‘When you’re with a group of girls who are all vociferous about their opinions on something, let them all speak first, Victoria. Try to be the last one to comment so you hear their opinions clearly and then sum up what they’ve said, choosing the best of each, if you can. It’s difficult, I know, but don’t let emotions drive you. Let them assist you.’
Her mother sprinkled wisdom around her like someone feeding chickens. She could peck at this or that, use this or that. There was enough to choose from. That was for sure. And she could see from the way her father listened to the things her mother said that he was in agreement with her most of the time. Unlike the fathers of most of her girlfriends, he relied on her mother a great deal and was not embarrassed if she took the lead in a conversation among their friends. Indeed, he looked at her proudly. She could see it in that small relaxing of his lips and that twinkle in his eyes.
Maybe they were a special family, but if they were, how could this have happened to her, to them?
She looked to her mother when she was released from the hospital. Her mother was the one who insisted on the therapy. Not that her father disagreed, but she was just the force behind it. She didn’t want to return to school in the fall, but her mother, more than the therapist, was responsible for her gathering enough strength to do it.
Her mother was present for every police interview. When Lieutenant Marcus suggested she not be, that perhaps Victoria would be more forthcoming, her mother nearly threw her out of the house, but her father calmed her mother and got her to go along with the policewoman’s request.
‘I know what she’s up to. She’s suggesting the girl brought this on herself and is ashamed to admit it in front of me,’ her mother insisted. It was the truth, but something her father didn’t want stated.
‘Let’s just let it run its course, Helen,’ he told her. She looked at him and at Victoria and relented.
It was two days after she had been released from the hospital. The interview with Lieutenant Marcus was conducted in her room just before her mother began to have it redone. She sat at the work desk and Lieutenant Marcus sat on the tan fiberglass shell chair she had set back in the right corner. She brought it close and sat across from her with that clipboard she had when she had visited Victoria in the hospital.
‘So,’ she began, ‘maybe you can remember the details a little better now?’
Victoria simply stared at her, but trembled inside. Did she mean the details of the actual rape?
‘What did you do in the village before you went to the lake?’ Lieutenant Marcus began.
‘Just hung out with my two friends in front of George’s.’
‘Define hung out,’ she said.
‘Hung out. Talked.’
‘Did you smoke anything, take anything?’
‘I don’t smoke.’
‘You didn’t take anything to have a good time?’
‘No.’
She wrote something on her clipboard. What did she write? That she didn’t believe me? Victoria wondered.
‘None of my girlfriends do that,’ she insisted.
Lieutenant Marcus looked at her blandly. ‘None of them smoke pot?’
‘No.’
‘I’m not looking for you to get any of your friends in trouble. I’m looking to understand the whole picture,’ she explained, but not in a tone of voice that had even an inkling of apology. It was cold, stated fact.
‘Some of the city kids might have been smoking pot. I don’t know. I don’t even really know what it smells like.’
‘OK. So, is there a special boy at school you liked or like?’ she asked.
‘No. I mean, no one I was going with.’
‘But there’s someone you like?’
‘Sometimes. I mean, on and off.’ What did she mean? ‘You like someone but when you see he doesn’t like you, you don’t like him so much anymore.’
‘Right,’ Lieutenant Marcus said. ‘What about the other way around?’
‘What’s that mean?’
‘Was there or is there a boy in particular who has been trying to get you to like him, asked you out, pursued you? Perhaps more than others.’
Recently, Marvin Hacker had been asking her to meet him on weekends. He was a senior who, with his twin brother, Louis, worked in his father’s garage just outside of Hurleyville. Both boys had grown up fast physically. They were six feet three and were good enough to be on the high school basketball team, but couldn’t because they had to work in their father’s garage after school. When they were only thirteen, they were driving, using cars left at the garage for service. Somehow, they had gotten away with it and now had their licenses and their own cars, jalopies and a pickup truck they had each resurrected, a perk for working so hard with their father.
Louis was shyer and therefore nicer in Victoria’s opinion, not that either of them were attractive or interesting enough to want to date. They weren’t grotesque, but they had long, thin noses and beady eyes. They always looked greasy, with their dull brown hair untrained. But they did other boys favors when it came to their cars, and when they were driving illegally, they were even more popular. Marvin wasn’t coarse or particularly unpleasant. He was just a little more aggressive than his brother. His chief line whenever he suggested she let him pick her up was ‘We could have a good time.’
She never gave him the slightest indication that he should have any hope, but right now his was the only name she could offer.
‘Marvin Hacker,’ she said.
‘When was the last time he asked you out?’ Lieutenant Marcus inquired.
‘Maybe a week ago.’
‘Was he in the village that night or at the lake?’
‘I’m not sure. I thought I saw one of them at the lake.’
‘One of them?’
‘Him or his twin brother. It’s not easy to tell them apart from a distance.’
‘OK. Let’s concentrate on the lake for a while. You admitted you drank more than you ever did. You said this city boy gave you the liquor. Did you make out with him?’ she followed.
It sounded strange to hear that term from the mouth of a policewoman. ‘A little,’ she said.
‘What’s a little? You were in your bathing suit. Did you let him take any of it off?’
‘No.’
‘Did you encourage him to do more than just kiss you?’
‘I didn’t encourage him.’
‘But you let him kiss you and then what?’
She stared at her. She wanted to cry, but it was strange how tears wouldn’t form. Her eyes seemed to be freezing over instead. ‘He went too far and I ran off. I think I told you that.’
Lieutenant Marcus made notes and then made her retell everything she had done after running from Spike. She brought it back to the moment she stepped out of the pickup truck.
‘I want you to close your eyes and try really hard to picture everyone in the street. Then just rattle off slowly the name of every boy you recognized who was looking at you. Go on,’ she ordered.
She did so, but she couldn’t help feeling as if she was pointing an accusatory finger at each and every one she recalled.
‘OK. I’ve left my phone number with your parents and I’m leaving it with you. If anything else comes to mind, I want you to call me instantly, even at night,’ she said. ‘Memory can be tricky. Your mind might be smothering something unpleasant, but it could be like a persistent itch that pops out as a pimple. That’s when you call me. Understand?’ she said, handing her the card with her telephone number. ‘Keep it by your bed, in fact, because a lot of this occurs when we’re alone, maybe starting to fall asleep, that sort of thing.’
She rose and, for the first time, Victoria thought she was finally looking at her not as just another victim to interview but as a young girl.
‘Whoever did this to you wasn’t stupid, Victoria. We’ve combed the area thoroughly and we didn’t find any sack or rope or anything that could have been used to restrain you. They took it with them, k
nowing it might lead us to them. Maybe they read detective stories. The ground on that path was hard and covered with weeds and wild grass. There wasn’t much of a footprint, and what we had was contaminated by all those rescue workers and the local police as well as Mr Miller. I told your parents all this just so they understand, and I’m telling you. This might take a while. That’s why whatever else you remember is so important, OK?’
‘OK.’
‘You’ve been honest with me, too, right? There’s no point in lying about anything you did now.’
‘I’m not lying.’
There was a knock on her bedroom door.
‘Yes?’ Lieutenant Marcus called.
Her mother appeared. ‘She is still in a sensitive period of recuperation,’ she began. It was easy to see she had tolerated all she would.
‘I’m done here for now,’ Lieutenant Marcus said.
‘Are you the only one working on this?’ her mother asked.
‘I’m the lead investigator now, yes. I have lots of backup if I need it. Forensics, for example. As I explained, though, we don’t have much to bring to any laboratory. It’s not a case where the perp left fingerprints, and there’s not much we can do with what was left,’ she added, referring to the sperm. ‘Maybe there’ll be scientific ways to use it someday, but for now …’
‘Thank you. I think we got the picture,’ her mother said sharply.
‘I’ll work with what I have. We’ll do what we have to do to get them,’ she said, but it sounded more like a defense of herself than a real promise for a satisfactory outcome. ‘I’ll be in touch,’ she added and walked out.
‘There’s something about that woman that gives me the feeling she wouldn’t mind being raped herself,’ her mother said. She was that angry, but the remark not only shocked Victoria but also brought the first smile to her face since the Incident. In fact, she almost laughed.
Her mother realized too late what she had said and then embraced it with her own smile.
‘Irritating,’ she added. ‘Just rest. Your father went to pick up some Chinese. He’s getting your favorite and we’ll have egg rolls, and after dinner we’ll have your favorite ice cream – pistachio.’
She sat on Victoria’s bed and looked down at her hands in her lap for a moment.
‘You shouldn’t have done what you did. If we had found out, we would have grounded you for weeks, but that in no way excuses or justifies what happened to you, Victoria, and I’d be lying if I didn’t confess to having disobeyed my parents’ rules from time to time. You’ll see the therapist who will help you, I’m sure, but I don’t want you to think for a moment that I blame you for what happened,’ she said, raising her gaze to focus firmly on Victoria the way she could when she wanted her to listen and understand something she thought was important. No one was as steely-eyed. ‘Understand?’
‘Yes, Mom.’
‘That policewoman might solve the case, but if she doesn’t, she’ll make herself feel better by convincing herself you somehow brought it on yourself. That’s called rationalization and it’s embedded in the human psyche. If some people didn’t rationalize, they’d commit suicide. When you read Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman, you’ll really understand what I’m saying.’ She took a deep breath and stood. ‘Rest for a while. I’ll call you when everything’s ready, or your father will. Got to keep him busy, too, you know,’ she added.
Then she stepped closer, put her right hand on the top of her head as if she was a bishop blessing her, before she knelt down and kissed her on the forehead. Victoria thought she saw those steely eyes begin to tear up before her mother turned quickly and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind her.
It wasn’t until that moment that she realized this was the start of whatever recuperation she would enjoy. She wasn’t hopeful or content; she was simply aware that, as people might say when they began something very important, this was the beginning of the rest of her life.
The days that followed were lonely and hard. Even though Jena could be very annoying at times, she welcomed her visits and her gossip, but about ten days later she brought her news she did not welcome. The police – Lieutenant Marcus with her rough bedside manner especially – were questioning so many local kids now, and everyone resented it. Some boys thought she was pointing a finger at them, and more than just Jena, Mindy and Toby were now in trouble with their parents for going to the wild party at the lake. An epidemic of various punishments was spreading. It was eating away at any compassion and sympathy her classmates and others would have for her. The thought of stepping into that atmosphere in the fall was almost as terrifying as traveling the shortcut behind the Millers’ house again.
‘But that’s not fair,’ Victoria said. ‘They shouldn’t be questioning the boys we know so much. It probably was those city boys. They might have followed me. I just didn’t notice. I was too anxious to get home.’
Jena shrugged. She took a long sip from the Pepsi that Victoria’s father had offered and she had accepted.
‘Ralph Bud told Mindy that the police tracked down those boys. They were all staying at Klein’s bungalow colony.’
‘And?’
‘The boy you were with, Spike – his real name is Carson Nadler – got involved with Delores Thomas right after you left the lake, it seems. They were there until midnight. Delores had to admit to it, so he had a solid alibi. Everyone is more or less convinced now that it was someone local.’
‘Oh,’ Victoria said. It seemed to inflame the wounds. It was easier to believe that someone out of their normal world would perpetrate such a crime. The intimacy of the small communities gave their inhabitants a sense of security. People could cheat each other occasionally, compete in economic business, lose their tempers and even have physical confrontations. They had families that didn’t like each other – Hatfields and McCoys were everywhere in America – but lethal violence here was rare and, as far as they knew, this was the most high-profile sexual assault case in years. Realizing that someone whom she knew or who knew her and her family would attack her so brutally made the pill much harder to swallow.
‘But I tell everyone it wasn’t your fault, of course,’ Jena said. ‘I wish I hadn’t gotten so sick drunk. I would have gone back to the village with you and maybe even gone to your house for an overnight. If I was with you, it wouldn’t have happened. Or …’ She paused, her imagination expanding. ‘We both might have been attacked, I suppose.’
Victoria was silent. Oddly, if she disagreed, Jena might be insulted because it would be implying no one would have been after her body.
‘Right?’ Jena insisted.
‘It’s not an easy thing to do to two people at once. I told you about the sack and the rope and all. They would have had to have two of everything and two people means one could be a witness. Who knows what would have happened?’
‘Yeah, you’re probably right,’ she said. ‘Are you having nightmares every night?’
‘I keep myself awake until I’m too tired for nightmares,’ Victoria said.
Jena smiled. ‘I’m sorry this happened to you, Victoria. You were one of the smartest and prettiest girls in the school.’
What did she mean? Was she implying that she no longer would be?
‘I’m tired of talking about it,’ she suddenly said. She understood better now why her parents avoided it so much.
‘I don’t blame you,’ Jena said and began to talk about upcoming movies, a great song she had just heard and a surprising invitation she had received from Mindy. ‘She just wants to spend some time, I guess,’ she added.
Victoria understood. Mindy never liked Jena. She was inviting her over so she could delve into what had happened more, pick up some hint as to whether or not Victoria had brought it on herself.
Her friends were flaking off like dead skin.
‘Whatever,’ Victoria said.
‘My mom is trying to get my dad to ease up. I think they’ll let me go for pizza or to a movie soon.
’
Victoria didn’t respond. Instead, she rose and looked out her window. How right her mother was about how different people saw the same thing, she thought. Eventually, girls as well as the boys wouldn’t tolerate any more talk about her being attacked or the investigation and who could have done it. It was like shifting your eyes from some crippled person or a young person with Down syndrome. You’d utter the sympathetic words when you had to, but you didn’t want to be reminded that such things existed.
Whenever any of her friends or even adults who knew her looked at her from now on, they would think only one thing and they would look away as quickly as they could.
How will I look away? Victoria wondered.
She turned back to Jena. ‘Do you mind, Jena? I’m so tired all of a sudden. I think I need to take a nap.’
‘A nap?’
The word didn’t fit their teenage scripts. It was an older person’s word or a word for a very young child. It’s time for baby’s nap.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Sorry.’
Jena downed the rest of the Pepsi and smiled. ‘No problem. I’ve got to pick up something on the way home anyway, and I can’t break my new curfew or I’ll never get out of Sing Sing,’ she declared. She started to go to hug Victoria and then thought better of it and went to the bedroom door. ‘I’ll call you,’ she said, and then she added as if she had to convince herself, ‘Promise.’
For a moment after Jena left, it was as if all the air had gone with her. Then Victoria did sprawl out on her bed. She couldn’t help it.
She clamped her arms against her sides and she tiptoed into the horrible memory, hoping maybe to come back with some detail, something that would help Lieutenant Marcus get the culprits and at least end the pursuit that haunted the world in which she lived, a world that was shrinking with every heartbeat.
The Incident Page 11