Hope inserted herself in between us. ‘Arguing is a waste of energy.’ A thoughtful expression crossed her face. ‘You both seem to do a lot of it.’
‘Arguing is a very important skill,’ I told her. ‘Especially when it comes to how I deal with your brother.’
She glanced at Jace. ‘My . . . brother.’
He looked away. This family reunion wasn’t exactly going how I’d hoped, but I couldn’t blame either one of them. She’d been trying to kill Jace, after all. That was going to take some getting over. Maybe they could go to family therapy. I almost smiled at the thought.
Hope lifted her chin, taking us both in with her silver gaze. ‘I know that Dr Stark was a monster, but was she any more monstrous than I?’
I put my arm around her, and although she flinched she didn’t move away. ‘Sometimes it takes a monster to kill a monster,’ I said.
Jace watched us both, but this time he didn’t say anything. He must have known we were having a moment – bright boy. He headed to the rear of the boat.
I swallowed, trying to compose myself as I followed him. There was plenty I could angst about later. For now, we had to get out of here – the three of us. Together.
The journey wasn’t long but I took the opportunity to rest my aching bones, all the same. I curled up on a bench with a blanket wrapped around me, and tried to process everything that had happened. We had all escaped and were more or less in one piece. Subject Ten was free and the Nemesis Project, if not over entirely, had been dealt a serious blow with the unfortunate passing of Dr Helena Stark. A young girl called Hope Murdoch had even been reunited with the family she’d grown up believing had abandoned her.
I wondered how I was going to explain all of this to Theo. Part of me didn’t even want to tell him. I was tired of constantly checking in, of never being able to live my own life. Maybe I was still in shock . . .
Jace interrupted my morose train of thought, taking a seat opposite me and looking as exhausted as I felt. His sister was still at the controls up front, and quite honestly she seemed happier by herself. She must have spent a lot of her time alone.
Jace stretched and groaned. If he wanted sympathy, he needed to get in line. We were all bloodstained, bruised and half-dead with exhaustion. I couldn’t even raise a smile at ‘half-dead’ – partly because I was so tired, but mostly because I was more confused than ever about what it meant to be a vampire. I had learned things that threw the few certainties in my new life into doubt, and I wasn’t sure whether Stark had been toying with me – manipulating me with false hope in an effort to gain my cooperation – or whether she was simply misguided in her zeal. She had certainly sounded sincere. No doubt the operatives behind Project Nemesis believed in their cause, but that just made them seem more scary.
Was vampirism something that could, one day, be cured?
I sighed and watched the sea race past, feeling the salt spray on my face and enjoying the sensation of flying across the water. Basking in the early-morning sun, and in the knowledge that I might never have seen it again. With the kind of future I had in store for me, I needed to grab every possible chance to enjoy the sunlight.
‘So,’ I said, glancing at my companion, wondering whether Hope would be able to hear us back here over the sound of the engine, ‘what do you think of her?’
Jace snorted. ‘She’s a real peach. Just the little sister I was hoping to find.’
‘I think she needs family,’ I replied, my voice low as I thought of my father in the hospital.
‘You mean me? The brother she’d kill as soon as hug?’
I shrugged and attempted a smile. ‘Hey, my sisters are always trying to kill me – especially one of them. Hasn’t done me any real harm.’
His expression was skeptical. ‘Moth, this is different. This is . . .’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t know what it is, but entirely twisted doesn’t even begin to do it justice.’
‘That’s what family is all about,’ I said.
We sat in companionable silence for a while. I didn’t want to be the one to speak first, but somebody had to. There was plenty of other stuff to talk about. A lot had happened between us. The kiss outside Stark’s talk, for one thing. The blood-sharing that had come later.
‘Jace,’ I said.
‘Moth,’ he said at exactly the same time.
I burst out laughing. Don’t you hate it when that happens? ‘You go first.’
He smiled his increasingly familiar lopsided smile. ‘There’s something I have to ask you. Something important.’
‘Sure.’ I tried to pretend that my stomach wasn’t churning. Or, at least, that my sudden nausea had more to do with the boat’s movement than what Jace might be about to ask. I was being ridiculous and just . . . ugh. ‘Go for it.’
‘Marie O’Neal,’ he said, fixing me with an impossibly serious expression.
My eyes opened wider.
‘Will you go on a date with me,’ he continued, ‘once I’m maybe not so broken and bruised? A real date.’
A real date for a real girl? I bit my lip and wondered what Caitlín would say to that. Or Holly, for that matter. Or . . . Theo?
I pressed my palms against my legs, holding them steady. ‘You don’t have to feel obliged or anything,’ I said.
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Obliged? Hell, no! You owe me. It’s thanks to you I ended up in that place at all.’
Hmm . . . that was at least partly true.
‘So yeah, me and you. Date. I get to choose where. When all this shit is over with.’
‘Sure,’ I said again. Squeaked, more like.
He cupped his ear with his hand. ‘I’m sorry, what was that? Should I start calling you Mouse now?’
I grinned and glared at the same time. Glinned?
The sun was still rising, and that meant that I wouldn’t be able to speak to Theo until tonight. But I was safe, and so was Jace. His sister was another matter, especially considering how it had been her who had killed Nicole, but I suspected that we would be able to work something out before I spoke to Theo.
I had a very strong feeling that Dr Stark and Philip Quinn would mysteriously end up being ‘responsible’ for all kinds of things, by the time I reported back to my Maker. Hopefully it would be enough to keep what remained of the Murdoch family safe. I didn’t exactly relish the thought of telling Theo more lies, but I would do what was necessary. Painful and necessary.
Jace shielded his eyes and watched the shore approaching.
I nudged him with my toe. ‘How far away are we?’
‘Not far,’ he said.
I smiled. If only life had such easy answers.
There was still a very long way to go, but for the first time since I’d been Made I was beginning to believe that I might actually get there. Wherever ‘there’ ended up being. But in order to get from here to there, I had something very important to do. Something that would take a lot of negotiation – and a lot of courage. True freedom never came without a price, I knew that now. I was prepared for it.
The problem was, life with Theo was like being tied to a watertight contract. An eternal contract.
I just had to figure out the escape clause.
The sun was high in the midday sky as I dragged myself up the stairs of my apartment building. Even if Holly was home, she’d be sleeping the sleep of the undead (if ‘undead’ was even the right word now). She wouldn’t wake until tonight, and I was glad.
For one thing, I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to answer any questions until I’d recovered enough to lie convincingly. I’d left Jace with Ten . . . No, with Hope. Thinking of it that way made me smile. He had Hope.
My throat tightened. At least someone did.
And then I saw her, sitting there outside my apartment. Déjà vu. My little sister, waiting for me to come home, with her knees drawn up to her chin, using her bright emerald coat as a cushion.
‘Cait!’ I ran to her and helped her up off the floor.
She stagg
ered and I grabbed her tightly. ‘I’m OK,’ she said, waving me away. ‘Just tired and stiff. Been sitting there for ages and kept nodding off.’
I stroked the uncombed red curls away from her face, making sure that she was telling me the truth and that she wasn’t hurt. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, but other than that she was all in one piece.
‘What are you doing out here?’ I shook her gently. ‘You idiot. I might not have been home for ages.’ Like, ever.
‘I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday,’ she said.
‘I’m really sorry. I . . . lost my phone.’
‘You only just got a new one!’
‘I know. Honestly, Cait. A lot has happened. I really am sorry.’
I didn’t know how much I could tell her. She’d be worried no matter what, but I figured I owed it to her to share some of it.
Her eyes filled with tears. ‘A lot’s been happening here too.’
‘Oh my God, what—?’
She flung her arms around me and began to sob.
‘Marie . . .’ Her voice was muffled against my shoulder. ‘It’s Dad.’
And, right then, I knew what she had come all the way out here to tell me.
The ordeal I’d just been through faded into the background. In the face of our family’s loss, none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was how grateful I was that I could actually be here for my little sister.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
In Time
Five days later I stood in the middle of the North End bedroom that used to be mine, checking one last time that I had everything I needed. I was leaving a lot of stuff behind, wanting a fresh start, and Holly and I had finally dumped the remains of my black-painted mirror. We’d made a little ceremony of it, then gone out for a few beers to celebrate her official appointment as Theo’s Enforcer – the youngest Enforcer in all of the Massachusetts Families. When I first heard the news, I’d surprised myself by being genuinely happy for her.
I ran my fingers over the cool wood of Mom’s dressing table, deciding that it would be fine right where it was in the apartment. It wasn’t like I really needed it, and maybe one day Holly would have another roommate who was in need of her watchful eye. Whoever it was would probably be glad to have some nice furniture.
Dad’s funeral was scheduled for tomorrow and I was moving back home with my sisters. It had taken less time for Caitlín to convince me to give it a try than she would ever have imagined. I think I had surprised both of us when I agreed. University probably had something to do with my decision, but it also had a lot to do with family. My original family, rather than the blood-drinking kind.
I didn’t want to think about that too much, but . . . well. There you have it. As I’ve said before, on more than one occasion: things change.
Caitlín came up behind me and rested her hand on my shoulder. It was so weird, her being taller than me. I stopped myself from thinking that soon, technically, she would actually be older than me. No matter what, she’d always be my little sister; I wouldn’t allow myself to think of her in any other way.
Holly clomped through the door, not bothering to knock as usual. I certainly wouldn’t miss that annoying character trait, though I grudgingly figured that there might be one or two things about her that I would miss. Maybe.
‘You ready, soon-to-be ex-roomie?’ She nodded briefly at Caitlín.
‘Just about.’ I smiled. ‘Thanks for the ride.’
Holly shrugged. Today her blue hair was almost as curly as mine. ‘It’s right on my way. What about your sister? I didn’t know she’d be here, and you know I only have room for one passenger.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘She’s getting a ride with our other sister. Right, Caitlín?’
She nodded in reply, but I could tell she was nervous around my roommate. Ex-roommate, I reminded myself again.
‘Cool,’ Holly said.
Once outside, she handed me a helmet (pink with black bats) so that, in her own words, ‘I didn’t get my stupid head crushed if I fell off.’
‘You’re all heart,’ I said.
‘That’s what I keep telling Alanya,’ she replied. ‘Not sure she believes me.’
I swallowed the inconvenient lump from my throat. ‘I hope you’ll be happy.’
‘Oh, don’t get all maudlin on me, squirt.’
‘You’ll look after Theo for me, won’t you.’
Her sharp eyes narrowed. ‘Of course. That’s my job now.’
Her job. I hoped that would be enough for Theo. Especially now that Nicole was gone.
Holly put her hand on my shoulder. ‘And while you’re out there, in the big bad human world you seem to love so much, I want you do something for me.’
‘Sure.’ I frowned, wondering what it could possibly be.
‘Remember what I said about second chances, OK?’
Tears pricked my eyes. ‘I’ll do my best.’
And with that, we were off.
I sat by the Charles River, watching the sunset and waiting to say goodbye. Waiting for a second chance – one that I chose for myself, this time.
It was peaceful out here. This part of the River Walk used to be one of my favorite spots to grab some alone time. But then I met a man who changed everything, and I could never quite bring myself to return. I’d missed it. Maybe I would sit here more often, perhaps even bring my sketchpad.
Dusk settled in like an old friend.
Theo appeared beside me, quiet as a shadow. He laid a pale hand on the back of the bench and smiled at me. ‘May I?’
My throat tightened and I had to swallow before I could speak. ‘Of course.’
He sat down and we watched the last few boats on the water. Theo knew why I was here, and I knew he would try to talk me out of it. He might forbid it, and things could get very bad. But I’d already told him I was moving back home to be with my sisters, and the world hadn’t ended. He had surprised me, actually, by just . . . accepting the news. He’d hardly said a word, although I’d seen a flash of realization in his eyes even then.
Maybe I wasn’t the only one who was changing. Maybe the effects of losing his Maker would stay with him for the rest of his, hopefully, very long life.
Theo stretched his arms along the back of the bench – our bench – everything in his body language saying that he was at ease with our conversation. The silver in his eyes told me that it was a lie.
‘We have been through this before, my Moth,’ he said. ‘Many times.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘But this time is different.’
‘You are so very young,’ he said, echoing Nicole’s words to him on the night she died.
I batted my eyelashes. ‘That’s what you love about me.’
He frowned. ‘Your humanity is still too close to the surface.’
That’s what I love about myself, I wanted to say. But I didn’t.
He touched my face. ‘But that will change. In time.’
‘I don’t want it to change,’ I said. ‘I want to stay me. Marie.’
‘But you are also Moth.’
‘Yes,’ I agreed. That was undeniably true. How could I shut out half of who I was? It was easy for me to moan about it, but the truth was . . . Theo was in my blood. Literally. He’d made a mistake, sure. A terrible mistake. But he’d tried to fix it the only way he could – with the power he possessed in his own blood, that night he saved me from death. By making me a part of him, and him a part of me in return.
The fact that I hadn’t asked for him to do it just didn’t enter the equation, no matter how unfair it was. It wasn’t like he’d planned it. I knew that.
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t begin to change things now. Now that I was stronger and more sure of myself. If being a prisoner of the Nemesis Project had taught me anything, it was that I was a survivor. Yes, I still had a long way to go, but for the first time in over a year I was actually looking forward to the journey. It was a journey I wanted to make without Theo, and
that was what I was trying to explain to him tonight. This was the right thing to do. The healthy thing – maybe even for both of us.
Didn’t make me feel any less sad about it.
I also felt incredibly guilty, considering how bad my timing was. Theo had lost Nicole, and now he was ‘losing’ me. Not to mention the human family he had lost back in Ireland, many years ago in another lifetime.
And now, here we were: Theo and I. It had taken us days of talking before we could even get to this point. If I’d had my way, we would have waited to have this final conversation – at least until after Dad’s service – but Theo had insisted that we clear the air as soon as possible. Move forward. Maybe he really did think that he could talk me out of striking out on my own.
‘I have a right to my own life, don’t I?’ I said, as I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the water. Anything was better than looking at the pain on his face. ‘Theo, I want to go to college, spend time with my sisters. Both of them.’
Incredibly enough, it was true – especially now that our father was gone and it was just the three of us. I also wanted to spend more time with a certain Jason Murdoch. I kept that part to myself, though. Even I was sensitive enough to know not to mention my secret hopes when it came to Jace. But I’d promised Caitlín that I would move back home and to try to make it work. It was a promise I intended to keep, one way or another.
‘Theo?’ I said, trying to get some kind of reaction from him. Even anger would be better than nothing, at this point. But he only looked sad.
He turned away from me, and I could almost swear there had been tears glittering in his eyes. Or maybe it was just a trick of the moonlight. ‘I could force you,’ he said, his voice husky. ‘I could make you stay.’
‘I know.’ I clenched my hands together in my lap. ‘I know that.’
‘You belong to me.’
‘I don’t belong to you, Theo. I belong to me.’
‘You will always belong to me,’ he said. ‘At least, in part.’
I nodded, giving him that much. ‘Perhaps. In part.’
‘Would that . . . part want to visit me? If I did let you go?’
It felt like my heart was breaking, but I kept it together. ‘Not to begin with,’ I said. ‘I’ll need space. Do you understand?’
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