by Megg Jensen
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re so stupid, Reychel. You’ve always been stupid. You had it all. I had nothing. The only way I got close to having something was to soothe secrets out of people. They talk when they’re relaxed, you know. People tell me things they wouldn’t normally talk about.
“I know things that would blow your mind,” Ivy continued. “I could destroy your whole world with four words. And now that you’ve ruined the only thing I’ve ever wanted by taking Mark away from me…”
Ivy paused, staring at me for a moment.
“I didn’t take him away from you,” I insisted. “He’s just a friend.”
“He doesn’t want me,” Ivy said, her eyes narrowing. “He wants you. Just like everyone else. It’s always about you, Reychel. When is it going to be about me?”
I couldn’t believe this. Shaking my head, I moved closer to Ivy ready to take her in my arms. Maybe all she needed was a hug, a reassurance that I didn’t want Mark.
Ivy stepped backwards. “I’m done with you. I’m leaving.”
“What?” I reached out for her again but she slapped my arm.
“I know the basics in herbology, at least enough to make a living. I’m leaving.”
Ivy packed her few possessions into the bag Tania had given her. I watched, unable to bring myself to stop her. Maybe what Mark had told me was true. Ivy had been keeping secrets, big ones it seemed.
“Where will you go?” I asked.
Ivy whirled around. “Do you even care? You have everything you want here. A place to hide and a boy to love.”
“I don’t,” I started.
“Don’t you dare say that you don’t love him too,” Ivy snarled. “I don’t have to soothe you to see it. You’re so obvious to everyone but yourself.”
Ivy stormed out of the room, slamming the bedroom door behind her. I overheard a quick argument between Ivy and Johna and then I heard the front door closed. I sank down on the bed, head in my hands, and refused to move even though the door creaked open.
“What just happened here?” Johna demanded.
My tearless eyes looked up at Johna. I wanted to cry, but nothing would come.
“Ivy’s gone,” I responded.
“I’m aware of that, child. Tell me more.”
“She thinks I’m in love with Mark.”
“That much is obvious,” Johna said. “All of this is about jealousy because you love him?”
I sighed. Didn’t anyone understand? I wasn’t in love with Mark.
“Ivy also said she knows something about me. Some kind of secret. Mark,” I paused, not wanting to reveal his secret, “knew she was up to something. He suspected it.”
“What does she know?” Johna asked.
“I have no idea. She didn’t share it with me before she left and it wasn’t in me to argue with her anymore than I did.”
Johna looked around the room.
“She took all of her stuff, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I said.
“Good,” Johna said. “Don’t want her coming back here looking for anything. I knew that girl was trouble the moment I saw you two in the woods. I didn’t read her thoughts, but I knew something was wrong with her.”
“Am I the only one who didn’t see it?” I asked.
“Probably. It’s usually the ones closest to us that we have the hardest time reading.”
I knew that was true. Mark and Johna couldn’t have been closer friends. She was like an aunt to him, but she didn’t know his secret. I wondered if she even suspected anything.
“I’ll need to keep training you,” Johna said. “And I need to come up with an excuse as to why my niece left so quickly. Unfortunately I can’t replace you with her. It would be too suspicious so you’ll have to remain hidden. Plus, your eyes would give you away in a heartbeat.”
I nodded, not caring whether or not I ever saw another person again. My only friend, in many ways a sister in my heart, had left me in anger. My heart was breaking. My chest hurt as the tears I so desperately wanted to cry broke from my eyes pouring down my face like a rainstorm.
“I feel like part of me is dying,” I whispered.
“Thanks, child,” Johna said, rubbing her hands together. “Yes, a death in the family. It’s perfect.”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” I said, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.
“I know, but you helped me anyway. You’re like that, you know? You help people without even trying. You’ll perk up eventually. Take some time to yourself.”
Johna smiled as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her, leaving me alone.
Chapter Eleven
Although Johna didn’t hide her pleasure at Ivy’s absence, she understood I needed to mourn the loss of my best friend. Once the tears began they didn’t stop until I felt I’d never be able to produce another drop of the salty tears that flowed down my cheeks. With my eyes swollen and my lips chapped, I emerged only to eat the soup Johna set on the table.
We didn’t look at each other and ate in silence. Though I might have noticed Johna glancing at me out of the corner of my eye I didn’t have any interest in engaging her. I didn’t want to talk about Ivy. I wasn’t ready.
That evening, after crawling back on the cot, I heard a knock at the door. It was past business hours and Johna rarely had unannounced guests. It meant only one person: Mark. His deep tenor echoed through the house but I couldn’t make out any of his words. Nor did I understand Johna’s voice, but her tone was clear. She asked him to leave, short and to the point. His voice rose, I assumed in protest, but I had no interest in listening at the door like Ivy and I had done in the past. I had little interest in anything but sleep. The door closed and so did my eyes.
I spent the next two days doing nothing more than eating, sleeping, and crying. Johna was gone delivering a baby and tending to the mother. I had no duties and no one to report to.
The third morning, I awoke as Johna tiptoed out of her bed. My mind felt clearer, the pain only a dull throb in my head and my heart. Ivy was gone. She hated me. How could I go on without her? I waited for my heart to stop beating but the thudding continued regardless reminding me with every thump that I was alive.
Johna peered over at me, her eyes searching mine for a signal. A smile broke from the corner of my cracked lips.
“I won’t bite,” I croaked. It amazed me what days of crying could do to my throat.
“Good! Then get up. I need your help with preparing some herbals for Roc’s new baby.” Johna kicked me lightly with her foot as she shuffled towards the bedroom door. “There will always be sadness, child, but until you’re dead life goes on. Don’t waste it lying in bed.”
“It still hurts.”
“Of course it does. No one said you’d get over it right away. But while you’re of able body you’d better believe you’re going to get up and do some work around here.”
I felt that smile trying to break through again and this time I didn’t hold back. My lips seared with pain as they cracked in new places.
“Ow,” I squeaked.
“Only one cure for that,” Johna muttered waiting for me to get up.
“What’s that?”
“Water, rest, and no salt.”
I laughed again, grateful we had little salted pork in the pantry. My tongue, feeling thick and sensitive, flicked out of my mouth.
“And don’t you dare lick those lips,” Johna scolded. “You’ll make it worse. Now get up and get to work.”
Following her advice, I reentered the world of the living.
The next month passed quickly. My days were filled studying herbology and there was always something new to learn. I couldn’t even imagine whether or not Ivy was making any money as an herbologist. She only knew the very basics, but depending on where she settled, maybe that’s all she needed.
I wondered if she was successful. Happy? Miserable? My agony at her absence slowly mellowed into sad
ness and then into content. After a week I gave up on her return. After three weeks I gave up on receiving a letter. By the fourth week I convinced myself I would never hear from her again.
I kept to the inside of Johna’s cottage, avoiding the outside world. Mark told Johna the troops were still under orders to watch for me and while they didn’t advertise it, they were all anxious to catch me. My master grew angrier by the day, though recently there had been rumors of a mistress. I hoped this new woman would take his mind off of me. Once he stopped caring about me, I might be able to live a real life.
In the evenings, when I had time to myself, I would stare out the knothole in the bedroom shutters, but I never ventured out again. Some nights I told stories to myself, like I used to do for Kandek and Ivy, but more often than not I didn’t have the interest. A story wasn’t good unless someone wanted to hear it.
Since the night Mark and I had spoken in darkness, I avoided him. If he came to the cottage, I excused myself to my room. I saw the hurt in his eyes, but I couldn’t face him. Our friendship had caused the breakdown of my friendship with Ivy. It was too painful to be around him, so I ran away whenever he came by. His visits became less frequent and we hadn’t even seen him in the last five days.
I was sure I had driven him away for good until the evening he reappeared at our doorstep. A loud knock interrupted me as I was grinding herbs at the counter. Johna waved me under the counter, a move I’d become more familiar with than I’d like. I heard her open the door and I recognized Mark’s boots through the knothole.
“Mark, what a surprise,” Johna exclaimed. “It’s been a few days. I was beginning to worry about you.”
He slammed the door behind him and his boots made straight for the counter.
“Come out now. I know you’re under there Reychel. I’m tired of you hiding from me.”
I crawled out and stood up to find him leaning over the counter, our faces nose to nose. The pain I expected to feel didn’t materialize, just a contented resign. His warm breath met my lips and nose. I couldn’t help notice the smell of toasted almonds, my favorite treat, teasing my senses. Maybe I was beginning to heal. Maybe I had already healed. I didn’t know how to find out which.
“I’m taking you out of here tonight. You’re coming with me to a tavern on the other side of town.” Mark looked at Johna over his shoulder. “No one will notice the color of her eyes in the dull firelight and I’ll be sure we sit in the shadows.”
My heart fluttered. Could I really leave the cottage and be among people without being noticed? Could it be possible? And to go to a tavern. Oh, I’d heard of them before but never set foot in one. My anger at Mark forgotten, I glanced over at Johna.
Her lips pursed, her eyes furrowed, Johna took a deep breath. “I don’t think it’s wise.”
“I’m tired of being wise. I’m sure Reychel is tired of it too. One night. One tavern. Just a couple drinks. No one will notice. It’s almost impossible to see who’s at the next table because of the darkness.”
“Please Johna,” I begged. I suddenly craved leaving her cottage more than I had ever craved my freedom in the past. It took Mark’s initiative to crack my shell and now I wanted out. “I’ve wanted so much to walk among the people and maybe this way I can. I’ve rarely been outside walls. Please can I have this chance?”
“And just who will you tell people you are? This is a small town. Everyone knows everyone else.” Johna placed her hands on her hips. “And don’t you dare,” she glanced at Mark, “tell anyone she’s a camp follower you met in the army. I will not have Reychel’s reputation besmirched even if no one knows who she is.”
“Already covered,” Mark said. “A band of gypsies rolled into town today. I can just say she’s one of them. No one will know the difference.”
“And if those gypsies are in the tavern?”
Amused by their banter, I sat down on the stool that we kept behind the counter. I didn’t care who they decided I was, as long as I was allowed to go. They continued to argue as I slipped into the back bedroom and put on a clean dress. It wasn’t a fancy dress, just a plain dark blue work dress, but I couldn’t imagine anyone else would be dressed any finer. I’d seen glimpses of common people throughout the years and they didn’t dress like Kandek’s noble friends.
I grabbed my wig off of my cot and adjusted it over my own hair. My dark locks now tickled my ears. Many days I wondered how long it would take to reach my shoulders but just as often I was happy only to have it there.
I walked back into the main room as Johna patted Mark on the shoulder.
“Take good care of her.” Johna looked over at me and a smile spread across her leathery face. “And just how did you know I was going to let you go?”
I shrugged with a smirk on my lips. Mark reached out his hand to me.
“I’ve missed you,” he said. “I was afraid you’d reject me again tonight. But I had to give it a try.”
“I’m sorry. I needed time. I think I’m feeling better now.” I put my hand in his, savoring the gentle of his touch of his hand combined with the roughness of his skin. “But I wouldn’t have known that if you hadn’t pushed tonight. Thank you.”
Mark nodded, a smile on his face, as we headed out into the dark night. The town was softly lit by candlelight streaming from open windows. Other cottages glowed from the inside, their diffused light pushing through the shutters. I took a deep breath, smelling the fresh night air, letting the coolness of it fill my lungs. Mark’s fingers laced with mine as we strolled down the dirt road towards the tavern.
“Did you blame me?” he asked. Mark did not turn to me, instead he stared straight ahead. I glanced at his profile.
“Partly.”
“And the other part?”
“I blamed myself.”
His hand dropped mine. His eyes no longer stared ahead, but instead bore into mine as he grabbed my chin and turned my face towards his.
“Yourself? Me? And what of Ivy? Do you blame her?”
I didn’t struggle against his hand under my chin, just as I didn’t struggle with my answer.
“She had feelings for you. I knew and I ignored it.”
His hand dropped to his side but I didn’t turn away.
“I knew I was beginning to have feelings for you, Mark. I should have been more careful. Ivy liked you first.”
“Ivy held no claim over me,” he said softly. “You, on the other hand, you claimed me from the moment I first saw you.”
Glad of the darkness that hid my blushing cheeks, I grabbed Mark’s hand again.
“I don’t want to talk about Ivy tonight. I’ve spent too much time thinking about her and what I could have done differently. Tonight is mine to enjoy.”
“Yes,” Mark smiled. “Yes it is.”
He guided me in silence for a few more minutes. Along the road we passed other travelers. Most nodded a head in our direction, a few smiled knowingly at our entwined hands. None of them could see the color of my eyes.
Even before I saw the sign for the tavern swinging atop the doorway, I knew we had reached our destination. The noise pulsed from inside and broke free every time a reveler passed through the doorway. I couldn’t believe I was about to enter my first tavern and sit among free people. I knew I would treasure this night forever.
The smell of mead overwhelmed me as we pushed through the wooden door. Mark pulled me over to an empty table near the corner, away from the fire. I worried at first that we might be cold, but the humid atmosphere leaking off the bodies packed into the tavern kept us warmer than I’d imagined.
A juggler sat in the corner, tossing everything from balls to pins. When the innkeeper’s wife wasn’t looking, he grabbed three mugs and tossed them in the air. Much to the delight of the onlookers he didn’t drop one. Yet when she turned around and saw her precious property flipping about she screamed, “You put those down gently now. Do that again and you’ll have to find yourself another tavern!”
He winked at his audienc
e as he set them down, one by one, on the bar. Men hooted with laughter and women stamped their feet on the floor in approval. I laughed, as I’d never laughed before, feeding off the energy of the other patrons. I noticed Mark didn’t even glance at the performer, he simply watched me. Too happy to feel embarrassed by such obvious attention, I flashed him a big smile.
“Thank you,” I mouthed at him. He smiled and dipped his head towards me. I couldn’t have been happier seeing how my people lived and how they laughed in their free time. After years of slavery I didn’t realize that somewhere outside my little world people were allowed such simple freedoms.
I opened my mouth to ask Mark a question about the juggler when the door burst open and four heavily armed guards marched in the tavern. I hid my hands under the table and glanced away to the fire. My heart beat so hard I was afraid it would leap out of my chest and give me away. Mark’s hand grabbed mine under the table.
“Citizens of Keree, for weeks we have been looking for a missing slave, one our master will not cease searching for. To ensure your cooperation in finding her, he has issued a proclamation. If she is not found by his wedding day, seven days from now, he will begin executing petty criminals, including men from this town.”
My gasp joined that of the patrons around me. How could Kandek do this? Execute men who’d stolen bread or poached deer from his land to feed their families to force someone to turn me in. My stomach twirled like a trapped snake.
“If she is returned, your family members will be set free the day of his wedding as a goodwill gesture towards his loyal subjects.”
I held back the tears that threatened to burst forth. Mark squeezed my hand so hard I feared the bones might break, but I sat still not wanting to give myself away. I glanced around at the other people in the tavern, trying to gauge their reactions. I saw the joy on the faces of men whose brothers would be released, but I also saw fear. They knew without finding me their loved ones might be in jeopardy for crimes that normally carried only a fine or a sentence of thirty days in prison.
Now they faced death simply because Kandek could not let me go.