‘I love you so much,’ I whispered as some stray tears rolled down my cheeks.
‘I love you too,’ he smiled as he wiped my tears away. ‘More than you’ll ever know.’
‘Can I kiss your bruises better too?’
‘Sure,’ he smiled and straightened up. I ran my fingers over them first and saw his chest rising and falling rapidly to feel my touch on his bare skin. We’d not even kissed on the lips since I’d left him to go to the gym that night, let alone had sex or sexual touching. I think he was scared of frightening me and I was scared that I’d freak out the minute he climbed on top of me, which would upset him. I leaned in and gently ran my lips over the biggest one and heard him groan. I moved and lay a little trail all the way across, making sure I got each one and I felt his hands move tentatively into my hair. ‘Baby,’ he sighed.
‘Gabe, make love to me,’ I whispered as I straightened up and looked into his eyes. ‘I need you.’
‘I’d love to,’ he smiled, but he looked sad.
‘But you’re not going to, are you,’ I sighed.
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you’re still traumatised, Mia. I’m worried that I may make you feel worse. Plus, there are six people all waiting out there looking forward to seeing you, and you’re not the quietest when you come.’
‘They’re all here already?’
‘Yes. You’ve spent so much time asleep since Friday that everyone’s desperate to spend some proper time with you.’
‘Sorry, I’ve just felt …’ I blew out.
‘Don’t apologise. Everyone understands, but it will do you good to leave the bedroom and have something to eat and to see your friends and family.’ He grimaced as he saw me wince at the word “friends” and I bit my lip. I couldn’t keep crying, it wasn’t going to bring Milo back and it was making everyone worry about me. ‘Sorry,’ he whispered.
‘Now it’s my turn to say don’t apologise. You can’t all pussy foot around me. I got off lightly.’ I shuddered as I thought of those poor six girls before me, the ones who hadn’t made it. I recalled how terrified I’d felt and I was only with Adam for minutes of his vile comments and cruel treatment. They must have endured so much. I flung my arms around Gabe’s neck. ‘Hold me, tightly, please,’ I begged.
He did as he was told and stroked my hair and I practiced some deep breathing of my own. Dr. Jarvis had been to see me this morning, as well as Saturday morning and had suggested we have daily sessions for now, and that I stay off Uni until after Christmas, to give me time to start dealing with everything. I’d happily agreed and Mum had convinced her College to let her have the last few weeks of autumn term off, so she could be here for me. She wanted Gabe to be able to have a break from looking after me, so he didn’t miss too many of his lectures. Gerry had taken some annual leave from his accounting firm to be here too. I felt pathetic to be so needy in wanting everyone here, but I was just too scared to be left alone at the moment.
‘Ok, you need to shower, you smell ripe,’ he teased, ‘like a six day old camembert that’s been left out in the sun.’ I gently thumped his shoulder as I let him go.
‘Charming.’
‘You’ll always smell delicious to me, baby. Come on, a hot shower will make you feel better.’ He stood up and held out his hand. I grasped it and stood up, then wobbled. ‘Mia, promise me you’ll try and eat tonight? You’re weak from not eating properly,’ he chastised.
‘What’s Mum cooking?’
‘Roast chicken with all the trimmings and bread sauce, your favourite.’
‘I might be tempted,’ I nodded with a smile. I’d only had soup the last couple of days, my appetite having left me. He led me to the bathroom and helped me undress and kissed my forehead.
‘See you out there in a while?’
‘Ok.’
‘You’ll be ok on your own?’
‘I’ll be fine knowing you’re all outside, thank you.’ I gave him a full smile and watched him head to the dressing room, closing the glass door behind him. I quickly ran and locked it, then locked the door to the lounge and let out a deep breath. I didn’t want to have a shower and risk anyone coming up behind me and scaring me. I still felt ridiculously jittery, but I was going to be as brave as I could so he didn’t worry any more than he already was.
I pulled my shower fresh wet hair back into a ponytail, I wasn’t in the mood to style it, or to do any makeup. I headed into the dressing room and pulled on my slouch pants and a mohair black slash neck jumper and avoided looking at myself in the mirror after all the crying. I ran I finger down my cheek, where Adam had put the knife against it. He’d used the flat side, but had left a long scratch where the blade had pressed into my skin and made it bleed. They put butterfly stitches over it as a precaution and the scab would fall off soon, but my stomach churned as I wondered if it was the same knife that he’d used to kill Milo. I felt my stomach spasm and ran back to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth, just making it in time to stick my head in the toilet bowl before I was violently sick. I sat back on my knees and wiped my lips as I tried to catch my breath. When I heard someone say my name behind me, I jumped and screamed before quickly scrambled back against the wall, wrapping my arms around myself as my heart tried to recover from the shock.
‘Shit, I’m so sorry,’ came Lexi’s voice. ‘I was looking for you in the bedroom and heard you in here.’ I put my hand over my heaving chest as I looked up at her standing in the dressing room doorway.
‘It’s ok, I just … I thought I was on my own, you scared me.’
‘I hate seeing you like this. What can I do?’ she asked as she grabbed a facecloth and wet it, then crouched down next to me and wiped my mouth, cleaning it for me.
‘Exactly what you’re already doing,’ I smiled.
‘Chicken dinner’s nearly ready and if you’re a really good girl and eat it all up, I’ll fetch you some Juicy Pear Jelly Belly’s for pudding,’ she coaxed.
‘Sod off,’ I giggled.
‘Wow, I hate to think what you would have said if I’d offered you liquorice flavour.’
‘A lot worse than sod off,’ I smiled. She knew I hated those. ‘Lex?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Please will you keep on treating me like nothing’s happened? Everyone else is pussyfooting around me and I get it, I really do, they’re finding it hard, but it’s nice to just be Mia without all the problems now and again.’
‘Sure. You want me to smack you with a pillow and tip another bottle of zinfandel over your head?’
‘Only if it’s the cheap stuff. Don’t you be wasting my Wandering Bear.’
‘Hey, while you’re off the booze because of these sleeping tablets Dr. Jarvis has given you, I’m gonna be drinking your Wandering Bear so don’t worry about it going to waste. That’s seriously good shit. Come on, everyone’s starving and really wants to see you.’ She stood and held out her hand, so I grabbed it and she hauled me up and I hugged her tightly.
‘Thanks,’ I whispered.
‘You’re welcome.’ She held my hand as we walked into the lounge. The smell of dinner cooking was amazing and my tummy let out a rumble, but there was a sudden awkward silence as everyone stopped talking to look at me with concern all over their faces. I automatically put my hand up to my throat, I could see their eyes looking at my bruised neck where Adam had choked me, it was a pointless exercise as now they were looking at my bruised wrists.
‘Ok Princess, one chocolate milkshake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream coming up,’ announced Gerry as he walked over and kissed my forehead.
‘Thank you,’ I smiled. It was something he always used to make me when I’d been good as a kid.
‘Hey Mia,’ Doug ambled over and stood in front of me hesitantly. I looked at everyone’s faces as they all just stared at me and took a deep breath.
‘Ok everyone, I realise this is a really weird situation that we’re all in, and you’re all finding it hard to know how to h
andle me, but please, can you try and treat me like normal? I don’t want to be mollycoddled and have you all feeling uncomfortable around me.’ Everyone just stood looking at me still, silently. ‘Ok, do I have to kick some arse to get you to do as I want?’ I asked.
‘Hug time then?’ asked Doug.
‘Hug time,’ I nodded and let him wrap his arms around me. I went around to do everyone in turn, noticing that the hugs were tighter and lasted a bit longer than normal.
‘Sweetie, I have to tell you this whole hair and skin situation you have going on is really not working,’ advised Sofia with a smile as she let me go. ‘We’re having a girlie day tomorrow, you, Lexi, Jacqui and I are going to the spa to get spray tans, facials and haircuts.’
‘We’re going out?’ I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that and she read the nerves on my face immediately.
‘I can get them to come to us if you’re not ready to go out Mia, either way an intervention is required.’
‘Sofia,’ I laughed, suddenly feeling better that I didn’t have to leave home. ‘Do I really look that bad?’
‘You’ve definitely looked better,’ Robert nodded and held out his arm. I tucked myself into his side as he gently held me next to him. ‘It’s so good to see you up and about.’
‘It’s nice to be,’ I nodded.
‘Who’s for some wine?’ Gabe asked.
‘Please,’ came a loud chorus which made me smile. Gerry came over with my chocolate ice cream float and Doug and Robert started laughing.
‘What? It’s good. If I can’t have wine then these are my poison of choice.’
‘You’re going to get away with anything for at least a month now, I reckon,’ laughed Lexi and I smiled, happy to see everyone relax a bit.
I managed to eat most of my dinner, I’d missed Mum’s cooking. Gabe’s cooking was amazing, but with roast dinners in particular, you got used to a certain style, the thickness and taste of the gravy, the amount of salt or pepper in the dishes. Having Mum’s roast dinner felt kind of comforting. Everyone relaxed a little as we sat in the lounge and watched a film, me curled up in Gabe’s lap. It was only nine o’clock when he insisted that I needed to get to bed and everyone said their good nights, with Mum lingering back.
‘Try and get a good night’s sleep sweetheart. Sofia’s right, having a pamper day tomorrow will do you the world of good. You have Gabe to look after you now, but if you need me I’m right next door, I don’t care what time it is, you wake me up, ok?’
‘Ok Mum, thank you and thanks for cooking for everyone, it was lovely.’
‘Come and give me a cuddle,’ she smiled. I held her tightly as she rubbed my back and when we showed no signs of parting I heard Gabe coughing. ‘I think that’s my cue to leave,’ she laughed.
‘Sorry Jacqui, I just really want her to get some sleep.’
We said our goodnights and Gabe lead me to the bathroom and tucked in behind me as we brushed our teeth, his one hand around my waist holding my stomach. He finished first and as I put my toothbrush back in its holder I caught his eye in the mirror. He was looking at my neck bruises. He slowly lifted his hand and brought it closer to my throat and I automatically tensed up. He looked at me with a pained expression as he dropped his hand. I shook my head, grabbed his hand again and placed it on my breast bone, just below my neck.
‘Please, I want you to hold me there, you often held me there during sex and I don’t want to be scared if you want to do it again.’
‘You’re shaking.’
‘I know, I keep remembering how I felt as he was choking me but I don’t want to remember that every time someone touches my neck. Please Gabe, it’s you. I trust you.’
‘Ok,’ he nodded. ‘You tell me the minute it gets too much and I’m not going to squeeze, just gently hold until you tell me to pull away, ok?’
‘Yes,’ I nodded.
‘Watch my eyes all the time Mia, not my hand. I want you to see in my face that I’m not going to hurt you,’ he ordered. I nodded and took a hard swallow as I watched his eyes and felt his hand gently sweep back and forth over the top of my chest, his fingers edging closer and closer until they were caressing my collar bones and the base of my throat. I bit my lip and took some deep breaths as I focussed on his face. This was Gabe, my Gabe who’d never hurt me, I was safe with him. It didn’t stop me tensing and holding my breath as he moved his fingers up and ran them under my jaw. ‘You’re doing so well baby, I’m so proud of you. Eyes, Mia,’ he reminded as I looked down at his hand. I looked back up and my eyes started to sting as he gently palmed my neck and let his fingers follow the natural curve around.
‘Gabe, I … I’m not sure I can do this,’ I whimpered.
‘Yes you can, you’re strong, ok?’ he smiled at me as he let the full weight of his hand rest against my throat and I gulped as I my breathing became more erratic. Flashes of Milo’s street, that silver car and the box hedge ran in front of my eyes and I quickly shut them. ‘Mia it’s me, you’re here with me baby, open your eyes, you’re safe here.’
‘Gabe, I don’t like it,’ I moaned.
‘I know baby, but look at me, no one’s hurting you this time, no one’s ever hurting you again. Look at my eyes and take long, slow, deep breaths and relax. It’s just you and me,’ he coaxed. I did as I was told and with each deep breath I started to calm down a little as I relaxed against him. ‘What was going through your mind when he held you like this?’
‘That I was going to die, that I’d never see you again. I felt … It was like a fast movie of my life. Snippets of happy times until I started to pass out and … then it was just you. I kept thinking about you until … nothing.’ I nodded my head as some tears started to roll and he automatically released his hold on my neck, spun me around and pulled me against him, running his lips over my hair.
‘I’m so proud of you baby, you did so well. We’re going to do that a couple of times a day until we chase those horrible memories away, ok?’
‘Ok,’ I nodded against his chest. ‘Gabe?’
‘Yes?’
‘I need to tell you something.’
‘What?’
‘Can we go and sit down in the bedroom?’
‘Sure, come on.’ He helped me undress and got me into bed as he sat at the edge and gently pushed my hair off my face and over my shoulder before palming my cheek.
‘I don’t want to wait, Gabe.’
‘Wait for what?’
‘To get married. I was thinking of you when I thought I was … I was thinking of you and that life’s too short. I don’t care anymore about anything else, I just want to be with you, I want to get married.’
‘You do?’ He looked at me confused. ‘Is this a shock thing?’
‘No. I really mean it. I want to get married Gabe, and I stopped taking my pill yesterday. I want to see the fertility specialist and try the IVF, sooner than later.’ I held his gaze to let him see I was serious. He dropped his hand as his eyes went wide and looked at me stunned.
‘I don’t understand, you were so adamant that you weren’t ready.’
‘I wasn’t, but after … that, I am. You treat me so well Gabe, you love me so well that I’ve realised that I have nothing to be afraid of anymore when I’m with you, not when it comes to my fears of being abandoned or my children being raised without a father figure who loves them.’
‘You hate babies,’ he laughed as he grabbed my hands and his eyes filled up.
‘I do,’ I smiled with a nod. ‘I hate other people’s babies, but I’m sure I’d love ours, Gabe. It’s like someone turned on a light switch as I thought I was dying. I have so much love in my heart for you, something I never thought I’d have and I know that you’d do everything in your power to give that much love to our children. I want to try, for you, for us.’
‘You really mean it?’ he whispered as he kissed my hands.
‘I do,’ I nodded and laughed as he left go of one of my hands and wiped his eyes.
‘Wow, Sofia and Lexi were right.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘They both told me to give you some time, that one day you’d say yes,’ he nodded.
‘That’s what they whispered?’ I laughed.
‘They said that your head just needed to catch up with your heart.’ He ran his fingers gently down the side of my cheek.
‘Well, it took me some time but I’m all caught up now, Gabe.’ I kissed his wrist.
‘God, you surprise me all the time, Mia Page,’ he uttered as he smiled at me.
‘How soon can we get married?’
‘Well, I’ve sort of already arranged it for Christmas Eve,’ he replied with an apologetic look on his face.
‘What? You have? We’re getting married on my birthday?’
‘Yes. I booked the venue and started on the arrangements before I proposed in Paris and then you said you wanted to wait, which really threw me. I figured I was just going to have to convince you to change your mind before the date and maybe spring it on you at the last minute.’
‘Gabe Austin,’ I exclaimed, stunned.
‘You don’t have to worry about anything Mia, except your dress and any for bridesmaids if you’re having any. Everything else is in hand.’
‘But where? What about …’
‘Stop,’ he ordered with his fingers against my lips. ‘Don’t get yourself in a panic. It’s going to be a small elegant wedding in a surprise location. I’ve invited your Mum and Gerry, Nana and Grandpa Page, Georgie and Justin, Lexi plus one, Doug and Sarah and Doug’s parents as well as Dad and Sofia. I’d like to invite Mr. and Mrs. Darby too, as they’ve been around most of my life and have seen me grow up too. They’re as good as family to me.’
Infinite Love (The Austin Series) Page 4