“Doll, we’ll be okay,” he replies, but I’m not entirely convinced.
“We? I don’t know what’s going to happen...with us. What about the baby? The baby needs a father.” He moves toward me again. This time he takes the bottle from my hands and places it onto the counter. He leans in and kisses me with a kiss so sweet and gentle that it captivates me.
“Talk to me.” I hear the desperation in his voice. “Let it out.”
“This is too much,” I breathe, trying to control the situation before I completely crack. I raise my hand and run it against the roughness of his slight scruff, loving its coarseness beneath my fingers. I lean up on my tiptoes and place a faint kiss onto his soft lips again. I want to wipe the regret and pain from his eyes, but what about mine? My heart wants to believe him when he tells me everything will be okay, and we can have the life that we want together. My wits have been thoroughly scattered and ripped to shreds over what the results of the test could be. “I need to leave.” I pull away. “I can’t do this.” Tears pool in my eyes, and my voice is a mere whisper. I head into my bedroom and change into my running gear as he quietly watches me from the doorway. I don’t care how cold it is outside. I need to run, to think.
“Can’t do what? Elle, come on!” he says, rubbing his temples. “Don’t run from me!” He drops his arms, clenching his fists at his sides. “I love you. You mean everything to me. You know that!” He looks down and then back up.
“I need to think this through. This affects my life too, Reed. Not just yours!” I snap. I brush past him, grabbing my iPod as I rush toward the front door with him following close behind me. I hear his words, but they’re not making sense to me.
“But...” He reaches for my hand, but I pull away. “Where are you going?” His voice is hoarse with emotion.
“Please... Reed, I need this!” I wince at my tone. I open the door and look over my shoulder, watching this strong man, whom I love with every ounce of me, being taken apart piece by piece just as I’m being torn to pieces as well. Is this what I want now? Mindy and her baby? This is not my dream, not the life I pictured with Reed. Am I being unreasonable? Our relationship has been bumpy from the beginning. Nothing has been smooth or easy with Reed, so why should this situation be any different?
The fresh, cool air against my skin, the pavement beneath my feet, the blaring music from my iPod, and my muscles moving in sync are all soothing and cathartic. The view of the Charles River as the sun reflects off the water has a relaxing effect on me. I needed this. I needed to get out to clear my mind and to give myself some time to think about what Cane just told me. Now, it’s down to Reed and Luke.
Paper Route’s “You and I” fills my ears, triggering images and thoughts of Reed and me. I want this chance with Reed to finally have the life I want. I saw the frustration in his eyes, and he must have witnessed the same in mine. We’re tearing each other apart, suffering through all of this and trying to figure out what we have. I know he loves me, and he’s giving me space to sort out my feelings. It’s only fair. I remember what his mom said about finding love and how Reed has never been this happy. I’ve felt that too, but I’ve also felt the pain of not knowing if what we have will survive these obstacles. I want to believe that we can and that we will.
Finishing what feels like a thousand miles, I find myself running in the direction of my mom’s house. My footsteps weaken, and as I turn up my mom’s street, I intake a sharp breath as I jog down the familiar street that houses memories of my entire life. It becomes so overwhelming for me that I’m knocked clear out of my stride as salty tears begin to fall, soaking my cheeks. I don’t know why this is happening, but maybe it’s good that it is. It’s almost a therapeutic cleansing.
I run my last few steps up the driveway where an Acura TL sits in the driveway. I don’t recognize that car and sneak a peek inside as pull off my ear buds. Jace could not afford a car like this and it can’t be Cane’s and mom would not be caught dead is such a car. Not satisfied I spin around towards the house to find out who’s here as Jace appears leaving the house with Brooke carrying their backpacks over his shoulder. I immediately feel stupid for snooping, but Jace and Brooke don’t seem to notice since Jace is preoccupied with keeping his relationship with Brook from me.
“Hey, Sis,” he utters, bashfully scratching his forehead and averting his eyes from Brooke to me. “You remember Brooke, right?”
“Of course.” I smile at Jace and acknowledge Brooke as I nudge him in the ribs.
“Hey, Brooke, can you give me a sec? I need to talk to my sis.” He chuckles nervously.
“Sure,” she replies and smiles. “Nice to see you again, Elle.”
“Same here,” I reply as she skirts by me to the parked car in the driveway. I return my attention to my brother and quirk my eyebrow. “So, you’re looking extra spiffy today,” I say, eyeing him in a pair of black jeans and a white thermal long-sleeved T-shirt that accentuates his athletic frame. “When were you gonna tell me?” I needed the reprieve from my predicament, and Jace always seem to lift my mood.
“Tell you what?” he asks nonchalantly.
“That you and Brooke are...”
“Oh, shit,” he interrupts me. “Stop the madness. I knew you were gonna go there.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“Listen. BC campus is big. I’m on the football team, and let me repeat. We. Study. Together. That’s it.” He responds with an impish grin.
“Are you saying you’re not just playing on the football field?” I smirk and glance over at Brooke, who is sitting behind the wheel, checking her lipstick. “Does she know that?”
“I made it kind of clear.” He rolls his eyes toward the sky.
“I wanted to see if you’re okay, and here you are busting my balls about my personal life.”
“I’m fine,” I say, forcing out the words.
“I’m not convinced, Sis, not after what happened earlier today,” he affirms, his eyes swimming with warmth. “You know... you and me go way back, right?” He points between us smiling impishly. “And, despite all the shit you put me through regarding my love life, I’m always gonna be here for you.”
“Yeah...yeah...” I genuinely smile this time. “I know, but not now. I can’t be pulling you away from your ... friend.”
“Relentless, Sis. Truly,” he groans, shaking his head.
“Now go.” I push him. “Is Mom home?”
“Yep, you better go in and see her. She’s pissed you didn’t call.”
“Fine. Thanks for the warning.”
“Do I get a hug?” He tilts his head, and a grin breaks across his face.
“Yeah,” I say, clasping my arms around his waist. He squeezes me hard.
“Let me know how things go, all right?” He kisses me on top of my head before we pull away.
“Will do, Casanova.”
“Cut the shit,” he jokes, trotting to the car. “Bye, Sis.”
“Bye.”
My brother hops into the car and waves as Brooke pulls out of the driveway and heads down the street, finally disappearing around the corner. I turn back to the house. The outside is decorated with colorful Christmas lights, and the front yard is covered in snow. An ache spreads in my chest, and tears blur my eyes. I need to get a grip. My eyes roam up to my bedroom window where I spent most of my life. It’s only been a little over two months since I moved out, but it feels longer. I take a few deep breaths before I walk up the stairs and open the front door.
Entering the quiet house, I notice that the Christmas tree and entire house have been decorated while I was away. After every Thanksgiving dinner, we’d do put up the tree. It’s a family tradition that was started when we were kids. Jace and I couldn’t wait for Christmas. It’s always been my favorite holiday. I place my iPod onto the hallway table and walk toward the living room where my mom is sitting on the couch, flipping through a photo album.
“Mom.”
She raises her eye and smiles before
closing the photo album and laying it onto the table. “Welcome home, honey. When did you get in?”
“Yesterday,” I reply, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. I sink into the couch next to her, wishing I could close my eyes and fall asleep. Instead, I need to talk as I’m trying to get a hold of the chaos in my head.
“So, how did everything go?”
“Everything went well with my interview. Texas is different, and Reed’s family is...perfect.” I lean back against the couch and stare at the ceiling.
“Then, why the long face?” Her voice is quiet, and her eyes are all-knowing when she turns to face me. “What happened? Are you having second thoughts about leaving?”
“Second thoughts about everything,” I blurt out, biting back more tears that sit at the surface. “I’m so confused,” I breathe, closing my eyes to gain control of my thoughts and feelings.
My mom’s face softens at my confession. “It’s a big decision, but it’s what you’ve always wanted to do. Going to medical school has been your dream, and now it’s a reality.”
“I know.”
“Does this have anything to do with Reed?”
“It’s all so overwhelming,” I state as I begin to share every detail with her since Reed has returned. Her face remains impassive during my replay of events as she digests everything from Jerry to Mindy’s pregnancy. When I finish, she is quiet for a few moments, staring at me with unconditional love on her face.
“You should have come to me. You didn’t have to deal with this alone.” She pulls me to her and rests her chin on my head.
“I thought now that I’m on my own, I need to figure out things by myself, but it’s gotten to be a little bit much in the last couple of days.”
“I would think so.”
“I would never put up with this from anyone else, but I feel so strongly for him. I’m unsure if I can handle him being a father to someone else’s baby,” I choke, relieved to have gotten this burden off my chest.
“You’re not even certain of the outcome of the test yet, and it seems like you already believe the worst. I know this has not been an easy couple of months for you. A lot has happened with Cane and Reed, but at some point, you have to believe that things will turn for the better.”
“It’s just one thing after the other.”
“Honey, it’s normal to feel this way,” she whispers, tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “There’s always a bit of a struggle in the beginning, but you’ve come this far with him. He came back for you. If you totally love him with all your heart, whether the results are positive or not, you ought to see that that boy would run through fire for you. You have to learn how to talk about your feelings and what the future means to you. What are you scared of? Tell him how you feel. Ask him if he wants a career, marriage, kids, and if any of that includes you. Even if another baby is involved, just be honest.”
We sit in silence as I absorb the truth in her words. I know she’s right. I just hope I’m strong enough to believe it when the time comes.
“Fuck! Elle, wait!” I yell, running barefoot down the front steps. She doesn’t hear me as she disappears around the corner with her earbuds in her ears. I let her go, knowing she’ll come back. She needs clarity, and I need to consider what she just said to me. She’s right on so many levels. No more what ifs for us. We both need closure; then we can figure this out together. If I’m the father, it may mean not having her in my life. I can’t and won’t hold her back from what she wants to do in her life, even if it fucking kills me.
I haul ass back into the apartment, looking for my phone. I find it stashed away in my backpack on the floor in the bedroom. I scroll through my messages, hoping for the dreaded call from the fucking clinic. Instead, I get a voicemail from Luke, telling me to head over to the apartment.
Shit. This can’t be good.
The fucking apartment is pitch black, and it looks like no one is home when I pull up like a bat out of hell. I go up anyway since I’m already here. Perhaps Luke went to get some beer since we ran out earlier today. God knows I may need some soon. I pace the dark living room floor and stare at my phone, waiting for his call, a text, anything, when I hear his bedroom door creak open. Luke shuffles out, scratching his head. His features are hidden in the shadows, and he’s fisting a bottle of something in his hand when he approaches. He looks like shit, wearing nothing but a pair of wrinkled gray sweatpants. Maybe he has some chick in there.
“What the hell is going on, man? You’re scaring the shit out of me, sitting in the fucking dark. Are you some kind of fucking vampire?” I ask, trying to bring a smile to his face and to calm my fucking nerves when he doesn’t respond fast enough for me. “Hey, wake up, dude. Cat got your tongue?”
“Hey.” He nods tensely, setting the bottle onto the counter. I notice that it’s vodka.
“Since when have you gone hardcore like this?”
“Since this fuck up right here.” He jabs his index finger in his chest. “Found out that he’s gonna be a Goddamn father.” He chuckles wryly. “I’m sure you’ve been waiting for the call from the fucking clinic, right?”
I nod in shocked relief. I’m so fucking happy that I can’t find the resolve to speak. Luke presses his hands against the counter, dropping his chin to his chest and breathing raggedly. His entire body is tense.
“I told them not to bother calling you. That I would tell you the good news since I got the bad. That’s just one of the perks of having a roommate and doing the same girl.” He laughs dryly, speaking again after a couple of minutes of silence. “I would have told you earlier, but I fucking passed out from downing half this bottle. I turned off my phone ‘cause Mindy kept calling my ass. I can’t deal with her right now, probably ever. But, hey, you do the deed then you suffer the consequences.” He flicks his glazed eyes in my direction. “Looks like you’re off the hook, motherfucker, and you and Elle can have the fairytale life. For me, I get to deal with shitty diapers and that crazy bitch for the rest of my life,” he groans, twisting the bottle of vodka under his fingers as a dismal look flashes across his face.
“Listen, man. I know this feeling sucks, but you know that no matter how much you screw this up, I’ve got your back because I’m kind of indebted to you now. So, you’re stuck with Mindy and me.”
“Thanks.” He unscrews the cap on the bottle and puts it to his lips.
“Dude, you think that’s a good idea?”
“Fuck, yeah,” he says, watching me from the rim of the bottle. “I don’t know the first thing about being a father. I’m still a kid myself. I had plans and none of them involved having a kid.” He throws the bottle back, hissing at the sting of it between his teeth. He drags a hand through his hair and gives a frustrated sigh as he tries to reign in his frustration. “You’re not going to see me reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
“Dude, you know if you want to talk about it, I’m your man. Shit, if the tables were turned, I know you would have done the same for me.”
“Hey, it’s my shit to deal with. You don’t know what my life is like being the heir to the Turner Empire. I got my pops on my back, and once he gets wind of this shit, who knows what will happen,” he grunts.
Luke has never talked to me about his family and his life, and it makes me feel like an ass that I didn’t get to know my roommate a little better. He stares at me with a smirk on his face and that familiar twinkle in his eyes.
“I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry about it. I don’t like to talk about that shit with anyone. People change when you throw around the fact you got so much cash you can own an NFL football team.” He chuckles, always making jokes.
“Well, we’re bound for life, you know. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good. Why don’t you help me celebrate by finishing off this bottle? To you and Elle and to me being a daddy,” he exclaims. He raises the bottle, takes a swig and hands it to me with his signature goofy smile.
“I’m betting t
hat you may need some space, and I should start packing my shit now that you’re going to need the spare room,” I snort, happier than a pig in shit, knowing that I’m going back to Elle with great news. I take the bottle and have myself a satisfying gulp of the vodka, and even though it burns going down, it’s an exhilarating burn.
“Fuck that, you aren’t betting shit, and you’re not going anywhere. I don’t want any new roommates for a while. So, you, my friend are gonna be sticking around for a bit until I kick your ass out or when you get the call from the NFL.”
Luke and I finish the other half of vodka. He’s not taking the news well. I don’t think any guy would, but the alcohol seems to have mellowed him out a little. He doesn’t have a plan, but one thing is for sure. He doesn’t plan to shack up with Mindy any time soon. He says that now. Who knows what will happen when he sees the baby for the first time?
Elle’s not at the apartment when I return. It’s been over two hours since she left. I don’t want to call her with the news. This is something that I want to tell her in person. I grab a beer from the fridge and sink into the couch and prop up my feet. I haven’t felt content like this in so fucking long.
About thirty minutes later, I hear Elle twist the key into the lock. I hop off the couch and practically sprint to the door and open it. Her cheeks are flushed and her hair is windblown and messy, but she’s never looked more beautiful to me. She glances up at me and steps inside, dropping her eyes to the floor. I immediately cup my hands on either side of her face, lifting her eyes to mine. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, placing her hands over mine and leaning into my touch. I breathe in a soft calculated breath, anxious to tell her what I know. When she finally opens her eyes, they’re tortured and pleading.
“Where did you go?” I whisper. My eyes trace down her face, and I watch her bottom lip tremble.
“To my mom’s.” She eyes me cautiously. I watch as a myriad of emotions pass over her features as she struggles to speak. I know she wants to tell me something, but I can’t wait to tell her my news first.
Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 Page 41