by BL Miller
"Veronica Cartwright, you are such a cynic. Give me that." Rose took the TV Guide and began thumbing through the pages. "You know we could play a game or something if you would rather. I see you're two levels higher than me on 'Rescuer of the Maiden'." She laughed at the sheepish grin on the older woman's face. "What do you do, play when I'm asleep?"
"It's addictive. Come on, find something for us to watch."
Fifteen minutes later the television still offered no suitable programs to watch. "There are what, a hundred, hundred and fifty channels on this and we can't find a thing to watch?"
"That's because you don't want to watch any love stories and I don't want to watch any of those shoot-em-up blow-em-up movies," Rose replied.
"So much for television." Ronnie pressed the off button and tossed the remote onto the coffee table. "This is a thrilling Valentine's Day."
"If you're bored then let's do something different."
"Like what?"
"We could play a game or do each others nails or something." Rose was also at a loss for what to do. Although she had never believed it could happen, she was actually quite bored at the moment. In two months time they had managed to watch every movie Ronnie owned and played every game in the house several times. There really was not much else to do except… "Talk."
"Hmm?"
"Let's make some hot chocolate, sit back, and talk. You know, one of our infamous girl chats." Rose's eyes held a twinkle of mischief.
"And what exactly would be the topic of conversation tonight? I am not doing 'relive your most embarrassing moments' again."
"Oh come on, you learned some pretty embarrassing things about me too," the young woman chided.
"Well, that's true," Ronnie conceded. "And you do turn the cutest shade of red. Okay, I'm game but let's go out in the kitchen and make dinner while we're talking."
Fifteen minutes later Rose was sitting at the kitchen table cutting onions while Ronnie was standing at the island slicing mushrooms. "Answer me something," the young woman queried while wiping at the endless stream of tears, "Why am I the one who always ends up cutting up the onion?"
"Oh, I can't stand them, makes me cry," the older woman said cheekily.
"You're lucky you're not within my reach, Miss Cartwright," she playfully warned. Ronnie poured the steaming hot chocolate into two mugs, then added mini-marshmallows. She brought one to the table and set it down within the young woman's reach.
"I'm within your reach now, what are you going to do about it?" The intelligent executive realized her mistake a second later when small fingers slipped around her waist and began to tickle unmercifully. "Oh, hey now, heh heh, come on now, Rose, I was only joking." She backed away out of reach of the playful hands. "You just wait…" she said between breaths. "When you're out of this chair…I'll get even with you."
"Yeah, you and what army?" Rose was beaming at her, obviously quite proud of herself. "It seems to me I only need my two hands to defeat you, oh mighty warrior of the corporate world."
"That's because you know my weaknesses," Ronnie replied. And I'm helpless when it comes to resisting you. She walked behind the chair and put her hands on the smaller woman's shoulders.
"And one weakness right now is that I'm starving. You want your steak broiled or sautéed?"
"Surprise me."
"Sautéed you said? Coming right up." She gave a gentle squeeze and went over to the refrigerator. "Oh, there are eclairs for dessert."
"Sounds great. Maria always picks out the best food," Rose said. "You were practically drooling over the chicken last night."
"Another one of my weaknesses," she said while retrieving the steaks and butter.
"I'll have to tell your prospective suitors that the way to your heart is through your stomach."
And I would have to tell them my heart is already taken, Ronnie thought to herself. "And what about you? What secret things should I know to tell your prospective suitors?" She watched as Rose's attention turned to anything but her. "What's that? I didn't understand you." No one can understand that mumble. Come on, Rose, let me in.
"Um…" Her fingers traced the delicate pattern of her doily. "I dunno," she finally answered with a shrug. "I guess I never really thought about what I would want in a lover."
Ah, now we're getting to something interesting. "Okay, so think about it now. Let's start with the basics: tall, dark and handsome. Now what else?" She put the steaks on to cook, grabbed her mug, and headed for the table.
"Well, I guess I'd want someone who was intelligent, thoughtful, had a sense of humor but was not a practical joker, no problems with gambling or drugs or anything like that."
So far I'm batting a thousand. "Would be attentive to your needs and wants…"
"But not at the expense of their own," Rose interjected.
"Right," she agreed. Their own? Her eyebrow rose slightly. "Okay, what else?"
"Hmm." The young woman tapped her finger on the tip of her chin. "Oh, well there's honesty and trust. I'd have to know they would never lie to me. There has to be that trust."
Whoops, no good on that one. Hey, they'd never lie? What's with the gender neutrality, Rose?
"Don't forget that he'd have to be able to fulfill your every desire."
Rose seemed to mull a thought over in her head for a moment before speaking. "I don't know how our parents did it. Waiting until they were married to have sex."
Whoa, where'd that come from? "Um, I hate to clue you my friend, but I don't think they waited. I mean, would you buy a car without first taking it for a test drive?"
"Yeah, maybe that's why so many trade theirs in after a few years."
"I think they're just looking for a newer model."
"Maybe what they're really looking for isn't a car at all," Rose offered nervously.
"Perhaps." Ronnie took a deep breath and plunged ahead into dangerous territory. "Not everyone is interested in cars." Are you asking if I am?
"And that's fine," the young woman blurted quickly. "If someone would rather have a truck than a car, more power to them."
"Whatever makes them happy, I guess." You know I am and you're telling me it's okay, aren't you? Another thought occurred to the dark-haired woman. Or a re you trying to tell me that you are? "There are even those that like both." There, cover all the angles, just in case.
"Some people aren't sure what they like." Rose looked up for a split-second then back down at the table. "Maybe they thought they liked cars but now they think they want a truck."
Ronnie let out a deep breath. Oh boy, how am I supposed to respond to that? "Um, well…t-that's okay too. But I think they should take their time and not rush into anything because of what they think someone else might like." She noted the nervous fingers tapping the ceramic handle.
"Especially if they're not sure." Let's see if I've got this right. "Maybe they've only driven cars and now they have a friend who likes trucks. They may think they want a truck too but they really don't."
"So you're saying they shouldn't rush into anything, even if they really feel that they want a truck?" came the soft voice as green eyes raised up to meet Ronnie's.
"Have they ever wanted a truck before?" As much as the metaphors were driving her nuts, the older woman did not want to do anything that might spook the obviously nervous Rose.
"No."
"I think the best thing is for the person to just spend some time riding around with their friend to see if they really like trucks." That's it, just leave everything the way it is, nice and safe. The smell of sizzling meat gave her the perfect excuse. "Damn, I forgot about the steaks." Ronnie hopped up and went to the island. "Good, they're still fine. Now you see why Maria doesn't like me cooking."
"Oh, I thought it was because you used every pot and pan in the house."
"I see you two talk about me when I'm not around." Ronnie smiled inwardly at the thought. "I hope it's good things."
"Mostly good things," Rose teased. An uncomfortable silence followed
, broken only by the sizzling of the steaks as each woman withdrew into her own thoughts. For Ronnie, the conversation revealed far more than she had hoped for. She looked over at Rose. So you do feel something. I'm not imagining the increased touches and hugs. With that thought however, came fear. I don't believe you would ever use me like Christine did but I can't put everything on the line again. I can't take that chance. At that moment Tabitha came bouncing out into the kitchen and Rose moved her chair to allow the cat to jump up on her lap. Then of course, there's the minor detail of me being the one who hit you. I'm sure if that little piece of information got out you wouldn't even want to be my friend much less anything else. Deep down Ronnie knew she was right to keep things the way they were, no matter what her heart said. She had hurt Rose enough.
At the table, Rose was going through her own mental turmoil. She hugged the purring feline and blinked back emotions flowing too close to the surface. So now you know I know. She watched as Ronnie reached into the cupboard for the plates. You know and you don't want me. Rose wasn't sure if she should be relieved or disappointed. Her heart insisted on the latter.
Ronnie put the two plates on the table. "You need anything more to drink before I sit down?"
"No, this is fine, thank you." The young woman never looked up from her plate, yet she knew those stunning blue eyes were staring at her. "It smells wonderful." She picked up her knife and fork and went through the motions of cutting up her meat. Ronnie headed for the opposite side of the small round table, then stopped herself and sat down next to Rose.
"There's more vegetables if you want them."
"No, this is good." The young woman continued to push her meat around her plate.
Ronnie could only sit by helplessly and watch as Rose withdrew into herself. She hated the tension hanging in the air but was not quite certain what to do or say to break it. "Um, if you have any questions about trucks, uh, maybe I can answer them for you." Oh, that's brilliant, she chastised herself. "I mean…" she stopped for a second when the blonde head lifted to meet her gaze. "I mean…I hate this awkwardness." They shared a small smile before Rose lowered her head again.
"I'm not especially thrilled with it myself."
"So talk." Easier said than done.
"I don't know what to say," the young woman said in a quiet voice. Ronnie's heart ached for the pain she heard there. Without a thought she reached over and laid her hand on top of Rose's. The gently returned squeeze let her know the touch was welcome.
"Just say what's on your mind."
Several bites of steak disappeared before Rose spoke. "Have you had a lot of trucks?"
"Um…" It was not the question Ronnie was expecting. "No, Christine was the only one." There, I said her name. Let's get past this stupid car/truck thing.
"Oh." Rose withdrew her hand and began to cut up more meat.
"You can't look at me and talk about this, can you?"
"No." A slow blush crept up her neck. "I never was any good talking about that kind of stuff."
"More into action than words, eh?" Ronnie's joke did exactly what she hoped it would. Rose smiled at her and gave a playful swat.
"Actually, when it comes to that, I'm not really very good in either category." She relaxed slightly, maintaining the eye contact for several seconds before looking down again. "I haven’t had the experience."
"You mean…." You're twenty-six years old. You can't be. "B-but when you got caught in the driveway?" She watched the cute blush return to Rose's face.
"We weren't doing 'that'. We were working our way up to it when we got caught." She pushed her plate away, giving up the pretense of eating. Ronnie did the same. "After that, well…it just never happened."
Ronnie fought to keep the smirk off her face. "So you've um…never…" The smirk refused to be hidden and she had to look away. "…um, been taken for a test drive?"
"Stop laughing." Rose feigned anger but the sparkle in her eyes gave her away. "No. No one's taken me for a test drive." She shot a devilish look at the dark-haired woman. "That's not to say that no one's looked under the hood."
"We can't start this again." Ronnie drained her mug and stood up. "Since dinner obviously is over, let's go into the living room and relax on the couch." I have a feeling this conversation is going to continue and I'd rather talk under the soft light instead of these harsh fluorescent tubes.
"I'll bring the eclairs."
"Don't bother for me." Rose watched her friend reach into the refrigerator and remove a beer.
"Can I have one of those?"
Ronnie looked at her quizzically. "What about your Percocet? I thought you weren't supposed to drink with that."
"I haven't had any today and I won't take any tonight." Rose was by no means a drinker but at that moment her mouth was so dry she was certain she could drain a six pack with no problem.
"All right," the older woman replied hesitantly. Maybe I shouldn't drink. I need my wits about me when I'm with you, Rose. She plucked two glasses from the rack and followed her friend into the living room.
She set the beers and glasses on the coffee table just as Rose was getting ready to transfer herself from the wheelchair to the couch. "Here, let me help."
"I can do it."
"It's easier if I help." She stepped forward and lowered her head. It had been too long since Rose let her help and she missed the feeling of holding the young woman in her arms. One arm slipped behind the back and she felt smaller arms wrapping around her neck. Yes, that's right, hold me. As she put her other arm under Rose's legs and lifted she nudged the wheelchair out of the way with her knee. Instead of putting her precious bundle down right away, Ronnie held Rose safely in her arms and gazed down at the face she loved. If only things were different, she thought as her eyes fell upon the soft pink lips so close to her own. In the back of her mind she knew that a kiss would not be protested. As fate sometimes found the need to be cruel, Rose had to shift, causing the hard plaster of her cast to rub against Ronnie's forearm. It was an instant reminder to the executive of all the reasons not to act on her feelings. She set her friend down quickly but gently, turning away before she changed her mind. She walked around to the other side of the couch and sat sideways on the far cushion. A quick twist of her wrist and the beer was open. Ronnie didn't bother with the glass, taking several deep swallows straight from the bottle. "Do you want some background music?" Oh, that's bright. It's Valentine's Day. All the stations will be playing love songs.
"Sure." To Rose, anything was better than the deafening silence. Ronnie fiddled with the different remotes until she found the right one. She adjusted the volume to a point where they could barely hear it, then set the remote on the table. She opened the other beer and poured it into a glass without comment, then passed it to Rose. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." Ronnie settled back against the arm of the couch and took another tug on her beer. They looked at each other, silently hoping the other would begin. A song started and ended without a sound from either woman. "Well, this is productive," the executive finally said.
"Maybe we should just drop it for tonight," Rose said.
"No. We need to get this out in the open." She gave a deep sigh and reached for her beer. To her surprise it was already empty. "Wow. I haven't downed one like that in a long time." Why am I so nervous? I know what I have to do. "Rose, you mean a great deal to me, you know that." She forced herself to meet the young woman's gaze, hoping her words did not sound as fake to Rose as they did to her own ears. "But I made a decision long ago that the business comes first." Even over my own heart. "I can't go back on that."
"Chris hurt you that badly?"
"Yes she did." Ronnie had been looking down at her lap and picked her head up in surprise at the gentle touch on her outstretched ankle. "It's more complicated than that, but…"
"Your truck is parked in the garage and it isn't going anywhere," Rose offered. Her words earning her a heart-warming smile.
"Something like that. I need
another beer. How about you?"
"I'm doing fine with this one." She took another sip and watched Ronnie leave the room.
Now alone, Rose felt the nervousness she was trying to hold in check burst forth. Her sips became swallows and her glass was nearly empty by the time Ronnie returned. She watched the tall, lean body fold up onto the cushion and look expectantly at her. I guess it's my turn now, huh? She took another swallow, the alcohol bolstering her courage. She looked up at gentle blue eyes. "I don't know what I want," she whispered. " I've never felt this way about anyone else, Ronnie." She looked away and finished her glass, her heart pounding painfully within her chest. Rose had no idea how they had started on this conversation but she knew they could not turn back from it now.
"So where do we go from here?" Ronnie's voice wavered, betraying the strong emotions fighting inside her. "I don't want to lose what we have." I don't want to lose you.