by Megg Jensen
I set the tray down on the table and pulled out my chair. I hesitated to sit too quickly. My head spun every time I moved too much. I’d spent the last couple days in bed instead of out mingling with our people, helping to rally them for the coming war.
I wished I could be out there to see their preparations. While I knew deep down that I hadn’t started this war, I’d brought it to a head and now people would die because of me. Death wasn’t something I took lightly. I wasn’t a general or a war chief, just a simple girl who grew up as a slave and was forced to become more than I ever imagined I could be.
I lowered myself into the chair. I looked at my food, willing the nausea to stay away. I wanted to eat, but more importantly I needed to. I hadn’t had much to eat since the gathering three days ago. The only person who could help me had to be found and I hoped every night that I’d wake up in the morning and Johna would be here.
Today, obviously, was not that day.
“Is there anything else I can get for you?” Manda asked. Her eyes met mine and darted away, even though I’d asked her many times to treat me like she would a friend.
I was different, though. A girl with a gift no one else had, but not the savior they’d wait for their whole lives. The lie that was perpetuated by a madman persisted for generations. Yes, they’d seen me receive Eloh’s blessing but I hadn’t really done anything useful for anyone.
Manda opened the door, started to bow, and then caught herself. “I’m sorry.” She stammered, her feet shuffling back and forth. “I know you don’t want me to bow, but I forget, and then...”
I laughed, genuinely, for the first time in three days. “It’s okay Manda. Really. Don’t worry about it. I won’t.”
“Yes, I won’t. I mean, I will, but...”
I glared at her.
“Thank you.” Manda bowed and backed out of the room. She closed the door and I looked back at my food.
The steam billowed up from my oatmeal, creating a tiny cloud. I whisked it away with my hand, sending the tendrils in every direction. I was sick of clouds, even one created by oatmeal steam in my chambers. It only reminded me that clouds were supposed to be my great ally and yet I still couldn’t control my visions.
I hadn’t had another one since communing with Eloh. I wasn’t sure I wanted one. Eloh told me my gift would lead to madness eventually. Not a comforting thought. Krissin still expected me to learn to use my gifts to her advantage. I wasn’t sure yet if we were real friends or enemies with a common goal. We’d had a few moments where I thought we might understand each other, but we weren’t quite to friendship yet.
I peeled an orange, the tough, flaky skin burrowing itself into my fingernails. Juice squirted on my hand, right onto the scratches that were still healing. I’d scraped them on the ground after escaping from Zelor’s oubliette. I winced at the stinging sensation pulsing in my wounds.
A bright flash of light erupted in my room. I dropped the orange and ran toward the door, my sides aching with the exertion. A portal opened, sending a gust of air through my room. The curtains of my canopy bed fluttered in the quick breeze and fell still just as quickly.
With my hand on the doorknob, I looked back over my shoulder. Finally she’d arrived! I dropped my arm to my side, spun around, and ran to Johna. I grabbed her in a huge hug.
“Child, what’s come over you?” She folded her arms across my back.
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered into her shoulder. Tears filled my eyes and I stepped back to look at her. It had only been a couple weeks, but Johna was closer to a mother than anyone I’d ever known. The months I’d spent with her had been the happiest of my life, and the most carefree.
“I missed you too, Reychel, but I hear you’re having some problems with headaches. I was afraid of this. We all knew Zelor had headaches and I had hoped you wouldn’t suffer from them since you’d been fine so far. How bad are they?”
I reached down and picked up Johna’s bag. I recognized it as her herbal bag, the one she brought with her whenever she left her cottage to attend to someone who needed her services. I’d learned a lot from her about herbalism, but I didn’t know enough to cure my headaches. I didn’t even know where to start.
“They’re pretty bad. I’ve been nauseous too. It’s like anytime I try to do anything mildly stimulating, the headaches come on full force. I can’t make them go away.”
Johna tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Are you pregnant?”
I gasped. “No! Of course not. Why would you even suggest that?”
Johna chuckled. “I knew Mark was here too. Then again, he’s only been back a week or two, hasn’t he?”
I nodded.
“Plenty of time to get pregnant, but too soon for the symptoms to start.” She eyed me even closer. “What happened when the two of you traveled from my cottage to the castle? Did anything happen in the forest?”
I thought back to the moment we’d kissed, really kissed, for the first time. My cheeks flushed and I felt heat creep up the back of my neck. Johna’s eyes widened. I was so glad I couldn’t see myself in a mirror.
“We didn’t. We haven’t.” I hoped that answered her questions. I didn’t want to talk about what I did, or didn’t, do with Mark. Not with Johna, not with anyone. It was all too personal.
“Well, then, let’s see what I can do to help you cope with these headaches,” she said. “I’m sure I can help you. I can help everyone most of the time.”
Johna grabbed her bag from me and set it down on the table. She unlatched the two straps and rolled it out flat on the table. Tiny sacks with drawstrings sat in rows. Each one hid a different herb. Johna would know the right combination of herbs and the right amounts to mix. An untrained person could kill with the wrong measurements, but I trusted Johna’s knowledge.
“Where’s your mortar and pestle?” Johna’s eyes swept my chambers, darting back and forth across the room.
“I don’t have one.” I hadn’t even touched an herb since I left her care. Too much had happened for me to even consider spending a little time mixing up tinctures.
Her eyes settled squarely on mine and I shifted, uncomfortable. “I’ve been busy,” I mumbled.
“Too busy to keep up with your craft, child? I spent all those months educating you about herbal lore and the care of people and now you claim you’ve been too busy?”
“Krissin...and the war...” I couldn’t believe I still found myself nervous around Johna. I’d left my home, fallen in love, travelled through space and time to discover the truth about my gift, and ignited an already bubbling war. Herbs were the last thing on my mind.
I stood up straighter and met Johna’s penetrating gaze. “Yes, I’ve been busy with events that were more important than herbal lore. I don’t have a mortar and pestle, but I can have someone find a set for you.”
Johna’s mouth fell open and a loud laugh rolled out. “You have changed, child. Finally. You were too timid before. It wouldn’t do to have a timid Prophet.”
Realizing she’d been baiting me the whole time, I stuck my tongue out and then laughed along with her. It had been too easy for me to fall back into old habits as soon as she entered the room.
“Next time, I’d also prefer if you knocked on my door instead of creating a portal in the middle of my breakfast,” I said. “No one ever knocks on my door and I’m tired of it.”
A knock interrupted our conversation and I rolled my eyes. It figured.
I stalked over to the door, ignoring Johna’s stifled laughter. I couldn’t help laughing with her, though. It was funny and I hadn’t had much to laugh about over the last few days.
I opened the door and my smile multiplied by a thousand. Mark’s dark hair fell over his right eye. I reached up and brushed it away. Few things made me feel better than watching his eyes light up when he grinned.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” He swept me into his arms, devouring my mouth with his. I forgot I wasn’t dressed yet and that I
had a guest standing in my room until Johna cleared her throat loud enough to wake up everyone in the castle.
Mark pulled away from me, but not before one last peck on the lips. I shivered, wanting him to ignore everyone else and hold me in his arms forever. One look over my shoulder at Johna told me that wasn’t possible. It wasn’t her expression; it was the sudden pain in my head.
Even the slightest jolt caused my headache to return with vengeance. I rubbed my temples and shrugged at Mark. His arm snaked over my shoulder and he led me to the upholstered chair in the corner of the room.
I slowed my breath, knowing that if I didn’t relax quickly I would probably lose my breakfast before I’d even had time to digest it.
“This is highly abnormal,” Johna said. She hurried over to my side and placed a cool compress against my temples. I smelled lavender, but I couldn’t place the other herbs. I should have been able to. I’d made plenty of similar concoctions when I lived with her, but I just couldn’t concentrate enough to recall the recipe.
The pain increased steadily, like a vise gripped my head and someone continued to spin it tighter. “Eloh never said anything to me about these headaches.”
Johna gasped and dropped a bag of herbs. “So it’s true. I’d heard you spoke to Eloh, but didn’t dare believe it.” She bent over and scrambled to put the herbs back in the bag.
I had never seen Johna so flustered before. She had always been the calm in my stormy life, but now she stooped before me like a confused old woman. Had she really changed so much in the few weeks since I left her, or had I?
“It’s true, Johna,” Mark said. “I witnessed the whole thing. Reychel floated up in the air, surrounded by a glowing light. It only lasted a few moments and then there was an explosion of light. She was lying on the dais again, but her hair had grown out. It was intense and I’m just glad she’s okay. I was sick with worry because I didn’t know what was happening to her.”
He squatted next to my chair and grabbed my hand. I wanted to squeeze it back, but the headache had sapped most of my energy. I smiled weakly at him.
“In all my years, and I’m an old lady now, I’ve never heard of anyone communing with Eloh. We all pray to her, some of us more than others.” Johna drew her index finger around her chest in a circle and then kissed it, making the sign for Eloh. “But I never thought she’d answer any of us.”
My head shot up and I pushed away the burst of pain. “She’s never spoken to anyone before me?” It was hard to believe Eloh had never communed with anyone before me. Except for Zelor. She’d tried with him, but his madness was too far gone.
“No, child. You are the first, which only reinforces your status as the Prophet and probable savior of our people.”
I grimaced. I was tired of being everything to everyone. I glanced at Mark and he winked at me. A few days ago we’d talked about a life together - a boring life together. It was all I wanted. I’d given everyone everything they needed to see when Krissin made the announcement.
I bent over to help Johna reach the final herb. It had fallen on my slipper. But when I leaned down, a stabbing pain, like a dagger piercing my head, knocked me out.
Chapter Two
I woke to a bitter smell racing through my nose. I coughed, and the copper taste of blood filled my mouth. I tried to open my eyes, but something held them down so tightly that I couldn’t.
Lead weights. They must have placed lead weights on my eyelids.
Images swam around my head. Mark and I kissing in the woods. Ivy glaring at me, her eyes menacing. Krissin twirling in one of her gowns. I couldn’t grab one of them to help me make sense of anything.
I lay still, focused on relaxing my body. Maybe I was too tense and having trouble waking up from a dream. I steadied my thoughts and let myself sense what was going on instead of fighting for it.
“What’s wrong with her? Please tell me you can help her!”
Mark. I’d recognize his voice anywhere. A warm rush swept from my heart throughout my body. If he was here, I was still safe, even if I couldn’t open my eyes.
I tried not to let his tone worry me. In the year I’d known him, he’d never sounded so frantic. I was fine. Just sleeping and having trouble waking. He didn’t need to worry.
“I will do everything I can. You know that.”
Johna. I couldn’t smile, but one bloomed inside me. Of course Johna was still here. She’d help my headache. I trusted her.
“Don’t let her die,” Mark’s voice begged. “Please!”
Die? I wasn’t dying, just sleeping. I struggled to open my eyes. Something, or someone, held them down. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but my mouth wouldn’t open either. My tongue fell to the back of my mouth and gagged me. I fought against it, but I couldn’t control any part of my body.
I coughed and my mouth wrenched open. Blood spewed out and passed over my lips. My eyelids fluttered, yet remained tightly closed. I wanted to scream, but the pain in my head wouldn’t let me go, wouldn’t let me live.
“I don’t know if I can do anymore,” Johna said.
No! I screamed inside. Save me!
“Something’s not right. She’s not responding to anything I do for her. It’s as if there’s something stopping me.”
I wanted to yell at them to help me, not to let me go, but I couldn’t do anything. Trapped inside my body, I struggled against myself. I imagined squeezing my hands into fists and fighting against whatever held me captive, but I was helpless. Nothing worked.
“We know she’s not blocked, or you would have found that long ago.” Johna’s voice drifted in and out of focus, so close, and then so far away.
“We don’t know that,” Mark said.
You’ve never read me!
“I’ve never read her. I can’t invade her mind like that, not without her permission.”
Do it!
“You have to, boy. There is nothing left to help her and she’s fading too fast. Get your gift inside her head now before we lose her.”
I felt a tiny push in my mind, similar to the day Nemison probed me last year. The day he’d confirmed my gift and formally acknowledged me as the next prophet.
Then a rush swept through my mind, taking my breath away. I felt Mark’s mind inside mine, his essence looking for something. I didn’t know if anything was in there for him to find, but I didn’t interfere.
The pain ignited again. Something wasn’t right. Even Zelor didn’t deteriorate this quickly. I opened myself completely to him.
I imagined grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the source of my pain. Surprisingly, I felt his essence follow mine.
We danced through my mind, through the memories of the two of us kissing. The night we almost gave into our passion. I flushed at my innermost thoughts, knowing he could see everything. I felt naked in front of him, but I didn’t flinch. Mark loved me and I loved him. I had nothing to hide.
His essence leaned into mine, melding with me, every part of us joining together.
A massive stab of pain shot through me, forcing me away from him. His touch in my mind became rough and angry. I hid in a dark, silent corner, not daring to interfere with his anger, or with the pain attacking me.
I coughed again, sending up another wave of blood. Someone wiped my mouth with a cool cloth, but the pain pulled me under again, cutting off all physical sensation.
Mark’s anger swept through my mind, touching every part of me. He didn’t hold back anymore, didn’t treat me gently like when he’d first entered my mind. Now he raced through every part, looking for the one thing that could set me free.
The pain increased, reaching a threshold I didn’t know if I could survive. His anger turned to rage as he threw himself against a wall he’d found tucked in the recesses of my mind. I screamed inside and felt it rip from my body as a wail.
Two strong hands held me down against the bed, long nails digging into my arms. I thrashed against the pain.
Mark hesitated, his essence ceasing it
s fight. I rested for just a moment, using my mind’s eye to stare at the barrier. It swirled and a blue eye blinked in the middle of it, disappearing as quickly as it came. Someone, or something, was in there, watching me. For a moment, I almost thought I recognized it.
I mustered every ounce of strength I had and whispered one word.
“Please.”
He reared back and struck the wall.
Then everything went black.
Chapter Three
My eyelids opened. The sunlight streamed through my window, stabbing my eyes. I closed them again.
“Reychel?”
Mark grabbed my hand and dropped kisses all over my cheeks.
“You’re awake. Thank Eloh, you’re alive. I thought I killed you.”
“What was it?” My throat rasped and I winced at the pain.
“You were blocked.” He let go of my hand and punched the pillow next to me. It contracted and puffed back out. “Why hadn’t I read you earlier? We would have known sooner and you wouldn’t be lying here in bed on the brink of death.”
I smiled, my lips cracking in multiple spots. “I’m alive. Thanks to you.”
He covered my mouth again, this time slow and gentle, mindful of the dry skin. I pushed on his chest and he sat back up, a quizzical look on his face.
“I want a drink of water. Please?”
“Of course. I’m so stupid. I’ll get you one right now.” Relief flooded his eyes.
“Sit right there. I’ll get it for her.”
I squinted my eyes against the sun and saw Johna off to the side by my water basin. She poured water into a mug and carried it back to me.
“That boy saved your life.” She nodded at Mark and handed me the mug.
Water spilled out the side of the cup, flowing over my chin, but I didn’t care. I was so, so thirsty.
“You’ve been out for three days,” Johna said. “Take it easy on the water. I don’t want you to get sick and heave it all up.”