‘You’re the only thing I see, Gabe. The only thing I’ve ever seen. I love you, I trust you and I’ll never see him when I look at you because you aren’t trying to hurt me, he was. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me how you were feeling.’
‘I was trying to be what you needed,’ he sighed.
‘You’re what I need Gabe, the man I fell in love with. The man who can be caring and gentle, who makes me melt with a look or a smile, but I also fell in love with the man who’s domineering and bossy. The man who doles out punishment fucks and shows how much he cares by yelling at me when I’ve been stupid. I need the whole package, I need the real you, not who you think I want you to be. I broke your trust and you haven’t punished me for it. Punish me, now.’
‘No.’ Gabe backed away from me. ‘You froze last time we tried sex, I saw the look in your eyes, you were scared of me.’
‘No!’ I exclaimed. ‘I wasn’t scared of you, it had nothing to do with you, Gabe. I just had a flashback, a memory of being scared in that factory as he lay on top of me and it triggered a panic attack. That was because of him, not you.’
‘Don’t lie to me.’ Gabe shook his head and covered his eyes as he breathed erratically. I sighed. We had to get past this or we were never going to have sex again and I missed that connection with him. I quickly looked around the room and spotted the padded blanket box at the foot of the bed. I strode over and kneeled up on it and bent over placing my forearms on the bed, which had the effect of pushing my bare bottom up into the air. I heard noise whistling against his teeth as he sucked in a sharp breath. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I want you to punish me, tell me why you’re angry with me and spank me each time until you’ve got it all out.’
‘Mia, please, don’t do this.’
‘I love you and I trust you, Gabe. You’re letting him win, he wanted to take me from you and you’re letting him. You’ve been hiding how you really feel and you won’t have sex with me, this isn’t the sort of relationship I want. We’re getting married in less than two weeks and I want you, all of you, the good and the bad, I just want you back, Gabe. I love my caring, doting, sweet, supportive Gabe, but I miss my dominant, possessive, controlling, sexually aggressive Gabe. Tell me how you feel, show me how you feel.’ I took a deep breath as I heard him approach me, I was about to turn around to look at him and stopped myself. The only time he’d let go with me since it happened was when I had my back to him in the hospital, I wasn’t sure why he couldn’t look at me then, but this time I stayed looking straight ahead and gasped as I felt him plant a kiss on each cheek, just like he always used to. Then he ran his hand over my bare backside, gently stroking it and I closed my eyes and smiled, just feeling his touch on my skin was electric and weirdly comforting, even though I knew I was probably in for a rough ride. I gasped and jolted as the first stinging slap struck me.
‘That’s for not believing me when I told you that you were in danger.’ The second one came down harder and I opened my eyes wide, he wasn’t holding back at all. ‘That’s for not telling me that Milo had tried it on with you, twice.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered, then let out a soft moan as the third slap hit and I squirmed, feeling the effect he was already having on my libido.
‘That’s for not staying in the gym that night,’ he hissed. The fourth made my jaw drop and my eyes sting. ‘That’s for not telling me that you were leaving it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I cried and got another one in return.
‘That’s for not telling me where you were going.’
‘It won’t happen again,’ I said sincerely and gasped again as two firm smacks rained down on me and I felt the heat radiate outwards. That didn’t smart, that hurt.
‘They’re for talking back when I’m trying to tell you how I feel,’ he barked and I griped the sheets under my fingers tightly. He was being more forceful with each spank and this was Gabe talking, hot sexy Gabe. Actually he was hot and sexy when he was sweet and caring too, in fact he was just hot and sexy all the damn time.
‘Ahhhh,’ I cried as I got another two that were verging on my pain threshold. I couldn’t recall him ever smacking me so hard.
‘They’re for making my heart stop beating when I picked up Mason’s message that night.’ Another two had me wince and bit my lip. ‘They’re for making me throw up on my pool table.’
‘Gabe,’ I gasped, shocked. I had no idea of any of this, he’d kept me completely in the dark. I clenched my backside as the next two strikes hit, which was a stupid thing to do as it made them hurt even more.
‘They’re for making me think the worst as I tried to ring him back.’ The next two brought tears to my eyes and my knuckles went white as I clenched the sheet tightly and fought against yelling out “I quit.” ‘They’re for … for making me die a million deaths when I thought Adam was going to … going to … kill you before the Police got to you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I cried. I could hear his voice shaking, the pain in it, and I felt it to my core. I was suddenly taken back to that awful moment in Gabe’s hall, remembering how scared I’d been when I thought he’d been killed in that car accident last year, now I knew how much he was hurting. I swallowed my desire to tell him to stop again when the next two hit me and I started trembling as tears streamed down my face. I was way beyond my pain threshold now and my backside was throbbing. He needs this, he needs to let out his anger, just like he let me when I hit him over and over, I reminded myself.
‘They’re for making me cry like a bloody girl in front of Doug and Lexi as they drove me to … to the hospital.’ I buried my face in the bedding and sobbed as he smacked me again, but it suddenly wasn’t the pain in my backside that made me howl, it was hearing his voice break.
‘They’re for making me think that I’d lost you, for thinking that my life … was over.’
‘Gabe,’ I whispered into the sheet as I felt my heart break for him and then braced myself for the next smacks or for him to ram himself into me and take out his remaining anger on me. He took me by surprise by gently kissing my painful cheeks again.
‘For … for not protecting you. I should have protected you, Mia, I should never have left you at that gym, I should … I should never have left your side. It was my fault. I did this to you baby, I made you suffer.’ I heard him sob and I scrambled up and spun around to face him, the tears streaming down his face mirrored my own. He sank to the floor and covered his face as his entire body shook as he took pained gasps between his sobs. I quickly got up and dropped down beside him, ignoring the pain radiating through my backside as it hit the soft carpeted floor and wrapped my arms around him.
‘You did protect me Gabe, you did everything right. Adam complained that it was the first opportunity he had to take me because you were always at my side. This is not your fault, it’s mine. I broke my promise to you and that’s how he took me, and I can never apologise enough for putting you through that.’
‘I really thought I’d lost you, Mia. ‘I’ve never felt pain like it, not even … not even with … Mum,’ he whispered and I gripped him even tighter, knowing how hard that must be for him to say and sad as it was, it reminded me just how much he really did love me.
‘I thought I’d lost you too, but it’s over now,’ I sniffed as I stroked the back of his neck as I felt his tears on my bare chest. ‘I should never have gone to Milo’s, but you’ve broken your promise too. One of my deal breakers was you not being honest with me about your feelings and you’ve hidden this from me, for weeks.’
‘I’ve been so angry with you, with myself, at … everything that happened. I couldn’t tell you. I was worried that I’d relapse and burden you, and you’d been through enough, Mia.’
‘We’ve both been through enough Gabe, for a lifetime. No more promise breaking, ok?’ I asked as I wiped my eyes with my forearm. ‘We both have to follow our rules to the max. We’re in this now, to … infinity and beyond.’ I felt him jerk in my arms and heard a mixt
ure of a sniff and a chortle. ‘What?’ I asked, surprised.
‘We’ve just been through the emotional wringer and you’re quoting Toy Story to me?’
‘I’m what?’ I wiped my eyes again as he struggled upright and did the same. I hated seeming him like this, all broken and sad. It made my heart hurt more than my bottom.
‘Toy Story, “To Infinity and Beyond.”’ He raised an eyebrow at me as I frowned. ‘You’re telling me that the movie queen has never seen Toy Story?’
‘No, never heard of it.’
‘Then we’ll watch it on honeymoon, it’s a great film. I used to watch it with Mum and Dad.’
‘Ok,’ I smiled and reached over and wiped the remaining tears off his face. ‘Do you think you can ever forgive me?’
‘For not knowing a quote?’
‘No,’ I laughed, with another sniff. ‘For everything I put you through, for breaking your trust.’
‘I was just angry, angry that you ignored me, yet by doing that you proved me wrong about Milo and you got Adam caught. Ignoring me probably saved you so even though I was still angry at you, I’ve forgiven you already, I forgave you the minute I saw you in that hospital bed. I think it’s me that I need to forgive, I just feel like I let you down somehow.’
‘O, Gabe. You didn’t let me down. You’ve been amazing throughout this whole nightmare, but we have to stop obsessing over it. It’s done and it is what it is, we can’t go back and change it. We’re about to start a new chapter in our lives and I want to draw a line under it. I need you to believe how sorry I am for doing that to you and you need to keep being honest with me about your feelings, even if it means we argue. It can’t be smooth sailing all the time.’
‘When’s it ever been smooth sailing?’ he laughed as he reached over and palmed my cheek, rubbing it with his thumb.
‘Fair point,’ I shrugged. ‘But we had a really good run from Vegas to Paris,’ I reminded him as I thought of the wonderful holiday we’d had where I’d told him I was ready for him to propose and that night he did in the Parisian apartment.
‘We sure did,’ he nodded as he smiled back.
‘So we agree to have another really good run before the next crisis hits, and when it does we talk about it.’
‘Ok. Can we get off the floor? My foot’s gone to sleep.’ He stood up quickly and held his hand out to me and I winced as my bottom grazed the carpet as he pulled me up. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I’m fine,’ I smiled trying to ignore the throbbing in my cheeks.
‘Mia,’ he warned as he frowned at me.
‘My bottom’s feeling a bit pinker than normal, that’s all.’
‘Shit. Let me see.’
‘Gabe it’s fine, honestly.’
‘I’ll be the judge of that,’ he spun me around and hissed. ‘Damn it Mia, why didn’t you tell me to stop, you’re not pink, you’re bright red.’
‘I wanted you to feel better.’
‘Mia,’ he sighed. ‘Go and lie face down on the bed, I’ll be back in a minute.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘Do as you’re told please, bed, now,’ he ordered as he pointed to it. I smiled to see bossy Gabe back and did as I was told. That was one of the things I really loved about our relationship. Once we did have a knock down bar fight, we always moved on quickly and forgot it. I looked back over my shoulder as he returned.
‘What do you have?’
‘A bag of chipped ice wrapped in a tea towel. Please don’t do that.’
‘Do what?’
‘Look at me like that while you kick your feet in the air. You’re all naked and sexy and we still haven’t had sex and I’m all confused about how I feel about that.’
‘Something else we need to discuss then.’
‘After. Bottom first.’ He yanked off his trousers and boxers and pushed my feet down, then straddled the back of my thighs as he placed the cold package on my hot flesh and circled it around. ‘Shit, did you hear that sizzle? We could fry some eggs on there.’
‘You always did make me hot,’ I giggled as I lay down on my crossed forearms and turned my head to the side. ‘Bottom’s feature heavily in our relationship.’
‘They do,’ he agreed. We remained silent as he gently massaged me with the ice until I could barely feel anything down there. ‘How’s that feeling now?’
‘Much better, thank you.’
‘I’ll go get you some pain killers.’
‘Don’t go, I like feeling you touching me.’
‘We touch all the time, we hold hands, we cuddle and we snuggle at night.’
‘Sympathy cuddles and snuggles, Gabe. I’m stronger than you think, please start treating me like me again. If I need hugs or a shoulder to cry on, I’ll ask for it.’ I inhaled sharply as he moved the ice out of the way and bent over me, his palms either side of my head as he kissed my temple.
‘I miss you,’ he sighed.
‘I miss you too. Please make love to me, I need you,’ I begged. He didn’t respond but his lips glided over my cheek, then kissed the corner of my mouth, then ran along my jawline and trailed up and down my neck, making me quietly whimper as my whole body tingled with pleasure and I felt his substantial erection against the back of my thigh. ‘Gabe?’
‘Are you happy to do it like this? With me behind you?’
‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘I want to look at you, to kiss you, to touch you. I miss you so much.’ I twisted my head to look at him and he nodded and rolled off me onto his side and held his arm out. I moved up to him, my chest pressed firmly against his as he wrapped his one arm around my neck and firmly held my chin with this other hand as his concerned eyes roved over my face. ‘I want this,’ I whispered as I looked up at him and saw him swallow as he closed his eyes for a second or two. When he reopened them my stomach did a somersault at the sight of the love and need for me inside of him, and I let out a gentle moan as he lowered his lips onto mine and began to kiss me. He released my face and ran his hand down to the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. His other hand moved up onto the back of my head, his fingers knotting into my hair as his tongue explored every crevice of my mouth, as if it were new territory. My nipples peaked and puckered, I felt myself swell below as my clit started to throb. I’d missed him so much I was sure I could come from his kiss alone. ‘Gabe,’ I mewled against his lips.
‘I’m right there with you,’ he sighed before continuing to tease me with gentle nibbles of my lips, flickers of his tongue then deep, passionate, possessive kisses that rendered me a puddle of arousal in his arms. I managed to snake an arm under his neck to tug at the back of his hair, while the other gripped his firm backside, my nails gently denting the surface of his skin as I kneaded it, like a kitten trying to extract milk from her mother. ‘God Mia, I want you. I want you baby like I’ve never wanted anything before.’
‘Don’t make me wait, I’ve already waited weeks and I can’t bear it,’ I begged.
‘Eyes on mine every step of the way, Mia,’ he ordered. ‘You’re here with me, you’re safe and I love you.’ I nodded and bit my lip as he gently nudged his knee between my legs and positioned himself. He frowned as my breathing became hard and heavy but I nodded, it wasn’t panic, it was need, need for my man. I wanted to feel him inside me again, filling me, stretching me, owning me. I was his, completely.
‘Gabe,’ I whimpered as he slowly began to push his way inside me.
‘Ok?’
‘You’re … so … big,’ I gasped as my jaw went slack.
‘You’re so small,’ he groaned as he titled his hips and grasped the back of my thigh. My nails dug deeper into his bottom and he grunted as his eyes flared with male primal need. He thrust again gently, making me cry out as he buried himself completely inside me and reached a dead end. ‘God damn it Mia, you feel so … good.’
‘Hmmm,’ I groaned and he gently began to move with a hiss of air between his gritted teeth. I couldn’t form words, having him inside me again, so clos
e, feeling his warm skin, the heat of his breath, his … passion for me was intoxicating. I was drugged again, a I was a Gabe junkie and I’d been without my fix for far too long and felt like I was on the verge of an overdose. He began to move faster as he watched my face, my eyes beginning to close with ecstasy. He knew the signs, he could see that I was in a good place. I mashed my mouth against his as I started to kiss him forcefully, I needed more of him, he’d been sweet adorable Gabe for so many weeks I wanted him to let loose, to use my body and reclaim me, like I knew he wanted to. I hooked my leg right over his and yanked him as I rolled and he took a surprised gasp as I fell flat on my back with his full body weight crushing me.
‘Mia,’ he muttered. I held his gaze, letting him see that I was ok. And it wasn’t a lie, I was. With Adam everything had been unfocussed, adding to the terror of what was happening, the fact that I didn’t even know it was him, that I thought it was my best friend about to rape and maim me. That was what had made it more terrifying. That someone I trusted was about to do that to me. But here, looking up at Gabe, melding with his sincere deep blue eyes, smelling his comforting masculine scent and feeling the body I knew so well on top of me, I felt no fear or panic at all. He gave me a concerned frown as he stopped moving. I smiled and nodded, letting him see I was ok, then wrapped my legs around his waist, clasped his shoulders and tugged him down to me.
‘Don’t make love to me, fuck me. I need you, Gabe,’ I ordered then kissed him hard and bit his lip firmly. He growled and pulled his hips back, as his eyes narrowed and flames surged, before plunging himself into me forcibly making me cry out with pleasure, loudly. ‘Again,’ I pleaded. He slammed into me and grunted as his face screwed up.
Infinite Love (The Austin Series) Page 9