‘Well, I suppose I would have just looked up the phone book,’ came his reply. ‘And started ringing all the Maguire families.’
‘Oh.’
‘But we don’t have to worry about that now.’ He smiled. ‘I’m here, so let’s celebrate.’
Two glasses of champagne later, Parker arrived into the bar with big hugs for both Rory and me, and apologies for running late. Rory had just offered him a glass of champagne when Parker pulled a serious face and said, ‘I’ve a favour to ask.’ As my heart sank and my eyebrows arched in Parker’s direction, I could see his lip tremble with giddiness, ‘Would you mind if we all have dinner up in the Princess Grace Suite tonight? It’s just it would be a waste not to use it, and it would give us all a chance to get to know Rory better, without the intrusion of other people.’
Feeling a wave of relief, I jumped up and kissed Parker, told him it was great to see him, and ushered them both upstairs, handing Parker the bucket of champagne and Rory my bags of clothes before they had a chance to speak. Moving as quickly as possible, before anyone else I knew could say hello, we climbed the stairs, or in my head the steps to safety, as Parker and Rory made friends again over football talk. Arriving into the beautiful suite, we were greeted by Jeff and Lisa with a very zealous welcome of, ‘ALICE! How are you? And RORY, how wonderful to see you!’ I gave Lisa a gentle kick to her shoe to remind her not to wind me up, and she immediately toned down her voice, as did Jeff, and we all made ourselves at home, surrounded by plush comfort and walls that would never talk!
Like nervous contestants entering a Big Brother house, we mooched about: moving books on the bookshelves, tapping the antique clocks to see if they worked, and running fingers over the expensive curtains and marble fireplaces. With Rory in the room and my identity and history largely unwritten, there was an underlying unease between my friends and me: I was terrified that they’d slip up and say the wrong thing. And they were probably wondering what stories they could tell without dropping me in the doo doo.
As the evening relaxed and the champagne flowed, I started talking about seeing Anna earlier that morning. And as we all collectively shared a laugh over her disappointment at seeing Ronan Keating instead of Tiger Woods, I remembered a picture message I had on my phone about how Tiger had loads of expensive cars, but now he had a hole in one. I handed it around to show the gang. My phone had only just reached Rory’s hands when it loudly beeped with a new message. ‘Oh, oops – there’s a message here from your dad,’ said Rory, as he frantically fiddled with some buttons.
‘Oh, God. Don’t worry about it. Just leave it.’
Frozen to my seat, I watched almost in slow motion as he pressed the retrieve button on my phone, concentrated for a second and read aloud the words, ‘Everything A OK. Leave her 2 me. Have a fun nite!’
With all eyes on me, I just about managed the words, ‘OK. Thanks. He’s talking about my mam. She wanted me to stay in, and, well, ah, it doesn’t matter.’
Breathing yet another sigh of relief, I told the guys, ‘We’ll be back in a minute,’ and dragged Lisa into the bedroom for a private chat. As soon as we were hidden away on our own, I asked the obvious nervous girlfriend question. ‘Well, what do you think of him?’
And, playing the dutiful best pal, she replied, ‘He’s great. It doesn’t matter what I think of him, anyway. Once you like him, I like him.’
Frustrated by her careful reply, I thought about berating her, but then weakly said, ‘Thanks,’ and returned to the group while she used the bathroom. Although I didn’t always understand Lisa, she did generally have her reasons for odd or evasive behaviour, so I let it go and decided that whatever she thought about him would eventually come out in the wash. What did come out to that bedroom five minutes later, though, was a woman looking for devilment. ‘OK, everyone,’ she said. ‘Let’s have a game of truth or dare.’
Clearly intrigued, Parker asked, ‘Excuse me, what did you say?’
‘You heard me, and so did you, Ms Alice. Truth or dare. Let’s play it. This party of ours needs a little spicing up. You can’t bring your new boy all the way over to Dublin and have him leave thinking we’re all dry shites!’
While I tried to pick my jaw off the ground with the shock of Lisa’s suggestion, Parker and Jeff chimed together, ‘I’m game,’ to fits of giggles, followed by Rory giving the thumbs up, which of course left everyone looking at me again.
Coming across a tad defensive, I snapped, ‘What are we? Fourteen again and looking for a cheeky snog or a grope of someone’s nipple?’
Instantly claiming her moment, Lisa whipped up her top, exposed her gorgeously pert breasts and cried, ‘Did someone mention nipples? Yes, please, I’d love a grope.’
Totally ignoring my opposition to the whole idea, everyone fell about the place laughing at Lisa, before Parker collapsed to his knees, cupped her breasts and explained, ‘These are works of art. I don’t know why us gay men love boobies. But we do. We just love boobies.’
Not in the least bit shocked, Rory winked at Lisa. ‘Boobs are great,’ he said. ‘And we’ve clearly got a work of Michelangelo hanging in the room with us here tonight. But I think I’m more of an ass man myself.’ Quick as a flash he gave my bum a loud smack, and I screamed with the fright. ‘Yep. Definitely an ass man.’ He grinned. ‘Now, that is the truth!’ He planted a big kiss on my lips.
Starting to see the funny side of things again, I thanked Rory for his public display of affection, and turned to Lisa. ‘Please cover up as Parker is beginning to drool on the expensive rug. And we all know what comes out of his mouth can be quite acidic.’
A little disappointed by my request, Lisa popped her girls back under her top, saying, ‘That was quite nice, actually. Thank you, Parker, you’ve a lovely grip,’ before pressing on with her party plans. ‘Let’s use this empty Moët bottle to play spin the bottle. OK? The neck gets to ask truth or dare? And the bottom end gets to choose their poison.’ Without waiting for another reply, she swiftly made a space on the coffee table and spun the bottle around with an excited look on her face. With all eyes on the bottle, my shoulders tensed up as it stopped between Lisa and me. ‘Oh, fancy that,’ cooed Lisa, thrilled with herself. ‘Which would you like, Alice? A truth question or a dare?’
Knowing that I couldn’t possibly leave myself open to any confession, I snapped back, ‘A dare, please,’ while trying not to spit fire in her direction.
Chuckling to herself, she asked, ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like an easy truth question, hon?’
‘No, a dare will be fine, thank you. So make your call.’
After taking a few moments to ponder the idea, she offered up, ‘I dare you to run down to reception – naked – and ask them if you’re allowed to smoke in the bedrooms.’
Without even stopping to think, the first words out of my mouth were, ‘Fuck off!’
Parker and Jeff started taunting me, ‘Ah go on. Ya will, ya will, ya will …’
Sensing my unease, Rory stepped up to be my hero, and explained, ‘What Alice meant to say was that she’d love to be part of your naughty game, but that she wouldn’t like to leave my side tonight, so is there any chance you could please offer her another dare?’
Unable to argue with such good manners, Lisa then conceded, ‘OK, fine. Why don’t we swap it, and you ask me a truth or dare? Otherwise we’ll never get this game started.’
‘All righty, then,’ I chirped, looking to call her bluff. ‘Why don’t you run down to reception naked?’ Of course, her face never flinched at such a request and, without further ado, Lisa stood up, removed her top, much to the delight of all three lads, and proceeded to strip off her tight black satin trousers. As the boys continued to whoop and holler like they were in a strip joint, with Rory joking that he was sure he had a few spare fivers in his wallet, Lisa was about to slip off her almost see-through thong when I cried, ‘STOP! Enough already.’
Confused, she blankly looked at me and asked, ‘Why?’
‘Because, you idiot, otherwise you’re in serious danger of being arrested for indecent exposure, and I’d prefer my boyfriend to go back to London thinking we’re dull, rather than crazed streakers with criminal records.’
Of course, my sane words fell on deaf ears, though she did back down to some peer pressure by agreeing to keep her knickers on – not that they left much to the imagination. Claiming, ‘I’ve got too much to keep under wraps, and a dare is a dare,’ she swanned out of the door of the suite with a catwalk swagger and told us, ‘I won’t be long.’
With none of us believing our eyes, like giddy children we all leapt off our chairs and went racing out to see if Lisa was in fact heading down the corridor. And sure enough, as we banged heads in the doorway, we caught a glimpse of her evenly spray-tanned bum turn the corner at the stairs. Not sure whether to laugh or cry, I turned to Parker and ordered him to go after her, but he was having none of it. ‘You go. And take your little camera while you’re at it. You could make another few quid off the back of it.’ Thumping Parker in the arm to zip up his loose tongue, I watched as – miracle of miracles – he went mute, and mouthed, ‘I’m sorry,’ before running back inside for safety.
After several minutes of pleading with both Jeff and Rory to go downstairs and see if she was all right – both of whom refused point blank to rescue her claiming ‘nudophobia’ and ‘catagelophobia’ – which were, apparently, the irrational fear of nudity, and of being ridiculed (about nudity) – Lisa arrived back at the end of the corridor like some sort of burlesque dancer, with one hand casually on her hip, and the other waving a box of matches in the air. ‘Did someone want a light?’ she asked, brazen as ever. ‘Cause I got a whole load, and I’m more than willing to use them.’
Not sure if his eyes were deceiving him, Rory turned to me and laughed. ‘Now I see where your wild streak comes from. You’re a shy bunch, you Irish.’ Slightly embarrassed, I apologized for Lisa’s lack of shame, but he brushed it off, joking, ‘I just feel sorry for you now. How are you going to top that?’
Pumped from her act of bravery, Lisa refused to put any clothes on once back in the room, and instead jumped about the place saying, ‘I feel liberated and at one with my body.’ Jokingly I suggested that she might as well treat us all to a freebie lap dance, but no sooner had the words come out of my mouth than she was over rubbing up against Jeff and asking him, ‘Well, do you like that?’
While at first we left her to it, using the time to catch our breath and some more much-needed champagne, it soon became apparent that Parker’s husband was indeed enjoying the attention from Lisa, and Parker was in no way impressed about it at all. Like a car crash that you don’t want to watch, yet can’t pull your eyes from, Rory, Parker and myself sat ringside for Lisa’s fairly thorough private dance, and watched as Jeff’s trousers visibly began to bulge in a place where a gay man watching a gyrating woman should not get aroused. Seeing the anger build up in Parker, I stood up and smacked Lisa on the bottom to try and distract her, and thrust her clothes at her, declaring, ‘You’re too sexy, girl. Put it away, I almost want to ride you myself!’ But, feeling a little emotional at the sight of his husband getting turned on by a woman – the ultimate insult – Parker stormed off to his bedroom without any explanation and slammed the door behind him.
Realizing that she had gone too far, Lisa turned to me saying, ‘I was only having a laugh.’ But I just stared hard at her and handed her her top again. With an uncomfortable silence in the air, she grabbed her clothes and followed Parker, leaving Rory and me looking at Jeff, whose stiffy seemed to be deflating as the guilt set in. The awkward silence was soon broken, though, as angry shouting began to emanate from the bedroom.
‘Do you have any limits? Is every straight man not enough for you? Do you have to take the gay ones too, now?’ Thankfully, knowing it was time to suck it up, Lisa kept begging for Parker’s forgiveness until the bedroom finally went quiet.
Ignoring Jeff’s blushes, Rory turned to me and asked, ‘Do you think he killed her?’ before the two of us kissed and hugged, and laughed through the madness.
Clearly surprised at himself, Jeff sat in a daze, until I suggested that he probably should go inside and clear the air with Parker. I had to say it to him a second time to get him to push himself to his feet and go in to tell his fella that he loved him and only him. Feeling frisky from the naked energy that had been generated, I turned to Rory and said, ‘Don’t think me weird, but I’m all kind of horny now. Do you want to slip into the other bedroom next door for a few minutes? I could give you my own version of a Tina Turner.’
Although he nodded and said that he thought it a terrific idea, he stopped me from standing up and asked, ‘But first, I’ve a few truth questions of my own I’d like to ask.’
With a small part of me feeling relief that all my secrets might soon be out in the open, I answered him, ‘Sure. What do you want to know?’ I kept my fingers crossed over his shoulder, hoping that this wouldn’t be the beginning of the end of our beautiful affair.
Staring deep into my eyes, he asked me, ‘Have you ever been in love before?’
‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘Once or twice. But I believe that you can have more than one great love in your life. Don’t you?’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘At least, I hope so.’
‘What else do you want to know?’ I asked, giving him another opportunity to unravel my lies.
‘I was just wondering if, well, if you’re up for a serious relationship or not? It’s just that your life is very, well, fabulous, to use a tabloid word, and your friends are extremely colourful, to say the least. I’m wondering what you’re doing with me, that’s all.’
‘Oh-my-God, this is not my life. This here is just a snippet of fabulosity, to quote Kimora Lee Simmons. Yes, my friends are colourful, but I don’t live with them. Well, not any more.’ As his eyes burned holes into mine, I struggled to keep looking at him. His intensity was almost unbearable, but it was hugely sexy at the same time. ‘Look,’ I continued, while stalling to find the correct words to fill the void. ‘I don’t want to just date you. I’m at a stage in my life when I need more. I think we fit. And you’ve so many wonderful qualities about you that I just want to surround myself with your greatness. Does that answer your question at all?’
As he took a moment to consider his answer, I felt my shoulders tense up and the vein at the side of my neck pulsate. With my foot and loose hand now tapping off the couch, Rory made it obvious that he noticed my stress, and cracked a little smile. ‘Hey, sugar tits, why so jittery?’ Of course, I collapsed into his chest laughing, and he cuddled me tightly as I did so. ‘Yes, Alice, that answers my question. One of them, anyway. I still sense there’s a lot you’re not telling me about yourself. But I’m happy to wait till you’re ready.’
Feeling it was now or never, I lifted my head to meet his gaze again, and said, ‘Rory, you’re right. There are some things I need to tell you.’
‘OK, then, tell me.’
‘I … I was once married.’
‘And?’
‘It was a whirlwind thing. I had been knocked down, and he kinda nursed me back to health. He proposed, it seemed right at the time. But after the wedding, he changed. It turned out he had previously had a breakdown, and, well … Long story short, it didn’t work out, and he left me for one of my best friends. He lives with her now – or at least I think he still does – and they have a child together.’
‘That must have been fairly brutal for you,’ he sympathized.
‘I’m totally over him now, though. So don’t think I’m still hankering after a reunion there.’
‘OK, I won’t, if you say so.’
‘I do say so. I’ve passed at least eight or nine of the stages of a break-up. I mean, I don’t think I even hate him now. I’m long past that.’
‘So why haven’t you made it to stage ten yet? I presume your stage markers go up to ten?’
‘Umm, yeah, I suppose they do. I just haven’t r
eached ten because … well, I haven’t completely forgotten that he exists yet, and, well, that’s because we still share—’
‘Somebody get me a drink, quick!’ came a cry from the bedroom. Rudely distracting us from our heart-to-heart, Parker, Lisa and Jeff came storming out of their room with no awareness of the important and necessary conversation that it had taken us so long to get around to.
‘OK. OK. I was being a tit as per usual,’ explained Parker. ‘Now I’ve admitted it out loud, we can all return to the fun.’
‘Without any grumpy old man interruptions?’ asked Jeff.
‘Don’t push it, straight boy,’ snapped Parker, in a less stern voice. ‘But yes, fine.’
Rory gave me a long lingering look, clearly intrigued as to what I had been about to say next. I simply shook my head, kissed him gently on the lips, and then turned to the group and asked, ‘So, are we all friends again?’
‘Yes!’ barked Lisa before anyone else got a chance to say otherwise.
‘Mmmm, but I suspect some of us are harbouring some secrets,’ sniped Parker, while throwing an evil glare in Jeff’s direction.
Picking up the gauntlet, Rory mused quietly under his breath, ‘Indeed, I suspect some people are,’ before turning to me. ‘More champagne, my lovely?’
All I could reply was, ‘Please. And fewer secrets from now on.’
I waited for a smile, but Rory’s face remained frozen.
As he sat up on the couch to top up my drink, he looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Let’s hope so, Alice. I think I at least deserve that.’
14
After copious amounts of booze, and plenty more high jinks from Lisa, the entertainment continued into the wee small hours until I finally gave up the ghost and begged Rory to take me to bed. He didn’t put me under any pressure for sex, and I vaguely remembered him tucking me in under the covers in the second bedroom and snuggling in beside me. I wasn’t sure if I dreamed him whispering, ‘I love you.’ But it was in my head, and I liked the sound of those words again. After what felt like only a few short hours asleep, he woke me to say he had to head back to the airport to catch his flight. Initially I thought of begging him to get a later one, but after asking what time it was and being told, ‘Eight thirty-five, my lovely,’ I knew that I had my own place I had to be. Back at my mother’s house, with Daisy.
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