by Karen Woods
“Of course, I am. Mam, stop getting involved with us. I’m watching Coronation Street, so he doesn’t want to be sat here bored does he. Leave him alone and let him do what he’s doing.”
That was her told, Vanessa rolled her eyes and sat back in her seat in a strop. “I was just saying that’s all. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Gary walked over to Diane and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon. Do you want me to get you some Flumps from the corner shop? I know you’ve been craving them?”
Diane licked her lips at the thought of the multi-coloured marshmallow melting on her tongue, squashing against her pearly white teeth. “Please, get me twenty of them. They’re only a penny each. Mam, have you got twenty pence for the shop?”
Her mother sighed, she was sick of funding her daughter’s cravings, it was costing her a fortune. “I suppose so. Gary, will you get me and Arthur a Mars bar too? And get a bar of chocolate for yourself if you want?”
Vanessa dug her hand into her checked blue pinny and pulled out some lose change. She always stashed her money in there. A purse was too much trouble to carry around with her all day, too big and bulky. She passed him the money and carried on watching the TV. Gary grabbed his coat from the back of the chair and shot his eyes back to look at his wife and her parents. He needed to get out of here as soon as possible, the sooner the better for him. And as soon as they got enough money of their own a house was top of his list. There was no way he could stay here much longer with these Hillbillies. There was no life in the house, no laughter. They were making him feel old before his time. He may as well have started smoking a pipe and bought a pair of slippers. He’d be on the bowls team if this lot had their way.
Gary whistled as he walked out of the front door. He looked around the estate and smiled. This was his manor, the place he’d grown up. His child would be growing up around here too but there would be no way his kid would act like he had. No, his child would go to school and achieve something, have a career. He regretted not learning much at school now. Maybe, he should have kept his head down and studied harder. The teacher had warned him that he would be sorry one day and they were right, he should have listened to their advice. Gary blamed his absent father for that though. If he hadn’t have deserted him when he was younger things might have turned out differently. Instead he had to look after his mother and make sure she was alright. Gary had not seen his old man in years. He wasn’t arsed about that either. He was never there when he’d needed him so he could take a run and a jump now if he ever tried to get in touch with him. He’d probably chin him anyway. Yes, he’d heard the beatings his dad had given his mother when he came home from the boozer fuelled with drink and whatever else he’d shoved down his neck. Gary had never hit a woman, he had respect for them. A man who beat a woman was a coward in his eyes. His mother had drummed that into him from an early age and made him promise that he would never raise his hand to a woman.
Gary marched across the grass verge. There they were, his mob, his mates. The crew. He should have been there with them not sat in Diane’s watching bleeding telly. He was a young lad who was still full of life. He smiled as his pace quickened. John spotted him from where he was and rode over to him on his new mountain bike. Gary checked it out as soon as he saw it. It looked new, with sparkling silver wheels. “Check you out. When do you get that?”
“I got it last week. Smart innit?”
“You can say that again, it’s the dog’s bollocks. How much did you pay for it?”
John gripped the handle bars and pulled them up slightly towards his chest. “I’m earning a few quid, so I can afford a few luxuries like this. I told you to join me, didn’t I? The money is good and Donny is sorted to work for. He just leaves you to it.”
He never told him how much the bike cost and kept him guessing. “I bet he does,” Gary squirmed.
John was showing off now. “Stop flapping, I can get you on with me if you want me to. I mean, you have a baby on the way, so you need all the cash you can get don’t you?”
What a hard-faced fucker he was, he had no remorse for the way he’d stitched his mate up. Gary changed the subject. This wasn’t his game and going to jail was the last thing he wanted in his life right now. John stood picking his nose. “That fucking Lenny Jackson works for Donny too. He wanted to pair up with me but I told him straight to fuck right off. The guy’s a dickhead and I want fuck all to do with him.”
Gary gritted his teeth. “What the fuck is he back on the scene for? I thought we’d seen the back of him?”
“So did I,” John sighed.
“Give me a go of the bike then,” Gary chuckled. There was no way he wanted to discuss Lenny Jackson, he was nothing but trouble in his eyes. John hitched his leg up high and passed the bike over to Gary. “It’s got gears on it so flick through them and see what you think. It’s rapid.”
Gary mounted the bike and gripped the handlebars. He started to pedal off about the estate. John was right, it was much faster than anything he’d ridden before. The wind tickled his cheeks as he picked up speed and he was up and down the hills, loving the freedom, loving his time alone. John sparked a cigarette up and stood watching Gary from the distance. Once he’d returned he screeched the brakes and twisted the bike to the side. “Mint that.”
“Told you, didn’t I?” Gary passed the bike back and looked around at the other members of the gang. “I’ve missed this lot. Honest, it’s doing my head in being stuck in all the time. I swear if I could turn back the clock then I would. One daft leg-over has changed my life forever. And, do you know what mate?” John shrugged his shoulders waiting for him to continue, “I can’t for the life of me remember a fucking thing. Surely, I should remember something shouldn’t I?”
John’s ears pinned back, he was suddenly edgy his nose was twitching, he was uncomfortable. “You were leathered mate. Honest, you couldn’t even walk properly. No wonder you don’t remember a thing.”
“Yeah but I’ve been drunk before and never had a complete memory block. Alright, I might forget a few things but not something like that.”
John got back on his bike. This conversation was over in his eyes, he changed the subject. “So, do you want to earn some money or what? Fuck Diane and her family, they don’t know how hard it is for people like us.”
Gary raised his eyebrows. What the hell was John talking about? His family had the pub, money, a nice house. He never wanted for a thing. He should have been the one out of them all that had a steady job, a bright future. Not selling drugs. Gary shook his head. “Nar, I don’t want any part of it. You’ll end up doing jail in the end so enjoy the money while you can.”
“Fuck off, don’t be saying that you Jona. I just drop stuff off that’s all. I’m not into it that deep like Donny is.”
Gary ignored him, time would tell. “I’ve got to go to the shop to get Diane some Flumps she’s got a craving for them and eats them by the bag-full. A right greedy cow she is, you don’t get a sniff at them.”
“She’s put a bit of timber on too hasn’t she?”
Gary looked confused. “When have you seen her? She never said she’s seen you.”
John stuttered. “Oh, it was, erm, it was the other day when she was at the shop. We didn’t really talk much, just a few words really.”
“What was she saying, anything about me?”
“Nothing why?”
“I just thought I’ve being doing her head in lately. She just blanks me like she is in a world of her own. One minute she was all over me and the next she was moving away from me. Her mam said it’s probably her hormones but I don’t know if I’m coming or going with her lately.”
“Well, she never said anything about you to me. Like I said, it was just a quick hello.”
“I’m not arsed anyway. Leave her to it. She’ll come around without water or so her mam says.”
“Come on, let’s get them flumps before the shop closes.” John chuckled.
“I know,
I don’t want World War Three kicking off do I,” Gary said with a giggle in his voice.
CHAPTER NINE
Marion bent her body over the side of the kitchen sink, she was hungover. Never again was she drinking like that. Her body wasn’t used to it, she was a lightweight. Arthur had her on the Vodka, glasses and glasses of it. Every time she’d finished one he had another one lined up for her. They had sex last night too and her husband was like a stallion in the bedroom, he threw her all over the place. She never thought her legs would bend like that again. Nearly an hour they were at it, he gave her a good servicing for sure, enough to last her for at least three months anyway. She’d have to think very carefully before she got dressed like that again, he couldn’t leave her alone and he told her that too.
Melanie walked into the kitchen and spotted her mother over the sink. She smirked and chuckled a loud. “Hungover?”
“You can say that again. Never again, my body is too old for it these days. Steaming drunk I was, in fact, legless.”
“It’ll do you no harm. It’s good that you had a night on the tiles and let your hair down for a change.”
“I’m paying for it now though, look at the state of me. I can hardly hold my head up straight it’s banging.”
“Get something to eat, that should help soak the beer up.”
“The thought of eating anything makes me want to spew my ring up,” Marion said, her face going green, “I’ll be alright. I just need to lie down for a bit.”
“What a light-weight you are mother.”
Marion wobbled into the living room with one palm held over her forehead. She headed straight for the sofa and collapsed on it. “Melanie,” she shouted, “bring me my fags. A cup of tea would be nice too if you’re looking after me.”
She found the remote control and flicked the TV on. Richard and Judy were on and they were talking about women who’d given their children up for adoption. She turned on her side and fixed her eyes on the TV. She listened as Judy asked one of the women a question. “How could you ever give your child up? Did you never wonder where he was?” Marion’s eyes filled up. This topic was too near the bone for her.
Melanie walked into the room with two mugs hooked around her fingers, steam coming from the top of them. “Get one then before it burns my fingers off,” she huffed at her mother. Marion sat up and gripped a cup. Melanie sat down and listened to the debate. “It must be horrible that. I mean, knowing you have a child somewhere in the world and not knowing where they are.” Marion’s eyes filled up. She was trying her best to hold the tears back, but they came and there was not a single thing she could do about it. Years of stored emotions came to the surface. Melanie shot a look over at her and screwed her face up. “Are you crying there or what mam?”
Marion held her fingers under her eyes and spluttered. “Yes, I am.”
“What are you crying for, are you hormonal? You might need that HRT treatment if you are. You’ve been having hot flushes for months now so go and get some help for it.” Marion was on the change and some days she didn’t know if she was coming or going, brain fog the doctor called it. Her voice was low.
“It’s not that love. It’s…” she paused and closed her eyes, the pain was there again, the memory she’d locked away for all these years. Her heart was shattering into a million pieces.
Melanie sat by her side and placed her arm around her. “Why are you crying?” This was a big moment, was she going to tell someone about her secret after all these years. Her emotions were sky high and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. A plug of emotion was being unleashed. Maybe she should have been having this conversation with her husband first not her daughter but it was too late now to pretend nothing was wrong.
“I’m one of them women, love.”
Melanie was confused. “Which women?”
“The ones who have given a child away.”
There was an uneasy silence as Melanie tried to work out whether she was joking or not. She was like that Marion, she loved a good wind up. She remembered one day when she’d come home from school and she told her she was pregnant with twins. Melanie was shocked and congratulated her but it came to light that it was all just a big fat lie to get Melanie to help with the household chores. “Mam, is this you pissing about again? It’s not something you should joke about. Tell me the truth.”
Marion dropped her head into her hands and here it was, the big confession. “When I was a young girl, I met a boy, I loved him so much and thought we would get married and live happily ever after but it never worked out like that. He pissed off and left me pregnant.”
Melanie covered her mouth with both her hands. “Mam, swear on my life that this is true.” Marion held her hand over her heart and swore on her daughter’s life. This was enough to let Melanie know there was no joke involved. “So, what happened?”
Marion closed her eyes and dug deep into her memory bank. “I was sent away, to a convent. I had the baby and then they took him straight from me. My mam brought me home after that. I was never allowed to mention it to anyone.”
Melanie gripped her mother tightly in her arms and squeezed her with all her might. “You poor thing and, you’ve kept this to yourself for all these years.”
Marion nodded. “I named him William.”
Melanie choked up and remembered her own brother of the same name. “Does my dad know about him?”
Marion bit hard on her bottom lip and her hands started to tremble. “No, I’ve never told anyone. You’re the first person I’ve ever spoken about it to. I don’t know why it’s come out now, I just needed to tell someone about it.”
“Mam, we need to find him, we need to tell dad too.”
“No,” she shrieked. “Do you think after being married to him for all these years he will just take it on the chin. No! He would never forgive me!”
Nobody had heard Arthur enter the room. He’d just woken up and stood scratching his head. “What will I take on the chin, why would I never forgive you?” Marion’s eyes were wide open, and Melanie dipped her head. “Go on then, tell me,” he urged. Melanie wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole, she was bright red. Should she get up and leave them to it or should she stay put. This was between man and wife. Arthur started to raise his voice. It was obvious something was going on that they were not telling him.
Marion coughed to clear her throat and sat back in her seat. She burst out crying and kept her head down low. “I need to tell you something. I should have told you years ago, but I just couldn’t.”
This was serious, and Arthur was demanding she told him what was wrong. He was pacing around the room clenching his fists, ready to lash out. “Don’t go around the bleeding houses, just tell me what’s fucking going on.”
Melanie was frozen. Maybe it was better if she stayed where she was just in case he swung for his wife. Anything could happen here, she had to stay where she was and support her mum. Melanie tried to calm him down. “Dad, just sit down will you. You’re scaring us both. Relax and she’ll tell you in her own time.”
Marion lifted her head and inhaled deeply. She let out a laboured breath as she watched her husband sit down. How could she look him in the eyes and tell him she’d had another child? He thought she was pure when she married him, a virgin. Marion played with her fingers nervously. She shot a look over at Melanie and sighed again. “Arthur, I have another child that was adopted when I was younger. It was before I met you, I was fifteen.”
Arthur burst out laughing. “Stop pulling my leg. Do you think for a minute I’m going to buy that cock and bull story?” He sat shaking his head talking to himself. “My wife, with another kid, what do you take me for?” He mumbled under his breath.
Marion dabbed the corner of her sleeve into her eyes and her bottom lip trembled. “It’s true. My mam sent me away to have the baby and once he was born he was taken from me and I was brought home.”
Melanie ran to her mother’s side and rocked her in her arms. Arthur smashed
his clenched fist into the arm of the chair, dust flying up into the air. “And, in all the years we’ve been married you’ve kept that from me?”
“I know, I know. I wanted to tell you, but it just never came out.”
“So, what else have you kept from me then, you cheap lying tart?”
That was below the belt and Marion was ready to scratch his eyeballs out. “Don’t you ever call me a tart. I’ve never been unfaithful to you. I was just a young girl who made a mistake.”
“A big fucking mistake that you kept from me for all our married life.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Fuck off Marion and go and tell someone who gives a fuck. You are not the woman I thought you were. We have always been honest with each other, always.”
Marion had to fight back. “You made a mistake when you had the affair with Sally Morgan, correct?”
Melanie was on the edge of her seat. This was news to her, since when had her dad slept with another woman? What a dirty cheating bastard he was, she thought he only had eyes for her mother. Arthur shot a look over at his daughter before he replied. “Oh, how did we know you would bring that up. That was years ago and a bad mistake.”
Marion raised her eyebrows high. “Yes, and so was mine.”
“This is different, and you know it. You’ve kept this secret for years, in fact all our married life.”
“It’s something I blocked out, I was never allowed to talk about it for years before I met you and I just buried it at the back of my mind.”
“You could have told me. You could have told me anything.”
Marion sobbed and went over and touched her husband’s hand. “I’m sorry.”
Arthur moved his hand away. “I’m going down the boozer, don’t expect me back in a hurry.” He got up from his chair and grabbed his jacket from the side of the sofa. Before he left he turned to his wife and shook his head.
“Unbelievable” he muttered.
Marion screamed after him at the top of her voice. “We all make mistakes, Arthur. You know that more than me.”