by Fraser Nixon
A general huzzah.
“Mr. Ruth has, through the pre-game demonstration and this contest, now hit thirty-six balls out of the park and exhausted both clubs’ supply. We wish to thank you for your attendance today and please join us in three cheers for our visitors to Montreal!”
The crowd did better than that, breaking into “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” and then for good measure “God Save the King” again. Ruth and his compatriots doffed their caps and a friendly mob swarmed the field. He signed a dozen autographs and was finally helped out of the throng and into a taxi that had been let onto the field to take him back to his hotel. I ran into the Jew again in the crush leaving the park.
“Another Exodus,” I said.
He clapped my shoulder, red-faced and daffy with hooch.
“The old Babe’ll be swinging his bat on Bullion Street tonight,” he yowled, making an obscene gesture.
The gate separated us and I was let back out on the mercy of the city. I started to feel like going on a tear of my own. The noise, movement, and temporary camaraderie had jazzed me. I could walk to Laura’s house and say goodbye. Get it over with. The way things stood my last friend in the world was gone, dead. Laura had probably been affianced off to a moneyed heir. Perhaps I could bury myself in some small Ontario town, play with a crystal set in the evenings trying to pick up signals from Texas. Crunch through blue snow at night to romance a cross-eyed librarian, become a clerk at a hardware store and sing in the Methodist choir, march in the Orangemen’s parade every July. I could do any number of things, but paramount I would find a saloon open on a Sunday on St. Catherine Street. After that I just might end up in a whorehouse on Bullion like Mr. Babe Ruth.
IN THE TAVERN my Frankfurter indigested so I ordered a Vichy water. A dwarf sang in Italian to a fat man beside him. The record was turned and the machine let out jazz, Roxy and His Gang, hometown boys like the Guybourg All-Stars. I started to think about Jack, and Laura.
He’d introduced me to her back in ’24. Jack was being political on campus and she was bucking patrimony, seemingly. Laura Dunphy, the devoted only daughter of Sir Lionel Dunphy, Q.C., Privy Council, past president of the Liberal Party, a real tyee. Jack had played Pied Piper and led a group of us to a Bolshevist meeting soon after Lenin’s death. An incomprehensible Glaswegian gave a report on factory conditions in the Ukraine and glorious future prospects for same. In attendance were myself, Jack, Laura, her inevitable plain friend Margery, Smiler, that prick Jerome Martel, and some clinging dishrag girls. Jack and Laura, a pair of redheads, strange portent. After the lecture a firebrand gave a stemwinder of revolutionary oration, and at its end we were all communists, marching out onto the street dead earnest, singing “The Internationale.” In a café the collective solved the world’s problems over egg creams and french fries. As we broke up for the night Laura put her arm through mine, announcing that I would be the one to escort her home. The look on Jack’s face was difficult to read, that secret amusement. Jerome Martel’s feelings were plain as day, and I gloated as I carried Laura off. I was done, easy as that. She had me by the time I walked her up the steps of her father’s mansion on the hill, still humming “The Internationale,” what the dwarf was trilling to the fat man at the end of the bar right now.
I gave them a mock salute with my seltzer and said: “Viva d’Annunzio.” It shut the little man up. He turned to his comrade and they looked daggers at me. I could just as easily have toasted Mussolini. That would’ve been splendid, fighting a midget. A long way from sparring with Jack when we were young. He’d fought in the army, taking an inter-regimental belt at Valcartier before being shipped to Europe. We’d even picked it up again as recently as last year before once more drifting apart. Jack an irregular comet. Where’d he been since then? Where was he now? Sizing myself up in the mirror, dark and different, my reflection hydrocephalic and clouded in the glass, I had to ask: Where was I?
From the bar I bought a pack of Consuls and wanted whiskey but the law allowed only beer and wine unless you knew where to look. At least this province was better than the rest of the country, dry for most of a decade. I’d hunt up a government licence tomorrow for something stronger. The record stopped playing, the beer arrived flat, and I began to fill with regret. My mind turned to bygone failures, weakness, a misspent past, the decay of my medical studies, Laura lost forever, Jack maybe dead. The Pater, polishing his barometer and returning to his desk to read Scripture. The dwarf and his partner left. A new record played an Irish lament, “Turn Ye to Me,” sung by John McCormack. Tired-looking whores sat at a table for a warm up, on a break from working the Sabbath. Near nine I made my sortie, dumping silver and ashes on the bartop.
Outside, it was raining. I turned my collar up against the elements. Old newspapers clogged the gutters. Crowded trolleys glowed by, windows steamed with human exhalation. Neon reflected off the empty wet pavement. My boots filled with icewater, my bare head soaked. I’ll catch pneumonia and die, came the thought. A right on Metcalfe to the Dominion, which was closed. Damnation. All lights out, the dark window advertising a plate supper of pork knuckles for a quarter-dollar. I pounded on the door. A black figure came towards me. Through the pane I heard: “Closed.”
He was the same barman I’d tipped the night before. In this world it proved impossible to have anything done without laying out the rhino. I held up a dollar bill. “A question.”
The door unbolted and the barman looked up and down the street, then hustled me in. He was bald and stank of rum.
“Is there a message for Sam, from Pete?” I asked.
He nodded, went behind the bar, and handed over an envelope. It was the kind used for bank deposits. I tossed him the buck.
“Way out back?”
He pointed a wavering finger to the kitchen where I pushed my way through piles of dirty plates and empty bottles and opened a gummy door onto an alley filled with rubbish. Outside once more, I tore open the envelope to read: “Loew’s, last show tonight,” written in Jack’s hand.
Walking in the direction of the theatre I felt elation. He was alive. He’d made it out somehow and was back to his old tricks. There was a chance this could play out. By the time I reached the cinema I was wet through. The marquee advertised The Trap with Lon Chaney, and I blanched. What was I walking into? There was no one at the entrance so I quietly slid into an empty lobby filled with the smell of burnt popcorn. It was eerie. No ticket-tearer or usher. From the atrium I could hear a piano playing. I climbed the stairs to the balcony for a better viewpoint. I’d seen the picture when it first came out. Not nearly as good as The Unholy Three.
Through thick smoke the projector cast its light. A piano player laboured over suspense. There was quite a bit left to go, another reel or two. Two miners competed over rival claims, the scenario a pastiche out of Jack London or Robert Service. My mind wandered until a woman gasped as Chaney fought a wolf. The finale treated us to a tender moment with a baby and it all ended happily and for the best. With a flourish the house lights raised. Women fingered on gloves and the murmuring audience unclotted. There: down and to the left, two men in hats seated together, smoking. I gave a low Scout whistle. Jack turned around and pointed a finger at me, a cocked gun. With him this second, younger fellow. They came up through the thinning crowd and we met in the aisle.
“This way,” said Jack.
We took a short stairwell leading to the projection booth and Jack opened the door to what turned out to be a janitor’s cubby stuffed with torn publicity sheets, creased photographs of movie stars, ripped bunting.
“Do you have a handkerchief?” Jack asked once we’d fought our way in.
I shook my head.
“Then take mine. I’ll employ another principle.”
“What’s that?” asked the other man. He was a pretty blond, shorter than me.
“The memorable distracting detail,” Jack said.
The stranger began tying a cloth over his nose and mouth.
“What
’s the gag?” I asked.
“Money,” Jack said. “You want some? Bob here does.”
The third man nodded.
“Bob, Mick. Mick, Bob.”
I looked from Jack to this Bob and back again, reeling my Irish in, that hot surge of fury. Without a by-your-leave or a word of explanation, as though my sentiments or any possible objections were not even in consideration. But it was too late. I couldn’t lose face. I was worse than any Chinaman. Jack handed me the disguise, and I put it on.
“What’d I tell you?” Jack said to Bob. “Mick’s our man.”
“I still say it’s a two-man job,” brayed Bob.
“Three’s safer. It’s my caper. Equal shares.”
Bob gave me a dirty look. I was cutting into his portion. Already I didn’t like him much.
“There’s the watchman, the manager, and a girl,” Jack said. “Three’s best.”
“Third murderer,” I said.
“No rough stuff if we can help it. You still have your cannon?”
I opened my coat.
“How much do you reckon?” I asked.
“There’s a whole week’s receipts on a Sunday. Maybe more. We’ll see. You ready? I’m Pete, you’re Sam and Ed. Got the rope?”
Bob took a big coil out from his coat and looped it over his shoulder. Jack checked his wristwatch.
“Half-past ten.”
He opened the door to near-blackness softened only by the red of an exit sign. I went cold with fear. This had the taste of desperation to it, that familiar flavour of fear. My hair steamed as we made our way down a steep flight. Ahead of us was an illumination, a door ajar. Jack eased it open, revealing a man in sleeve garters and a bowtie dipping a pen nib into a bottle of ink. Before him sat a ledger. Jack clucked his tongue and the man looked up.
“What’s this?”
Jack raised a finger to his lips.
“Who are you, sir? This theatre’s closed.”
Bob and I entered the office, guns in hands.
“Good Lord. What is the meaning of this?”
The man snatched off his pince-nez and began to stand. He had pluck, I’d give him that.
“Do not test our resolve, sir. We are here to relieve you of your pecuniaries.”
Jack parodied the manager’s Southern drawl creditably.
“But sir, you cannot. I must insist you disengage!”
“I will ask you to be so kind as to hold your tongue. We desire the contents of the safe,” Jack said. “Samuel, Edward, locate the watchman and the lady. Take care that the doors have been locked and search for any telephones, like so.” Jack picked up the Bakelite machine on the manager’s desk and ripped the cord from the wall, then dumped the disabled works on the floor. At this, the manager stood a moment, then sat again suddenly, pale, confused. Bob left the office and I followed.
“I’ll check the lobby,” I said. “Try the back exit for the guard.”
Bob slipped off, saying nothing. I headed down a passageway, my stomach sinking away, bowels frozen. The hall opened on the shadowy lobby, where an older woman in a cardigan fussed behind the candy counter. I walked to the doors and checked that they were locked from within. Turning my way, the woman went saucer-eyed. I caught my own reflection in a dark mirror, a menacing masked figure with a gun. I’d do whatever I said, for fear of worse.
“Come with me, madam,” said I.
Some of Jack’s mock gallantry had worn off on me. At present Bob was an unknown factor but seemed a cold, bloodthirsty, greedy little bastard. What we were engaged in was a felony. Should something go wrong, it would be the rope for us. Trust Jack, I reminded myself. Why? Because you always have, you fool.
“Where’s the ’phone?” I growled.
Nothing. She was frozen. Get her out of here. I grabbed at her elbow and steered her backstage towards the office. My captive moved jerkily, like an automaton. We ran into Bob, lashing a uniformed geezer’s hands to a ladder. He stuffed a wadded playbill into the watchman’s mouth. Quid ipsos custodes custodiet indeed. Pre-medical grounding in the Classics is a requisite. Some Latin, less Greek, like the Bard. Remembered peppering my Juvenal with accents, playing the Eton swot for the Pater. He watched, bearded and severe as Jehovah, never sparing the rod as I tripped over the dative case. Jack slung the bat with ease, another of his gifts, beaming at our schoolmaster, never an apple polisher but genuinely likeable. People took a shine to Jack, I never knew why. The manager had probably already opened a bottle of sourmash, the two damning reconstruction and toasting the immortal memory of Robert E. Lee. I poked the woman into the room and Bob followed. The woman cried: “John!”
“Mary?”
Bob sniggered. I almost agreed. Who were these people?
“May I assume that you two enjoy the sanctity of the marital bond?” asked Jack.
The manager choked.
“Now see here, you ruffian,” he said.
“For heaven’s sake, John,” wailed Mary.
“Yes, John. For your own sake and that of this good lady, be kind enough to open the safe. We desire no harm to befall the missus,” said Jack.
John goggled. John Adams, I saw painted on the frosted glass of the office door.
“Sir, I beseech you, as a fellow Southerner, please...”
“John!” Mary shrieked.
Adams deflated. He swivelled his chair towards a Chinese screen, which he pulled aside to reveal a squat iron cube, then spun the dial and opened the safe. Jack sat on the edge of the desk, all taut attention and eager amusement, humming “Dixie.” The manager took out a bound pile of notes, a sack of silver, and a fat bag stuffed with loose bills. He passed the lot to Jack.
“Thank you kindly,” said Jack.
Bob pushed the woman down into a chair. I went to check our hogtied nightwatchman and from him smelled sharp sweat and urine. His eyes were shut tight. Disgusted, I returned to the office, where Jack was emptying a valise. He placed the money within and gave the case a heft. Bob’s eyes glinted and he looked over to me. Ice-cold and hard. Mary Adams was pale with fright. From his pocket Bob took out a blade and the woman whimpered. He cut fabric from the hem of her dress and her eyes went to mine, terrified. Bob balled the muslin and roughly shoved it into her mouth. He took sticking plaster from the desk and put it over her lips, then grabbed the last of his rope and with Jack’s help bound her and her husband’s wrists and ankles to their chairs. My heartbeat steadied. Jack straightened his cravat.
“We thank you for your very kind indulgence in this matter. Now don’t you go being over-hasty in attempting to extricate yourselves, as we have compatriots observing each and every egress. Do take care now, y’hear?”
With that we hustled out the back door to the alley.
“Where now?” I asked.
“Bob’s.”
We hotfooted it to Sherbrooke, avoiding streetlamps, walking in a staggered file along the pavement, with Jack ahead, Bob watching him and his cargo, and myself covering our rear. Bob’s place was on Prince Arthur, in the student ghetto. It appeared my life had become a series of traverses from room to saloon to shitty room. What pattern was I tracing on the face of the city? We took the stairs to a standard two-bit garret with stains on the ceiling and spilled paint on the floorboards. Interestingly, large canvasses were stacked face first against the walls. Bob left, returned with a bowl of cracked ice, and pulled a bottle of whiskey from a boot by the bed. Jack checked his ’watch.
“Nice work, boyos.”
I lit a cigaret, my hands spiting their training, shaking with a minor tremor. Tension. The puncture points along my arm gave a phantom throb. My teeth tasted chalky. I wanted something, morphine, opium, oblivion. Bob portioned out the gargle. Nausea rose within me to be chased down by antiseptic liquor.
Between Jack and Bob there ran a current of excitement, their grins lupine. Lon Chaney in The Trap. Jack poured the contents of the bag onto a ratty Chesterfield. Bob nearly ravened at the sight of the cash but restrained himself w
ith an effort. Jack lit a cigaret. I tapped my ashes into a half oyster shell. What was I playing at? It’d happened too bloody fast for real fear to grip me overmuch. Fatalism. Jack regarded me. I spat a shred of tobacco onto the floorboards while Bob counted the money. The coins rang as they struck each other: nickels, dimes, quarters, dollars. Copper, silver, gold.
I fixed Jack with a look and we regarded each other, unblinking. I broke first. “What was that distracting detail you mentioned?” I asked.
“The accent. Our friend John’ll remember nothing about me except that I’m a Confederate, you wait and see. One of your countrymen, Bob.”
“What’s that?” Bob asked.
I placed his nasal bray. New England somewhere.
“A Johnny Reb,” said Jack. “The war of Southern secession.”
“Fuck that,” said Bob. “I’m Irish.”
“Oh really? From the Free State are you now?” mocked Jack.
“What in the hell are you talking about?” asked Bob.
“You don’t sound Irish,” I said.
“Boston Irish,” Bob countered.
“Bob’s kinsman ran for governor of Massachusetts,” said Jack. “Why’d he lose again?”
“Never mind.”
“Mick here’s a Peep o’ Day Boy,” said Jack.
Bob finished counting and glared. Jack winked at me.
“What’ve you got?” he asked Bob.
“Twenty-eight hundred and thirty-five in bills. Maybe seventy more in change. Some Double Eagles. What’re these?”
Bob held out a handful of gold discs.
“New Zealand dollars,” Jack said. “Coin o’ the realm. So, that’s almost a thousand apiece. Not too shabby for an hour’s work.”
Bob spluttered: “Jesus, Jack, you said...”
“I said it was an easy score,” Jack cut in. “You hear any sirens? Filth knocking at your door? You Yankee bastards are never happy.”
“I’m no Yankee,” went Bob.
“Right, you’re some sort of shamrock-blooded Paddy Free Stater and a second cousin to Michael Collins. Up here in the Dominion you’re a Yankee, son, both you and that gentleman we tied up, so pipe down and cut the pot.”