by J. L. Beck
“Excuse me, but is there a problem?” I growled pushing the plate forward. I caught Bree’s eyes as apprehension showed in them. She didn’t want a blowout, and neither did I, but no one gets away with treating my girl or me like shit.
“Problem….” Was she pondering if there was a problem or not? She had five fucking seconds to tell me if there was, and what it was?
“Yeah, you know like, an issue. There isn’t a damn reason to shove shit at me. There is most definitely no reason to take that tone with my woman, and if you care about your job in the least bit, you’ll take the high fucking road.”
“Zerro…” Bree said quietly…
“No. It’s not okay to be disrespectful.”
“Honey, you need to get your dog on a fucking leash.” The waitress, whose name I didn’t get, walked away.
“Bitch…” I was this close to reaching for my fucking gun and placing a bullet in her head. Guess Pleasant Fucking Villes crime rate would go up to one with me around.
“You need to relax, Zerro. This is the real world. There are no Mafia people here. That’s all kind of made for the movies, so while we both have to learn to adjust to shit, you can’t just go around ordering people around and pulling your gun out.” Bree all but scolded me as if I were a child.
“I didn’t pull my gun out,” I said slipping a piece of the omelet into my mouth. It didn’t taste like my cook’s cooking, but then again, not a lot of food did.
Arching an eyebrow, she watched me. “Really, so when I watched your hand slip into your back it wasn’t just to grab your wallet so you could leave a nice tip?” Was she mocking me?
“I will have you know, I can fucking get my gun out whenever I want.”
Snorting, she glared. “You act like I’m taking a piece of your manhood or something?” She was—my gun was the closest thing to my home I had left.
“It’s my gun and if I want to put a bullet in her head, I will.” I took another bite of my food, and then a drink of water, waiting for her to eat her own food.
Shaking her head, she turned her attention to something out the window. “And to think I actually thought maybe you were changing. Thinking maybe you had left behind the murderous person I had met months ago.”
Desperately, I wanted to tell her I had—I had let the person go I once was when I shot John, but the truth was I hadn’t. I had covered him up. I had pushed a part of me to the bottom… but there was no changing that part of me. It would always be there.
Leaning in, to the point where I was leaning onto the table, I said, “If you thought that part of me was gone, you’re naïve. I was born into this life, Bree. I will never allow that part of me to go away. It’s been ingrained into me since the start of life. If I had a choice, believe me when I say I would’ve made one.”
I could all but feel the sadness seep into both of us. There was an ocean forming between us. I thought I had actually saved her, brought her out of the dark, but maybe it was me who was still keeping her in the dark. Maybe I was what was hurting her the most.
“Everyone has a choice, Zerro. Everyone has a chance to change things for the better. Your past doesn’t define you and without a future path outlined, you’re free to do whatever you want.”
What was she saying? I was growing angry from simple confusion. Her words were always littered with riddles. Some I understood and others, I didn’t.
“There is no path to choose from, Bree. No path to walk along. My path was chosen long before you came along.”
Tears formed behind her eyes, and I knew I had struck some kind of nerve. I was confused though and hurt. How could I change something where I never had a choice? How the fuck did we even get to this subject. We were supposed to be having a simple dinner? Just like normal people did.
“I didn’t me—”
“No, you did. The Mafia will always run in your blood and I get that. I seriously fucking do. You’ve lost so much and dealt with so much pain, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to get over. Just know, the person who raised me from birth died at your hands and I had to learn to deal with my anger elsewhere….”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I barked drawing attention to us. I didn’t care though. I had no idea what she meant by that statement.
“You need to get over whatever is inside of you holding you back from moving on. I know you watched your mom die, but I watched you kill John. Looks like we aren’t far from one another, after all.”
Still reeling from her words, lost in my own mind, I didn’t even realize she had gotten up to leave. Where did she think she was going?
I gripped the table to the point of pain and pushed myself up, throwing a fifty down before I walked out in search of her.
As soon as I was out the door, I ran to her, grabbing her by the lapels of her coat. I turned her to face me. Her cheeks were streaked with fresh tears.
“You want to tell me what the fuck is going on because I’m confused here.” Frustrated with the whole situation, I started rubbing my palm against my head. I didn’t know how to talk about problems. I simply dealt with them in a different manner.
“There is nothing to talk about, Zerro. You are who you are, and I made a mistake thinking you had changed.”
“Changed? What the hell would make you think I had changed?” Had I really lost my touch? Had being out of the world I had grown up in pushed me to grow soft, and if so, was I hurting her more by dragging her down a confusing path.
“You…” She shoved against my chest with far more strength than I knew she had, “you’re just so dumb. You don’t even absorb anything…” Frustration laced her words, and I wasn’t sure if I should talk or not.
“I thought you changed for us. For some reason, I thought when all this was over, we would be able to be together. I thought maybe you would leave the Mafia.” She seemed surprised by her own confession, and my own heart started to beat out of control. I was shocked into silence.
“I—” What was I supposed to say to that? I couldn’t ever just walk away from the Mafia. This wasn’t a fucking career choice and the fact she made it seem like it made me angry.
“You think this is what I want? You think I want to be this person? You think I want to drag your feelings all over the place and kill people. Hell, I’m killing myself in the process, Bree…” I huffed the words out, every single word a lash meant to be against her skin. I wanted to hurt her, shake her to death. Make her realize I couldn’t choose between her and the Mafia.
“I thought—I mean—couldn’t we have—” Her words weren’t making sense.
“No, we couldn’t. There was no happy ever after for us, Bree. I planned on winning this war and where I went from there, I didn’t know.”
Her face grew red with every word I said, and I felt my chest cavity breaking in two. My heart was bleeding for her and for the future we may or may not have.
“I never asked for a happily ever after, Zerro.” She shoved against my chest getting in my face.
“I simply wanted to know what your intentions were. Why after everything had happened, you would want to stay doing this? This isn’t you.”
What she was saying was causing me to think. To think about things I couldn’t. This was the road I was meant to travel.
“It is me. This is me. The monster in the flesh before you. Right in sight.” I pushed her back until she was against a wall with nowhere to run. The man I used to be was right under the surface. The man who would have wiped the alley with her face. The man who would’ve fucked her and then threw her to his men. Was I still that man?
“This isn’t you.” She fought back. “This is the shell of a man who was used to existing simply because dealing with the pain of what happened had been too much. Think whatever you want, Alzerro King, but know you can’t hide who you really are. I’ve already had a taste of the man underneath, and I will do anything I can to never let him go.” Was she delirious? I had just told her the monster I was, and still, she stood before me as if
she thought she could save me.
“There isn’t any saving me, Bree. There is no stopping whatever will happen from happening. I helped you through your loss because it was my fault It was my jo—”“
“Just shut up already.” She interrupted me stunning me into silence once more. I gritted my teeth so hard I was afraid my jaw would shatter.
“It’s my fault your mother’s dead. So why not hate me, too? Why not fucking ruin it all because you can’t move on.” She was seething, but the tears were there trailing down her cheek. I had caused this destruction. I knew I would break her, hurt her, and yet still, I tried. I tried to be so much more than what I was.
“I don’t know what to say…” I muttered astounded at her behavior and how the night’s events had played out.
“Nothing. Say nothing because when this is all over, I will be the one to walk away from you, not the other way around.” And then she was running, she was leaving me, and I felt the walls closing around who I was. Around everything that had happened between us.
The debt was settled, but our future was inevitable.
We were born to enemies none the less.
Chapter Fourteen
Bree
I was so fucking stupid. I was running from him, and by the sound of silence surrounding me, I knew he wasn’t following me. Maybe he didn’t care, maybe none of it mattered, but I knew if I couldn’t save him from his own mind, no one could. I had dealt with so much in the last week. I had learned my mom had an affair, and James, Jared’s father was my own, and who I thought was my father had secretly been working with the FBI. He had been using me as a pawn in his own personal game.
“Why the fuck do I even care?” I growled to myself, falling to my knees in the park. I had run for what seemed like forever, but really hadn’t been more than ten minutes.
As I sunk further into the ground, I wonder why I was even trying. Why, right this second, I didn’t call Jared and tell him to take me as far away as he could and hide me. He had asked, one time late at night. He had said he would do anything he could to contain the sliver of happiness he had.
“You know someone like you, out in a park like this—not really all that safe.” A deep voice rumbled behind me. I turned around, staring into a pair of deep green, vibrant eyes. I knew those eyes, the voice, and it did nothing to stop the sickness in my stomach from bubbling over.
“Who cares what is safe anymore.” I was stupid—so fucking stupid. I knew it, and Devon knew it, too. Maybe that’s why he was here. Maybe Zerro had called him to fetch me.
“Obviously, not you. There’s a basket case fucking man searching the hills for you and you’re running in the park alone.” His hair was a little too long for my liking, and his eyes—those eyes peered deep into my soul. It was as if you couldn’t lie to him to save your very own life.
“After all I went through, I almost want to fucking give up and turn myself in. Have you ever just been tired of running?” I asked not really sure why I was asking. I didn’t even know why he was still standing here talking to me. He wasn’t my keeper.
Squatting down on his heels, he looked me straight in the eyes. “I live a double life, Bree. I’m pretty sure I have thought about running more than you ever have in your entire life.”
“Then why don’t you?” I asked naïve to the understanding. People always had a choice, right?
He smiled, and it wasn’t a genuine kind, but more of a comforting one. “There is no point in running. If I ran, I would be running forever, and what fun would that be? I wouldn’t get much sleep at night having to look over my shoulder at every corner.”
The wind picked up, pushing my hair into my face. I had no reason not to believe what he was saying. It made sense. Running was the same as sitting and waiting. Both caused a knot of anxiety to form in your belly. I guess all I really wanted was freedom.
“Did he send you to fetch me?” I growled, changing the subject. I would be fifty shades of fucking angry if he did. I wasn’t a dog.
“No. He doesn’t even know I’m with you right now.” His voice was calm, but something about the fact Zerro didn’t know sent shivers down my spine. I couldn’t tell if Devon was the good guy or the bad?
“Why not?”
“He didn’t need to know. After all, he is the one who let you go,” Devon said stating the obvious. Had he been watching us?
“Who are you, and what is your plan in all of this?” My voice turned high pitched, terror was filling my mind. Running wasn’t a good idea, after all.
“My plan hasn’t changed. I’m not here to kill you or hurt you so calm down. I can practically hear your heartbeat through your jacket.” A sliver of amusement showed on his face calming my nerves slowly.
Coming to a stand, I dusted off the leaves and headed for a nearby bench. I wasn’t ready to go back to Zerro yet—if he was even waiting for me.
“Zerro told me you had a plan. You guys were devising some shit behind everyone’s backs.” The way I said it made it seems as if he was deceiving all of us.
“Wow, the asshole really can keep a secret…” Devon laughed loud and proud. The creases on his face told me he didn’t often smile, which was a shame.
“Hardly, we got it out of him anyway,” I remarked. A moment of silence passed between us as the wind rustled the leaves in the trees.
“Figures….”
“Why are you here then?”
Shrugging his shoulders, he pulled a knife out of his pocket. I gasped, and my first reaction was to run.
“Shhh,” he said, placing his hand on my knee in a reassuring gesture. “I just watched Mack kill someone. He killed someone for no fucking reason, simply because he could. Do you know how disgusting that is to me?” His words sneered together. His hold on the blade became intense.
“I can imagine it would be extremely unpleasant and completely disgusting.” My tone was all matter of fact, as my heart rattled in my chest. This man was going to give me a fucking heart attack.
“You know, I never wanted to hurt you. I never would’ve. They made us put you in the hole. John made us fucking do it to you. A man I personally worked with, Bree. I worked with John for a couple years, Bree. He was after answers, and all he had to do was discover my secret…”
“What secret?” I asked curiously. I wanted to know what had happened.
“I worked for Alzerro the whole time. I was one of his men before I became part of the FBI. I promised him I would let him know shit from the inside and eventually, we parted ways. I did my own thing and he did his.”
“He mentioned something about you working for him. That explains why you let me go. Didn’t want your ass kicked, huh?” I joked.
“No, I really just wanted to let you go. I hoped you would run instead of seeking answers. It kind of sucks to find out shit you wish you hadn’t.”
“You talk as if you have experience with this kind of thing.” As we talked more, I felt myself melting into the bench. It had been months since I talked to someone on the outside.
“You have no clue. I needed money so I volunteered to do a job for Mack. Little did I know it was way more than a fucking job…” His body shifted as he stared up at the sky. For an FBI agent, he seemed like he was at his wits ends.
“Welcome to my world. I’ve been in hiding for months now. Pushed and shoved around. Secrets have been thrown my way, and somehow, I’m still breathing…” The air shuffled past us, and I took in a big gulp.
“You know I should be really fucking mad at you.” I laughed nudging him in the side. His eyes came down to meet my own, and my breath caught for a mere second. Was I attracted to him, or was it the fact I was still extremely pissed at Alzerro.
“Hey, now, I had to do what I had to do. Blowing my cover would’ve meant a bullet in both of our heads.” He was right—blowing his cover would’ve been the end of all of this. I probably wouldn’t have ever found out the truth.
“Point made. But if you ever throw a bucket of water on me
again, I’m stabbing you in the chest.” I wasn’t joking.
“Are you waiting for him to come and get you, or do you want to come with me?” Devon asked as he changed the subject. He slipped a smile somehow into his words. I wasn’t sure if I should leave the park with him. What if he took me to Mack before it was time? Then again, going back to Jared’s and sitting in the same room was no fun either. I didn’t want to listen to Zerro tell me all the things he couldn’t do.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I looked at him in a defensive manner. “I’m not waiting for him to come get me. I will go with you, but I want to make sure you aren’t taking me to Mack yet.”
Zerro would call me stupid, insane, illogical. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but he needed to be worried. He needed to freak out, to realize anything could happen.
Smirking at me, he laughed. His whole body shook, and my eyes wandered all over the place.
“I promise not to feed you to the devil just yet. I’ll take you out for some drinking and have you back at home before midnight. Since I know you’ll turn into a pumpkin and all.” He had to be playing, right?
“Okay, let’s go,” I urged before Zerro came and actually found me. The last thing I wanted to do was deal with him right now.
Sometimes, people had to make their own path, and after everything had happened between us, I was going to do just that.
* * * * *
“Here,” Devon said tugging on my jacket as we entered the club he wanted to go. It was two towns over and though I was nervous, I was excited, too. I hadn’t been able to do anything my age. The beat of the music rumbled under our feet and vibrated through our bodies making it hard to breathe.
“What?” I all but yelled—not intentionally, of course. Something cold and metal was placed in my hand, and when I looked down, I caught the glint of a knife in the strobe lights. What the hell?
“I can’t tak—”