by Shane Morton
Instead, I managed a, “Yeah. It would be nice to see what you look like when you don’t want to strangle me.”
“I don’t want to strangle you, Mason. I just want you to learn the difference between Manet and Monet.” He leaned in and rested his chin in his hands. “This is a job. Do you smile at the other players when you’re on the football field?”
I laughed. “Sometimes. A smile can be just as alarming as a growl.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, of that, I am sure. You do seem to smile a lot.”
“Why not. A smile doesn’t cost anything and actually takes fewer muscles than a frown does,” I thought maybe he would be impressed with me knowing that. All I got was a glare. “Tell me something about yourself, Calvin. What is it you like to do when you’re not getting in scuffles or telling of Moray jocks?”
“Nope. Not doing that chummy thing with you, Mason. You don’t get that. This is a job,” He glared at me and sat up straighter in his chair. “You wanted me to be your tutor, and here I am. I will get you through this so you can keep your scholarship and stay on the team. Hell, it’s my school duty, cause the team needs you. But we aren’t friends, Mason. You don’t need to know my deepest darkest desires.”
“Dude,” I groaned. “Damn, don’t even try to be friendly. You know we are going to spend a lot of time together, and it might be a little more pleasant if we were at least affable to each other.”
“I think you're affable enough for both of us. And I can’t believe your ass just said affable,” he grinned. There it was, an honest to goodness burst of happiness. It lit up his face, and I basked in this one small moment between us. Why couldn’t I just tell him that I was starting to think about him… In that way? Even the thought of it caused me to have a panic attack. Hell, if he acted the way I was afraid he would if I told him, he might go to war with me.
In the last three days, I hadn’t won any brownie points with him, that’s for sure. But I was trying, and I hoped he could see that.
“Okay, there’s your smile. It was a small one, but you got it. Can we move on?”
“You’re like… really handsome when you… uh… smile,’ I fumbled. I wasn’t as smooth as I usually was whenever I was around him. He kept me on my toes.
He blushed, and my smile spread slowly across my face. His mouth fell open as he stared at me, trying to understand what was going on with me. “You are… a strange man, Mason McKendrick. Just as soon as I start to have you figured out, you do some other weird kind of shit.”
“Is it bad that I think I like you, Calvin. I mean, you seem like a pretty cool dude. You're smart as shit, and you stand up for your friends when you need to… I mean, you might be one of the most uptight humans I’ve ever met, but even that intrigues me. I would love to see you let it all go.” I said it slowly, covering up what I really wanted to say. That I thought he was hot and I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to be the one that made him laugh. I wanted to see him come undone, underneath me as I put him under my control, making him shiver and moan with every stroke and touch I gave him.
I realized that the look on my face was exactly that, so I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my eyes. Jesus, I was a fucking dork.
“You are allowed to like me,” he said as he shook his head, disbelieving what he heard. “What’s your angle, Mason? You seem like the kind of guy who always has one. I bet you can’t stand when someone doesn’t like you, do you? Is that why you want me to like you?”
“Dude… I am used to people not liking me,” I lied. I’ve been popular my entire life, and everyone fell over themselves to be my friend. Shit… Was that what this was?
“Really? I don’t believe that for a second.”
The alarm on his phone beeped, and he picked it up and turned it off. He slid it into his pocket.
“Times up, thirty-two.” He said as he closed the book and fumbled with his papers, sliding them into a folder. “Pretty good job today. Tomorrow we will work on the paper together. Have you started it like I asked you to?”
“Of course. I told you I am taking this seriously,” I gestured to him. I was taking him very seriously. He was infecting me in every way. If I had to get an A in this fucking class to get him to go on a date with me, I fucking would. I didn’t know when I would feel comfortable asking him, but I was going to, eventually. That was the plan. It was the only plan.
“Good,” he stood up slowly and grabbed his backpack. “You’re on the right track. We have two more sessions before your quiz, and the paper is due in a week. You got this.”
“I do,” I said seriously, reaching up and grabbing hold of his forearm. Fuck, it was electric, touching him. I had wanted to for so long, and here it finally was. He pulled his arm slowly back, and I let go. The look on his face was priceless. “Because you got me, Calvin. Thank you.”
I caught him completely off guard. He was even cuter when he was squirming, and I would love to see what he looked like squirming underneath me.
“Mason, I… Good and your welcome, I guess. Quit being charming.” He grumbled, taking a small step back.
“You want to go and grab a drink before we say goodnight? I would really like that, and I think you deserve it, don’t you?” I asked, holding my breath as I waited for his answer. This could be the moment when I get him to open up, and I can be honest with him too.
“I can’t… But, thanks,” he said sincerely. Maybe I was making some headway.
“Tomorrow night?” I asked.
“Yeah, same time, same place,” he answered and grinned a little shyly. I was definitely getting through to him, at least a little.
“No, for a drink after,” I stood up. Calvin was tall, but I was taller. I looked down at him, gently and hopefully. His mouth parted, and I could hear him inhale.
“Maybe…” he said slowly. “Goodnight, Mason.”
I watched him walk between the stacks of books as he made his way out. He turned back and glanced at me as he turned the corner to head up the stairs.
Did he call me charming?
Nine
Calvin
I got a message from Billy last night, asking me to meet him and Gwen for lunch today over at Sam’s. It was this small bar that also served food right across from the Fine Arts Building. It was usually filled with Moray’s artistic types and a few stragglers throughout the day and night. It was a dark place, and they rarely checked the student’s ID’ so it was popular.
Billy and Gwen were sitting at the corner booth, a large basket of fries in front of them, and three frothy beverages. I couldn’t usually imbibe during the day because I had such a heavy workload at the center. Mason changed that. I had already attended my only class today, and I didn’t have to meet him until tonight, so lucky me. I might even have a second.
Gwen waved at me, and Billy gave me that trademark Billy Williams smile. He was going to be a star. Anyone who met him knew it was his destiny. I sat down across from them.
“Dante couldn’t make it?” I asked, picking up my frosty mug and lofting it into the air.
“No, he’s working. You could pop over and say hi if you want. I know he would love to see you. He was annoyed that we set this up when he couldn’t come. But damn, he’s been working a lot this whole semester. I only go in on the weekends now.” Billy smirked casually. He leaned back, and I noticed his Nightwing shirt. I wasn’t a big comic book nerd, but even I knew who that was.
“I’ll try to pop by later today. So, what’s been happening? I haven’t seen you guys since the queers are back at school party. I still feel those fireball shots you made me do.” I laughed as I took a quick sip.
Gwen sucked air in through her teeth. “It’s been a hard semester. Gamma has been keeping me fucking busy, and the classes in Poli-Sci have gotten harder, so I’m studying a lot. Marcus says it’s only going to get worse. Between boyfriends, classes, sorority, and these yahoos, I feel like my candle has a blowtorch on it.” She laughed. “Barbie and Yuki say hi, too. They
might pop in for a quick drink, we’ll see.”
“Cool. If they don’t, we should all plan a dinner and a movie trip sometime soon to the Cheri theatre.” I offered. I did enjoy hanging out with my gay homies, and I didn’t do it near enough. The rednecks and I were usually up to something. I really needed to make more time to hang out with them, though. I promised myself I would. “I’ll be the lonely single, but you know I don’t mind.”
“Single… yeah, we really need to do something about that,” Gwen pursed her lips as she grabbed a fry and popped it into her mouth.
“I stopped even trying, Gwen. I mean, I haven’t met anyone, and I’m a junior, and besides, I am usually too busy with work and classes myself to even want to attempt it.” I frowned. “Hey, you never texted me back. How the hell do you know Mason McKendrick?”
She cackled as she held up her finger in the air at me. “Oh, we will get to that, my friend.” She grabbed her mug and took a long sip. “I fucking love this place and this beer.”
“Okay, you are killing me here,” I whined, throwing my arms up and leaning back in my chair.
“So, what kind of boys are you really into Calvin? We really have to do something about getting you back on the horse after… Well, it’s been a while for you, and we think it’s time for you to get back out there. We never met… the devil, of course, but you need to let your hair down and take a chance.” Billy said quietly, his voice measured and careful as he broached the subject with me.
“Oh, god…” I groaned. “You two are too much.”
“Just answer the damn question, Calvin,” Gwen said, exasperated. “Your fairy godparents can’t help you if you don’t let them.”
I leaned forward and put my face in my hands, talking through my fingers. “I like pretty boys with muscles. Most of my crushes have been jocks ever since I realized I was gay, but that hasn’t been very helpful,” I huffed sadly. I set up and set my hands on the table. “Eric, my ex, the devil, was the opposite of what I was usually attracted to, though. He was a small guy, about five-ten, and maybe a hundred-forty pounds. But he made it for his size in mental scars.”
Gwen reached across and grabbed my hand. “Real ones, too, Calvin. Let’s not let that asshole off the hook for that. I swear, if I ever meet that man, I will be going to prison.”
“We were young, Gwen. I haven’t seen or heard about him in over three years. I hope he’s changed. I hope that what happened to us, what I did after, changed him. But I don’t really care to know, honestly. He’s at Duke, and I wish him well as long as he stays far from me. Besides, what I did, the way I reacted, well… Sadly, that is all on me. I wasn’t… I just couldn’t handle it at the time. Being a gay redneck here in redneckville, was not something I could handle all alone. That was all on me, not Eric.” I reached down and fingered the ugly scar that reminded me of my weakness. I had promised myself to never forget how low I allowed myself to go. I was stronger now and would never succumb to that darkness ever again.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to drag that up. I know you don’t like to talk about it. We are your friends, though, and you can talk to us about anything, you know.” Billy said calmly.
“I brought him up. It’s okay. I realized over the summer that I had to stop holding onto the fear of that. I changed a lot since then, and it doesn’t cause the same pain it did last year.” I explained. The incident had stopped me from dating. Hell, I was always a little high strung, but when I got out of the hospital, I became a sever type A. I studied harder, stopped taking chances, and everything I did became much more calculated. This summer, I realized that I had stopped living. I went to school and hung out with the friends I felt safe with. I had trapped myself in an invisible bubble of my own creation. I’m trying to step out of that bubble now.
It was scary.
Chad and Mike did their best, but the kind of support I needed was people who understood how scary it could be to be gay. Moray was liberal as shit, but the surrounding countryside was full of rebel flag wearing rednecks, and they didn’t always understand. I knew I came from that kind of people. My coming out had caused ripples of change in my friends and family. We were all the better for it.
“So, jocks, huh,” Gwen segued. “Well, that is very interesting.”
“How so?” A cold ripple shot up my spine. She said that as if she were the wicked witch and was about to curse me.
“I think Calvin’s dry spell is about to… well, dry up,” she smiled just as wickedly. “I received a text message from someone about you. It was quite interesting. He’s a really nice guy who hasn’t really been out on campus. He runs with a different kind of crowd, usually. A lot like you.” She picked up her beer and took a sip, peering at me over the mug.
The puzzle pieces were starting to fall into place. This wasn’t what I expected, that’s for sure. But if she was about to say what I thought she was about to say, I wasn’t sure how in the hell I would handle it.
“Mason?” I asked, dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe it, but when I thought about it, well, it made the last week make a little more sense. All of the glances and teasing, hell, the subtle flirting, because that was what it was.
“Give the boy a prize. Imagine my surprise when you texted me. I am not one of you gay boys who like to gossip. I usually take a secret to my grave, don’t I Billy?” She glanced over at him, looking for some sort of acknowledgment.
He nodded slowly, his eyes focused on me and my reaction.
“Mason confided in me last year. We had a class together and started chatting and having lunch after class together a couple times a week. I thought maybe he was into me, but that wasn’t the case. He just thought I was cool, and since I hated sports, he enjoyed hanging out and talking about the things his normal friends didn’t. Of course, I talked about my gaggle of gays, a lot, and Mason was always interested. Eventually, I asked him, and he admitted to me that he was gay and had always been too scared to do anything about it since he was a jock and all.” She reached over and grabbed my hand again. “I promised not to tell anyone, Calvin, and I take that very seriously. But I felt… Well, I felt like this was also the right thing to do. Hell, you two… If someone doesn’t intervene, neither one of you would ever admit that you’re both attracted to each other. Trust me, he is very attracted to you.” She giggled.
“Holy shit…” I tried to pick my jaw up off the floor. This was a shocking surprise. Mason McKendrick was actually gay? Holy hell. “He said that?”
“Yes,” she said slowly. “I know you and… well, I thought you might need to have this information so you could understand him, at least a little better. He’s actually a really great guy, and all I have ever wanted for either of you was to be happy. I wanted you to each have your chance.”
“Dante said you had talked about the hot quarterback before, so…” Billy shrugged. “Are you okay?”
“I’m trying to make sense of all this. Shit… I mean, I have lusted over him since my freshman year. We had a class together, and I used to have the wildest fantasies about him, but this… I’m his tutor. We had a big argument last weekend at a party, even. He’s exactly like the rest of all his jock buddies, isn’t he? Full of himself and his place on this campus. It pisses me off, but…” I whistled lowly, taking it all in. The information overload was shorting out the wires in my brain. “He is still the most beautiful and frustrating person I have ever met. This week has been driving me crazy.”
Gwen cackled. “Have you ever wondered why Mason doesn’t walk out with you? Why he lets you walk out first? I do,” she teased, licking her lips as if she just ate the canary.
“Oh, God!” Billy grimaced. “Really? That’s hot.”
The a-ha moment finally came through, and I could feel myself blushing. I bet it was the same reason I was the last to leave our class freshman year. Mason McKendrick had wood, for me. The room spun, and I had to put my hand on the table to stop myself from reeling.
“Will you give him a chance, Calvin? If he let you
know how he felt… Would you take the chance?” Gwen almost purred.
“Don’t you dare, Gwendolyn,” I snapped. “This conversation stays between the three of us, and I promise not to ever tell Mason that you told me his secret.”
Her face fell. “Is that a no?” she asked incredulously.
“It’s a… well shit… I guess the ball has to be in Mason’s court, doesn’t it? If he… I mean, if we… It has to happen because we are both brave enough for it to, doesn’t it? Fairy Godmother Gwen can’t make this happen for us. If Mason wants to ask me out, then he has to score that touchdown himself.” I said seriously. “I mean it, Gwen.”
“I love it when you make sports analogies. It’s so fucking hot,” Billy threw his head back and laughed.
“I do have one question, though. Has Mason ever gone on a date in his life with a guy? Has he ever, you know?” I asked shyly.
“Oh no, Calvin… That you will have to find out for yourself. Fairy Godmother Gwen has left the building!” She said loudly, a cruel smile plastered onto her beautiful face.
We stayed there for another thirty minutes talking about classes and Billy’s new play, but all I could think about was what was going to happen tonight when I saw Mason.
Ten
Mason
Something was different about tonight.
I was sitting at our table in the back corner of the library. It was a Friday night, and most people were out having a good time. The boys couldn’t believe that I wasn’t going out with them tonight. We almost never had a weekend off, and this Saturday, we did, so they were headed off to one of our favorite drinking holes for the night.
I was right where I wanted to be.
Calvin showed up right on time. I assumed he was a stickler about that kind of thing, and I had made sure that I was a few minutes early all week. My first impression of Calvin had been that he was tightly wound. He seemed stiff and all buttoned up. I think I was starting to get some chinks to fall out of his wall, though. It was a slow process, but I was starting to feel that he was worth the time. There was just something about him that I couldn’t get out of my head. Was he the one that I’d been waiting for? Only time would tell.