Ben shook his head. “No, it was always only James, even as kids. He was the be all and end all of your world. Not to mention that you were also married sooner than any of us had planned. After the incident in the barn, it became clear to your daddy and me that… Well, let’s just say that we knew you were no longer pure and moved quickly to avoid a scandal. We forced you to announce your engagement long before any of us were really ready.”
“I wasn’t ready.” Rose confessed. “I don’t remember much before the wedding, but I do know that. After I’d given myself to him, I knew something was wrong, but I never had the time to figure out what.” She frowned. “But why did you change my memories? What harm would it have done to allow me to remember James as he was?”
At her words, Ben had the good sense to look slightly guilty. “That first night after you died and woke up here, you were inconsolable, honey. Remember, I had been dead for a few years myself at that point and hadn’t seen you before, let alone in this house. Then suddenly, here you were, lost and alone.
“You cried for James and I didn’t know where he was or how to lead you to him. Not to mention that you weren’t exactly you anymore. Something was different about you; you weren’t the kind of ghost any of us were used to. You acted different, had spotty memory and were so emotional that you cried, for heaven’s sake! The Powers were no help either.”
“They control everything,” Rose countered, still confused and wondering if this nightmare would ever end. “How could they not know?”
Ben played with his hat again. “Even now we still don’t know, though our best guess is some kind of black magic. Josh more or less confirmed that when he read your aura.” He plucked at an errant thread on his jacket. “So much of your memory was gone, Rosie, but what you did remember was James and how good he was to you. It was all you remembered, all you could talk about. It gave you comfort, so that’s what I used. I painted a better picture of the man than he actually was, but I only did it for you.”
“And built up memories that weren’t real.” There was no anger in her tone, only confusion. This entire experience had left her feeling drained, which she knew wasn’t a good sign. One way or another, this would all be over soon.
“It was either that or allow you to stay as you were and that wasn’t good for you, Rosie girl. If you were going to move on, you needed to get better. You were sick, for lack of a better word, and no one knew how to deal with a sick ghost. But memories of James, that there was enough to get you moving again.”
Rose nodded, not completely understanding, but starting to get a clearer picture. It would help if she could truly remember what had happened the night she’d died, but she wasn’t sure she ever would. “And once I started to pull myself out of my misery, you kept feeding me stories and happy memories about James to ensure it continued.”
She stood and began to pace the room. “What about Justin? He’s more like the man I thought I remembered.”
“He is,” Ben confirmed. “Rosie, you know that spirits evolve and change as time passes, as each new personality is born and then dies. It’s the way of things. Each time Justin was reborn he became a better man. Doesn’t always work that way, but in his case, it did.” He paused, as if unsure he really wanted to ask the next question. “How do you feel about Justin?
Now it was Rose’s turn to look away in embarrassment. “I love him, Grandpa,” she confessed. “A lot. More than I loved James, I think. That’s wrong of me, isn’t it?”
Ben shook his head. “No, Rose, it isn’t. Justin is the man you wanted James to be. Hell, maybe he’s the man James himself wanted to be all those years ago. I can’t speak to that. What I do know is that Justin is your reality, at least for now. You have to decide if you want to embrace it or not.”
“I know that I want out of here, out of this house.” Rose gestured around the room. “I want Justin, too. I want to be able to love him like he deserves.” She blinked and studied the old ghost sitting across from her. “You’re right in what you said. He’s the man I always wanted James to be. I know that now.”
“Then we have some more work to do.” Ben pushed himself out of the chair and shoved his hat back on his head. “I’ve been holding off on doing this because I didn’t know where you stood on the whole Justin/James mess. Didn’t know if it was infatuation or real love. Now I do.”
Frowning, Rose picked up her brush and began to tap it against her palm. “I don’t understand. You mean you could have done more to help me earlier, more than leading them to the papers? I’m still stuck here and there was something you could have done?”
“Now don’t go getting ahead of yourself, girl,” Ben warned. “That’s not what I’m sayin’. It had to be your choice to want to get free of this house and until now, you didn’t have a reason. Now you do. That’s just the way this works.”
“I told you earlier that I wanted to move on, to be free!” She was scowling now.
“But did you really want it, deep in your heart?” Ben studied her the way Josh had and she felt uncomfortable again. “Because I don’t know that you did. You wanted to have a life again. That’s not the same as wanting out of this house, loving Justin and wanting him for life.”
He held up his hand as Rose started to speak. “Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know. The Threads that make up your existence are a tangled up mess, Rose, honey. I can’t untangle them for you. You have to do it and today you took that first step.”
“So now what?” Rose put the brush back down. Unfortunately, this wasn’t going to be as easy as she had hoped.
“Now, I go look for more information,” Ben said with a smile, the first real one she’d seen from him in years. “You made the first step, now I have to go back to The Powers and see where we go from here, or if they even know.”
Rose bit her lip. She didn’t like the idea of delaying any longer, but knew it couldn’t be helped. “How long will that take?”
“I don’t know,” Ben confessed, “but hopefully not too long.” He came over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Chin up, my Rosie girl. We took the first step tonight. With any luck, from here on out it will be smooth sailing as my daddy used to say.” With a wink, Ben stepped back and then disappeared into a flash of light.
Despite his words, she didn’t think moving on would be quite that easy. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to move on, especially if that meant leaving Justin, though she hadn’t told her grandfather that. Ben only wanted to help her, set her free from the house that had essentially been her prison since her death.
Deep in her heart, what Rose wanted was to stay in this time, in this life, even if it meant being without a body, without ever being able to really touch Justin. However, she also knew that wasn’t fair to him.
Justin deserved a life with a human woman who could touch him, love him, and most of all appreciate him. He deserved someone who could cook and clean for him. Despite her ability to move objects and sometimes act like a living human being, Rose knew that she would never, could never, be that woman. That left her no other choice.
The man she loved would have to find someone else. That realization broke her heart, but she knew that was how it had to be. As difficult a decision as that was, she owed him nothing less.
However, before Justin moved on with his life, he might be able to set her free from her own prison so that in their next incarnations, they could find each other again. Then, perhaps, they could finally set the universe back to rights. She could probably ask that much, but no more.
Rose might want more, but she also knew that would be selfish of her. The universe, the Fates if one preferred, would correct itself when it was time. Much as she might want that time to be now, it probably wasn’t. Her freedom, however, would bring her one step closer to the happy ending she longed for.
She was still thinking about Justin and praying he wouldn’t wait too long to return when she felt it. Deep within the essence of all that she was, she could feel him approach
ing. That was new. He was coming back to her. Now. Tonight. He hadn’t been able to resist the force of their attraction any more than she had.
Running to the window, she saw car headlights turn into the driveway. As the car slowed to a stop, a figure emerged, moving quickly and with purpose. Justin. Right then, nothing else mattered to Rose except that she reach him as quickly as possible. She wanted her life back and she was starting now.
Justin looked up at the attic of Rosewood House and saw a flicker of shadow block out the light. Rose was up there, probably getting ready for what she called bed, even though she didn’t really need to sleep.
He knew he shouldn’t be here. Rose had asked for time away from him and he’d agreed. He’d tried going back to the office, but that hadn’t helped. Instead, all he’d received was a good dose of guilt when he’d run into Reed, who was still trying to help Callie recover her strength.
The latest attempt had involved trying to transfer energy from Reed himself into Callie via the Imperitas. After several unsuccessful attempts, however, they’d given up and instead found a few interns willing to allow some of their own spiritual and physical energy to be transferred into the ill woman via more traditional paranormal means.
Feeling worse than he had when he’d gone into the office, Justin had gotten back in his car and driven around aimlessly, trying to make some sense out of the chaos around him. Instead, all he could think about was Rose – as usual these days. Ever since he’d left her only a few hours before, all he’d done was think about her and long to be with her. The pull between them was getting stronger and he was having trouble fighting it.
Though the house itself was losing power over him via Reed’s potion, Rose’s hold on him was still just as strong as it had always been. In his heart, he believed she felt the same way. It was why he’d come back tonight, even when he’d promised her he wouldn’t.
If she told him to go away again, he would, but he wanted to make it clear to Rose that he loved her. He, Justin, loved her, and what had happened that afternoon was an aberration that would never occur again. He was a different man, a better man, than James had been, though in the last few hours he’d come to admit that he had more work to do on himself. He knew it from the visions, from the glimpses he’d been given of James’ life and from what Ben had told him.
James had loved Rose. Justin knew that, as well. The other man just hadn’t known how to express it. James had never felt secure in their relationship and had decided that a baby was the only way to prove to the world that Rose loved him. James had allowed his anger over the lack of a child to color his view of the world, and, towards the end, how he viewed Rose.
Instinctively, Justin knew that somehow, someway, the universe had intervened and pulled them apart before they could make a fatal mistake, one that no magic would ever be able to fix. He’d studied the paranormal long enough to know that matched souls were forever and James and Rose had been on a course hell-bent on destruction that could have changed the fabric of time itself.
Justin knew that as certainly as he knew he needed to breathe. He’d suspected it before but that morning as he’d picked himself up off the museum floor, the certainty had been absolute. There may have been others involved, but whoever they were, they were acting on behalf of the universe as a whole, even if they hadn’t known it.
Now, he was Justin Grant and he could be what Rose needed. He could be the gallant knight that she’d dreamed of. If possible, he’d help her become human again. No matter what however, he would never leave her. She was his forever and in that, he and James were the same.
Digging out the key, Justin slid it in the lock with shaking hands. He was nervous. He didn’t want Rose to tell him to go away, though he knew that was possible, probable even. Instead, he just wanted a chance.
His eyes adjusted to the dim light as he stepped over the threshold and before Justin could even close the door, Rose was there in a flash of light to greet him. He pulled her into his arms for a kiss, still marveling at the oddly silky feel of her, hot and cold cascading across his skin.
“I tried to stay away, Rose. I know I promised I’d give you space, but I can’t help it. I need to see you.” He stroked her hair away from her face. “I’m sorry. Please don’t make me go.”
“I don’t want you to go,” she breathed as she pulled him up the stairs behind her and led him down the hallway to what had once been their bedroom. All of her good intentions about setting him free flew from her head as she grasped his hand in hers. “I need you here, with me. I’m sorry, too, about what I said before; this is what I want.”
When Rose moved to open the door, Justin pinned her against it and felt the now familiar transformation begin to take over her body. “I want you.” Justin leaned down to nuzzle Rose’s neck, unable to resist the sweet scent of her. “I swear I only came here to talk.”
Rose pulled his lips to hers and bit down lightly on his lower lip. “We can talk later. Make love to me now.”
With a groan, he shoved hard on the door and swept them both through it. “Take off your clothes,” he growled and Rose complied with a mere thought. She stood before him clad only in a garter, stockings and heels, clothing items that James hadn’t always cared for but had made her feel sexy. Rose hoped that Justin liked it as much as she did.
“You are exquisite,” he breathed as he lowered himself to his knees in front of her. “I want to worship every inch of you.”
She chuckled, feeling lighter than she could ever remember, even when she’d been alive. “I’d prefer it if you made love to me. I do believe a lady shouldn’t have to ask twice.”
Justin gave her a cocky grin. “No, she shouldn’t. Not if the man she’s with is a gentleman, anyway.” He moved towards the bed, shedding his clothes as he went. Once naked, he sat down on the bed and patted his upper thighs. “Come here.”
Rose went willingly and wrapped her legs around Justin’s waist as she sat on his lap. “We’ve never done this before, but I like it.”
She wiggled a bit but Justin held her still, his breath hissing out through his teeth. “If you want this to last, you have to stop that.” Then he pulled her close and began nibbling at the delicate skin of her collarbone. “You make me crazy, Rose. So crazy I can’t think straight.”
Arching her back, Rose looped her arms around Justin’s neck and offered up her breasts, which he happily began to suckle. “You drive me to distraction,” she moaned as he took the tight peak of one nipple between his teeth and tugged. “I should not want this because I know it can’t last. I should have been content with what I had. Ever since I saw you, however, I have wanted you with a passion I didn’t know was possible.”
She felt his erection between them, hot and hard and Rose rubbed herself against him, wanting to feel its true heat and softness, but knowing that whatever sensations she experienced were only shallow, pale imitations of the real thing. She yearned to know what Justin would really feel like against her, but for now, she would have to content herself with this.
Moving instinctively, Rose allowed her hips to rise and fall as Justin tugged them both farther back onto the bed so that she now straddled him completely. James had never wanted to do this and suddenly Rose was fascinated by the possibilities now open to her.
Leaning forward, she brushed her breasts across Justin’s chest, earning her what sounded like a tortured hiss of pleasure. Justin’s hands roamed her body, caressing every inch of her skin. She felt as if she was being worshiped and Rose couldn’t deny that it delighted her.
Feeling the sensations between her legs grow, Rose shifted and twisted, seeking relief. She didn’t know how she’d gotten this excited so quickly, nor did she care. All she knew was that she wanted Justin inside of her.
Seeming to sense her need, Justin reached between them and tested Rose’s wetness, finding her slick and ready. Carefully, he angled Rose over his jutting erection and then, with great care and tenderness, slowly helped her lower herself onto
him.
The feeling was electric and sensations unlike anything she’d known shot through Rose’s body. She resisted the urge to pull away and instead allowed Justin to guide her, show her how to ride him, please him, while he continued to suckle her breasts.
The new feelings zinging along her nerve endings were exquisite and Rose reveled in the sensations. Justin was obviously enjoying himself as well, at least if the groans of satisfaction he was making were any indication.
Just when Rose thought she was reaching a fever pitch, Justin gripped her hips firmly and flipped them over so that he was on top, never once breaking their intimate connection. Rose spread her legs as wide as possible to allow Justin complete access to her body.
Her inner muscles clamped around him and she knew she was close to experiencing that marvelous, heady sensation that only Justin could cause in her.
“I can’t last any longer, Rose,” he ground out and she could see the muscles in his neck clench with each thrust.
“Then take me with you,” she whispered, her heart and mind full of this man. “The way you did before.”
Justin reached between their joined bodies and found her nub of pleasure. After only a few strokes, Rose clenched around him and cried out, her body arching up to meet his. Moments later, she felt him follow as he emptied himself inside of her, filling her in a way that made her feel complete, whole.
This was what it felt like to be loved, Rose decided as her body continued to quake in the aftermath. This was what she had been searching eternity for.
Chapter Twenty
As Justin and Rose lay together on the bed, the afterglow of their lovemaking still cocooning them, Justin felt confident enough to ask the one question that had been niggling at his brain ever since this crazy adventure had started.
“Rose?” He stoked her hair gently, not wanting to completely disrupt the moment.
Ghosts Of Lovers Past Page 16