Color of Forgiveness

by Madeleine Beckett

  His phone rings again. “Goddamn it,” he mutters in frustration as he pulls it out again. But this time it’s his mom. He frowns as he debates about whether to answer it or not. Guilt wins out.

  “Yeah?”

  “Dylan?” his mom asks her voice panicked. “I’m so glad you answered. It’s Natalie.”

  “What? What’s wrong?”

  “She went into labor earlier today so we rushed her to the hospital, but she… she’s hemorrhaging. She’s lost a lot of blood. You need to get here fast, Dylan. Chad’s a mess,” she sobs.

  “Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Is the baby…? Did the baby…?”

  “The baby’s fine, Dylan, she’s just really tiny. She weighed 4 pounds 5 ounces. She’s going to be in NICU for a while, but it’s Natalie…”

  “All right, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  Dylan’s hands shake as he hangs up the phone.

  If anything happened to Natalie… He can’t even think about that right now. But what the hell is he gonna do about Myra?

  He paces back and forth in Myra’s front yard, smoking and rubbing the back of his neck. He doesn’t want to tell her, but he has to, he has no other choice.

  Dylan walks quickly to the front door and opens it, walking down the hallway and into the kitchen. Myra’s face pales when she looks at him. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

  “I have to go to Boise. Nat had the baby, and she’s… hemorrhaging. So I have to go.”

  Myra’s mouth falls open as her hand flies to her chest. “Oh, no… Is she okay? Is the baby okay?”

  “The baby’s in NICU and she’s all right. It’s just… Nat... I don’t know much yet. I just have to go.”

  “I’ll come too,” Myra says.

  “Look, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dylan says. Instantly, Myra looks angry.

  “Just hear me out,” Dylan pleads, holding up his hands. “I don’t think another long trip in the truck will be good for you and the baby. And the stress of seeing Natalie; I don’t know how she’ll be. I just think it would be better if you stayed here. If she’s doing well, I’ll be back tomorrow.” She stares at him for a few seconds before letting out a long sigh and reluctantly nodding.

  “But there’s no way in hell I’m leaving you here alone so I was thinking I’d call Porter and ask him if he could stay with you until I get back.”

  Myra nods at him again, and Dylan quickly pulls out his phone and dials Porter.

  “Hey, Dylan,” Porter says. “Is everything okay?”

  “Not really. I’ve had a family emergency come up, and I need to run to Boise. Is there any way you could come over and stay with Myra tonight while I’m gone? I should be back tomorrow sometime if everything works out.”

  “Um, yeah, I could do that. I actually don’t have to work this weekend so you caught me at a good time. When are you leaving?”

  “Now, if possible…”

  “Okay. Let me grab some clothes. I can be over there in about fifteen minutes or so.”

  “Thanks, Porter, I really appreciate this.”

  “Not a problem. See you soon.”

  * * *

  Myra sits down at the table, her legs weak. She feels like the wind has just been knocked out of her. She can’t help the tears that trickle down her cheeks.

  Dylan tucks his phone in his pocket. “Porter’s on his way.” He gets down on his knees and grabs her hands in his. “Don’t cry. Please try not to worry. I know I’m asking a lot, but… just keep the baby safe until I get back, okay?”

  She nods, the tears continuing to come. She can’t stop them.

  “I need to go clean up. Are you okay?”

  She squeezes his hands and whispers, “Yeah.”

  He reaches up and wipes a tear from her cheek. He stares at her for a long moment before he finally gets up and walks down the long hallway to the stairs. He turns and stares at her one more time before disappearing around the corner.

  * * *

  “I won’t leave her until you get back,” Porter tells Dylan, “so don’t worry about a thing. I’ll keep her safe.”

  Dylan nods as he silences his phone and tucks it back into his pocket. Sabrina’s persistence is really starting to piss him off.

  “I’ll call you when I know something,” Dylan tells Porter. “Can you give us a minute?” He looks from Porter to Myra then back to Porter.

  “Sure,” Porter mutters. “I’ll just wait in the kitchen.”

  Dylan turns to Myra. There are tears in her eyes; they’ve been there since he told her the news. He can see the fear and worry written all over her face. He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He has to clear his throat in order to speak. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m sure she’s going to be fine, okay?”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  It fucking kills him to have to leave her. His eyes take in her face, soaking up every inch of it. Leaning forward, he kisses her on the forehead and turns, walking out the front door. When he gets into his truck, he looks up to see her standing at the door, watching him. It rips his heart out to see her like that. Slowly, he backs out of the driveway, keeping his eyes on her as long as he possibly can.

  Pulling up to a stoplight, he rests his head against the steering wheel. This shit just feels wrong. He shouldn’t be leaving her. But how can he take her with him when everything is so fucked up between them? And he knows all this stress isn’t good for the baby, look what happened to Sabrina. If he loses this baby too… his eyes start to water just thinking about it. It makes him sick to think of the stress he’s put Myra under for the last couple of days. He’s been an asshole and barely spoken. Someone honks, pulling him out of his thoughts. He looks up and sees the light has turned green.

  As he starts driving again, he thinks about his family. He has to go to them. They need him… but he needs Myra more. He slams his palm against the steering wheel in frustration.

  After driving for about another twenty minutes, he pulls over to the side of the road, his chest aching. He can’t drive another fucking mile away from Myra. He can’t do it. He turns off the truck and just sits there not knowing what to do next. His eyes wander, and he does a double take. He’s pulled up next to an old cemetery, the kind that’s not marked… just a few old head stones scattered about with a fence around it.

  His heart pounds as he gets out of the truck. He falls to his knees, removes his hat and looks up to the sky. “Mel, are you there? If you can hear me, ‘lil buddy, we need to talk.” Overcome with emotion, his lip starts to quiver. He clears his throat, trying to loosen the lump stuck in it. “I usually only talk to you at your grave, but I don’t have time to drive there right now so I hope this is all right. Remember when I told you about me and your mom breaking up? Well, I’ve met someone. Someone that I think you’d really like. Her name’s Myra.

  “And something, well, something kinda crazy has happened. I never wanted to be a dad again because what you and I had was so special. I didn’t want to lose that, those memories we had. I didn’t plan this, but you’re gonna be a big brother.” A small smile touches his lips as he stares up at the sky. He blinks and a tear streaks down his face. “You’d have made a great big brother, Mel, the best. But I’ve been having a hard time with this because I’m scared. I’m really scared of loving another child because I feel guilty, like it wouldn’t be right to love another child without you around. And what if I love this child and end up losing it like I lost you?” Dylan frowns. “But that’s pretty selfish of me, isn’t it? This is your brother or sister we’re talking about.”

  Dylan looks down at his hat for a moment, his eyes clouded with tears. “Mel, I gotta do this. I gotta go make things right. I love her, I love Myra and…” He stops, his brows pulling together. “I, I didn’t even realize it, until now, but…” His lip trembles again. “I guess, I didn’t know, but I love this baby too. I can’t help it, Mel. Because I love her, I can’t help but love this baby.” Dylan wipe
s his eyes on his sleeve.

  “I have to try to be a dad again even though I’m scared. I’m gonna need help, I know that. I’ve got a doc I’m talking to. But I need you to know that no matter how much I love this new baby, no one could ever replace you, ever. You’ll always be first in my heart. I love you, son, and nothing will ever change that. So I just wanted to talk to you before I go back there. I’m gonna work hard on being a good dad to your baby brother or sister. I’m gonna do that for you, all right? I miss you. I miss you so much. I wish you were here, more than anything.” He looks up at the sky and a few raindrops hit his face. He closes his eyes and smiles as the cool drops run down his face and mix with his tears.

  * * *

  “Do you want some more coffee?” Myra asks Porter.

  “Fill ‘er up,” he says with a grin as he hands her his cup. “While you’re doing that, I’ll be right back.”

  Myra smiles and gives him a nod then watches as he walks down the hallway and into the bathroom. She carries his cup over to the counter and refills it. Looking up, she stares out the kitchen window, worrying about Natalie and Dylan and his whole family. The thought of something happening to Natalie breaks her heart… What would Chad do? What would those four children do without their mother? What would Dylan do? That family has seen enough tragedy. She just hopes and prays that Natalie and little Jillian are safe.

  She wanted to go so badly and she was hurt when Dylan didn’t want her to go. But she knows he was probably right. It would have been a stressful trip, and she has to look out for her own little one before anything else.

  She hears a light knocking on the door. As she walks down the hallway, she picks up the gun that lays hidden on a side table and tucks it in the pocket of her hoodie. Peering through the window, a startled gasp escapes her lips when her eyes meet Sabrina’s.

  She has something cradled in her arms. Myra frowns as she stares at it… and her heart almost explodes from her chest when she recognizes it. It’s Dylan’s photo album, the one that was stolen from his house.

  CHAPTER 13

  UMBER, FOREBODING

  Myra gulps her face completely ashen and her eyes wide as she takes several steps back away from the door. Sharp breaths escape her slightly gaping mouth as she begins gasping for air.

  Why is Sabrina here? Why is she holding Dylan’s album? Her mind races for answers. The only way Sabrina could have that photo album is if she stole it. She had to have been the one that broke into Dylan’s house and vandalized her car. Is this what she meant when she said she was going to fight for him? Is she here to try to hurt her?

  Backing up a few more steps, Myra’s eyes stay glued to the door, her breathing ragged, as she tries to figure out what to do next. But then she remembers Porter and lets out a huge breath. Releasing her painful grip on the gun in her hoodie pocket, she closes her eyes for just a moment, trying to get her racing heartbeat to slow. She had totally forgotten about him, but he’ll know what to do. He’ll make Sabrina go away and protect her. Turning on her heel to go get him, she crashes into a large chest just as Sabrina pounds loudly on the front door again.

  A shriek of terror flies from Myra’s lips.

  “Myra, oh my goodness, are you all right?” Porter asks as he grabs her by the shoulders. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He glances over her shoulder then back at her. “Who’s at the door?”

  Myra’s body trembles so much she can barely speak. “It’s Sabrina,” she says in between pants. “She’s got Dylan’s photo album.”

  Porter frowns as he reaches down and undoes the clasp on his gun that hangs from his waist. “Myra, I want you to go upstairs and lock your bedroom door. Do not come out for any reason. Are you armed?”

  She nods.

  “Good. I’m going to give you a safe word, and I don’t want you opening that door unless you hear me say the word. Do you understand?”

  She nods again, barely able to breathe.

  “Okay.” His eyes dart around the living room. “Our safe word is going to be Grampie, okay? You are to only open that door if I say that word, all right?”

  “Okay,” Myra whispers.

  Porter nods and squeezes her shoulders reassuringly. “Now go.”

  Myra runs up the stairs as fast as she can, stumbling slightly in the hallway. Slamming the door to her bedroom shut, she locks it and backs up slowly, staring at it as her chest heaves. Her heart pounds so hard she can hear the echo of it in her ears. She continues backing up until she bumps into the wall. Slowly, she slides down into a sitting position her eyes never leaving the door. Pulling out her gun, she flips off the safety and rests it on the top of her knees… and waits.

  * * *

  After wiping his face with his shirt, Dylan stuffs it back in his bag. The rain hits the windshield of his truck, blurring the glass as it trickles down in tiny rivulets. He can’t wait to get back to Myra and apologize for the way he’s acted and tell her how much he loves her and this baby. He has to do it right now because he can’t wait another second; life is too goddamn short. He knows that all too well after losing Mel, and now with Natalie…

  His stomach tightens when he thinks of her. He has to figure out a way to go see Natalie. He hopes that maybe after talking to Myra and getting shit right between them, he’ll somehow be able to leave her. But that thought alone causes his chest to ache. He’s not going to worry about any of that shit right now because he has to be there for Chad and his parents because he owes them everything. They were there for him every step of the way when he lost Mel. So he’ll figure something out. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he dials his mom.

  “Dylan…” his mom says, her voice stressed.

  “Hey. How is she?” he asks as he stares out the window.

  “Not good. They were giving her shots to stop the bleeding, but none of them worked. So the doctors told us they were going to rush her to the OR for an emergency D&C, but on the way there, she passed out from the blood loss. I thought we’d lost her,” Sherri says, her voice breaking. A lump forms in Dylan’s throat as he runs a hand roughly over his jaw. “She’s going to need a blood transfusion. She’s in surgery right now. They’re going to do the D&C and see if it works. But if it doesn’t, they may have to do a hysterectomy.”

  Dylan’s chest tightens to the point that he can barely breathe. His stomach pitches, the desire to empty it strong. He roughly clears his throat. “How’s the baby?”

  “She’s doing well even though her condition scares me. Her lungs aren’t developed so they have her in a special incubator with a hood on it. She’s so tiny; I’ve never seen a baby that small. She doesn’t even look real. That’s about all I know right now.”

  “And Chad…?”

  “He’s terrible, Dylan. He’s a mess. He broke down when Natalie passed out.”

  Dylan’s heart twists uncomfortably in his chest.

  “Nick’s on his way,” she continues, “and Trish is going to see if she can fly in for a few days but Doug can’t come. Oh… I forgot to tell you earlier, but Sabrina’s been calling our phones for some reason. We didn’t take any of the calls because of everything that’s been going on, but I thought I should let you know.”

  Dylan makes a growling noise and grabs the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turn white. “She’s been calling me too. The police questioned her this morning about the break-ins so I’m sure that’s why she’s calling. Don’t answer it.”

  “Oh, okay, I won’t. I just can’t talk to her right now anyway with everything that’s going on with Natalie.”

  He hums in agreement before he takes in a deep breath. “I’m going to be a little late getting there. I’m about,” he frowns as he tries to peer out the rain-soaked window. “I don’t know, maybe a half hour away from Nyssa, but I turned around because I have to go back. Myra wanted to come with me, but… well, I kind of left things a mess with her. I just can’t… I can’t leave her like that. I have to go back and talk to her and fix things and then I’ll
be on my way. I’ll try to make up some time on the road, all right?”

  Sherri clears her throat. “I’m so proud of you, so very proud. Myra needs you and so does this baby.”

  Dylan rubs his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

  “She told me that she loves you.”

  Dylan’s brows pull together. “She did?”

  “Yes. She’s very much in love with you.”

  A small smile touches Dylan’s lips, those words confirming that he’s doing the right thing.

  “Dylan, the situation with you and Myra and the baby is just as equally important to me as what’s going on here. Go back to Nyssa. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and get everything worked out with her. Once you get things squared away, you can come see us, okay?”

  “All right, it shouldn’t take long.”

  “In the meantime, just call me and I’ll keep you updated on Natalie’s condition, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “I love you. Be safe on the roads.”

  Dylan clears his throat, trying to get rid of the lump. “I love you too,” he mumbles gruffly before hanging up his phone.

  * * *

  Myra listens to the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. She hasn’t moved from her position against the wall with the gun perched on her knees. She’s been too frightened to do anything other than sit and stare at the door.

  The footsteps continue and then stop. Her gaze drops down to the shadow she can see through the gap at the bottom of the door. Holding her breath, she picks up her gun and aims it. Her heart practically pounds out of her chest. She startles slightly when she hears a light tap on the door. “Myra?” Porter calls out. “Everything’s okay. Grampie. I’m giving you the safe word... Grampie. Everything’s fine. You can open the door now.”

  Myra’s body relaxes, a heavy breath leaving her lungs in a gush as she sets the gun back down on her knees. Closing her eyes, she bows her head for a moment and tries to catch her breath.

  Slowly, she gets to her feet, her legs weak and wobbly. They tingle with pins and needles from sitting in that position for so long. She flicks the safety back on her gun before tucking it in the back of her jeans. Her hands tremble as she unlocks the door.