The Dreamer

by E. J. Mellow

Becca regards me with renewed concern. “Are you okay?” She touches my shoulder, and I meet her eyes. “No.” I hear myself say, shocked that I said it out loud.

  “No?” She steps closer. “Molly, what is it?”

  Rae’s grip slightly tightens on her, and she scowls at him. He shoots me an expression I can’t decipher, and I swallow. Who is this guy? Is this really happening?

  “No, I mean—I do need to get some rest. I think I’m coming down with something. I haven’t felt well all day.”

  “Do you want me to stay?”

  “No, I think Rae’s right. I need to sleep.”

  Really, I need to be alone so I can freak out properly. And what am I supposed to say to her? I actually think these dreams I’m having every night are real and your new beau might be a bigger out-of-towner than we thought.

  “Are you sure? I mean, you don’t look well at all. You have no color in your face. And after what happened the other night…I can stay and make sure you have everything you need. I won’t even bother you when you’re sleeping. I can, like, read a magazine or something in the corner, really quietly.”

  I manage a small smile at my friend. She’s so good to me.

  “No, you two finish your day together. I’ll call you if I need anything, but I really think I just need to lay down.” To emphasize this, I sit on the edge of my bed, clasping the shell tightly in my hand.

  “Okay, well, I’m going to check on you later tonight, if not in the morning when you wake up.” Becca regards me like she doesn’t enjoy the idea of leaving me alone one bit.

  “Let’s let her rest,” Rae says, gently guiding her toward the door. “We’ll find a place to eat, and you can give me pointers on how you got more rings on the bottles than me.”

  Becca grins at him, distracted for a second before giving me another once-over. Seeming satisfied, she smiles. “You feel better, jelly bean.” She hugs me tight.

  “I will, thanks. And I’ll call you in the morning.”

  My nerves flutter anxiously, waiting for them to leave. Will I go to sleep? Should I? I need to talk to Rae somehow. Could he really have found this shell on the beach? Something in his demeanor makes me think otherwise.

  Who is this guy? There are too many questions!

  Studying the shell again, fear mingles with the perspiration that dews across my skin. Am I hallucinating from lack of sleep?

  “Later, Mols,” Becca calls from the door.

  “Bye,” I say absently.

  Rae guides them out, and I stand to close the door. I’m about to shut it when he gently turns around and holds his hand out, stopping it. He bends down, his hazel eyes oddly shining bright in the dim light of my stairwell.

  “It’s real,” he whispers, and I blink up at him. Unable to move, to speak, to breathe. “Do you hear what I’m saying Molly? He’s real.”

  And with that, Rae continues to do what I suddenly cannot. He closes the door behind him and leaves.

  — 23 —

  I BLINK ONCE. Twice.

  What?

  He’s real? Holy Shit! And what the hell?! My mind screams, but I haven’t moved, still staring at my closed door.

  He’s real? It’s real?

  Slowly, I remember to breathe, and as soon as I do, I find myself gasping, desperately taking oxygen into my lungs, attempting to douse the extreme freak-out I’m about to have. Did Rae really say that and leave?

  Crap, he left!

  I rush from my apartment and out of the building. The last nip of winter hangs in the air and splashes against my nerve endings. Wrapping my arms around myself, I frantically look up and down the street.

  No sign of them. How long was I standing there staring at nothing? This is crazy. What am I going to do, call his name as I run down the street? It wouldn’t be the oddest thing done in New York, but still…

  Walking back up to my apartment, my mind bounces all over the place like a rodent on speed. I could call Becca and ask to talk to Rae, but how would I explain that to her?

  Was he talking about what I think he was talking about? I mean, what else could it have been? But what does that make him? How is he here? Can Nocturna travel between places?

  I find myself sitting back on my bed, eyes fixed forward while these questions race through my head. I knew something was off about him. Okay, maybe not totally off, but now thinking about Rae does bring to mind the people in white I saw every now and then in City Hall, like they were born from the sun. And his coloring is so unique, the dark skin and blond hair.

  How could he just say that and leave?!

  I shift my weight, and something falls from my bed to the floor.

  The shell.

  Peering down at the delicate object, I practically hear it laughing at me, threatening to snap the last strings that hold my sanity together.

  I know what I need to do.

  I need to sleep.

  The endeavor proves all too easy. After getting ready for bed, even though it’s only five in the afternoon, I climb under my covers and nearly cry with joy. All I want to do is close my eyes and finally, finally, sleep.

  Although I might be just as excited to find out that I’m not really losing my mind after all. Instead, I might be finding out that everything I’ve ever believed is about to be blown to pieces.

  Holding the shell in my hand like a penny I’m about to wish on, I shut my eyes. The darkness falls fast, and I am gone.

  —∞—

  Unknown time passes. The sound of crickets chirping rises around me. My eyes remain closed. Wind rustles over my body. Grass softly whispers. This is nice, sleeping. I want to lie here, asleep, in the darkness forever.

  “Molly!” A man’s frantic voice interrupts my slumber. I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter.

  No, I don’t want to get up yet.

  “Molly, look at me.” Someone touches my shoulder and shakes my body when I don’t respond.

  Why can’t they leave me alone?

  “What’s wrong with you? Molly! Open your eyes. Please open your eyes!”

  Slowly, hesitantly, I do. A man in black is crouched next to me. His worried blue gaze peers down as his jaw is set with tension against an unmistakably gorgeous face. Dev.

  “Oh,” I squeak out.

  “In all of Terra—” he says in a rush, bringing my body up to his, hugging me tightly. My arms are trapped against my sides, rendering me unable to hug him back.

  “What happened? Where did you go? I was so worried!” The words come out pained and broken. I begin to relax against him, taking in his familiar smell and feel, the soft shirt, strong arms, rough scruff against my neck, hot breath on my skin—all of this melts away the painful days that I forced myself awake. It’s so nice to be held again, supported again. I haven’t been touched like this since…Jared.

  Lightly, I separate us. This does nothing to keep Dev from touching me. He moves his hands down my arms, then brushes his fingers against my cheek, like he’s trying to convince himself that I’m here, sitting in front of him. With each touch my stomach churns with butterflies and my head grows flushed. I was not prepared to meet this version of Dev. I thought I’d be coming back, guns-a-blazing, to face Mr. Hyde. Instead I’ve been bombarded with the sweet Dr. Jekyll. Where’s the mood-altering potion when you need it?

  “Dev,” I say gently and grasp the hands that are cupping both of my cheeks, lowering them.

  Something flashes across his eyes at hearing the timbre in my voice. “Molly?”

  Remembering why I’m here, I gather up my thoughts that were easily scattered. “We need to talk.”

  “I know”—he lets out a sigh—“I know.” He settles down next to me, his hand still holding mine. I can’t seem to bring myself to remove it.

  How do I start?

  Luckily, I don’t have to figure it out, because Dev speaks first. “Ever since you left through that door, I knew—I knew I should have told you everything right then.” He squeezes my hand tighter, forcing me to meet his gaze
, and I blink in wonder.

  This man in front of me is real. Rae said so himself. So why am I still having a hard time believing it? Deep, deep down, I know it’s because that means there are actual decisions that need to be made, and no part of me is wanting or ready to make them.

  “Is this real?” I ask for the umpteenth time since I’ve come here. I hold my breath and wait.

  Dev’s face softens for the first time, and the corner of his mouth tugs up. “Yes.”

  My breath hitches, and I want to scream, do my version of the jig, punch him in the face, and cry all at the same time. Instead, I let out the longest sigh and slump my shoulders, suddenly feeling exhausted. The weight of that uncertainty was like an earth strapped to my back, and I was Atlas, trying desperately to keep its weight from crushing me.

  “Moll—”

  “It took you long enough!” I shove him slightly. How many nights have I been agonizing over this question? I took sleeping pills, for Christ’s sake! And then, desperate woman that I was, I didn’t sleep for two days. I know that being angry isn’t the best option at the moment, but I can’t stop my annoyance from flaring as I think about everything that could have been avoided if he had just told me the truth.

  Dev’s reaction to my short-fused attitude is predictable: he smiles like he’s watching a kitten trying to intimidate a lion.

  “You don’t understand,” he begins. “I was trying to protect you. There’s so much that I wasn’t sure I was able to tell you. I didn’t want to get you in trouble for knowing, and then when you got attacked by the Metus…I just knew I couldn’t risk losing another—couldn’t risk losing you.” He takes in a breath. “I was stupid when I said I wasn’t worried about your safety because I thought I’d always be around. I should have known…I should have known there would be times like those. I do know there’ll be times like those.”

  He turns from me, hiding his brilliant eyes under his dark lashes. I can’t help feeling that this guilt is not just stemming from me, but that this revelation means something even greater to him. I can also tell he’s not used to talking like this, admitting so much.

  At first I stay silent, taking in his words. My heart gives away how I really feel by its quickening rhythm. “Do you know someone named Rae?” I ask after a while, finally getting to the reason why I came back. Well, one of the reasons.

  He smiles. “Yes.”

  “He gave me the shell.”

  “I know. I asked him to give it to you. When you didn’t show up the first night and then the next, I knew you were trying something rash to stay away. I needed to give you proof. Proof beyond my words.”

  “You kept that shell since that first time…on the beach?”

  He doesn’t answer my question, but his face says it all. The way he’s staring at me nearly melts my core. Geez, pull yourself together. A couple of days without this guy and my tolerance seems to have been thrown out the window.

  “But how did it not disappear with the beach?”

  He shakes his head. “It just didn’t.”

  “So…it’s true—you’re real? Rae’s real? What is he? How can he be where I’m awake? Can you do that?” The thought of Dev in the city, in my apartment, in my bed…nope, don’t go there.

  His eyes sparkle with amusement. “So inquisitive, aren’t y—”

  “Don’t start,” I warn, and he fights another smile.

  “Yes, I’m real. Rae’s real. The other stuff…is complicated.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Explain.”

  He sighs. “Do you remember the night you came to our apartment, and we explained to you what your name meant? Star of Hope?”

  I nod.

  Dev points to the sky. “See all those shooting stars? Those are people, Molly.” I gaze at the lit expansion, watching millions of stars zip past overhead, one of the things that has always amazed me here. They are people—but how?

  “They’re unconscious minds going to their dream landscape.” He answers my unasked question. “This place”—he motions around us—“Terra Somniorum, it’s the in-between place. The space between your reality and your dream landscape. I guess you could kind of look at it as a purgatory, but it’s not so depressing and terrible to be stuck here. We monitor the Dreamers.”

  I remain expressionless, totally in awe of his words. I remember what he told me in City Hall—that was all real.

  “The night you came, the very first night we found you lying under the tree, Aveline and I were out making our rounds, and we saw one of those stars fall from the sky. Like a meteor, it lit up everything and crashed into the ground. We ran to it, unable to understand what it was or what it could mean. When we got to where the star landed, we found you.”

  “Whoa” is my college-degree response.

  Dev tucks my hair behind my ear. “Yeah—whoa.” I clear my throat and sit up straighter. Somehow I managed to lean in rather close as he was talking. “The weird thing was,” he continues, “where we found you, under this tree, is where I’d go anytime I wanted to be alone. I would come here to think and get out of the city. And that’s where you landed. Sometimes, I think…”

  “What do you think?” I nudge him to finish.

  He delicately plays with the top of my hand. “Sometimes I think that you were sent to me, that someone knew I would find you.”

  These words jar my memory, and I recall a vision of Dev alone under the tree, watching him from a distance, unable to call out or for him to see me. That first night in the hospital, I dreamt of Dev, right after I got hit by lightning.

  He turns his face skyward, and his eyes glisten under the soft light. His sincerely fierce countenance breaks apart any strength I had to keep him at arm’s length. As the saying goes, I’m absolute putty in his hands.

  This is not good.

  — 24 —

  I LISTEN TO Dev talk about Terra Somniorum, the Nocturna that inhabit it, and how this city is the main hub for a few smaller ones. I learn that this place works like a small country—there’s a governing council with representatives from each part of the society acting as a Speaker. Dev takes up a seat on their military board—for lack of a better word—securing the citizens against their only real threat, the Metus. How someone so young could advance to such an esteemed position, I’m still unsure. The additional seats that take up the Council are that of technology, transportation, health, and a dozen others that are quickly lost to my lingering shock. This is all still surreal, as if I’m dreaming within a dream.

  Dev explains that Rae is part of a race called the Vigil, a name I realize I’ve heard many times. The Vigil are the exact opposite of the Nocturna: they deal with humans in their awakened state, acting like guardians to particular people while they are conscious, and helping to carry out dreams they feel have potential. This is how most of our technologies have been developed, ideas have been established, and movements have been made. From the short description Dev gives, I learn that the Nocturna monitor people’s dreams, and when certain thoughts become of interest, the Council sends out a Vigil to help guide that Dreamer, silently or directly. That’s why the Vigil can travel between this place and the next—something about their molecular makeup allows them to physically move between worlds. I learn that most of the Vigil live in another city and seem to be revered as the more superior race—or at least are treated as such.

  All of this is mind blowing. The very thought that most inventions and advances in society came to fruition thanks to these races scares the Scooby-Doo underwear off me.

  Shit, I’m wearing Scooby-Doo—

  “Are you okay?” Dev absently brushes his fingertips against my palm.

  “Uh, yeah, I’m just, you know, trying to convince myself that this is happening. That there’s a world floating somewhere inside my mind.”

  “Well, technically, we’re located in an entirely different dimension, not really inside your—”

  “Yes, thank you. I got it. I’d rather not try to fit the idea of multiple dimens
ions as well as a world that controls the outcome of my own into my overly stimulated brain at the moment. We can save that lesson for day two.”

  Mirth crinkles Dev’s eyes. “Okay.”

  “I still don’t understand how I’m able to be here, though…”

  “Yes, it’s something I’ve been trying to figure out too. But you did say that you were hit by lightning, right?” I nod. “I think that somehow enabled you to travel here—maybe not in a purely physical sense, but mentally at least. I’m still not positive, but I know that has something to do with it.” He flicks his gaze toward the city and mutters what sounds like “colló” under his breath, frowning.

  “What? What is it?” I ask, not understanding that word and thinking he’s spotted some of those slimy, evil Metus.

  “I forgot that I needed to take you to see someone.”

  “Who?” I ask, slightly shocked. Who would want to see me? More importantly, who knows about me?

  “Her name is Elena.” Dev stands, helping me with him.

  “What does she want?”

  He shrugs but doesn’t take the look of displeasure off his face. “I’m sure we’ll find out.”

  —∞—

  As we make our way into the city, I change out of my pajamas and into the black uniform using my thoughts—something that I ask Dev about again. His only response is that he thinks I’m about to get the answers to a lot of my questions.

  We maneuver around people as we make our way to City Hall. I pay little attention as we pass certain checkpoints, Dev not needing to show any ID as we go. I guess he’s well known around here. I follow him into the building like a child accompanying a parent in an office supply store, disregarding my surroundings. My mind’s still furiously taking in everything that was just thrown at me—that this all exists in another dimension. I mean, holy cow! There are other dimensions! The Matrix had something going for it. I wonder how many other universes or beings exist out there that we humans have no idea about and if the Nocturna know them all.