by Pentabu
Y-KO: Hmm… So what did you buy instead of Haruhi? The Zaregoto series?
Or maybe a BL novel? Heh-heh, then I’d forgive you.
ME: Let’s see… It was… aha. Here it is.
* Zaregoto series: NisiOisin’s debut work, starting with the Kubikiri Cycle (winner of Kodansha’s Mephisto Award). Spans nine works collected into six titles.
I pulled out the book I bought on that trip and handed it to Y-ko.
Y-KO: Hmm, let’s see…
ME: It’s pretty good. Want to borrow it?
Y-KO: … The Definitive How to Truly Understand Economic Analysis…?
ME: Yep. I found the concept of net-operating profit to be really interesting.
Y-KO: Okay… but what happened to the light novels?! This is a textbook!!
How can you possibly consider this to be a replacement for Haruhi?!
ME: Well, that kind of depends on how you see it.
Think of it as a light novel. You’ll burn through it in no time.
Y-KO: No I won’t! And how can you put light novels and textbooks on the same level?!
ME: That’s a strange question… Anyways, this is all thanks to you.
If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have discovered the option of buying light novels.
That and this isn’t a textbook.
If anything, it’s a how-to book.
Y-KO: … Are you saying that if you weren’t going out with me, you wouldn’t even have considered the choice of light novels?!
It’s not the “reading” part as much as the “buying” part…
… Yeah, I’m guessing I wouldn’t.
So it does all come down to her influence.
ME: Yeah, I guess that’s right…
Y-KO: And when you buy books, you would have always bought books like this?!
Y-you’ve gotta be joking!!
Y-KO: And of all things, net-operating profit?!
—I’ve got it!
You’re into that net-operating profit moe, aren’t you?!
If you’re getting turned on by abstract concepts, then there’s nothing left for me to teach!
ME: Don’t talk about that like it’s some natural conclusion!!
It’s not like I have some kind of extraordinary sexual taste!!
Y-KO: Oh, really? Too bad…
I guess we’ll just have to work on developing that together!!
ME: Uh, would you stop trying to run in the wrong direction?!
… Answer me.
—To exactly what kind of world are you trying to take me?!
Tsundere (?) Talk.
2006/12/12 16:59
A whim often refers to something that pops up completely out of the blue, but Y-ko has an uncanny ability to imagine things out of thin air that far exceeds the trappings of this concept.
She takes that idea and carefully—no, carelessly—considers it in her head, and if the meeting of the mind confirms that it will be in any way “entertaining”…
… she gets me involved without hesitation.
So, here we go.
Another idiotic conversation between me and Y-ko.
Y-KO: From now on, I think I’ll try to be a tsundere. For your sake.
ME: … I see. For my sake?
Y-KO: To start off: Hurry up and make dinner, Sebas!
ME: How is that any different from normal?
Plus, if we’re alone together, shouldn’t you be hanging all over me rather than yelling?
Y-KO: Hmph… W-well, it’s not like I’m doing it for your sake!
ME: Doing what?!
Y-KO: Trying to be a tsundere.
ME: You’re spectacularly contradicting yourself!!
Plus, that’s the kind of thing you say to hide your embarrassment after someone calls you out!
You don’t just say “I’m not doing it for your sake” out of the blue… I think! (worried)
Y-KO: Spectacular…?
D-don’t expect me to say thanks for that compliment!
ME: Spectacularly is an adverb, and I wasn’t complimenting you.
Y-KO: Why not? You should!
ME: For what?!
Tsundere sure are annoying!
No, wait—it’s just Y-ko.
… Hmm?
Hang on, me. Settle down. Besides—
ME: Besides, Y-ko… You know that tsundere don’t turn me on to begin with, right?
Y-KO: … Huh? They don’t…?
ME: Yes. So saying that you want to be a tsundere “for my sake” doesn’t make any sense…
Y-KO: Hmm… Whatever, then.
ME: You’re going to keep doing it?! I think you’re really missing the point!
Y-KO: Well, as long as me being a tsundere turns me on, I don’t care.
ME: So, it’s some kind of self-stimulation? Or should I say, self-stimoetion?
Y-KO: You might call it self-moefficiency.
ME: Okay, so assuming you’re all set with that… What’s my role in all of this?
Y-KO: Your role is Villager A.
ME: That sounds like a really minor role!
Y-KO: Not happy? Fine, I’ll be generous… You can also have Villager B.
ME: How is that generous in any way?
Y-KO: Oh, and you don’t have any dialogue.
ME: Then what’s the point of me appearing at all?
Y-KO: Oh, there’s a meaning. That’s right… The two villagers are old friends.
Friendship between the two men blossoms into love, and that means a love scene.
That’s when the drama really begins to thicken.
ME: All this without any dialogue…? And why does it have to be two men?
Y-KO: Don’t worry about the dialogue. All you need to do is receive. Got a problem?
ME: What I have can’t be expressed with the word problem!!
Y-KO: Oh, stop shouting. You’ll bother the neighbors, Sebas.
ME: If you’re going to be a tsundere, at least try to show a bit of the -dere!
Too much tsun.
How is anyone supposed to find this a turn-on?
I should sue you for misleading advertising.
Y-KO: Who cares? Even Fanta Grape doesn’t have any fruit juice.
ME: … Pardon?
Y-KO: I can be a tsundere with zero percent dere.
ME: But Fanta still tastes like grape…
Even if it’s just chemicals and artificial coloring.
And what do you mean, zero percent dere?
It’s just tsun!
Is a mere tsun all you are!?
Y-KO: Dere content is simulated. Actual me will vary.
ME: I wish you wouldn’t lie about the most important part of the equation!
And I thought the dere was supposed to be the best part of tsundere!
Y-KO: The crafty hawk hides its talons.
ME: … Okay.
Y-KO: The tsundere Y-ko abandons her dere.
ME: If you have to throw out a part, get rid of the tsun!
And if you can’t do that, at least hide the dere rather than abandoning it!
Y-KO: You sound so desperate about this, Sebas… Gasp! Unless—!
You’re actually a fan of tsundere? A tsundeler?!
ME: I’ve never even heard of that word before!!
Y-KO: It’s the latest craze in linguistic innovation!
ME: No, it’s not!
Y-KO: You make a pretty cool tsundra!!
ME: Tundra? Am I supposed to be a fan of arctic wasteland!?
Tundra moe?
How the hell does anyone get turned on by that?
Latest craze of linguistic desecration is more like it.
Y-KO: … So you really want me to be that lovey-dovey?
ME: No, it’s just… Oh, hell. Fine, let’s just say I do.
Y-KO: All right, then. Are you familiar with the term equal exchange, Sebas?
ME: … And what must I do to earn an equal measure of dere?
Y-KO: Ten shoulder massages.
If it was that easy, you should just do that to start with…
Y-KO: Hey, don’t be rude! You have no idea how valuable your massages are to me.
You don’t know what a pleasure they are, so don’t tell me they’re cheap.
Your shoulder massages are the most relaxing thing in the world…
ME: ……
Y-KO: ……
ME: ………
Y-KO: ……… I…
ME: ………… I?
Uhhh.
… Right.
—This isn’t half bad.
ME: Y-ko…
Y-KO: What?!
ME: Shall I massage your shoulders?
Y-KO: Why are you smirking at me like that? I’m not that—Oh!!
Not bad.
Not bad at all.
Generation Gap.
2006/12/13 23:29
So, here we go.
At Y-ko’s place.
A conversation held while we were pulling an all-nighter, doing work.
Y-KO: … How do you read this, Sebas?
She pointed out a particular kanji to me.
ME: Y-ko, I think you ought to be able to read this one…
Y-KO: Shut up, relaxed generation!
ME: Actually, I think I was just a few years before the relaxed generation…
Plus, even if I was a member of that generation, wouldn’t that mean your own vocabulary is even smaller?
Or wait, this isn’t even about vocabulary, is it? It’s more like… literacy?
… Maybe my own vocabulary is in trouble.
Y-KO: If you didn’t have to go to school on Saturdays, you’re in the relaxed generation!
ME: … Wouldn’t that mean you’re in that generation, too…?
Y-KO: ……
ME: ……
Y-KO: … Well, being in the relaxed generation is kind of stylish, wouldn’t you say?
ME: That was a startling about-face.
See how fast she turns around?
You’re like the tsundere heroine of NisiOisin’s Bakemonogatari.
The one who makes fun of the protagonist’s mountain bike.
Y-KO: So stylish, it’s almost like… relaxed-ish.
ME: Relaxed-ish!?
That was not clever enough to warrant the smug look on your face right now!
Y-KO: Silence, Sebas-ish.
ME: Stop combining them!
Not only did that sound terrible, but it sounds hard to pronounce!
Y-KO: … So anyways, Sebash-ish—
ME: That didn’t take long to screw up!
Y-KO: … So anyways, Sebash—
ME: You tried again, but you still can’t say it right.
Y-KO: Look there, Sebash… I can see van Gogh’s painting above you.
ME: Are you saying I’m about to die!?
Is she angry at me?!
Plus, wouldn’t that mean her own death is imminent?!
And wasn’t it a Rubens painting, not van Gogh?!
… Hang on, this joke’s probably a bit too old for you folks, isn’t it?
* Rubens painting: In the last episode of A Dog of Flanders, Nero and his dog Patrasche froze to death underneath a painting by Flemish painter Peter Paul Rubens.
Y-KO: Anyways, Sebsh.
ME: … You’re completely tongue-tied by now.
Y-KO: Well, it’s quite a tongue twister.
ME: Not particularly… but you’re certainly making it into one.
Y-KO: No, it really is a tongue tistwer—
ME: You just did it again!
There’s that Bakemonogatari again! This time you’re like the little kid ghost who can’t pronounce anything right! And sadly, you’re more than twice her age!
Y-KO: Hmm… It’s not working.
How can we pull off really fun conversations like in Bakemonogatari?
ME: I dunno. I think we’re doing a pretty good job already…
Y-KO: Really? Then can I cuss you out like the heroine, Senjgahara?
ME: Please don’t… I don’t think my ego could handle it…
I’m not as tough as the protagonist in that book.
I just can’t survive that withering storm of brutal insults.
Y-KO: Oh, fine. Should we just go with the usual BL talk?
ME: What do you mean, the usual?!
That makes it sound like I willingly discuss BL with you all the time!
Y-KO: Oh, don’t worry. The night is long!
ME: Sorry, it’s nearly sunrise!
And I haven’t gotten anywhere with this!
Y-KO: Sunrise… Speaking of that, how about Azure Before the Sunrise?
We can talk about that!
ME: Azure Before the…? Wh-what is that?
Y-KO: You don’t know about Azure Before the Sunrise? Well, it’s…
ME: … It’s?
Y-KO: An adult computer game.
ME: What exactly do you expect from me?!
On what basis does she assume that I would know about that?
And assuming I was familiar with it, why would you want me to have played it before, Y-ko?!
Y-KO: You haven’t heard of it? But it’s common knowledge!
ME: Says who?! Your standards of “common knowledge” are way out of whack!
Y-KO: You should know everything that’s been turned into an anime!
ME: That’s crazy! You have some really unreasonable expectations of me!
And this thing was animated?
There sure are a lot of anime based on eroge…
Even Y-ko’s favorite, Fate/stay night, was animated.
Y-KO: Of course, it’d be years before a total novice like you could hold a decent conversation about this way of life with a master like myself.
ME: Are you proud of that fact?
And to what “way of life” are you referring? Erotic computer games?
… And you’re a master at them?
I learn something new every day…
Y-KO: And now you must master your own way of life.
ME: What’s that?
Y-KO: The ways of carnality.
ME: Pardon?
Y-KO: I’m talking about sodomy.
Sodomy…
The real-life version of BL!!
ME: I have absolutely zero intention of setting foot on that path, much less mastering it!
Y-KO: Blaze down the path, Sebas!
ME: Are you speeding this up?
Y-KO: Yes, acceleration… There’s an acceleration device on the inside of your wisdom tooth.
ME: … Acceleration device?
What is she talking about?
Damn, I don’t recognize whatever it is she’s referencing…
Hmmm… What story is likely to have an acceleration device in it…?
ME: What am I supposed to be… Hyuuma… Hoshi?
… It was a weak, doubtful comeback.
Y-KO: Why would there be an acceleration device in Star of the Giants?!
She came back on my comeback!
I should have known I would fail that one!
ME: Doesn’t he, like… try to steal a ton of bases…?
Y-KO: Star of the Giants is about how Hyuuma Hoshi’s father tries to turn him into a perfect baseball player, not a perfect baseball cyborg!!
The wisdom tooth acceleration device is from Cyborg 009 !
Get it together!!
But I don’t know anything about Cyborg 009…
Damn! My lack of knowledge was pitifully exposed on that one…
Maybe she was right about me being a total novice!
Y-KO: Heh… If you have to curse anything, curse your own ignorance.
I think you should start with the basics. Astro Boy should be a good launching pad.
Oh, and bonus points if you memorize the years involved.
ME: … The years…?
This conversation has turned into a history lesson…
�
� And give me a break.
Cyborg 009.
Manga serialized in 1964.
Star of the Giants.
Manga serialized in 1966.
… Is there any wonder someone my age wouldn’t know about these things?
—So how are you so familiar with them, Y-ko…?
What I’m feeling now isn’t my lack of knowledge, but the generation gap between us.
… But I still know all about A Dog of Flanders (aired in 1975)…
I guess it’s just something that varies from person to person.
Sharing an Umbrella.
2006/12/15 17:45
In the rain.
Two of us under one umbrella.
Just another shared umbrella conversation.
Y-KO: Oh boy, it’s really coming down now.
ME: It sure is… You want to find someplace we can duck inside?
Y-KO: Mm, nah, let’s just go home… I kind of like sharing the umbrella like this.
ME: You do?
Y-KO: Yeah. It feels good having our shoulders touch like this.
… It’s a tight squeeze, but you still make sure I don’t get rained on.
ME: Oh, it’s not that big of a deal, really…
Y-KO: Thanks. I love the little things you do for me.
… Wh-what’s going on?
There’s a strong feeling in the air…
Is this the moment where I should whisper my own words of love back to her?
ME: Y-ko—
Y-KO: So as thanks, how about I let you read all of my BL material you want?
ME: —I will firmly, vehemently decline, thanks.
Give me back that nice mood of fifteen seconds ago.
Give me back the opportunity to use the words I was considering so very carefully.
Y-KO: How come? I was sentencing you to all-you-can-read BL!
When I show you my appreciation, you ought to accept it gratefully!
ME: Why do you have to “sentence” me to your appreciation?!
Y-KO: … Tch! You’re just as picky as you look, Sebas!
ME: As I look?! You can judge that based on looks?!
Y-KO: With my mind’s eye.
ME: I thought the mind’s eye was supposed to see everything but looks!!
Mind’s eye.
It’s supposed to look past the exterior to the true nature of things, or so I thought.