My bleary eyes tried to focus as I looked at the clock. 11.30pm. This had better be good.
“Hello?” I mumbled.
“Oh. My. God, Olivia.”
I exhaled. Nothing major then.
“What are you doing, Rebecca?”
“Reading your story and holy crap, you are onto something. This is so freaking hot. And sexy. And sweet. I would just want to hump this guy into next week if he was real.”
He is.
“You really think it’s good?”
“Yes. I stand by what I said earlier. You need to not work so hard. But this one is a real winner. At least, it gets me going.”
I rolled my eyes, resting my forehead in my hand.
“Thanks. I’m going to bed now. I fell asleep at the computer.”
“Good. Rest up. Oh, and Olivia?”
“Yes?”
“The only part that needs work is the oral sex scene. You should ask your muse for tips. Maybe he can demonstrate.” She laughed.
When I hung up the phone, I slumped back in the chair, staring at the ceiling. She might have been joking, but she was probably right. I wasn't that experienced when it came to receiving pleasure, it was usually about giving. Could I even ask about that? I mean, I thought we were having this little flirtation, but would Logan stretch so far as to speak to me about his actual sex life?
I’d think about it in the morning.
Chapter Thirteen
On Friday we came home to Logan on the doorstep, his hands full of plastic takeaway containers.
“I figured I’d have Chinese, and it’s cheaper if you get the special deals. I always end up with a whole lot of leftovers to get through.”
“Uh-huh.” I smiled to myself. I could almost pretend this was a date if I tried hard enough. Or if I got really brave I could ask him the question I had to help me with my book.
I unlocked the door, and the boys pushed past me and into the apartment. I shook my head.
“After you,” Logan said. I smiled and led him inside, helping close the door afterwards.
“Right guys, we need some plates and knives and forks,” I said, wearily. It had been a long week, not helped by the hours I’d been putting into my writing. I loved doing it so much, but it was taking a toll. It’d be worth it when the book was finished and released.
“Do you just want me to put these on the table?”
I looked up. Logan stood over the open laptop, and I held my breath before realising it would have gone to sleep while I was at work.
“Yeah. I’ll clear the computer away.”
I walked around the table and grabbed it, taking it to my room and dropping it on the bed.
Whew.
“Now. Where were we?” I asked as I returned with a smile. My secret was safe for the moment.
The sound of clattering cutlery came from the kitchen. Jack was going through the drawer, finding forks and knives and spoons to serve up the food. I didn’t have the heart to tell him we didn’t need everything he’d pulled out, but it didn’t matter if we used it all. He was so proud he’d helped. I grabbed the plates and we placed the whole lot on the table and stood back.
We all just looked at each other.
“Now what?” Logan laughed.
“I’ll get the boys’ plates done and then we can have ours. If that’s okay with you.”
He nodded. “That’s all good with me. I’m sure they’re hungry.”
I started to open the containers.
“That looks yuck,” Thomas declared.
“It’s so yummy, Thomas. I promise,” Logan said.
“It’s got green stuff in it.”
“Yummy green stuff.” Logan nodded as Thomas shook his head.
I laughed. “You’ve had broccoli before, just not like this. It’s nice, sweetie.”
He twisted his little mouth, looking between us as if he didn’t believe it.
“Okay,” he finally said.
As he rounded the table to take a seat, Logan met my eye with a smile. Here we were, back with family time again, him making up the four. I loved how good this felt. How right this felt.
Wonderful.
* * *
Both Jack and Thomas had eaten themselves silly, and Thomas even declared the broccoli ‘yummy’ before I made them brush their teeth and go to bed, despite their complaining.
“Thank you,” I said to Logan as I came back out of their bedroom.
“You’re welcome.” He sat on the couch and I sat down beside him, picking up the remote control.
“Wonder if there’s anything on television?” I clicked the remote and started to flick through the channels.
“If there’s not, we could just talk.”
I kept my eyes on the television, not wanting to look at him. I just knew he’d have that caring, earnest look in his eyes. The one that told me he was genuine.
Part of me wanted him to be flirting with me because that seemed to just be him. And part of me wanted it to be so much more. As much as Evan had hurt me, I didn’t know if I was ready to plunge myself into something new.
I’m scared.
“Oh, Die Hard’s on. I love that film,” I said with a big smile.
Hated that film. Why the hell did I say that?
I glanced at Logan. He smirked, leaning back on the couch. “I haven’t seen it in a while. Great film.”
“I think I’ve got a bottle of wine in the fridge if you want some.” Might as well find some way to enjoy this now I've painted myself into a corner.
“Sounds good. I’m not much of a wine drinker, but I’ll give it a go.”
As I reached the kitchen, I could only find one wine glass when I knew I'd had at least three out before. Great. Put them away somewhere and forget where they are. The rest of the set were in a top cupboard. Logan watched curiously as I retrieved a dining chair.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting a wine glass for you.”
He followed me back into the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen counter as I climbed on the chair. He nodded as I located a glass, and bent to place it on the surface before stepping down.
“What?” I asked.
“Just admiring the view.”
Do you ever stop flirting?
I laughed, and popped the cork on the wine, pouring it into the glasses.
“Here you go.”
He took the glass, studying me closely. “Thanks. You should learn to take a compliment, you know.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You barely acknowledge any time I say something nice. You blush, so I know you’ve heard. Didn’t anyone ever say anything nice to you before?”
I shrugged. “Not very often.”
Walking back to the couch with the wine bottle in one hand, glass in the other, I set the bottle down on the coffee table and went back to looking at the television.
“Well, I think that’s crazy. There are a lot of nice things to say about you.”
“You barely even know me.”
“I’ve seen enough.”
He sat back down beside me, and I turned my head toward him.
“You’re a good person, Liv. I only have to see how much those boys adore you to know that. And you’re strong. Look how well you’ve held it together for them.”
I shook my head. “I lost our house.” The wine smelled amazing as I took a deep breath in my glass, then took a big mouthful. I swallowed the sweet, fruity liquid to give me strength. How do you perform oral sex on a woman? Stop. It.
“But you didn’t lose them. The three of you are together and that’s awesome. You’re awesome. I’m glad we’re friends.”
Friends. He said we’re friends. Not that he wants me. We’re friends.
“So am I,” I said.
As the movie went on, I finished my glass of wine, and followed it with another. Logan cradled that first glass in his hands and I wondered if he really liked it, or if he were drinking it for me.
; Soon enough, the whole bottle was gone and I had enough liquid courage to conquer the world.
“I should do the dishes,” I said.
“I’ll give you a hand with them. You wash, I’ll dry?”
“Sounds good.”
We worked in silence for a while, before I finally found the guts to ask him my very important question.
“Logan?”
“Yes?” he asked.
“What do you do when you go down on a woman?” I asked.
He gaped at me in disbelief. “Why are you asking that? Planning on doing it?”
I blushed and laughed, shaking my head. “Just a discussion that we were having at work with the girls. They were discussing technique and I was just curious about yours.”
Logan stood, and moved behind me as I continued to wash the dishes. “We could always have a practical demonstration, Olivia.”
When he used my full name, a shiver went up my spine. He was so close I was sure I could feel the electricity between us.
Just friends.
“Just tell me.”
He placed his hands either side of me on the kitchen counter, giving me enough room to continue what I was doing, but standing close enough I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.
“Well, I kiss her inner thighs from her knee, all the way up slowly. Anticipation is the key to success.”
I laughed. “Is that right?”
“Then, I start with my tongue, slowly. I am such a tease, Olivia, I really am.”
My heart was pounding. His nose nestled in the nape of my neck and he inhaled as if he was taking in my scent. I hadn’t been so aroused in such a long time.
“It sounds like it,” I whispered.
“Then I flick my tongue over her, licking her like a cat licks cream from a bowl. By then she’s gasping, wanting more, and I give it to her, pushing my tongue as far as I can into her and then licking her like a lollipop.”
My entire body was on fire, and I wished I’d taken him up on his offer of a practical demonstration.
But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. He enjoyed teasing me too much, and I had seen the girls he went for. They were nothing like me.
Snap out of it, Olivia.
“Is that right?” The words came out as a half cough, and I tried to find the strength to behave like a normal human being, instead of an incredibly horny single woman who hadn’t been laid in forever. Not that Evan was into oral—at least, not him on me.
“Are you feeling okay, Olivia? I haven’t finished telling you what I do. Want me to leave so you can touch yourself?”
His teasing words snapped me out of the haze I’d fallen in to. “Don’t be gross. I need to get some sleep.”
He stepped back, the warmth of his body fading.
I turned, looking at him. He looked uncertain, as if he’d crossed a boundary and I was pushing him away. Instantly regretting my tone, I reached out and took his hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just really tired. That wine was a bit much.”
He grinned, looking down at his hand in mine.
“You know, I’m always available for a demonstration. Free of charge.”
Part of me wanted to say yes, give in to the yearning I had to be touched by this beautiful man. Everything I'd been through with Evan leaving was still fresh, I'd moved on, but I was terrified of being let down, hurt again.
I pulled my hands away, looking down. “Thanks for the offer. I think I’ll pass.”
“Oh.” He sounded disappointed, hurt even. “I should get going anyway, let you get on with your night.”
He turned away, and my heart yearned to reach out for him. My head told me I would only get hurt.
And then he was gone, and I went to the laptop to type the words he’d inspired. Now I knew just how to write my scene. I’d felt awful asking him something so personal and then pushing him away. Using him. What must he think of me? How much had I hurt him?
I’m so confused.
Chapter Fourteen
“Mummy, Mummy.”
I woke to find Thomas standing in the doorway to my room at midnight, a dark patch on his pyjamas where he'd vomited, tears streaming down his face. It was Jack that was calling, seeking help for his little brother.
“Oh, baby,” I whispered, carrying him to the bathroom for a clean up.
His bottom lip stuck out as he tried so hard not to cry. I smiled, stroking his head and brushing a stray hair off his face.
“We’ll get you out of these pyjamas and find some new ones. You can come and hop into bed with me for the rest of the night, okay?”
He nodded, wiping his nose with the back of his hand as he sniffed.
I pulled the wet pyjamas off and ran some water in the basin to wash his face and hands. A bath could wait until tomorrow. Jack appeared with another pair of pyjamas.
“Thanks, sweetie. You get back to sleep. I’ll come and clean Thomas’s bed in a minute.”
Jack patted Thomas on the head. “Get better soon.” Proud that he’d helped, he raised his head as he skipped back to his bedroom.
“Come on,” I whispered, towelling him off and pulling on his pyjamas. He looked so miserable I hugged him tight, giving him a kiss on his forehead. He was a little warm, and going nowhere in the morning.
“How about you climb in bed with me, and we’ll snuggle up? I’ll get you a container for if you’re sick and we can stay home tomorrow.”
He nodded, frowning all the way back to my bed. I lifted him in, and retrieved an empty plastic container before returning to my room.
Everything ached as I traipsed back to bed, my own tiredness turning my thoughts to Evan. When he was with us, life carried on as normal with a sick child. Sure, I'd have more to clean up when I got home, but I could still work and the rest of our routine remained the same. Five days sick leave a year wouldn't stretch very far between the three of us and I couldn't afford to miss too much work.
Damn you, Evan.
It wasn’t that I resented having to stay home with a sick child; I loved being able to mother them. Now, it was one more burden I had to carry by myself. All because my husband cared more about himself than his family.
Stop it. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Your babies need you.
I climbed in bed beside Thomas. His little face was flushed, and his eyelids were trying to force themselves closed.
“Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’m right here if you need me.”
He nodded, his eyes closing slowly as he gave in to sleep.
Me on the other hand? I'd rather be ill myself than have either of those two sick, at least they wouldn't be miserable and uncomfortable. I’d be lucky to grab a wink of sleep tonight.
* * *
Beep, beep, beep
The alarm wouldn’t stop, no matter how many times I thumped it. Sitting up and pressing the ‘off’ button, I looked next to me. Thomas was sleeping peacefully, and I had some distant memory of waking several times during the night to help him. Hopefully this was the end of it, but we were going nowhere today.
I still needed to get Jack ready for school and take him, and I climbed out of bed to call Rebecca and let her know I was staying home.
Jack was at the table when I got up, waiting for his breakfast, and I opened the pantry, finding the missing wine glasses I’d obviously left there in an absent-minded moment. Sighing, I poured Jack a bowl of cereal which he gulped down.
“Hungry, baby?”
He nodded. “Want some more?”
Jack shook his head, and climbed off his seat. “Good boy. Go brush your teeth and we’ll get you into your uniform.”
I picked up the phone and dialled Rebecca. The hum of her car was in the background. She was always in the office early.
“Rebecca, it’s Olivia.”
“Oh, hey, Olivia. Is everything okay?”
I sighed. “No. Thomas has some pukey bug and I’m keeping him home today. Thankfully Jack hasn’t got it. I’m about to get him dressed
and take him to school.”
As I said the words, a loud cough-hiccup-burp noise came from the bathroom.
“Scratch that.”
“I could hear him from here,” Rebecca said. “Just take care of yourself and don’t come back until you’re all over whatever it is.”
“Thanks, Rebecca.” I could never express just how grateful I was to have her in my life.
“No problem. You work so damn hard. Don’t be too worried about taking time that you’re owed.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’ll have to keep them home tomorrow too, but I’ll see you the day after hopefully.”
“Let me know how you go. I’m here if you need me." I nodded, rolling my eyes at the realisation that she couldn't see me. "And Olivia? Press that publish button.”’
“Maybe, if I have time.”
As soon as I hung up the phone, I raced to the bathroom. Jack stood over the toilet, no colour in his face, but a grin from ear to ear.
“Oh, honey.”
“I got to the bathroom, Mum.”
“Yeah, you did. Just as well you’re still in your PJs. Want to lie down?”
He nodded. “I’ll get you a container in case you’re sick again and bring you a glass of water.” I felt his forehead. He was a little warm.
Must have the same thing as Thomas. It’s going to be a long day.
After making sure he was snuggled up in a blanket on the couch, I sat at the computer. No time like the present.
I posted on my Facebook page to tell people I was publishing, uploaded the file and pressed the publish button. Everything had been set up and ready to go, so at least I hadn’t left myself with a bunch of things to take care of. All I wanted to do was get some more sleep.
I felt sick as I pressed publish. I had the story I wanted, but at what cost? I’d pushed Logan away when that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted him near me, getting to know me, maybe one day loving me.
And then I played the waiting game of seeing what happened.
I couldn’t look. I closed the laptop and went back to bed to grab whatever sleep I could.
* * *
Everything got in the way of me checking on it that day, but the boys were my priority. Jack was sick a couple more times, but by the afternoon both he and Thomas had the colour back in their cheeks and I was relieved to see them smiling, even joking with one another.
Something Real Page 9