Color of Forgiveness

by Madeleine Beckett

  Dylan puts his index finger by his new little girl’s hand, and watches as she grips it tight. He can’t control the tears anymore so he doesn’t even try. Myra beams up at him. “You can tell them,” she whispers in a soft voice before looking back down at the bundle in her arms.

  He clears his throat because he has a huge knot in it. “Megan Elizabeth Lawson,” he announces.

  When Dylan looks back down at Myra, she looks up at him, tears flowing down her cheeks. “Her initials are M.E.L…. after her big brother.” A huge sob escapes Dylan when he looks down at the tiny fingers wrapped around him… his new beautiful daughter and his precious son’s baby sister.

  * * *

  “I can’t believe you had her that fast and with no drugs,” Natalie says to Myra. “I had epidurals with all of mine. But the pain leading up to the epidural was bad enough.”

  “You’re telling me,” Susie adds. “I about had a heart attack when I went into labor with Tucker, and they told me I couldn’t get an epidural until I was dilated to four or five. They don’t tell you that crap until you’re at the hospital in pain and ready to choke the life out of every one around you.”

  They all laugh as Sherri sits down in a chair by the bed. “He’s precious, isn’t he?” Sherri says to Myra her eyes on Dylan.

  Myra looks at him and nods, unable to stop her eyes from watering. Since Megan’s been born, a little over an hour ago, Dylan has not let go of her. Not once. He has also refused to let anyone hold her except Myra. Right now, he’s changing her first poopy diaper while Jackie films him with her phone. Pulling the tiny tabs on her diaper, he undoes it and peeks inside, his face scrunching up and causing the women to giggle. His hand looks enormous compared to her tiny feet when he holds them up with one hand and wipes her little butt with a wipe. He quickly puts on another diaper, pulling down her little hospital gown and wrapping her back up in the blanket. He picks her up and kisses her cheek. Myra lifts the sheet and wipes her face with it, choking down a sob.

  “I need a hanky,” Susie moans, all choked up. They all look at each other and bust out laughing as they all have tears shining on their cheeks.

  Dylan walks towards them and sits down on the bed. “All right... You all get five minutes each to hold her and that’s it. I’m gonna time you.”

  All the women start shouting angrily all at the same time.

  Dylan smirks and winks at Myra before he leans down and kisses Megan’s cheek again.

  * * *

  “I love my family, but I’m glad they’re gone and it’s just you and me and her now,” Dylan says, laying on the hospital bed next to Myra and watching Megan breastfeed. He rubs his finger along her velvety-soft cheek as he curiously watches.

  “Does it hurt?” he asks.

  “A little... because I’m sore.”

  “What does it feel like?”

  Myra’s brows pull together as she stares down at her baby in her arms. “It’s a strange feeling. I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s like this incredible sense of closeness. It just feels so natural. Like this is how it’s supposed to be.”

  “I’ve never seen a woman breastfeed before. It’s really fucking beautiful.”

  “Dylan… your language...”

  “Shit. I mean…” Dylan frowns and clears his throat. “I guess the days of my potty mouth are now over.”

  “Well, maybe not completely over.” Myra smiles and raises an eyebrow at him.

  Dylan grins. He loves that his woman likes his dirty mouth. He’ll save it for her… but only in the privacy of their bedroom. But for now, he’s gotta start cleaning his mouth up around his new baby girl.

  They both contentedly watch Myra nurse for a few more minutes. He puts his finger near Megan’s hand, and she grasps it tight again. “She’s so beautiful,” he says in amazement.

  “She is.”

  “I can’t tell who she looks like.”

  “Me either. I can’t believe how much hair she has. She definitely got that from you.”

  Dylan smiles and rubs his thumb across her tiny, soft fingers. “I love you, Myra. Thank you for giving me this.”

  “I love you too. But you had a big part in this as well,” she says, smiling.

  He smiles back but shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. I meant thanks for showing me that I could do this again… that I could be a dad again.”

  She reaches her hand up and touches his cheek, her eyes filling with tears. “That was all you. I had nothing to do with it. That was your choice.”

  He thinks about it for a minute before he nods. She’s right. It was his choice. He has decided to live again, and he has a lot of living to do. He plans on living for that beautiful little three-year-old boy that is somewhere up beyond the stars, and for this precious new life that clings to his finger.

  The door bursts open and in comes Susie and Jackie carrying bags of baby stuff.

  “What the?” Dylan says, catching himself just before he falls off the bed. “What are you?”

  “I talked Jackie into bringing me back,” Susie says. “I have to go home in a few days so this desperate godmother needs to get in as much Megan time in as I possibly can.”

  Susie sets her bags down and pulls up a chair. “Now, while I’m here, I think we should start talking about baby number two…”

  Dylan’s eyes almost bug out before they dart to Myra’s. She just giggles and shakes her head and mouths, sorry. He takes in a deep breath and wonders when the hell visiting hours are over…

  CHAPTER 17

  GOLD, SERENITY

  Epilogue 2

  8 Years Later…

  Dylan presses the end button on his phone and sets it on his desk. For a long moment, he just stares at it with his brows furrowed, but then his face relaxes and a small smile tugs on his lips. “Wow,” he whispers, shaking his head.

  The door to his office flings open, slamming against the wall with a loud bang as Chad barrels into the small space. “Well? What'd they say? I'm fucking dying here, man. I'm dying, bro,” Chad shouts like a drama queen, leaning his beefy hands on Dylan's desk and staring down at him.

  Dylan clears his throat and averts his eyes, fiddling with some papers strewn in front of him. His brows stay furrowed, and he tries really hard to keep his expression neutral. “Well, I have some bad news…”

  “Huh? Are you fucking kidding me?” Chad asks before he flops into a chair across from Dylan, his shoulders sagging. “Not again. Damn it, this fucking sucks. I really thought we got it this time. Who outbid us?”

  Dylan leans back in his chair. “Well,” he says warily, “we didn't actually get outbid.”

  “Well, shit. Then what the hell happened?”

  “The bad news is…” Dylan begins as he stretches his arms out and folds them behind his head, “that you're gonna have to put in some overtime to get that new construction crew together.”

  “You fucker!” Chad shouts with a grin on his face, leaping from his chair and running around the desk straight for Dylan. “You're going down, bro. Headlock time little brother.”

  Dylan busts out laughing and jumps from his chair to flee, but Chad's too fast. He grabs him and in a split second has Dylan trapped in a headlock, rubbing his scalp hard. “All right... Ow. Jesus, you asshole, that hurts.”

  Chad cackles and finally lets Dylan go, but immediately grabs him in a huge hug, pounding him hard on the back. “Bro! We're gonna be building shit. This is so fucking awesome. You wanna go grab a beer and celebrate?”

  “Nah… maybe some other time; I gotta go home to the family.”

  “Yeah... that reminds me…” Chad says, pulling out his phone. “I can't wait to tell Nat. I'm gonna get laid for the next month, dude.”

  Chad puts the phone up to his ear and looks up at Dylan. “I'm heading out. See ya in the mornin', brother. And just remember that I owe you for tricking me like that, you shit eater.” Chad throws him the middle finger before he lumbers from Dylan’s office.

 
Dylan laughs and calls out a goodbye to his retreating figure. He grabs his phone to call his dad about the good news. He'd prefer calling Myra first, but he wants to tell her in person.

  His dad retired three years ago, leaving the business to Chad and Dylan to run, but the physical aspect of contracting work began taking a toll on Dylan's back. So when Myra got her book deal, she begged Dylan to quit since they had plenty of money to live on. But he couldn't do it. He needed to work. It was important for him to provide for his family. After he and Myra had a few heated discussions over the matter, she came up with the idea of him and Chad getting into new construction with Dylan supervising. They started Lawson Construction on the side while they continued working the contracting business, and they've been bidding on construction projects around Boise for months now. They had lost every bid... until today.

  He chuckles as he hangs up with his dad who was thrilled with the news. As he wraps things up for the day, he can't keep from grinning like an idiot because he can't wait to get home and tell Myra the news.

  As he stares out the window of his truck at the scenery whipping by, he decides that this is probably his favorite time of the day. Well, maybe not. Nights wrapped up in Myra's arms are pretty fantastic too. That and snuggling up in the morning with her softness and a couple of kids in the bed isn't so bad either. But there's just something about coming home after a long day at work and having his wife there at home, waiting for him with some kind of delicious home cooked meal ready. Myra has spoiled him rotten. He knows he's rotten and loves every second of it. And seeing his kids after a long day of missing them? He smiles when he thinks of that feeling he gets when he hugs them tight to his chest and kisses their soft little cheeks. There's nothing in the world that can compare to it, absolutely nothing.

  He pulls into the garage and grins like a fool when he enters the kitchen. It smells fantastic… something Italian.

  “Hey, boy,” he says, bending down to pet their chocolate lab, Brownie, who earnestly nudges his hand with his wet nose. Brownie's giant tail wags excitedly and hits the wall over and over again making a loud thumping sound.

  Lifting his eyes, he catches Myra's gaze with his as she stands at the stove stirring something with Matthew resting on her hip. Her smile that greets him lights up the entire kitchen, causing a warm sensation to spread in his chest. Nobody should be this lucky, he thinks to himself. But somehow he is. He matches her smile and winks at her as he quickly straightens and makes his way towards them.

  “Hi, baby,” Myra says sweetly. He pulls them both into his arms and his lips find hers, kissing her gently.

  “Mm, I missed you,” he whispers softly against her sweet mouth. He jerks away from her and shouts, “Ow!” when Matthew's little fist grabs a handful of his hair and tries to yank it from his head.

  “Oh, no,” Myra mumbles. He can feel her trying to pry Matthew's fingers away. Several grunts and groans leave his lips and he knows at least a couple chunks of his hair are lost before Myra is finally able to remove his son's chubby fingers from his scalp.

  “Are you okay, baby?” Myra asks, snickering.

  “No.” He rubs his scalp, frowning. “Son, you're gonna make me bald before I hit forty.”

  Matthew responds by grabbing his bib and shoving it in his mouth and blowing a loud, wet raspberry while kicking his legs excitedly.

  Dylan can't help but smile at his adorable son. Holding onto Matthew's little hair-snatching hands, he leans down and kisses his cheek. He breathes him in unable to get enough of that wonderful clean, powdery baby smell.

  “So?” Myra prompts, staring up at him with wide eyes full of anticipation.

  He smiles and nods. “We got it, baby.”

  “I knew it! I'm so proud of you,” she says, wrapping her free arm around his neck and squeezing him.

  “It was all you, baby,” Dylan says. “We wouldn't have even gone in that direction if you hadn't pushed me.”

  “I just didn't want to see you in pain anymore. Now you can just boss people around. How's your back today?” she asks, reaching her free hand up underneath his shirt. He can feel her fingers tracing over the small scar on his back where he had disc surgery six months ago.

  “It's good…”

  “Daddy!”

  His heart, which was really soft and mushy to begin with, just flat-out melts into pure liquid the minute he feels little bodies wrap around his legs.

  “Daddy! Daddy! Be the Tool Man! Please?” Megan begs.

  Myra smiles at him, love shining in her beautiful eyes before she turns back to the stove.

  “The Tool Man?” he asks in a deep voice as he starts walking towards the family room with Megan, Madison, and Max clinging like tiny spider monkeys to his legs.

  They all shout, “Yes!” among bursts of tiny giggles.

  He stops when he gets to the family room. “Tool Man hungry,” he announces in a throaty, monster-like voice as he pats his stomach. “Tool Man needs little children to munch on.”

  “Don't eat me, daddy,” Madison shouts amidst little giggles. “Don't eat me.”

  “Eat me, daddy!” Max shouts.

  “Tool Man need snack,” Dylan says loudly. He leans down and grabs Madison, pulling her from his leg. She squeals in delight as he holds her tiny little squirming body up in the air vertically before his mouth descends on her neck, kissing and making chomping noises while his fingers dig into her little sides, causing her to shriek.

  He repeats the process with Max and Megan until he ends up flat on the floor with the kids crawling all over him.

  “Dinner's ready,” Myra announces. “Kids, go wash your hands.”

  They all start whining. “You heard your mother. Now get to it,” Dylan says affectionately as he starts to stand up. But before he can, Megan wraps her arms around his neck. He stands and holds her in his arms.

  “Daddy?” she asks her blue eyes framed with thick, dark lashes looking up at him intently.

  “What, sweetie?”

  “Do you like my nail polish?” she asks, holding her small hand up for his inspection.

  “Hmm…” he says, staring at the glittery purple color on her tiny fingertips. “Why, yes I do. That's a very lovely color on you.” He doesn't know a thing about nail polish, but he does know that everything looks beautiful on his little girl.

  “Mommy painted them for me. Thank you, daddy, I love you,” she says happily her little arms hugging his neck tightly.

  He feels like a pile of mush, just a gooey pile of nothing on the floor. “I love you, too, pumpkin.”

  “I'm not a pumpkin, daddy,” she says, pouting. “I'm a princess.”

  “I know,” he says with a smile. “Daddy's little princess.”

  “I'm yo pwincess, too, daddy,” Madison says with a tug on his shirt.

  He looks down into her dark brown eyes. “I know. I'm the luckiest daddy in the world. How did I manage to end up with two princesses?”

  Madison cocks her head to the side, smiling up at him as the dimples in her cheeks deepen. “It's 'cuz yo special, daddy.”

  Dylan reaches down and picks her up, holding both of his little girls in his arms. He doesn't know if he's special or not, but he's absolutely certain that he's blessed, profoundly blessed.

  He quickly gives each of them a kiss on the cheek.

  “Max?” he calls out to his son. “Hang onto dad's leg, son. We gotta go wash our hands.”

  His face hurts a little from smiling so much as he limps towards the bathroom with Max hanging on his leg and his two beautiful little princesses in his arms.

  * * *

  “No,” Myra says in a sharp voice her eyes darting to the closed bedroom door. “I don't even know where it's at.”

  “You are so full of the shitty shits right now, it's not even funny,” Susie retorts. “You know exactly where it's at. Now hurry up and go get it. I'm aging here.”

  Myra rolls her eyes at the Face Time on her iPhone. “How do you know I didn't throw it away?
” she asks, looking down at Susie's face. Susie cocks an eyebrow at her.

  “Um, because I demanded that you save it? And you sure as hell saved all the other ones. Besides, you know I'd come out there and beat your bony little ass if you didn't. We've been friends for way too many years now for you to start trying to pull the wool over my eyes so don't even try it. Now hurry! I'm getting all tingly and excited here,” Susie shouts, throwing her hands in the air and wiggling her fingers all crazy-like.

  Myra huffs loudly. “Fine… You're so pushy,” she mumbles. With a frown on her face, she reluctantly sets her phone on the bed. She quickly locks the bedroom door and stomps into her closet. She doesn’t have time for this… she could get interrupted at any minute. Dylan’s giving Max a bath while Megan and Madison are playing together in Megan’s room. Plus, she just got Matthew down for the night, and he was fussy and could wake up at any minute. Looking up at the multiple boxes on the top shelf, she finally lays eyes on the one she's looking for. Pulling it down, she scrunches her nose up at the thick layer of dust covering the lid. Blowing gently, she watches as a puff of dust swirls into the air.

  Carrying it back to the bedroom, she removes the lid and smirks when she sees the still unopened pink dildo that Susie sent her so many years ago. She moves it aside and rummages through the box until she finds what she’s looking for. She leans over and picks her phone back up.

  “I found it,” she admits in a defeated voice.

  “Yes!” Susie shouts in triumph, doing a cha-ching with her right arm. “I knew you kept it.”

  Myra squints as she tries to read the writing on the box. “Oh my god… this thing expired like four years ago. I can't use this.”

  “Oh, for fart's sake, Myra, you can always go buy another one later. Who gives a hill of beans about the expiration date? We're talking weird, freaky fate shit here. You have to use that one. Who knew way back then that I'd send you five pregnancy tests and you'd end up needing all of them? Well, technically you didn't need the first one because you freaking cheated and went and took a damn test with Natalie instead of your beloved virtual best bud. But I'm so glad that all those years ago I forced you to use one of my tests when you were pregnant with Megan so that you could save it for her memory box. This is destiny, girlie, pure bizarro destiny.”