She clears her throat. “He was so beautiful, Dylan,” she whispers before quickly wiping her eyes.
“Yeah, he was.” Dylan closes the album and puts it back on the coffee table, keeping his arm still wrapped around her.
Myra wipes at her eyes again. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you.”
Dylan takes in a deep breath. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I told you that I wanted you to know me,” he says before nodding at the album, “and that’s a big part of who I am.”
“Have you ever thought about… maybe going to a therapist again?”
“Why the hell would I want to do that?”
“I just think it might help you to talk to someone. I did, when I lost my dad. His death was really hard on me. It was so senseless. All he did was stop by a convenience store – probably to buy a lottery ticket or something – and got shot point blank in the chest. And they never found his killer. I was in Philly at the time and I had all of this guilt. I felt like if I’d been home, it might not have happened.
“Anyway, one of my professors told me she was worried about me and gave me the name of a therapist. I made an appointment and it helped. It wasn’t an overnight thing; it was a process. It took some time, but she helped me deal with my feelings about what happened.
“I’m only saying this because I care about you,” she says as she grabs his hand in hers. “I care about you so much, and I think you should try to talk to someone. You’ve been through a lot, Dylan, and there are people out there that can help you.”
Dylan frowns as he stares down at their clasped hands. “Maybe… I’ll think about it.”
Myra smiles and squeezes his hand. He smiles back at her before pulling her tighter against his side. She rubs her thumb over his knuckles as they sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Myra decides to break the silence first. She clears her throat. “Do you think you’ll ever want to have children again?” she asks.
“No. I can’t go through that shit again. Loving someone like that and then…” He shakes his head and takes in a deep breath. “I can’t. I can’t do it.”
Myra nods. She knew he’d feel that way but she needed to hear it.
“Do you want kids?” he asks.
“Yeah, someday…” Her dream has always been to have a big family. The thought of growing old and being alone terrifies her.
Dylan clears his throat. “I know you probably didn’t want to hear that since you want kids and shit, but I answered you truthfully. That’s how I feel.”
“I understand, Dylan, really I do.” She takes in a deep breath. “Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
“No way… I mean, I believe in marriage and I think it’s great and shit, but going through a divorce was painful.”
Myra nods and stares down at her lap. For some reason that answer hurts more than hearing that he doesn’t want any more children. It almost makes her feel like he doesn’t want her.
“Do you want to get married?” he asks.
“Yeah,” she says. “I wouldn’t mind it. Someday…”
Dylan frowns as he looks down at her. She has a lot of things to think about. If she stays with Dylan, she might have to give up her dreams of marriage and children. Is she willing to make that kind of sacrifice for the man she loves? She’s not so sure.
* * *
Dylan refills Myra’s wine glass. “You ready for dessert?” he asks.
“Dessert? Absolutely.”
“Go grab your coat. We have to go outside for it.”
“Okay… this should be interesting.”
After slipping her coat on and grabbing her wine glass, she follows Dylan out the back door onto the patio. He bends down and lights a fire in a small metal fire pit. In front of the fire pit sits a lounge chair with a blanket draped over it. Next to the chair is a small table with a box of graham crackers, a bag of marshmallows and a chocolate bar sitting on it.
“S’mores?” she asks, smiling from ear to ear.
“Yep, do you like them?”
“I love them.”
“Great. Come here,” he says. He takes her drink and sets it on the table then picks up the blanket and sits down in the lounger. Myra sits between his legs and leans back against him while he pulls the blanket up around them.
“When I was a kid, we used to go camping on the weekends, and we always made s’mores. My mom had to bring like five bags of marshmallows because Chad and Nick used to have contests to see how many they could stuff in their mouths at one time. Chad stuffed thirty-nine in his mouth one weekend. It was so damn funny,” he says with a chuckle.
Myra giggles as Dylan opens the marshmallows and puts a couple on the end of a hot dog skewer. As he roasts the marshmallows and they make s’mores, he tells her more stories about the funny things that happened to him and his family on their camping adventures.
After eating their dessert, Myra snuggles into his chest, watching the flames of the fire flicker and dance.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” he whispers in her ear. “I don’t want you to leave. I want you in my bed, in my arms, cuddled up next to me.”
She wants to stay with him more than anything, but the conversation they had earlier comes crashing down on her. How can this possibly work when they both want such different things? If they stay together, she’ll be the one that will have to give up her dreams. She’ll never know what it’s like to walk down the aisle. She’ll never get to feel a baby moving within her. She’ll never get to kiss and cradle a child against her chest. How could they ever compromise on something like that?
So even though her logic tells her to leave this man now and break things off while she can, her heart tells her to do something else entirely. With a soft sigh, she whispers, “Yes, I’d love to,” and prays that she won’t get her heart broken.
CHAPTER 7
NAVY, PERPLEXITY
Dylan startles awake, his heart about to pound out of his fucking chest. He had one of those dreams again that he used to have… about Mel. He hasn’t had one in a long time. It’s always the same. Mel’s out in the middle of what looks like an ocean and Dylan is swimming as fast as he possibly can to get to him. But he can’t get close enough to Mel no matter how hard he tries. He’s always just a few inches out of his reach. Then Dylan watches in horror as Mel goes under one last time, leaving Dylan all alone with nothing in sight except water.
As he tries to get his labored breathing under control, Myra snuggles her naked body closer to him. He hugs her tight, pressing his face deep into her hair, breathing her in. Within minutes, his breathing returns to normal and his heart rate slows. He can’t sleep now so he just lays there and thinks about how the evening went. For the most part, it went a lot better than he thought it would. He fucked up a couple of times, which was to be expected. Like when he dropped the bread on the floor and forgot about that picture of him and Sabrina in the photo album. He felt really bad about Myra seeing that picture, but it’s been over a year since he looked at that album and he just didn’t remember it.
With just the slightest touch of his index finger, he tucks a strand of Myra’s hair behind her ear, his thoughts shifting to when they were outside eating s’mores. It was the best and worst part of their date. He loved snuggling up with her next to the fire, but it was their conversation that was tough. Myra asked some really hard questions and he gave her only the truth. He wasn’t surprised when Myra said she wanted to get married and have kids because what woman wouldn’t want to have those things? For some reason, he’d never thought about it before. What the hell is he supposed to do now? Why would she want to stay with a guy that’s so fucked up that he can’t give her something as normal as marriage and kids?
He had an okay marriage as far as that shit goes. At least up until the accident happened, but that day changed everything. It changed him as a person. He checked out on Sabrina that day. He knows he completely failed her. His feelings,
his emotions, his very own soul checked out that day. When his wife needed him the most, he left her and hid in his own pain. He hid behind his work and used that as an excuse to distract himself. What if he did that to Myra? What if he hurt her? He softly kisses her forehead and rubs the back of his finger against her cheek. He didn’t mean to hurt Sabrina so what if he somehow hurts Myra and doesn’t even mean to? He sighs quietly and decides that maybe he should do like Myra suggested and try out that therapy shit again.
He might have jumped the gun a little when she asked him about the marriage thing. He might do it again someday with someone like Myra, but only if it’s way down the road, like years and years in the future. But kids? That just can’t happen. He feels like he’s already had his chance at parenthood… twice. For some reason, it just wasn’t meant to be. But Myra… she has no family. She needs children in her life, lots of children. How can he take that away from her? She needs to be with someone who can give her those things. If he stays with her, they’ll probably just fight about it all the time and she’ll end up hating him.
Maybe he should let Myra go. Let her be with someone who can give her those things. He frowns as his breathing accelerates. Fuck that, no way in hell is he giving her up so easily. He has to be with her. He can’t leave her. Staring down at her, he feels a crushing sensation in the center of his chest as his breathing gets shallower. He can’t believe he’s almost having a panic attack over just thinking about that. He squeezes her tighter and leans down, touching his lips softly to her cheek. He watches her for a moment as she licks her lips then purses them before they fall slightly open again. It makes him smile. He never thought he’d find somebody like her.
He realizes that she’ll have to be the one to make that decision because he’s not going to be the one to let go first. He’s going to hang onto her and not let her go. He needs her. In ways he never thought he’d need someone.
What if she does leave? What if she moves on and looks for a man that can give her marriage and kids? That thought causes an icy fear to creep into his veins. Pushing her hair aside, he softly touches her neck with his lips. He needs her, needs to touch her, feel her, be inside of her. Slowly, he moves up her neck until he reaches that sweet spot underneath her ear. As he nibbles and licks on her skin, she turns onto her back in his arms and stretches. “Mm, Dylan…” she murmurs sleepily. Hearing her say his name like that causes a funny sensation in his chest, and his dick to stiffen even harder. He covers her naked body with his own and stares down at her. Opening her eyes, she smiles up at him. Leaning down slowly, he barely touches her lips with his own, just rubbing softly, so tenderly. “I need you,” he whispers against them.
He pulls back and looks into her eyes. She reaches her hands up and pulls his lips back down to hers, pressing her mouth against his. “I need you, too,” she whispers back.
With tenderness, he begins to show Myra with his hands, his lips, his tongue, and his body exactly just how much he needs her and what she means to him.
* * *
“Dylan is the dreamiest man,” Susie says with an exaggerated sigh. “I think he’s even more dreamy than Desmond, and you know how much I love my Desi. I swear that’s the most romantic date I’ve ever heard of in all my born days. The flannel shirt potholder, the garlic bread that bit the dust, the candles he forgot to light, the s’mores around the fire…” She sighs again. “He just makes me all swoony and gives me the vapors. Do you think he could give Jeff some pointers?”
“No,” Myra says with a chuckle. “But there is something I haven’t told you.”
“What? That you can’t walk today because the scruffy Greek god tool man pulled an all-night bang-a-thon on you? I already know what a stallion he is. Ride ‘em, cowboy,” Susie shouts before letting loose a loud neighing sound. She immediately busts out laughing.
“Quit joking. This is serious.”
“I’m sorry, honeypot. Me and my motor mouth promise to not make any more rude animal noises.”
“This is serious, Susie.”
“I know. Sorry. Go ahead.”
Myra takes in a deep breath. “We had a talk, about some serious things. Dylan said he doesn’t want to get married or have kids. I understand why, but what am I supposed to do? You know that I want to get married someday and I’ve always wanted kids. I can’t imagine not having any kids with my family all gone.”
“Okay, that really sucks some giant rhino ass. Let me think for a minute,” Susie says. She makes several ‘hmm’ sounds along with a couple of dramatic sighs. “Okay. Dr. Susie is officially struggling here. Here’s what I think. Dylan has pretty much lost everything. He basically had two children that died, and he lost his wife to drugs, so his whole world fell apart. If I were in Dylan’s shoes, I’d be completely terrified to even think about having those things again for fear of losing them and going through all that pain again. Bottom line, Dylan needs to go see someone. He needs a professional that can help him deal with his past so that he can move forward with his future. Damn, I can’t believe how smart I just sounded.”
Myra shakes her head and ignores her last statement. “We talked about that. I told him about how I talked to someone after my dad died. He didn’t seem too thrilled about the idea, but he did say he’d think about it.”
“Well, just keep encouraging him and maybe he will.”
“But what if he doesn’t? What if he refuses to go? He said therapy never worked for him in the past. What do I do then? Do I stay with him? When we both want such different things? How can it possibly work?”
“Dear Lord, you’re making my brain cells explode, and that’s not a good thing because you know I’m very limited on the number of brain cells that I possess. I swear I’m going to have to start charging you for these sessions; I run a grand an hour, by the way. All right… here’s what I think. You should not give up your dreams for any man, period. No matter how hot he is. So does that mean you should run out and dump the tool man right now? Definitely not because think about this… What if you end things with Dylan today and never find another man that you love as much as you love him, and you miss out on the greatest love of your life? Or what if you dump him and then never find another guy and still don’t get married or have kids?
“There’s one thing that I’m completely certain of and that’s that people change their minds all the time. Maybe in the future, with some very expensive therapy, Dylan could get to the point that he might change his mind. But you can’t go into a relationship with him thinking that. You have to go into it knowing that he doesn’t want those things and accepting it fully. You have to come to terms with the fact that you’re willing to give those things up to be with him, otherwise, it’ll never work.”
Myra sighs. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I think you do know what to do. Your heart has already made the decision for you, honey.”
Myra knows Susie’s right. She can’t give Dylan up no matter how much it may cost her. She just can’t.
* * *
Dylan takes a deep drag off of his cigarette and flicks the butt out the window of his truck and immediately lights another one. He’s been chain-smoking like a motherfucker ever since Ray showed up at his house this morning. Ray followed Dylan to Boise where they loaded Myra’s cabinets into both trucks, and they’re now on their way to Myra’s house. Just the thought of Ray and his fucking mouth in the vicinity of Myra makes him want to kick the shit out of something. His brows pull together when he gets struck with a thought. Maybe he can do something about this. He yanks his phone out of his pocket and dials Myra.
“Hi,” she answers in a sweet voice.
“Hey. We’re almost there. Just stay in the house and don’t come outside. I’ll have Ray help me unload the cabinets and then I’ll send him off. That way you don’t have to listen to his annoying-as-fuck mouth.”
Myra laughs. “Okay. Where are you going to put the cabinets?”
“Why don’t you pull your car out of the garage
, and we’ll store them in there. Do you mind leaving it outside for a few days? Just until I can get the cabinets installed?”
“No, I don’t mind.”
“Okay. We’re just a couple of miles away so go ahead and pull your car out and then go back in the house. I’ll knock once I get the asshole gone.”
Myra laughs again. “All right… I’ll see you soon.”
Dylan grins as he tucks his phone back into his pocket, happy that he fixed that little problem. Ray won’t get the opportunity to be an ass.
But when he pulls into Myra’s driveway, he frowns when he sees her standing in the driveway, facing the garage with her garage door opener in her hand. “What the hell?” he mumbles. She turns around at the sound of his truck, a startled look on her face.
Throwing his truck into park, he quickly jumps out. “What’s wrong?” he asks as she walks towards him.
“I can’t get the garage door to open for some reason,” she says, obviously frustrated as she hands him the opener. “I can hear it turning on, and it’ll move about an inch, but that’s it.”
“Goddamn it,” he mumbles as he hears Ray slamming his truck door behind him. “Do you have the key to the side door?”
“Yeah,” she says as she sticks her hand in her pocket and pulls out her keys, handing them to him.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the beautiful Miss Myra looking even more gorgeous than the last time I saw you,” Ray says from behind him. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to get any prettier, but you’ve somehow done it, Beautiful.” Dylan can just envision Ray’s nasty eyes moving up and down Myra’s body; the body that is his and his alone. His jaw clamps down, and his hands curl into fists.
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