I rolled in will be all over my face. And I’m really hoping that the wetness on my knees is because the grass was wet.”
“Nothing is going to happen. He is just checking to see if we have any priors and if there are any warrants out for my arrest.”
“Are there?” John asks.
I turn in my seat. “I take offense to that. I’m a law abiding citizen.”
“Who has a go-to bag to go and stalk a woman, in broad daylight. We all should be taken to Bellevue,” Austin says.
“Hey, we were all there when your balls almost exploded. This is what friendship is,” I state to them.
John shakes his head in the back, looking out of the window. We sit in silence for about ten minutes till the officer’s car door stops me. I watch him come back in the mirror.
“Here are your papers.” He shakes his head. “I’m letting you go with a warning. That warning is let this be the last time I meet you. The next time I’m hauling you guys down. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes,” we all say together. I watch him walk back and take off.
I answer Kaleigh as soon as he drives off.
I’m all free. How about you swing by in about thirty?
I smile when she says she is going to serve dinner. I don’t bother going into it since I have thirty minutes to get cleaned up.
“She is going to be over in thirty minutes,” I tell the guys, all excited.
“Oh, good,” Austin says sarcastically. “I’m so happy this all worked out for you. Do me a favor and don’t call me till next week,” he tells me, his nose moving up and down. “My nose is so itchy.”
“Just scratch it. What’s the worst that can happen?” John says from the back. “What’s a little more germs on your face?”
I laugh at them as thoughts of Kaleigh cooking for me run through my mind. Her naked with a tiny apron, her ass open for the taking. I might be smiling too big because Austin smacks my arm, bringing me out of my daze.
“I hate you right now,” he says as soon as I turn into my driveway.
I scramble out of the car, running into the house.
“Jackass, you forgot your go-to bag,” John says, walking in the house after me. “I’m grabbing my clothes and leaving. In case you’re wondering, I’m throwing all these clothes out.” He runs upstairs to my bedroom, coming down with his clothes in a ball.
Austin follows him. “I’m burning these,” he says to me, walking out of the house.
“I don’t give a shit. Thanks for today, boys,” I say. “Fuck, it felt good, right? The whole hanging together and stuff.” I shrug.
“Nothing about today felt good,” Austin says, slamming the door closed.
I run upstairs, peeling the shirt from my body, the smell of urine hitting me right in the nose. I stop myself right before I throw it in the garbage along with the jeans and boxers.
I step under the shower, washing away the stench. I rinse the shampoo from my hair, grabbing some soap and scrubbing my face, washing away the black shoe shine. Finishing the shower in record time, I wrap the towel around my waist, walking to the sink to brush my teeth, but I stop in my tracks. The shoe shine is still on my face. Not dark black but a faded gray. What. The. Fuck. I open the water, grabbing some soap and rubbing at the dark gray lines. Nothing happens. I open Google right away to ask how to get rid of shoe shine stains.
Turpentine. What the actual fuck? I call Austin right away, but he sends me to voice mail. So I text him instead.
I have an urgent situation.
I don’t care if you’re in the middle of the street with a severed foot. Call 9-1-1
I need turpentine. Do you have any?
Why the fuck would I have turpentine on hand?
The shoe shine stained my face and now I have two gray lines under my eyes.
Good. It’s karma.
Fuck you.
You wish.
I put my phone down. I don’t have time to think about anything because the doorbell rings.
Fuck. I slip on a pair of basketball shorts and run downstairs to the door. I open the door and my breath actually stops. She isn’t looking at the door, but instead I have her back and she turns around to look at me. It’s almost like it’s in slow motion. Her hair whips around, her smiling face coming into view.
“Hey.” Her voice comes out while she looks at me from head to toe. “What happened to your face?” she asks, leaning in, rubbing her thumb over one of the stained parts.
“Um.” I try thinking fast, nothing coming to mind. “We were playing football and I put on the black paint to hide the glare from the sun. Come in.” I try changing the subject as I move away from the door to allow her to come in.
“Oh, fun, I love football,” she says, coming in and kissing my cheek. “You must be the quarterback.” She goes straight to the kitchen.
“Yeah, we don’t really have positions.” I shrug. “So what do you have in the bag?” I notice the big canvas bag she has on her shoulder.
“I brought stuff to make Philly cheesesteak. I hope you’re hungry.”
“That’s my favorite sandwich ever.” I smile at her. “How did you know?”
“Is it, really?” she asks and the happiness from her voice lights up the room.
“Yup.” It really isn’t. I tolerate it, but I’m not going to tell her. “What can I do to help?” I ask her.
“Nothing.” She puts down her bag and starts taking the stuff out of her bag. “I’m just going to slice the veggies and stuff.” She looks around. “I need a pan, I think,” she says quietly. “You know what? I want to surprise you, so how about you go get some wine and stay in the living room till it’s done?”
“Really?” I say to her. “You sure?”
“Yup, perfectly.” She shoos me away. “Go relax on the couch.”
I walk around the island to kiss her on the lips. “I’m glad you could make it.” I wrap my arms around her waist, and she wraps her arms around my shoulders. I kiss her again. This time she molds herself to my body. “Really, really glad.”
“I can feel that.” She laughs, her lips still pressed to mine. “Now go relax,” she tells me, opening cabinets to collect stuff she will need.
“Just let me know if you need anything,” I tell her, making my way to the wine fridge. I notice that I have none. “I’m out of wine.”
She looks up from drawers that she is opening and closing. “Why don’t you go get some while I cook?”
“That sounds good. Is there anything else you need me to get?”
She shakes her head.
I run upstairs to grab a shirt and some shoes. When I get back into the kitchen, she has some jazz music flowing from her phone while she is cutting a red pepper. I walk to her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind, kissing her neck. She leans her head away to give me access.
“Okay, call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” she sings out.
I walk to my car, getting in and opening the windows. Fuck, it stinks. “I need to get this shit washed,” I tell myself. I make the first stop at the Home Depot store, buying some turpentine. Then hit up the wine store, walking out with a case of white and a case of red. Making my way home, I see that I’ve been out for about forty minutes. Grabbing the cases of wine one on top of the other, I carry them inside and I’m hit with the smell of char or burn.
When I make it into the kitchen, I see Kaleigh with her hair tied up, her sleeves pulled up, and the look of defeat on her face. “Honey, I’m home.”
Chapter Twelve
Kaleigh
The minute he shuts the door, I grab my phone to FaceTime Lauren. She answers on the second ring.
Her face comes into the screen. “What is on your face?” I ask, looking at her
with a black mask.
“It’s a mask to detox. What do you want?” She tries not to move her lips so the mask doesn’t move.
“The recipe says to sauté the peppers and onions.” I look back at the recipe that I printed before.
“Okay,” she asks, not sure what the question is.
“What the fuck does that mean? Sauté. Is that code for something?”
“Jesus, you should have just got him pizza.” She shakes her head. “It means put oil in a pan and then add the peppers and onions and have them cook. Stirring them often to make sure they don’t burn. I would add some salt while they cook for flavor.”
“Okay, I think I can do that.” I nod, taking a silver frying pan out, pouring oil in the pan, and turning it on. Turning back, I ask her, “How do I know the oil is ready?”
“I’d wait about maybe a minute. It depends on the stove.” She starts to press down on the mask. “Then I would take the veggies out and do the steak.”
“Oh, shit, I have to cut the seitan.” I grab it out of the bag. “Okay, I’ll call you back if I need anything.”
“Don’t burn down his house.” Is the last thing she says before I disconnect.
I tie my hair on top of my head and push my sleeves up.
I open the seitan, slicing it thinly, my head moving to the music. When I finish cutting it, I put the cutting board in the sink. When I turn around, I see that the pan where the oil is in is now brown and smoke is starting to fill the room. “Shit,” I say, picking up the pot from the handle and turning the water on in the sink. The sounds of sizzle overpowers the music. “Fuck.” I open the fan and run to open the windows in the kitchen along with the back door. I pray that the fire alarm doesn’t go off. When I get back to the sink, I try to scrub the brown off the pan, but it’s useless. I grab another pan. It looks the same as the other one, so I put it back on the stove. I take the burnt pan and place it in the back of his cabinet, burying it under a couple of other pans. “Never happened,” I tell myself.
I get the oil out again, putting some in the bottom of the pan. “I’m not taking my eyes off this shit this time.” I wait a minute, counting to sixty in my head. I put the onions and peppers in the pan and coat them in oil. Adding salt, I turn to change the music on my playlist. When some dance music comes on, I start moving my hips while I stir the peppers and onions. “Why don’t I cook more often?” I ask myself.
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