by TC Matson
A push of colder air washes over me as the cold front carrying the storm begins to charge through and I descend into the warm, safe confides of the house. I smirk at the couch. I’ve wanted to be with it all night and I finally can, but first I’m getting out of these strangling clothes and into something more comfortable before it can take me on a date.
I pour a glass of red wine, turn on the television, and scroll through the movies. Lucas complains about my love for animations. He isn’t here, so guess what I’m watching? Something cartoony to brighten my spirits.
Chapter 30
I’m awakened by a distinctive soft tap on my door…or at least I think so. I haven’t been asleep for too long because the movie is still playing. I sit up and then hear it again. I stare at it in disbelief, knowing in my gut who it is.
Even when I feel it in my soul, I’m not prepared emotionally when I pull open the door and see Trenton with his hands in his pockets. Instantly, I want to throw myself into his arms. Weep into his neck and beg for forgiveness, but I restrain myself.
“Hi,” I greet him tenderly, hiding my excitement. “What are you doing here?”
“I expected the next time I saw you you’d be with Brian.” His voice strains and he clears his throat.
I press my lips together and shake my head. “No.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I tilt my head displaying a lopsided grin. “No you’re not.”
He expels air through his nose. “You’re right. You deserve better.”
Resting my head on the corner of the door, I say. “I’m taking your advice. I’m looking ahead of me.”
“That’s good to hear. How’s it working for you?”
Hopeless… “One step in front of the other.”
His emotional and gentle eyes haven’t left mine. He hasn’t moved. This feels like closure, ending a gaping goodbye. And as melancholy resolves around us, cradling us in its woeful arms, a sense of acceptance grips my heart.
“I miss you.” My courage makes a path. If this is goodbye, I want to say everything I need to and find a way to apologize. “You were right. You were the hardest thing I had to walk away from.” My voice drowns in deep ruefulness. “Even though it wasn’t my choice, the result was my fault. It took me losing you to realize how deeply I felt about you. And the only thing that was holding me back was a paralyzing fear of change. For that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got you involved. It’s not how I hoped things would’ve ended.”
“And if it was up to you, how would things have ended?”
I smile brokenhearted. “It wouldn’t have.”
The muscles in his jaw tighten.
This is torture—standing here with him in arm’s reach. Seeing him. Breathing him. I close my eyes, fighting back the tears threatening to make a presence. No other words. There’s nothing left to say except to finalize it.
“Goodbye, Trenton.”
Two words felt like my last breath.
Our gazes don’t falter as I step back and begin to shut the door. He doesn’t move. His doleful expression makes no movement.
“Wait.” He stops the door from shutting all the way. “I swore I wouldn’t come by here. I tried, but somehow I ended up in front of your house staring at it. I don’t remember driving. Seeing you tonight…” He trails off and for the first time, I get a deeper glimpse of the emotions he’s battling. “I’m missing a pretty important piece of the puzzle.”
“Don’t.” I hold up a finger, giving up the fight with my tears. “Don’t tell me things I want to hear.”
“Everything that happened between us…I have one regret and it’s never telling you. I protected myself instead of leading you to me. I relied on my actions, hoping and praying you saw it.” His voice cracks and it shatters me into a sob. “I never fully revealed how immeasurable you are. I love you, Riley.”
“You asshole,” I weep into my hands. “You can’t tell me that and then walk out. It’s not fair.” He wraps me in his arms and I try pushing him away. “You can’t…”
“Tell me you want me to leave and I’ll leave.” His voice shakes with emotion.
I grip his shirt, burying my face into his chest.
“Tell me, Riley…” he breathes out.
Ugly tears seep into the fabric of his shirt. He cups my chin, bringing my face to his. I blink his image clear. “If you want me in your life to stay, prove to me I’m not just doing this to lay pain across my own heart. Prove to me you are the angel who owns my entire existence. Prove to me my feelings aren’t in vain.”
“I love you…” I breathe. “And I don’t want to stop.”
His lips crash into mine captivating me with the depth of passion behind it. With a sense of urgency to feel him, his hands, his love all over me, I become frantic, running my fingers into his hair, and I pull him deeper.
He flattens his hand on my back and pulls my body against his, backing us down the hallway. He tugs my shirt over my head, repeating the same with his and cups my breast while I dig my palms against the skin of his chest. He pushes me down on the bed, his hazel eyes swarming with a lascivious glare as he rips my pants down my legs and shoves out of his.
He crawls up my body, nestling in between my legs and wasting no time claiming what he wants. Shoving forward, he enters gradually, releasing a hiss and drops his head beside mine.
We rock together, our moans and grunts echoing off the walls.
“Tell me again,” I moan, needing to hear it again.
He pushes to his elbows leveling his view with mine. “I love you, Angel.” He propels forward. “I fucking love you.” He shoves again. “I don’t want to ever lose you again.”
He reclaims my mouth and pumps fiercely into me.
“Promise me, Angel,” he groans. “Promise me it’s you and me.”
No words. I can’t put anything together as my body ceases and I’m slammed by my orgasm. He burrows, giving me strong and long strokes, dragging in and out of me over and over as I thrash beneath him. He pulls every morsel of pleasure from me, lifting my leg over his shoulder and driving earnestly.
Watching me lose myself with a ravenous stare, a shudder racks his body. His nostrils flare and he clenches his teeth, surging into me, growling and pushing with force.
We both ride out our phenomenal waves. He drags himself out of me and drops to my side but doesn’t make a move to touch me and stares at the ceiling trying to catch his breath.
I curl against him and he wraps one arm around my shoulder as I draw random lines over the bare skin of his torso.
“Tell me this is real,” he says after catching his breath. “That I’m not wasting my time because, Angel, I swear I’m done begging for you. I’m done hurting.”
I push up to my elbow and drag the backs of my fingers along his cheek and smile tenderly. “Claim me, Trenton. I’m yours.”
Epilogue
Everyone has a road they’re supposed to travel. Sometimes it’s a clear path without any debris atop the bright golden bricks leading the way. Other times, the bricks lose their polished shine and the world around is dark with a thick murky fog making it nearly impossible to find the way.
I learned the past is the past for a reason and if you don’t ever leave it alone, you’ll never know what the future holds. Even though it lays a foundation for your future, changing one thing will cause it to collapse and you’ll be left sifting through the rubble wondering how to rebuild it. If you learn from your experiences and accept the value of each lesson from each experience, you’ll grow, hopefully bettering yourself.
All my roads were bumpy, rutted out because of my own self-doubts but I don’t regret any of my decisions. I had to go through them all to understand and realize where my heart was taking me. My only regret was I didn’t listen to the one thing that’s never guided me astray—my gut. I was too caught up in the “what ifs” that I forgot the “what abouts” happening before me.
In the aftermath, once the air cleared from the ash
y dust, I figured out Brian was only a chapter at the beginning of my story. He was an essential piece of my puzzle because without him, I wouldn’t have Lucas, and without Lucas, I wouldn’t be here.
I stood on Trenton’s door step and declared my feelings for him in a desperate urgency, but failed to say the three words I knew I should’ve. It wasn’t in a loving setting you marvel over for the next sixty years only to brag to your grandkids about. No. I lost that moment because of my past. I lost the euphoria of having a romantic evening and hearing the three most anticipated words in a relationship. Instead, they were exchanged out of despair, anger, and hurt. Not a grand story to boast about in later years.
But I gained more than I lost and I’ll forever hold that close to me. I gained a future when I finally decided to let go of the past. I nabbed the one I’m supposed to be with, the one I know I’m meant for. The same man who shifted the earth out from under my feet without even speaking to me.
I get to witness daily what love is…what true love consists of. Every day our lives are passionate, affectionate, and engrossed with love. Even with disagreements, there isn’t any disrespect. Instead, we spat and then figure a way to compromise or work past it—together. I don’t live my life isolated, excluded from the world out of loneliness. I can’t tell you what being unloved feels like anymore.
The baby starts crying and I groan, flopping my hand on Trenton’s chest. “Whose night is it?”
He clutches my hand and squeezes. “If I said yours, how long would I get away with it?”
“There’s a possibility I’d drop your coffee on the floor when I hand it to you,” I snort.
He chuckles sitting up. “You’re not playing fair.”
I cuddle into my pillow. “I learned from the best.”
He slaps my ass and when I jerk around to smack him back, he’s already across the room opening the door. “Slow poke,” he whispers, shutting it behind him.
“Shhh…” I hear him through the monitor. “We can’t be waking up brother.”
Ellie coos as the rustling sounds of him picking her up cause the green lights on the monitor to flicker back and forth.
“You’ll make Mommy and Daddy so happy when you start sleeping through the night.”
I can’t help but laugh.
When we started over, we got serious quickly. Not long after he asked me to move in with him. Of course, my answer was a prompt yes. I didn’t need to think about it. Lucas jumped all over it too. I thought it would mess with his head, but I was dead wrong. He loves Trenton just as Trenton loves him.
We only had been dating a year when Trenton asked me to marry him. It was so sweet. We were in front of the park’s fountain. Lucas was there. And Trenton was on his knee. I cried when I said yes. We married six months later in an intimate setting. I didn’t want anything big. Lucas was Trenton’s best man and of course, April was my matron of honor. We didn’t have a large audience. It only consisted of four of Trenton’s friends and a select few of his family members. Afterward, he surprised me with an unplanned honeymoon and flew me to the Dominican Republic.
We were married close to two years when Trenton brought up the subject of children. That was fifteen months ago. Ellie was born in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday after making sure I remained in labor for an ungodly amount of time. But once she made her grand entrance, it was already apparent she had her daddy’s heart. That girl could make him walk on the interstate blindfolded.
Lucas was ecstatic he had a little sister…that was until reality hit him. It’s funny to watch an almost sixteen-year-old gag and flee the room over poopy diapers.
Can you believe my first born, my baby boy gets his license next month? I couldn’t be more proud of him. He plays for the high school’s varsity soccer team and still brings home A’s and B’s.
As for Brian, we found a pretty even happy medium. We co-parent well and have learned we make a good team as friends. He’s got a girlfriend he’s serious about, and although I’ve told him many times he needs to marry her, he refuses it. Brooke says she’s okay with it. Yeah. I’ve been there too. Trying over and over to convince yourself it’s just fine, but in the end, there’s a significant importance missing. A closing step—the final stage.
“Angel!” Trenton yells with a guttural horror.
I’m up in a flash, battering down the hallway with my heart in my ears. The scream wakes Lucas and he’s hot on my trail. When we round the corner into the living room, Trenton is pale, holding his hands out with a disgusted face. “She shit on me!” he shouts. “If that wasn’t enough, she christened me with pee!”
Lucas howls in laughter and we both double over. I’m gasping for air when I rush to help him. His straight face does nothing to hide the humor in his eyes. This one is definitely going in the books.
Be the one to make you happy. Additions are always great, but ultimately, you are in control. Seek it. Find it. Cherish it. And hold on tight.
More From TC Matson
The Fighter Series
Blindsided (The Fighter Series #1)
UnExpected (The Fighter Series #2)
***This is a continuance from book 1***
Awakened (The Fighter Series #3)
***This is a standalone and not a continuance from previous books***
Acknowledgments
I want to send out a special thank you to my husband and kids for putting up with my drive to write and my absence. I love you to the stop sign and back. <3
Teabag-I love you hard, my soul sister.
Jessica-Thank you for our daily laughs, your amazing teasers, and your constant love for my writing.
Fran-You have brightened my life since coming in. Thank you for our brainstorming parties, your support, and your “you get me” moments.
Angela-Your support is incredible and your drive to see me rise to the top inspires me to do just that. Thank you for being the most remarkable PA anyone could ever ask for. You are my pillar.
To my Bangers: You keep me entertained, distracted, and lifted while, in your own special way, motivating me to push forward. You all have a very special place in my heart.
To the fantabulous bloggers: You kick ass! Point blank and period. You are rock stars. You are superheroes. And you’re simply fantastic. Thank you for all you do for authors and readers. Your hard work never goes unnoticed.
To my readers: Without you, I am nothing. Thank you for giving my stories a chance. I’m honored to have my stories in your hands and ecstatic to see how much you’ve enjoyed them. I’m grateful for your continued love and support. And I promise to continue to deliver the stories that keep you falling in love with my characters.
Special thanks to:
Anne Mercier and Harper Bentley for always guiding me the right way and encouraging me to keep on keeping on. :)
About the Author
“Dreaming in Reality…You dream in reality when you pick up a book and get lost in it. In my writing, I strive to take you to a place where reality and fantasy become a blurry line. Everything should be relatable. It could happen…couldn’t it?” ~ TC Matson
TC Matson loves to let her character’s voices be heard. With a head full of stories, she puts her keyboard through a beating daily. Matson sets her sights on writing stores relatable and real. And having an understanding that love isn’t always instant and full of flowers—her writing mirrors it. She isn’t afraid to push the envelope and touch the bases of uncomfortable situations.
She’s a romance junkie at heart and an avid reader. Add those two together and she will devour books within hours, getting lost in the world the author creates.
Matson resides in the peaceful Piedmont area of NC with her husband and three boys, where staying hopped up on caffeine is the key to her sanity. Chaos is indefinite and a sense of humor is an absolute must.
Connect with TC Matson
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www.tcmatson.com
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