Chapter Twenty-One
I slept well that night, but still dreams haunted me, both good and bad, but at least I got a few hours without worrying about anything other than getting better.
When I woke, Logan was sitting beside the bed in a dining chair, watching me intently.
Hey,” I said, not sounding quite so croaky.
“Hey. How are you feeling?”
“Better. That soup and the sleep have really helped.”
He smiled, and my heart ached looking at him. I wanted to reach out and try to make amends, but was it too early? Would he accept my advances?
“It’s mid afternoon. Do you feel up to a bath?”
I closed my eyes thinking just how nice that would be—soaking in a hot bath with bubbles and not having to worry about a thing. Besides, my nightgown and sheets were all sweaty. Not that Logan needed to know about that.
“That sounds amazing.”
Opening my eyes, I watched as he left and looked up at the white tiled ceiling. He wanted to take care of me. That had to be a good sign.
“Mum?” Jack stood in the doorway and I smiled at him, motioning for him to move closer to the bed.
“We got Logan. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine, baby.” I reached out, stroking his face with my hand. “I’m sorry you had to go and do that.”
“We didn’t want to wake you up.”
“You guys are okay? You’re not feeling yuck?”
He shook his head. “We’re fine. Thomas is annoying, but we’re fine.”
I laughed. My big, responsible boy.
Logan poked his head back in. “Bath is done. Whenever you’re ready.”
The water felt amazing. That hot, sticky, sweaty feeling was disappearing and I scrubbed myself over with my coconut shower gel that I loved so much. I would come out of this feeling better, and smelling amazing.
After washing my hair, I climbed out of the bath, towelling myself off and slipping a clean nightgown over my head. I wrapped my bathrobe around me and pulled a hairbrush out of the drawer. As I brushed my hair, I looked at myself in the mirror. Could he forgive me? Could we put all this behind us? If we couldn't, a little piece of me would die inside.
Damn it, Olivia. You need to be able to move on from this if he doesn’t want you.
I crossed the hallway to my room. Logan had changed the bed, and I could have wept at finding clean sheets and pillowcases to snuggle up to. Nothing better when you’re sick.
Dropping the bathrobe, I slid between the crisp sheets, still unsure of what I’d done to deserve his kindness. He’d had every right to be angry about what I’d done, even if I did it out of adoration.
I snuggled down and closed my eyes.
* * *
When I opened them again and rolled over, the alarm clock told me it was 8.40pm. I’d slept most of the day. I woke feeling refreshed and not the hot sweaty tangle I'd been earlier. If I'd dreamed, the memories of them were gone.
I was still getting my bearings when there was a tap on the door, and Logan's breath caught as he saw me, his gaze settling on my chest. I looked down, realising I was showing off more cleavage than I'd intended, and I pulled at my sleeves to adjust the nightgown. He stood for a moment, taking me in, before making his way to the bed.
Shaking his head as if to remove what he’d seen, he sat beside me. “How are you feeling now? Did that bath make you feel better? I came in a few times, but you were fast asleep.”
I nodded. “It really helped. I feel almost human again.”
His breathing seemed to speed up as he reached out to touch my face. Running his palm from my cheek to my forehead, he nodded approval at the improved temperature. “You feel much cooler.”
“Comes from being taken care of.” I smiled at him, his hand lingering on my face as he traced his way back down to my cheek, and then on to my neck.
A look of longing in his eyes, he continued, brushing his hand down to my breast, which he cupped, running his thumb across the hard nipple. “Olivia,” he whispered. My heart pounded as I moved closer to him.
“I like it when you call me that.”
His head jerked up, as if he had snapped out of whatever daydream he was having. He pulled his hand from me as if he had been burnt.
“I’m sorry.” He stood, turning towards the door.
“Logan?”
“I’m not going to be fodder for your writing, Liv. Doesn’t matter how much I want you right now. Get some sleep; I’ll crash on the couch tonight and go home tomorrow if you’re better.”
He closed the door behind him, and the tears built as I stared at it. Our relationship, reduced to this. All I’d ever wanted to do was earn some extra money to support the kids, and yet I’d destroyed any chance I had of being with the man I was in love with.
I did love him, and I was sure he loved me now. Pulling back the bed covers, I stood and took a deep breath. I looked at myself in the dressing table mirror, and patted my nightgown down, taking another big breath. If I was going to do this, now was the time. He could walk out that door in the morning and I might never see him again. My knight in shining armour could choose to turn his back and walk away, thinking I only wanted him around for one thing.
I opened the door slowly, just in case it creaked. The apartment was still and I went in the boys’ bedroom on my way to the living room. They were both tucked up tight and fast asleep. I knew Logan loved them, too; he’d said as much.
Kissing them both good night, I walked down the hallway to the living room. Logan stood beside the couch, shirt off and muscles rippling as he set the couch up for sleeping on. This was my muse, but this was also my love.
“Logan,” I whispered, barely able to get the word out.
He looked up. “Liv? Are you okay?”
I drew closer. “I can’t just let you leave in the morning. You need to know how I feel.”
Logan closed his eyes. “I know you value my friendship, and you and your boys mean the world to me. But we both know what this is.”
“I love you, Logan. I have from the moment you smiled at my boys and showed an interest in us. I screwed up not telling you of all people what I was doing, and what I wrote reflected the desire I felt, the electricity between us. You were my inspiration, but only because you are the best thing that ever happened to me. To us. I don’t have to write another word if it means I keep you in my life. I couldn’t write right now, even if I tried; my heart just isn’t in it.”
He frowned. “Don’t you have anxious readers waiting for your next book?”
I shrugged. “You’re more important to me than that. Nothing is more important, except for Jack and Thomas. They love you too. You’ve been more of a father to them than their actual dad.” I fought back the tears, failing as my eyes misted over. His brow creased as his eyes grew sad. “I know you have to do whatever you have to if you feel uncomfortable around me. I just wanted you to know that I will do whatever it takes to keep you in my life. Even if it’s just as a friend to my children.”
A coughing fit caught hold and he stepped forward as I struggled to catch a breath. I held my hand out to stop him.
“I’m going back to bed, but just think about it, Logan. Please?”
I couldn’t look at him any more, and I went back to my room, still trying to fight the tears. Slipping between the sheets, I gripped the pillow. At least I’d told the truth. What happened now was up to him.
The bedroom door opened. “Liv?”
“Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine. Pretty sure I’m over the worst of whatever this was.”
“I know that.” He sat on the bed, and I pushed myself up to sit. “Liv, I love you too. I just felt so used, like you were only keeping me around for your writing.”
“That’s not true.” My heart beat faster at him being so close. He'd said the words I'd longed to hear, but it seemed a hollow victory if I still lost him.
“Are you sure, Liv? I mean, you say you love me, but how do I know that it’s real
? If you’ve got writer’s block I need to know that you’re not just trying to cure that.”
I reached out for his hand, placing my own over it. “It's not writer's block, it never has been. I never felt inspired when Evan was in my life, and losing you is like a piece of myself is missing. I’ll give up the writing if you want me to. I don’t need to do it. It was fun, but I just wanted to see if I could earn some extra money, buy the kids a few new things. We managed without it before, and we’ll do it again. You are more important to me than that.”
He looked down at my hand. “Did you really mean everything you said in those books?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Like what?"
"The guy in the last book. He was the love of the heroine's life. Not just some guy she met and wanted sex with, not just a loving relationship. So much more."
"You read my books?”
A grin slowly grew on his face. “I did. I had to know what you were talking about. Was that us?”
Now was the time to be honest, and I nodded. “I thought about you a lot. I didn’t write everything based on you, but you were never far from my mind when I was writing. You’re just so perfect; far too perfect for someone like me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m a wreck. Two children with a man who didn’t really give a crap about any of us. You have nothing holding you back. Your business is going so well, and you could have any woman you want. I don’t even know how we became friends, but I’m glad we did."
I took a deep breath. If I told him everything and he still wanted to be free of me, I'd let him go. It would ruin me, but I'd know I tried to fight for us.
"I wanted to tell you how I felt before you left and I have. I didn’t mean to make you feel used; that’s not how I ever saw it.”
He cupped my face, leaning in closer to me. “Tell me how you feel about me again.”
My pulse began to race again. This man was so good for my heart. I shrugged. “I love you, Logan. That’s all there is to it.”
His lips touched mine, and the room seemed to spin as everything I ever wished for lay in front of me. I was still so tired from being ill, and yet I felt as if I could do this forever.
I loved the feeling of being kissed by Logan. He was warm and soft, and his arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me in closer to him as he claimed me.
Finally, he broke away, and I opened my eyes to see all the love in the world for me in his. “I love you too, Olivia. That’s all there is to it.”
I smiled. “Does this mean we get to start again?”
“Kind of.”
“What do you mean, kind of?”
“I mean, if you’re up to it, I’d like to stay in this bed with you tonight instead of on your couch. It’s not actually that comfortable.”
I laughed. “Is that the only reason you want to sleep in here?”
“Well, I think you’re still not well, and need a lot more sleep. If it’s okay with you, I’ll watch over you tonight.”
The way he said that made my whole body shake, and it wasn’t from fever.
“Olivia, if we don’t screw this up, we have the rest of our lives to get it right. Let’s get you well, and take it from there.”
He pulled the blanket back, slipping in to bed beside me. Holding his arms open to indicate I should lie down, I gladly went to them, nestling into the bed beside him. Stroking my arm, he kissed me again, probing my mouth with his tongue.
Growling, he pulled away and grinned. “What an idiot. As if it’s going to be that easy to be this close to you and not want to make love. Are you worried about the boys finding me here? I can get up early.”
I shook my head. "They love you. They'll be over the moon to have you back in their lives again. I should be more careful too. The last thing I want is to make you sick with this.”
“It’s a bit late to worry about that now.” He laughed, and I stroked his stubbled cheek with the palm of my hand. He really was mine, and I could hear the words forming in my head at the joy I felt in his embrace.
My muse had returned; not that I would tell him. Not yet, anyway.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The morning light crept through the curtains, and I woke to Logan kissing my forehead just like my mother used to, to see if my temperature was raised.
I laughed. “Mum used to do that.”
“Are you comparing me to your mother??”
I shook my head. “No. You two are completely different. She doesn’t love me.”
He kissed my lips, lingering before smiling at me. “Well, I do. More than you can imagine.”
His hand moved to my breast, stroking it through the thin fabric of my nightgown. My nipples stood to attention at his touch, and as our kiss deepened, he squeezed gently, making me gasp.
“So, how about it, Ms Grant?” he whispered, planting kisses on my neck.
“Yes,” I whispered back. Right there and then, I would have agreed to anything. All I wanted was him, and now he wanted to make all my dreams come true. Nothing could be sweeter.
He ran his hand down my nightgown, pulling it up my legs and tugging at my panties, urging me to remove them. Hooking a finger in the waist, I pushed them down, before sitting up and pulling my nightgown over my head.
As I flung the nightgown down the bed, Logan’s eyes lit up at the sight of my breasts. After two children I was still proud of how firm they were, and he bent his head to lick and suck at my nipples, his fingers probing between my legs.
He stroked me and I moaned, my body giving into his demands.
“Olivia,” he murmured, his mouth finding mine as my body jerked at the peak of orgasm. I moaned into his mouth, his tongue battling mine, his fingers slipping inside me, and I bucked my hips, riding them, loving him.
He kissed his way down my body, running his tongue between my breasts, down my stomach, plunging into me. I hadn’t had sex for months and now this beautiful man was going to make a meal of me.
“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he said, kissing my thighs. “I knew that first day I saw you, out at the mailbox in those tiny little shorts.”
I laughed. “You have a good memory.”
He gently teased me with his tongue, and I ran my fingers through his hair, sighing.
He looked up and grinned. “All I remember is seeing this gorgeous brunette with the most amazing butt I’d ever seen. But then I got to know you and the boys, and I knew you were so much more.”
“You can talk, Mr Muscle.”
He laughed before going back down on me, plunging his tongue into me, just as deep as he could get it, and I made some other contented noise that made him laugh. Every nerve in my body was alive as he kissed his way back up my body, until he was back at my lips. “I told you I was a tease, and I appear to have made you very happy.”
I laughed. “Just being with you has always made me happy.”
And then he frowned, his lips downturned in disappointment.
“What is it?”
“I don’t have any protection on me. I thought I was nursing a sick woman, not ending up in bed with her.” He rolled off me. “Sorry, baby. I’m such an idiot.”
“I have an IUD,” I said, reaching for his arm.”
“What?”
“After Thomas was born, we didn’t want another accident. So, I got an IUD so I didn’t have to worry about pills or condoms or anything.”
He propped himself up on his elbow. “Are you sure about this?”
“Not really.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to know, but I need to know if you’re safe.”
He nodded. “Completely. But why … oh … Nadine.”
I shrunk into a ball, pulling away instinctively. Knowing about her was one thing, naming her another.
“Shit. She’s a friend of Kat’s. I went out for a drink to forget about us and found her stoned out of her brain with some guy about to take her home, and she had no clue where she was. I tried to get her to her place, but she wouldn’t tell m
e where she lived. So I brought her home with me and slept on the couch while she took the bed.”
He closed his eyes. “I should have explained at the time. I wanted to, but I was so hurt that when you saw her I bit my tongue instead. I’m sorry for letting you think I was with her.”
I let myself go, pulling his head toward mine so I could kiss him. “I believe you.”
His eyes flickered open, a look of sorrow in them. “I wouldn’t lie to you. I couldn’t lie.”
Tension flowed out of me as my tears streamed. Our gazes were locked and he nuzzled my cheek, before littering my face with tiny kisses, taking away the last of my anxiety. I pulled him close to indicate I was ready, that I wanted him, that it was time for us.
“I’ll ask you again: Are you sure about this?”
I nodded.
“Now I know you haven’t slept with anyone else, and you know I haven’t been. If we’re going to be together, we need to trust one another. And we don't need to worry about pregnancy, I got that covered. I can always show you the little card in my purse reminding me to go back and get it changed.”
He shook his head. “I believe you. Besides, I doubt you want another child. Not this soon, anyway.”
I smiled. Evan had stood over me while I’d had the IUD implanted. He never would have trusted me enough to do it by myself. I’d never lied to him, and yet everything had piled up on top of me as if I’d been the one keeping secrets.
Logan moved back hovering over my body, and I could feel him hard against my leg as he kissed me. “I can barely believe we got our shit together.”
I laughed. “Let’s just keep it together, shall we?”
“As if I’m ever letting go of you now.”
He guided himself to the right spot, dipping into my waiting body. Closing his eyes, he began to move in and out, slowly at first, his face showing how much he savoured each movement.
This was wonderful. It took a few moments to adjust to being with a man again, and I couldn't help but smile at him being so much bigger than Evan had been. I think I'd keep that one to myself. I tilted my hips, rubbing myself against him.
Something Real Page 15