by Megg Jensen
“I meant what I said yesterday.” She whispered loud enough for me to hear too. “Anytime. Anyplace, Kellan. She’s nothing compared to me.”
My blood boiled and my stomach turned. How dare she? She knew about us, that we were together. Didn’t she care?
I glanced over to Aric, but he was busy sharpening knives for his upcoming weapons training class. While his eyes were focused on us, over the grating noise of the whetstone he couldn’t hear a word.
“Leave her alone.” Kellan’s eyes narrowed as he stared Albree down. She didn’t flinch. “I swear, if you keep treating Lianne this way I’ll kill you.”
Albree laughed again. I’d hated her cruel laugh since I was little. I hated it even more now.
“I’m not afraid of you, Kellan. In fact, I’d welcome any part of you touching me. I’d think you’d find it a nice change.”
She flipped her curls over her shoulder and she spun around, her hips rocking from side-to-side as she left the training room. I looked down at my body, flat in every place she had curves. Dalagans weren’t known for their curves. Growing up surrounded by girls who developed early and quickly hadn’t done much for my self-esteem. I had to remind myself frequently I couldn’t change how my body developed.
Kellan’s face relaxed as he loped over to my side. His arm draped across my shoulders again.
“If you had a body like hers, then you’d never beat me when we fight,” he said.
“Would you like me better that way?” I had to know.
Kellan laughed. “Are you kidding? She makes me sick. All of her people make me sick. I’d rather be alone the rest of my life than bed her once. Or anyone like her.”
“But your father,” I motioned over to Aric, who no longer paid attention to us now that Albree was gone. “You love him.”
“I love what he can teach me about fighting,” Kellan said. “I also love that he’s never raised a hand against me. Aric has been good to me. For that I respect him. But love him? Never.”
I could understand. My adoptive mother, had never been kind to me. In fact, she treated me poorly, but she never raised a hand against me. I served the queen and a bruise would be questioned. I was protected because of my menial job.
Mags married King Rotlar at the age of twelve and by eighteen she’d already given the king three sons. It was during Matthew’s birth that we became close. She sent Albree for the midwife and I stayed by her side while we waited. She and I were close friends, but we never allowed anyone to know. It wouldn’t be good for either of us, and probably worse for her than me.
“If only we could be free.” I ran my hand up and down Kellan’s arm, feeling his muscles, still tight and warm from our workout. “I want to go back to our homeland now. Only four more years until we’re sent back. On a boat.” I shuddered at the thought of stepping off the land. Sometimes I felt sick just looking at the river sway and bounce.
Kellan snorted. “Reformed, right? We’re supposed to teach everyone at home how peace feels. Convince them the kingdom is no longer their enemy, rather a place to be loved.”
“And don’t forget, magic is evil and led to our downfall. We should never practice it again or face the wrath of their army.” I mimicked what had been drummed into us for years.
“Too bad no one at home knows what we know.” Kellan whispered in my ear. His lips tickled my earlobes and sent shivers down my spine. “You are more dangerous than anyone here. You will be our salvation, Lianne, and I will stand beside you when that day comes.”
I spun out from under his arm, grabbed his wrist and twisted his elbow behind him. I held Kellan’s arm tight and slid my left arm around his neck. His chin tilted up as I tightened my grip. I felt his breath on my arm and he swallowed carefully. It would only take a slight twist of my arm before Kellan would be on the floor again.
“I’m one girl. I can’t take down an entire kingdom. Besides, that’s not what I want.” I felt brave, for the moment. I always felt more confident in battle.
He gasped for air. “What do you want?”
I loosened my grip on his neck and released his arm. Kellan turned around, my arm still around his neck, but now he faced me. I didn’t have to tell him. His lips dropped to mine and I succumbed. I’d never be a warrior when all it took was Kellan’s touch to weaken me.
“I want to go home,” I said as we broke apart for air.
“We will,” Kellan said. “I promise.”
Our time was up and I had to leave him for the day. The chatter outside the walls had gained in volume. People were starting to fill the streets again, the excitement of the hangings wearing off. I still had to change out of the borrowed sparring pants and shirt and throw on my dress and shoes. I wished I could live barefoot and in pants.
“Tomorrow?” I asked, burying my head in his shoulder.
“It’s your birthday. I can’t wait to see you.” Kellan pushed me away from him, his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t want you to talk to anyone until you see me. No one. I mean it.”
I stared into his eyes, firm and unwavering. I knew he meant it. There were times Kellan, who could be as funny and self-deprecating as the court jester, was deadly serious. I’d learned quickly not to tease him when he was this intense, but to listen. He’d never led me wrong before. I trusted him with my life.
But talk to no one before him on my birthday? Certainly not a dangerous situation, but maybe it had something to do with his surprise. How many people were in on it? I’m sure my mother and sister knew nothing; he’d never confide in them. One thing I knew for sure was that this surprise was important to him. I didn’t know why, but somewhere deep inside I knew it would be a moment I’d always remember.
I smiled. “I promise.”
Chapter Three
I ran to the castle, holding my skirt up above my ankles. I didn’t care who saw and really didn’t think it was as scandalous as I was told. There had to be more important things to worry about than a flash of bare ankle.
I nodded to the gatekeeper and he smiled, taking a quick glance toward my feet. I wondered if my ankles were the most exciting thing he’d seen all day. Shrugging it off, I slowed down and entered the halls. I dropped my skirt and it swished around my shoes as it covered my feet.
Mags wouldn’t like it if people complained about me behaving like a foreigner, which I was, or an outcast, which they thought I was. She wouldn’t be mad at me, but it wasn’t something she needed to be bothered with. Hopefully no one would say anything.
I walked into Mags’ chambers, surprised to see everything was just as I’d left it. I’d still arrived before Albree. I ran, but I’d also changed before coming back. Albree should have been here first.
“Apple, Lianne?” Mags plucked a bright, polished green apple out of the basket on her bed, wound up and threw it at me. I flicked my arm out, catching the smooth apple easily in my right hand. I bit into it and the cool juice swam in my mouth. Fruits like these were rare and reserved for royalty. Mags never thought twice about sharing with me.
“You always catch it.” Mags pouted and crossed her arms on her chest. Trevin rested in the bassinette next to her bed, cooing while we chatted.
“You always throw it the same way, Mags.” I laughed. “There isn’t much variety in your tossing technique.”
“But I’m accurate.” Her cheeks plumped up as her full lips gave away a smile. We were complete opposites. It wasn’t her life of leisure as the queen, all of her people shared similar features. I always stood out, always knew I was different.
“Yes, I’m sure you could defeat any villain as long as he didn’t move,” I said, winking.
Mags laughed. I could understand why she’d been chosen to be queen. No one equaled her beauty or charm. Too bad she hated being queen. She played the part well, though. She had about as much choice in her life as I had in mine. At least in four years, I’d be allowed to go home. She’d remain in the castle until her dying day, which might not be too far away if the king continue
d to get her with child.
The door flew open and Albree breezed into the room. She dropped into a low bow, her forehead hovering just above the floor and her arms swept out to the side.
“How may I serve you today, my Queen?” she asked, honey dripping from her voice.
Mags rolled her eyes. She didn’t buy Albree’s deference any more than I did.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Albree,” she said. “Where have you been?”
“Sleeping, my lady.” She rose back up to standing. Albree didn’t even look at me. I knew she was lying, but interrupting Mags when she was on a quest for information was a bad idea.
“I hope you weren’t outside watching the hangings. I strictly forbade my maids to do so.”
Albree’s face didn’t change, but her hands formed fists behind her back. Mags and I knew Albree well enough to know that while she cherished her sleep, she loved drama more. She’d been outside during the hanging before she interrupted my stolen moment with Kellan. I knew it, but I had no proof.
“Lianne cannot carry all of the dirty laundry herself. I want you to help her gather it and carry it down to the laundress. Then, as punishment for being late, I expect you to stay there and help until the laundry is washed and dried.”
I stifled a laugh. There weren’t many worse places in the castle than the laundry room. Perpetual fires burned under tubs of boiling water, keeping them warm, allowing the washerwomen to do laundry all day long. There was much to keep up with, especially since only one of the princes knew how to use a latrine.
The damp air of the laundry room mixed with the smell of harsh soap created a bouquet offensive to even the most insensitive nose. In fact, when we dropped off Mags' laundry baskets every morning, we often wore scarves tied around our faces to cover our noses and mouths. For Albree to be sentenced there for the day was pure torture. She had to have done something to anger Mags. Lying about why she was late this morning wasn’t enough.
“Yes, milady,” Albree replied. I didn’t sense any anger in her tone. No, her voice was controlled, calculating, as if she’d expected this punishment.
Albree stood still, avoiding my gaze. I looked to Mags, but she busied herself with Trevin again. When anyone else was in the chambers, she didn’t treat me differently. But still, I was stunned and eager for some signal from her. I was dying to know what Albree did.
Albree and I gathered up the dirty nappies from the corner bucket and the soiled clothes and burp rags. Trevin spit up more than all of his brothers combined and frequently ran through more than ten cloths a day. Mags kept him clean, constantly wiping his little chin and changing his clothes. I assumed the washerwomen liked him the least of all the little princes.
After carrying the heavy baskets to the laundry room and leaving Albree there, without even a whisper of anger passing her lips, I hurried back to Mags’ chambers, eager to find out what Albree had done to deserve the punishment.
As I drew closer to her chamber, angry voices permeated the thick wooden door. King Rotlar. His visits lately were infrequent. He hated the smell of babies, which was astounding since he was so skilled at getting her pregnant, and he refused to visit Mags any more than necessary. A visit so soon after giving birth shocked me. She wasn’t physically ready to have sex again and he wasn’t interested, what with Trevin hanging on her breast. It didn’t matter if she was mentally ready for him either. As queen it was her duty to produce heirs. Other than that, Mags had about as much use for Rotlar as he had for her.
“You’re going to dismiss that girl today.” If Rotlar been any louder, the studs holding the door together might have popped apart. “I will not have her kind hovering around my sons any longer.”
“No,” Mags answered. I could barely hear her quiet voice through the walls.
“What do you mean, no? You will do as I say. You may hold the title of queen, but you were chosen for your looks and the width of your hips. You are here to breed heirs for this kingdom, nothing more. Do not presume you hold any sway like the queens of old did. There is a reason we no longer marry girls of noble families. They grew up with entitlement. You grew up with nothing and you remain nothing.”
I gasped. While it was true, no one spoke of it aloud. The kingdom treated finding queens as a fun competition, a way for peasant girls to elevate themselves to a better life. All girls grew up dreaming of being chosen by the king, none dreamed of hearing those words hurled at them.
“I will not dismiss Lianne,” Mags said. “She has been my loyal lady-in-waiting for the last three years. She’s never stepped out of line. Never spoken against you or the kingdom. She has done nothing to deserve dismissal.”
Me? He wanted me gone? What did I do to him? My stomach plunged.
“She is one of them,” he spat. “Their kind never should have been brought here and never so close to the heirs of the throne. She could kill them in one swoop. Those poor defenseless sons of yours, dead because of the unstable mind of the Dalagans. You cannot trust those people. Even now, they attempt uprisings. We caught those three sneaking across the border yesterday. They refused to speak, but I executed them anyway. They are her people and I will not have her near my sons! You will dismiss her.”
Uprisings? How could that be possible? My people had never done anything. They were in complete accordance with the laws set forth after the war. At least that was what I’d been told. I didn’t know why those three men came here, but three men couldn’t take down an entire kingdom on their own.
“No.” Mags repeated.
“Then I will take care of her myself,” the king roared. “I’ll have my men watch her and if she makes one false move, just one, I will have her killed.”
My breath caught in my throat. I waited to hear Mags defend me again.
Nothing came.
I fled down the hall before anyone saw me.
Chapter Four
I ran to the armory, hoping to find Kellan among the military men. He practiced in the off hours, like me, but assisted Aric during military training. I peeked through the dirty window, scanning the groups of sparring men. Kellan would be easy to pick out, his height and coloring would be enough of a contrast to the shorter men sparring with knives in the room. But I didn’t see him, not in any of the groups working with the weapons or the sparring soldiers near the middle of the room.
“Looking for Kellan?” a voice asked behind me.
I spun around. Bryden, the third adoptee sat on the bench behind me. My heart sank. Bryden and I had a history, although one cooled by time and distance. Kellan and I didn’t hang out with him. He’d never fit in with us because he spent more time staring at the ground than anything else around him. We hadn’t interacted much since we were children. Even when he was around us, he didn’t speak. It was almost like he was observing us, and we didn’t know why.
“Actually, I am,” I said, pleased this was one of the times he chose to speak to me. “Do you know where he’s at?”
“Maybe.” He sharpened one of his quills with a knife, but didn’t seem too interested in me. Maybe that was good. I didn’t want to raise any red flags. The less he knew, or suspected, the better.
“Can you tell me?” I asked in my sweetest voice. I tried to channel Albree’s honey laden tone without coming off too fake. I hoped it was working.
“Why? What’s going on?” he asked. Now his eyes were on mine, staring so deeply I found myself taking a step back. The boy knew how to unnerve me with only the slightest movements.
“Um, nothing.”
Bryden continued to stare at me. I stared back. I couldn’t tell him what was happening. I didn’t really know myself and I didn’t know what he would do. Just because we were both adoptees it didn’t mean he felt any loyalty toward me. I didn’t know if he would turn me in. Right now, Kellan was the only person I trusted.
“Don’t lie, Lianne. I’m not stupid. I know you and Kellan think I am, but I’m not. I know as much as he does. Maybe more.”
Bryden
cocked his head to the side, still studying my blue eyes — eyes just like him and Kellan. I refused to look away.
“But you don’t know yet, do you?”
I didn’t have time for his mysterious babbling. I needed to find Kellan.
“You should be waiting on the queen, but you’re not. You’re out here, looking for Kellan. Something happened and you’re seeking his help. Maybe I can help you Lianne. Did that ever occur to you?”
It hadn’t, but now wasn’t the time for guilt over not including Bryden.
“I’m sorry, Bryden, but I’m on an errand for the queen and I thought perhaps Kellan could help me. It involves some heavy lifting and, I hate to say this, but I really don’t think you’re equipped to lift the load.”
Bryden’s eyes drooped and my heart sank. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings by bringing attention to his leg. He’d been injured in an accident as a small boy, almost killed by a horse and carriage. His parents died in the accident; so did our friendship. Afterward he refused to see me. We’d played together every day before that.
He looked up at me again and for a moment, I thought I saw my old friend again.
Guilt flooded my body. I hadn’t meant to hurt him and it was the first time I’d ever purposely said anything like that to him. When he turned away from me after the accident I had no one. I cried myself to sleep every night for a year because of Bryden.
“I don’t believe you, Lianne, but I do forgive your ignorance. You will need me. You and Kellan. Hopefully I’ll be in a mood to help you when the time comes.”
I breathed deeply, attempting to calm myself. As if I’d accept his help after he’d pushed me away all these years. Up until a few years ago, I would have forgiven him in a heartbeat. I’d tried to regain his friendship repeatedly, but he’d always put me off. Nothing I did was good enough for him and I was tired of trying to make him like me.