‘Of course this is bloody hard for me,’ he snapped. ‘We’ve failed three times Mia, that happened to me too and you refuse to even consider trying again.’
‘It’s too soon.’
‘It will always be too soon. No one expects us to ever find this easy Mia, but it happened and if we want a child we need to keep trying.’
‘I am trying, Gabe. You don’t know how hard it is for me with this pain I’m in every month while we wait to try IVF again. I’m tired all the time, I’m emotional and irritable, because they’re so damn painful. I don’t want to live like this constantly. I’m sick of crap happening to us all the damn time. I just want things to be easy.’ I felt my bottom lip wobbling and saw him wipe his eyes. ‘Right now I just want you to hold me and tell me everything will be alright, that if we try again it will happen, but you can’t even do that because she’s gone and fucked me up even more and I hurt. I hurt on the outside and I hurt on the inside and I’m sick of it.’
‘Mia,’ he sighed and wiped my face for me. ‘You’re tired and in pain. Come on, let’s get you home to bed for a rest.’
‘So how was the wedding anniversary?’ Lexi asked as Gabe opened the door a few days later.
‘You’d better ask Mia,’ he sighed. ‘I’ll see you later, I’m going to Greyson’s.’
‘Fine, whatever.’ I called from the sofa without looking around. We’d had a horrible few days. We’d had a massive argument about the IVF again Christmas afternoon. He wanted to try again in January, I didn’t want too, so we’d ignored each other all Christmas night. Then he’d disappeared on Boxing Day and had come home drunk and we’d argued again. I’d got up this morning, crept out and locked myself in at Lexi’s to have time alone, only returning an hour ago when he’d left me a text message saying he was ringing the Police if I didn’t respond to let him know where I was.
‘Mia?
‘Hey Lex, good time?’
‘Great. Holy shit, what the hell happened to you?’ she asked as she plonked herself down next to me and took in my sling, black eye, bruised cheek and temple.
‘Chelsea,’ I hissed.
‘That bitch did this to you?’
‘Yes, and that was the catalyst for a massive argument with Gabe and we’ve ignored each other or argued since Christmas afternoon.’
‘Jesus Christ, I go away for three bloody days,’ she sighed and took my hand. ‘Come on, dish.’ I filled her in and she went to get a box of tissues for me as I started crying again. ‘I can’t believe her, and I can’t believe that Gabe even took her call. What was he thinking?’
‘I don’t know. She seems to sit in his blind spot and me bad mouthing her just gets him all defensive. As for the rest, well we both said we were fine, that we were dealing with these failed attempts, but we’ve been lying to ourselves and each other.’
‘You really don’t want to try again?’ she whispered.
‘I’m so scared, Lexi. I can’t keep having my periods anymore, I want to go back on the pill and maybe wait a year or two until I feel ready to try again. Gabe insists if I do that I’ll never want to try again, that we need to do it now. But what if it doesn’t happen again? I don’t think my heart can take any more pain and I can’t see him suffering like this anymore. He’s so desperate for it to happen. It’s so stressful, for both of us.’
‘Hey, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this is, on both of you, but lots of women who have numerous failed attempts go on to get pregnant. Maybe try one more round and if it doesn’t work have some time out. Yes you’re a couple, and Gabe’s just as much a part of the IVF process decision making as you are, but it’s your body that’s suffering not his. He can’t possibly know what pain you’re in while he’s insisting you carry on trying. You have to think about you as a couple, but you also need to think about you as an individual and whether all this pain and stress is good for you. Life’s too short. Can’t you try the gestational surrogate route?’
‘I tried suggesting that, Gabe says it won’t be the same as me carrying it.’
‘It’s still your eggs and his sperm.’
‘Try telling him that,’ I sighed as I looked up at her. She brushed my overlong fringe away from my eyes and kissed my forehead.
‘Do you think it will help if I talk to him?’
‘It’s a really sweet thought Lexi, and thanks so much for offering, but I think Gabe needs to work though this on his own.’ I reached up and undid the Velcro straps on my sling as I cracked my neck.
‘Hey, what are you doing?’
‘I have a bruised shoulder, not a fracture. They put it on just to ease the pain while the painkillers kicked in, but you know Gabe.’
‘Mr. Over Protective? Yeah, we’ve been introduced on a couple of occasions,’ she laughed.
‘So, enough about me, how was your first family Christmas?’
‘I missed you.’
‘Damn right you should have, but seriously?’
‘It was great,’ she beamed. ‘Being a big sister to a couple of youngsters is sic, they can’t call me out on my stupid sayings.’
‘O and a grown woman saying “sic” isn’t stupid? Just don’t throw in “Amazeballs” or I may just throw up,’ I laughed. ‘Coffee?’
‘Got any beer?’
‘That sounds like a plan,’ I giggled. I wasn’t supposed to have alcohol on these painkillers, but what the hell. I was at home and Lexi was with me. I needed some fun. I hadn’t been truly hammered in months what with all these damn fertility treatments. Fun was definitely missing from my life. ‘I didn’t have a 21st what say we have a party now, you and me, a bit of karaoke, booze and Christmas leftovers.’
‘I’m in,’ she nodded.
I was bouncing up and down screaming “YMCA” as Lexi did the moves, when I caught something out of the corner of my eye and looked around to see Gabe in the doorway with an open mouth, holding a bouquet of red roses. The sudden action of spinning my head to look at him had me wobble and go straight down on my arse in a fit of the giggles.
‘Watch out, watch out, Mr. Grumpy’s about,’ I sang with a chuckle and Lexi doubled over laughing.
‘Are you drunk?’ he uttered.
‘Just a little bit,’ I whispered as I tried to pinch my finger and thumb together to show him how little. ‘We did Tequila shots,’ I nodded.
‘Where’s your sling?’
‘Slung,’ I replied with a straight face.
‘Where is it, Mia?’
‘Slung,’ I repeated. ‘Literalerly … litererly … sod it, I threw it out of the window,’ I pointed in the direction of the sash overlooking the car park.
‘Out. Of. The. Window,’ Lexi nodded. ‘S.L.UNG,’ she chuckled and I started giggling again. Gabe stepped over to the iPad dock and turned the music down.
‘You shouldn’t be drinking on your painkillers,’ he sighed.
‘O watch out, Mr. Sementics has arrived.’
‘Sementics? I think you mean semantics,’ giggled Lexi. ‘Unless he has semen with Tourette’s?’
‘Semen with Tourette’s? That’s hilarious,’ I screeched, as I fell back on the floor and kicked my legs. ‘Maybe he does. I have an in … hospitab bable uterus and if his sperm manage to make it there, instead of them wooing my eggs, they tell them to fuck off, repeatedly.’
‘Right, I’m cutting you two off. Lexi, I think it’s time you went home and Mia, you’re having a cold shower, some Weetabix and then a load of water before bed.’
‘But I’m having fun,’ I moaned as I struggled to sit up, kicking like a floundering turtle on its back, which started Lexi and I laughing again.
‘You can have fun again another night, tonight I’m cutting you off. Lexi, can you get home on your own or do you need help.’
‘I live across the hall, dumbass,’ she chuckled and I bit down on both of my lips to stifle another giggle as Gabe glared at her.
‘I meant I’m concerned about you going over the bannister or falling down the stairs.�
�
‘O. Sorry.’
‘I’ll take you across now,’ he sighed as he grabbed her forearm. ‘You’re going nowhere,’ he pointed at me as I tried to sneak past on my hands and knees toward the bottle of Tequila lying on the floor to the side of him.
‘Oooo, I think I’m in for a spanking, Lex.’
‘Rather you than me … O shit.’
‘What?’
‘I’m going to blow.’
‘Noooo,’ I giggled.
‘Blow what?’ asked Gabe and recoiled in horror as she spewed all down the front of his shirt and I collapsed in hysterics. ‘Fucking great,’ he groaned. ‘Right, that’s it. You’re staying here tonight where I can keep an eye on both of you.’
‘Jesus Christ,’ I muttered as I did up the last buckle on the tightly fitting black pvc corset and tried to breathe normally. Gabe and I had sat down yesterday, or in my case laid down due to my hangover, and had a serious chat after my night of Tequila with Lexi. We agreed to start going on dates again, trying to inject more fun into our lives and I’d reluctantly agreed to try the IVF one final time after my next period in January. We’d therefore come down to London, to his dad’s apartment for New Year and had agreed to go back to the 710 club and meet there as if we were strangers. I’d been given permission to flirt while he watched, as long as no one touched me and I didn’t let myself get talked into partaking in any threesomes, or numbersomes of any other kind. He’d step in if he felt anyone was getting out of hand, or when he’d reached his capacity for sexual torture and wanted to drag me home, or to one of the private rooms.
Gabe had already left and I’d unpacked the surprise outfit that I’d purchased. Lexi had helped me source it, insisting he’d go crazy for it. To go with the tight strapless corset, in black, I was wearing a small pair of red micro knickers and some killer heeled, pvc black thigh-high boots, that had red laces all up the front. I carefully unwrapped the piece of silver jewellery that I’d had made as a Christmas present for him, but we’d never got around to exchanging gifts for Christmas. He’d loved it that night we’d fucked over my desk in the office, when I called him “Sir” and we had very mild BDSM tendencies, so I’d had a very thin silver neck collar made with a heart link and a trailing chain that hung down below my breasts with a small padlock at the end. I figured that would put off anyone in the know trying to get too frisky with me, because in that sort of establishment, wedding rings seemed to mean nothing. I quickly wrapped a black knee length trench coat around me as the intercom went, shoved some cash and my iPhone in my wristlet and hurried down to the waiting taxi.
I rang the bell of the club and announced my name and gave the password and was let in by the same Butler as the last time we’d been. He showed me to the reception desk, this time was a raven haired woman with piercing steel grey eyes. She smiled and went to fetch the safe drawer and I deposited my wristlet and accepted the silver bangle, indicating silver guest status, on my wrist. I gulped as I removed my coat, but neither of them seemed fazed by my outfit at all. I was. I was used to going out in corsets, or dancing on stage wearing less, but the thought of walking around in a big house in front of strangers like this, just felt weird. I took a deep breath as I was led to the double doors and they swung open. It was packed.
I immediately started to worry that Gabe would stand no chance of finding me in here. I immediately blushed as I realised by standing in the doorway, preventing it from being closed, everyone was looking at me. I stepped forward, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I scanned the room for Gabe and the doors were closed behind me. It was at that moment that I realised that all of the men were wearing masques. Not only that, they were all dressed in black trousers and white shirts. Great, as if it weren’t challenging enough for me to find him in this dim lighting as it was? Gabriel Austin, don’t you dare let me down, I thought as I tried to make my way to the bar. I smiled politely as I was being checked out and felt a whole lot better about my outfit when I saw some women were in crotchless knickers and peephole bras.
I found a small space at the bar and leaned on it as I waited to be served and checked out my reflection in the mirror under all the bottles. I’d pulled my hair into a high ponytail, securing it with a thin hair band top and bottom, and had then wrapped red bondage tape all around it. My eyes had a very dark smoke effect with black rims all around, highlighter on my cheekbones and my plain Vaseline on my lips. I’d tried red lipstick, but hated it and had quickly scrubbed it off. I felt nervous, but at the same time incredibly horny to think what Gabe’s reaction would be when he saw me. If he hadn’t already. I ordered a vodka cranberry, with ice and turned as I heard a voice to my left.
‘Are you here alone?’
‘Actually, I’m hoping to meet someone,’ I replied as I turned to face a man who had to be at least six-foot-five with rugby player physique.
‘I think that’s the whole point of the club,’ he laughed.
‘Sorry,’ I replied with a blush.
‘First time?’
‘Second actually.’
‘So it can’t have been too bad an experience if you came back for seconds.’
‘First time was a very short experience.’
‘Us men really ought to come with cock grading labels so you know what you’re in for from the start,’ he replied with a twinkle in his barely visible brown eyes.
‘Not in that way,’ I laughed. ‘Short lived.’
‘No stamina either? Disgraceful. I’d better warn you that if I were lucky enough to be awarded the luxury of your company this evening, I am neither short, nor do I lack in stamina.’
‘Then any lady who accepts appears to be in for a very happy new year,’ I smiled. ‘Are you here alone?’
‘No, my wife is looking for some male company to join us, while I’m on a search for a lady.’
‘Then you’d better move on. A lady I’m most certainly not.’
‘I’m trying to tell if you’re serious or teasing me.’
‘I’m definitely not a lady. I got into a cat fight in the tampon isle of a high class supermarket on Christmas Eve and broke two of her teeth.’ I giggled as my companion roared with laughter.
‘Was it over the last box of tampons?’
‘If only it were such an important matter.’
‘Well, it wasn’t actually your credentials as a lady that I was questioning.’
‘O. What were you questioning?’
‘If you were serious about wanting me to move on?’
‘You’re wondering if I’ll make up your party of four?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m so sorry, but it’s actually my husband that I’m meeting here and we’re not quite ready to share,’ I replied, trying to be as diplomatic as I could.
‘What a shame,’ he sighed. ‘I had a feeling you and I would have gotten along famously and my wife has always been partial to beautiful brunettes too.’
‘Then I feel very flattered, but I’d better leave you to work your charming personality on someone likely to say yes.’
‘Well, I hope that you have a very enjoyable evening with him, my loss appears to be his very favourable gain. Happy New Year Miss …?’
‘Ermmmm, Lillette,’ I replied quickly.
‘Lillette?’ he laughed. ‘As in Lillette’s tampons?’
‘Yes,’ I giggled. ‘Sorry it was the first thing that popped into my head after telling you about my fight in the tampon aisle. I didn’t imagine you’d pick up on the connection.’
‘I have two teenage daughters, Miss Lillette.’
‘Thank you for being so nice.’
‘If you’ll forgive me for saying so, I think you seem a little too nice to be somewhere like this, especially without your husband by your side.’
‘He’s not too far away.’
‘Looking the way you do tonight, if I were him, I wouldn’t have left your side. Well, I’d better move on then, or my wife will be most displeased that I’ve spent my evening with you
and not found us a new plaything.’
‘Happy New Year to you, Sir,’ I replied with a curtsy.
‘Now you’re just being especially cruel,’ he laughed. He picked up my hand and kissed it. ‘Goodbye, Miss Lillette.’
‘Goodbye,’ I giggled and watched him work his way through the crowd in search of someone else. I decided this was quite fun, a bit of witty banter and harmless flirtation and if Gabe was watching, I knew it would be driving him crazy and he’d be ready with one of his famous punishment fucks. He hadn’t been aggressive with me sexually for quite a while. I knocked back my drink and asked for another and politely declined an offer from a balding tubby man shorter than Nana Page. He’d obviously had a spray tan in anticipation, but had gone a couple of shades the wrong way and looked like an Ompa lompa that had been dipped in gravy browning. I took my drink and left the relative safety of being protected from behind by the bar, and starting circling the room, trying to spot Gabe.
‘Are you free, love?’
‘I’m sorry?’ I turned to face the voice that had said something in my left ear.
‘I said are you free? My mate and I fancy taking a shot at you. Do you do anal? I bet you do anal with an arse like that.’ He placed his hand on my backside and squeezed. I yanked it off and twisted his wrist until he cursed.
‘Sure, provide me with the biggest strap on you can find and I’ll give you anal until you scream. How does that sound?’ I smiled and shoved him away from me. So much for a high entrance fee, money didn’t necessarily indicate class or manners.
‘I think the lady just politely told you to fuck off,’ came a male American voice and I looked around to see the nasty guy had followed me. He walked off muttering and my mystery rescuer turned to face me.
‘Thank you ever so much. I mean, I expect to be propositioned, but not in such an uncouth way, and to be groped as well?’
‘What the hell are you doing here, Mia?’
‘Mia?’ I queried. How did he know my name? ‘O my God. Sam?’ I uttered. He nodded and lifted his masque up onto his forehead.
‘Looking seriously hot, babe,’ he replied as he looked me up and down.
Infinite Love (The Austin Series) Page 27