That brought my mind back around to Caius, with his statements could I expect a visit from the dark puppeteer this winter?
A shiver ran down my spine just thinking about last night. While the punctures on my neck were healing, there was no scab on the memories. I could vividly remember every detail of what put them there, and every inappropriate thought that came with it. I felt like a cheat, like a double cheat actually, even though he had done nothing but steal from me. Stomach churning I forced myself to admit that truth. I hadn’t asked to be his evening snack, or even agreed. It just happened. Why I was so okay with it at the time had to have been some sort of mind voodoo I didn’t understand. It had to be. I shouldn’t feel guilty. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t.
Despite ordering my mind to just be cool with what had occurred last night with Ciaus, every time I turned my head the skin by those twin scabs pulled, bringing with it pangs of guilt and bile in my throat. Maybe I just needed time. Time and something to do.
I eyed my closet, thinking I’d just get dressed then go find a way to be useful, knowing this would be the last day I saw Cole for a good while I tried to pick some nicer looking stuff that was also warm. I didn’t have much luck. Our decade old super store raid selections had left me with sweats, bulky sweaters, shapeless fleeces and a few character tee-shirts. There was nothing ‘ooo-lala’ about winter. Settling on a pair of black sweats over thermals, I wiggled into two pairs of socks, a tee shirt and a gray fleece. Funny, I had set out to look nice, and ended up throwing half my clothes on the floor and wearing what I always wear.
I guess now at least the floor was stylin.
With a disappointed hiss at myself I left my little haven, wandering down to join the rest of my family.
Candice was in the kitchen hovering over a giant cooking pot with a wooden spoon. From the smell it seemed like we were having soup. Her blonde hair was tied back in a messy ponytail giving me a clear view of her face. Let’s just say I’d never seen someone so ecstatic to be stirring a vat of soup. The way her expression seemed so eerily pleased with her liquid concoction reminded me of a witch who had successfully used her last eye of newt.
She didn’t acknowledge my presence in the room the first time I said hello. The second greeting pulled her back from whatever crazy day dream she was having.
“Oh sorry Liv.”
“Smells good.”
“Thanks! I think this should be enough for lunch and dinner don’t you?”
I nodded, knowing it would probably cover lunch and dinner tomorrow as well. The whole making it last game.
“Why do you look smiley?”
“Oh nothing...I was just thinking.”
“About?” She took a deep breath and turned from the soup vat to face me.
“All this snow. The lockdown is the perfect time to move in with Ben! Gives us a few solid months together, then we can get a wedding arranged in the spring.”
“He proposed?” To her my surprised expression was probably seen as an omen of excitement, too bad I was feeling more horrified than happy at this news.
“Not yet, but as much as we’re together, I’m sure it’s right around the corner. He’s so nice to me, always opens doors, and gets my drinks first. You know, he makes me feel taken care of. With his job, you know I’d always be protected.”
“So everything’s going great?” She had to have some doubt, some idea that all the nights he wasn’t around her he was with Sammie. I searched her face for anything that would give me a sign; a flicker of her mouth, a glimmer in her eye, instead all I got was a radiance like she had just been crowned Miss Post Apocalypse 2022.
“You know it girlie!”
“Maybe winter is a better time to chill it, you know absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I hoped I could insinuate a giant stop sign on this idea.
She snorted. “Seriously wait till the spring?”
“It will be over before you know it.”
“Sure says the girl whose guy practically lives here.” She waved at me dismissively and went back to tending her soup.
“We’re not like that.”
“Yeah you are.” I put that in my mental pin board to evaluate my feelings on that one.
Had things really become so serious in everyone else’s eyes? I knew the answer, his Mom wanted to meet me and my Dad was whining about wedding bells. Still I found myself pining for the vampire who basically told me he didn’t want me in his life and skipped town on some weird peace errand. How could I settle down with Cole with all that yearning floating around my skull, but was that yearning truly my own or a remnant of vampire trickery? I shook my head to clear it. This current conversation was not about me, it was about Candice.
“So have you and Ben had talked about it?” I asked casually.
“What do you mean?”
“You know, being a solid couple, and all that.”
“We’re not a solid couple?” She raised an eyebrow, pausing mid stir.
“No no I didn’t mean that. I meant like, your plans for the future, you’ve confirmed he’s all on board with them and stuff.”
“Why wouldn’t he be?” Her voice showing the beginnings of irritation.
I bit my lip. This wasn’t going well.
“Liv. What are you trying to say to me, you don’t get this awkward unless it's seriously bad. Come on you’re starting to freak me out.”
“I’m just saying you should talk to him about the whole thing, make sure he’s on the same page.” Her eyes widened, skin paling like someone who had ridden the tilt-a-whirl too many times.
“Oh...oh no...He’s seeing someone else isn’t he.” She asked quietly, wrapping her arms around herself.
“I didn’t say that.” I didn’t have to, she wasn’t stupid. As much as this wasn’t the way I wanted to tell her, I was kind of well, screwed at this point. She knew me too well. By not showing any over enthusiastic signs or well wishes for her plans I had shown I had a reason to not like the guy. Candice wasn’t stupid, she knew me well enough to know my feelings on most issues. Ben wasn’t a jerk and he wasn’t bad to look at, which left only a few conclusions. Be it fortunate or not, she had picked the right one.
“Yes you did. And you know who it is!” She pointed at me. I just stared at her like a deer in headlights. Silly me, you can’t play dead with Candice, especially not when she’s upset like that. My silence just caused a barrage of questions at increasing volume.
“Does she come to the garage?”
“No.”
“Is it that blonde who works in the cornfield?”
“No.”
“Have I seen her before? I bet she’s one of-”
“It’s Sammie okay?” I cut her off, noticing our voices had raised to the point of yelling.
Candice took a step back, trying to process what I told her.
“Your nurse?! And here the whole time I thought she was here to help you get better not to be going around stealing my man. I am going to have words with that girl before the snow lock.”
“It’s not her fault.” I’d stepped into it enough, might as well finish digging my grave. “He was seeing her first, you’re the other woman.” Blood rushed to her face, her eyes wide as that little tidbit sunk in.
“You knew....you knew and you didn’t tell me. What the hell! You are supposed to be my best friend!”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.” I pleaded quietly under her screaming.
“Didn’t want to hurt me! Well nice fricken job!”
“I thought maybe he was leaving her for you, but I saw Sammie and she said he’d been by recently. I just couldn’t have you hitch your wagon to a guy who kept a plan B in his pocket.”
“Cole knew too didn’t he?” I didn’t have to answer, it was rhetorical. The anger Candice had been showing cracked and peeled, an odd calm surfacing from underneath it. Her face showing the tired lines of someone who had lived through too much for her years, her cheeks seemed to sag, her eyes showing crow lines and ci
rcles that were usually hidden under her perky smile. She looked ruined, utterly and completely. “You all make me sick.” Her voice was flat, the anger giving way to an obscure calm state.
“Candice...”
“No you leave me alone.” Tears poured from her eyes, her voice quivering slightly. “I have always been there for you. Defended you when others whispered behind your back about that stupid vampire, when they called you a slut and a traitor and when they wanted to run you outta here. I’ve never judged you. Ever. How could you do this to me? You are a horrible friend, no you’re not my friend.”
I tried to stop her from leaving, blocking her path. “Of course I am.” I countered.
The object flying at my face was backed with so much force that I saw stars. The familiar taste of blood filled my mouth.
“Bullshit. You keep secrets, always too busy running around with those boys and vamps or whatever else it is you do.” It took me a moment to register what it was. “Never ask about my life, only offering to help us out or hang out if you’re bored.” Knuckles. Candice had hit me. “That’s not-” Hit me. In the face. “-even a decent roommate not to mention a friend. You’re just a self-serving...asshole!” Candice stormed out of the kitchen, banking the corner up the stairs. I stood there in shock, listening to her stomp down the hall to her room, the opening and shutting of the old oak door and the muffled sobs that followed. I slumped back against the cabinets and put my face in my hands. The warm wet drip from my lip smearing on my palm. How I hated the smell. With a sigh, I wiped my bloody hand on my jeans.
I had never meant to hurt her ever. I didn’t think she was all that serious about him; Candice had jumped from guy to guy to guy since she had been old enough to go out and about. I had figured he was just another phase on her quest to find Mr. Right, that she’d move on and normal would resume.
That was the problem. I I I.
It had all been what I thought. She was right, I was a self-serving asshole. I had been preoccupied only with my own world at the time. Granted my world was filled with vampires and conspiracies but that didn’t mean I threw my best friend to the side when I knew something foul was a foot.
Grabbing a floral embroidered dish rag from the side of the sink, I held it to the cut on my lip with a wince. For being a girly girl she sure hit like a man.
I was going to have to find a way to make things right with Candice, when she cooled down.
“Is it safe to come in the kitchen?” A familiar head poked around the corner.
“Yeah Mark, come on in.” I’m sure my words came out in more of an “ea ark un on ii” due to the rag against my lips. Still he seemed to have caught my meaning. Mark stepped in the room dramatically, like the floor was covered in mouse traps. That had me stifling a giggle. This is why Mark was awesome, he was ever the comedian. He didn’t speak to me at first, rather helped himself to a few corners of bread off the counter.
“You screwed up.” He spoke mid chew. Observation, not accusation. I pulled the rag back, the bleeding had stepped off enough where I could talk without dripping all over the floor. “Yes I did.”
“Gonna fix it?”
I nodded. “Soon as I figure out how.”
“Good deal kiddo.” Mark had called me kiddo since I met the guy ten years ago. Even now that I was twenty four-almost twenty five-the name stuck. I think I could be ninety and he’d call me that. Well, by then I’d probably appreciate it.
He finished up his bread and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
“Hey I thought you were down the street fixing the Shannon’s flu?” I asked him as he walked away. The Shannon’s were an elderly couple stuck in a house full of problems. Last thing they needed going into winter was the inability to have a roaring fire.
“I was.” He called over his shoulder as he walked away. I winced, knowing we had been that loud in our little tiff. That meant the whole block likely knew. I really hoped Zoe didn’t get pissed at me too, she was severely over protective of her little sister. A normal trait with one’s only remaining old world family member. I think Mark had the same concern, otherwise I doubt he would have bothered asking me if I was going to patch this up. The guy usually minded his own business, not once did he give me a shred of flak for Dimitri or Cole. Never a word of advice about my Dad. Just silly jokes and well-wishing’s.
I got all bundled up in a hurry; black down-lined coat, snow boots, fuzzy rainbow gloves, knit hat and a purple scarf.
My feet barely touched the floor on the way out the door.
“Where are you off to?” A deep base called out right as I started to close the side door behind me, the voice surprised me so much I about slipped and fell on the top step.
“Coles.” Dad popped his head around the corner with a frown, holding the side door open. His reading glasses were dipping on his nose, an indication I had pulled him away from one of his spy novels.
“Don’t be long, lock down starts tonight.”
“I know Dad...” I held my eye roll, then waited for him to dig into me about my spat with Candice. If he’d been sitting in the living room, he would have heard every little word.
Instead he just nodded at me and disappeared out of view, quietly closing the door behind him. Exhaling sharply with relief that he had-for once-respected my privacy, I dashed out into the bitter cold.
The walk from my place to his was typically only a fifteen-ish minute stroll. Today if felt like an hour in Antarctica, each step a new agonizing and all together sluggish moment. The wind had kicked up in a chaotic fashion, battering me from both sides in sharp gusts of cold that made my nose run and cheeks burn. My toes felt numb despite the two layers of socks and boots on my feet. Still with all the hurt the harsh climate was putting my body though it didn’t touch the pain I felt in my chest.
In my mind I saw the crushed look on Candice’s face with each step I took, the exact moment when she realized her happy ever after was a lie. A never ever after built by a self-absorbed man who had no long term commitments to her, and I had been sitting on that knowledge for months.
How would I have felt in her shoes? How would I have felt if-
I wanted you to move in with me to protect you. Dimitri’s voice rattled around my head, the truth behind our cohabitation-safety form Antonia only-revealed while I was bedridden, drug addled and broken. Yeah, I guess I did know how that felt.
I noticed I was now stomping in the snow, my cheeks wet-couldn’t have been from tears-from the blowing snow that melted against my face.
When Cole’s house came into view I was certain I looked like an absolute mess. I paused two houses down and took a moment to wipe off my face using the end of my wool scarf. Composure regained, I approached Cole’s 1980’s spread. It was very different from my place. Ours was a turn of the century throwback, there’s was a off-white suburban mass construction with a boxy design and windows that reminded me of eyes, a two car garage attached to the side. The inside I imagined was beige carpeting, magenta countertops and probably a bit of sea green in there somewhere.
The garage door was half up, a large frame covered by a black coat, ski mask and topped with a hood, with an armful of wood was walking toward the garage from the side yard.
“Hey.” I ran up to him, following him in the garage. It was packed full of wood from side to side.
“I figured we’d have a few more days.” He grumbled dumping his armful on top of a waist high pile. It landed with a loud clack of wood on wood.
“Yeah, well weather is stupid and doesn’t care about our schedules.”
“Got that right.” He stood up and cracked his back, looking down at me through his ski mask he asked in a quiet reserved tone. “How’d it go with the bloodsucker?”
“I don’t know, he’s a lot different that Dimitri was.” Let me count the ways I was not going to tell Cole what had happened...
Taking his mask off he pegged me with a hard stare, the kind of x ray vision guys get when they’re concerned. Apparently he didn
’t like what he saw as his brow dipped into a frown.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You’re shuffling your feet.”
“Oh I ah-”
“-and your lip is busted.” He reached out and put his thumb under the split in my lower lip. Even though his touch was feather light I winced.
“You better tell me who did this, I’m going to put my blade through their heart.” The protective anger in his tone caused the corner of my mouth to kick up. Leave it to me to find bloodthirsty vengeance adorable.
“No…no. It wasn’t a vampire. It wasn’t anyone you’re going to hurt.”
“What the hell happened hun?”
“Candice punched me.”
“What the hell for?” He looked utterly confused working his way to irritated.
“Because…because I’m such an asshole.” I threw my arms up in the air and started pacing. He laughed, sitting on the pile of stumps he had just dropped off.
“Okay, not expected. Why are you an asshole?”
“I told Candice about Ben and Sam. Now she hates me, and she kind of hates you too. Sorry...that’s also my fault. Which means Ben is prolly going to find out and he’s going to hate me too and probably you because she’s definitely going to say something and argh!”
“Why on earth would you go and do something like that?”
“Because...she wanted to move in with him. You know she was getting all serious and I didn’t want her to get hurt.”
“So you did the hurting.”
“I suck at this. The whole friendship thing. I really am a horrible friend to her, she was right. I am a completely self-centered assface.”
“I thought it was hole not face.”
“You know what I mean!” He stood up, walking over to me with a sigh. Cole pulled me in for a hug, rubbing a circle into my back, while resting his head on top of my head. On habit I put my arms around his waist.
“Look,” his voice was soft, utterly sincere, “don’t be hard on yourself. All of us. We’re not the most social creatures. Not the way folks used to be. It’s hard...even this many years out getting attached to someone. Opening up. You never know what’s around the corner...”
Breach (The Blood Bargain) Page 9