“Mama,” he said in a pleading voice. “It's not like that. It wasn't personal. I made a business decision to take over a failing company. I do that all the time in my line of work.”
“Really?” she said in an incredulous voice. “You do this all the time? You stab friends in the back without a thought to their feelings? You come back to town under false pretenses, all the while planning to take control of Jack’s company? Is that really what you do, son? Because if that's how you comport yourself, I can't ever recall being more ashamed of anyone in my life.”
He watched Mama shoo Braxton, Sadie and Joshua out of the room, presumably so she could talk privately with him. As soon as they departed, she moved toward him so that there was no space between them, no distance separating them. She reached for him, placing his hand firmly in her own.
“I raised all of my children to be righteous, God-fearing, honest and caring. Can you honestly say that there was anything righteous about what you did? Was it honest? Were you caring for Olivia when you toyed with her heart, all the while knowing you were going to pull the rug out from under her?”
Hunter turned his head sharply towards his mother, surprise flowing through him at the realization that she knew all about his relationship with Olivia.
“Yes, son, I know all about you and Olivia. I always have. You didn't fool me back in the day and you surely aren't fooling me now. You've had a light in your eyes ever since you've come back home. I know that has everything to do with Olivia. That girl has always thought the world of you. And, whether you're ready to admit it or not, she's always brought out the best in you.” Mae let out a weary sigh. “I've always been proud of you, Hunter. You've achieved so much in your life. I know it took a lot of sacrifice and hard work to get there. But, what good is it all, if you've lost your soul along the way?”
The verse from Matthew 16:26 washed over him. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole word, and lose his own soul?
It seared him like acid. Was he that man?
He’d always strived to be a good man. Righteous. Hard working. Honest. How had he failed so miserably?
It was all becoming too much for him. For all the times he'd envisioned buying Renault Industries he'd never imagined the fallout. The heartbreak in Olivia's eyes. The disappointment on Mama's face. The utter humiliation oozing from Jack's every pore. When Marcus had shown him the paperwork Jack had resembled a broken man, his wide shoulders slumped in defeat and pain. He'd done that single-handedly. His grand plan had finally come to fruition, and instead of feeling victorious, he felt ashamed of himself. Petty. Small. Mean-spirited. Unworthy.
He covered his face with his hands, his breathing sounding shallow and choppy to his own ears. Sweat was breaking out on his forehead and his heart was doing a fast tap dance inside his chest. He was having a panic attack! The attacks began after his father's death, during a time when he'd been holding all his emotions in and being the stoic child. The grief he'd felt over losing his father had been soul-shattering, yet he'd never been able to express that sorrow in any tangible way. There'd been no outlet for all the pain and devastation he'd felt. There'd been no way to channel the feelings of hopelessness and the fierce rage he'd felt against the man who'd taken his father's life.
He hadn’t experienced a panic attack since he was in business school. Over the years he'd learned how to control them and hold them at bay. There were simple exercises he utilized to minimize their impact. Even so, the thought of being swept up in a full-fledged panic attack scared him senseless. Breathe, he urged himself. Just breathe. He could feel Mama's soothing hands across his back and shoulders, along with her sweet voice crooning words of reassurance.
“Take deep breaths, son. Nice and easy. This too shall pass,” she said as she motioned for him to focus on his breathing and take deep breaths.
Within minutes his breathing became more regular and he'd regained a measure of his composure. Although he knew he owed mama an explanation for his actions, all he could think about was Olivia. His Liv.
He'd experienced emotions with Olivia he'd been trying to stuff down ever since he first fell head over heels for her as a teen.
She'd trusted him. Believed in him. She loved him. He’d seen it in her eyes. Or she had loved him until he'd shown her he wasn’t worthy of loving. He wasn’t a man to be trusted with her heart. It hurt so badly to be the one who caused her such pain. It killed him to know that he wasn't going to be playing a part in her future – he was now strictly a thing of the past.
“Talk to me, son,” Mae implored. “I need to know why you did this!”
He let out a ragged sigh, one that held all his pent up feelings—pain, regret, shame, love and loss.
“I know it'll sound crazy, but for me Renault was always the symbol of everything I could never achieve.”
Mama looked incredulous. “But you've achieved so much more than Jack ever did. You're the owner of a Fortune 500 company. You've achieved success on a global level. Jack's success has been local at best. He can't hold a candle to what you've achieved. You must know that!”
“It was never about Jack.” He let out a ragged sigh. “It was about the way I felt growing up here in Savannah. I hated being the poor kid taking handouts from the well-off families. I never could shake off that feeling of being less than. It twisted me up inside. It was why I left.”
Mae's mouth quivered with emotion. “I know we didn't have a lot of material things. Our situation went downhill fast after your father passed on, particularly since I struggled with lupus, but we had so many things that held us together as a family.” She shook her head in disbelief. “I always thought that was enough.”
“I've been running from things for too long, Mama. I ran away from everything I didn't want to be...poor, fatherless...guilty. I couldn't shake off that guilt. It was my fault that Daddy was killed in the accident.”
His mother's face was filled with horror. “Hunter! Why would you say something like that?”
He shot her a look of disbelief, certain she was still protecting him from blame, even after all these years. “You know why, Mama. Daddy was going back to that fair to get my crocodile stuffed animal. I begged and begged him to go back until I wore him down. He should never have been on that road at that moment in time. It was because of me that he went back,” he said in an agonized voice. “It was all my fault.”
“It wasn't your fault,” she said firmly. “You weren't driving that car. A man coming from a bar who had no business driving drunk killed your father.”
He bowed his head, feeling broken. “I know that. I've always known that on an intellectual level, but deep down...it always broke my heart thinking I was responsible.”
Mae raised her hand to her mouth and made a mournful sound. “I should've gotten you counseling. I should've made sure you got your feelings out. Why didn't I realize you felt this way?”
Hunter groaned. The last thing he wanted was for Mama to feel badly about the way she'd raised her kids and about the choices she'd made in the aftermath of his father's death. From what he remembered they'd all clung to each other in the weeks and months after the accident—a family united in their pain and suffering. It had been excruciatingly painful to be part of the media circus that took place during the trial of the prominent politician, Macon Alexander, who had been charged with DUI and manslaughter in the death of Tyler Rawlings. When Alexander had received nothing more than a slap on the wrist for his crime, the Rawlings family had gone into a tailspin. He'd been consumed by a rage unlike any other he'd ever known in his young life. How could there be no consequences when his father's life had been stolen away from them? How could a judge not make Alexander pay for his crime? No matter how much they'd all suffered, it was clear to him that Mama had weathered the worst of it since she'd lost the love of her life.
“Listen to me, son. There's something you need to know about that night. Your father didn't go back just for that stuffed a
nimal. He went back out that night because I asked him to.” She let out a low moan. “So, if you're going to blame someone for the accident, you might as well blame me.”
“C'mon, Mama. That's not true. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but -.”
“Son, I've never lied to you, and I'm not about to start now.” Mae looked over at her son, unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. “I asked your father to pick up some ice cream for me...peppermint stick. Tyler never refused me anything, so of course he agreed to swing by the Piggly Wiggly and pick me up a pint. I was pregnant, about eight weeks along. I had terrible morning sickness. It used to hit me at all times of the day and night. The only thing that seemed to soothe it was peppermint stick ice cream.” Tears streamed down her face and she swatted them away with the back of her hand.
Hunter felt his jaw drop. “You were pregnant?”
Mae's eyes were filled with a raw, aching pain. “Yes. I miscarried a few weeks after we buried your father. My grief was too overwhelming to sustain a baby.”
Hunter reached out and placed his arm around his mother. “You never said a word about the baby, mama. We never had a clue.”
“Of course I didn't. Our family was already suffering enough loss. I didn't want to add to all that. Not to mention I felt really guilty myself.”
“You blamed yourself?”
Mae nodded her head and looked at her son with sad eyes. “It seems we were both blaming ourselves for the accident, when in reality there's only one person to blame. The drunk driver who slammed head-on into Tyler's car should never have gotten behind the wheel that night.”
Mae reached out and pulled Hunter into a tight embrace full of comfort and massive love. Hunter hugged her back with all his might, as if he was holding on for dear life. His eyes were moist with tears and his voice was tight with emotion as he said, “Mama, I've got to make things right.”
“With Jack...or Olivia?” she asked pointedly.
“Both. I respect Jack way too much to let things go down like this. I owe him an apology. And I'm going to find a way to fix this mess I've made.”
Mae nodded her head in approval. Her eyes narrowed as she asked, “And Olivia?”
“I love her,” he said with a certainty that couldn't be questioned. “Always have. Always will. I want to make a life with her. I want to take care of her when she’s sick. I want to exchange vows with her and make her happy every day of our lives. I want to see her reflected in the eyes of our children.”
“You're going to have to do a bit of groveling, son. Olivia is a proud woman. She's not going to make this easy for you.”
Hunter shrugged. “Whether it’s easy or difficult, it doesn't really matter, Mama. Because no matter what it takes, I'm going to earn her forgiveness.”
“We all fall short, son. We all are sinners, saved through God’s grace. He has already forgiven you.” Mae grinned at her son, her pretty face lighting up with happiness. “Now you just have to make sure Olivia is on the same page. After all, Jack and I are itching for some grandbabies.”
Hunter placed a kiss on his mother's forehead, then gently pushed her back into the ballroom so she could continue celebrating with all of her friends and the happy couple. As the ballroom door swung open he caught a glimpse of Olivia dancing cheek to cheek with her father, her sage green crepe de chine dress swinging around her calves. His heart swelled with immeasurable love for this woman who owned his heart and held the keys to his happiness. Somehow, even if it took him the rest of his life, he was going to make things right.
“Forgiveness is the best gift you can ever bestow on someone.” Miss Hattie
Chapter Fifteen
Olivia had been up half the night, tossing and turning as she relived the events that had unfolded during the wedding reception. Hunter had turned out to be a snake in the grass, she realized. A man without a shred of honor or decency. He certainly wasn't a man she should give her heart to. Too late, a little voice in her head whispered. She was already head over heels in love with him. Already? Who was she trying to fool? She had never stopped loving him or wanting him back in her life.
This past week had been a romantic fantasy come to life, and although she wasn't naïve enough to believe in Prince Charming, Hunter had played the role to perfection. He'd been sweet. Funny. Charming. Inspiring. In so many ways, he'd forever changed the landscape of her world. And for that reason, she knew he'd always own a part of her soul. Forever.
At seven o'clock this morning Daddy and Mae had left Savannah for a golf outing in Bermuda. Despite Hunter's devastating betrayal, the couple was still over the moon about their engagement and looking forward to a special vacation. A car service had picked them up at the house and whisked them off to the airport as a bleary eyed Olivia stood at the front door and waved them off with well wishes.
Three hours later she was still in her pajamas, determined to hide out at home until Hunter went back to New York City. She didn't need to run into him in town and run the risk of bruising her heart any more than he'd already battered it. She felt a little guilty about deserting the kids at the center, but in her current mood, she'd be as much fun as a root canal. Her fingers were itching to pick up her cell phone and dial Callie’s number, but her best friend was en route to Bali for her honeymoon. Olivia let out a sigh. She wasn’t going to bug Callie about her pathetic love life. Or moan about Hunter’s betrayal.
As she sat on her bed thinking over the events of the past few days, she kept reliving the moments she's shared with Hunter. The most poignant had been finding out about his deep sorrow about losing his father. Although she'd sworn she wasn't going to shed any more tears over him, she felt moisture pooling in her eyes. Shoot! Did it have to hurt this much to lose him all over again? She'd done this once before, and it wasn't any less painful now that she was a grownup. In fact, it hurt more, because she harbored no illusions about the two of them ever getting back together again. All she could do now was allow the passage of time to mend her shattered heart.
She heard a plunking noise against the large bay window next to her dresser, providing her with a momentary distraction from her situation. Thinking that a random bird might have crashed into the glass, she got up from the bed and peeked out the window. Hunter was standing outside in the yard, mere steps away from the spot where he'd stolen her heart all those years ago. He was dressed simply in a sweater and jeans, yet he looked so heartbreakingly handsome that she wanted to race down the stairs and throw herself into his arms. Rascal was sitting next to him on the grass, panting like crazy and looking up at Hunter with clear puppy worship. Rascal had a big red bow tied around his neck. She opened up the French doors and stepped out onto the balcony, shivering as the crisp Fall wind blew straight through her pajamas.
She affected a disinterested look and called out, “What do you want, Hunter?”
He craned his neck to look up at her. “To see you. To talk to you.”
“We've said all that needs to be said.”
“Not really, Liv. Not by a long shot. I've already apologized to Jack. He forgives me, if you can believe that. Quite a class act, your Dad.”
She frowned at him, not quite sure whether or not she believed him. “When did you talk to him?”
“I saw them off to the airport this morning. It gave me a chance to talk to Jack and make things right.”
“How did you do that?” she asked flippantly. “Did you give him his company back?”
“Better,” Hunter said with a cheeky grin. “I drew up papers so that we could run Renault together...fifty-fifty, Liv. And I’m going to help turn things around. I promise.”
Her heart began to beat wildly within her chest as his words penetrated her heart. Had she heard him correctly? Fifty-fifty. A partnership?
“You did what?” Was this another ruse?
“I made your Dad an offer he couldn't refuse. I'm going to take over the reins at Renault and we'll split the profits right down the line
. That way Jack will be able to retire and spend more time with Mama.”
Suspicion crept along her spine as her mind tried to figure out all the angles. Hunter lived in New York City where he ran his own multimillion dollar corporation. How was this even possible? “Why would you do that? You went to so much trouble to swoop down and buy the company out from under him. It doesn't make sense.”
Hunter raised his hand to his neck and began kneading the muscles. “Liv, I'm getting a crick in my neck looking at up you. Please come down.”
She hesitated for a moment, then dashed inside where she threw on her floral bathrobe and fuzzy slippers before flying down the stairs. The moment she walked outside insecurity seized her. What was she doing out here? After what Hunter had done to her and her father, how could she ever trust him again? Ten minutes ago she hadn't ever wanted to see his irresistible face again.
Hunter took several long strides toward her until they were standing face-to-face. Up close he looked as if he hadn't slept last night; He had slight shadows under his eyes. Dark stubble had sprouted on his jaw and above his lip. He looked slightly dangerous and extremely appealing. When he met her gaze she saw a flash of something that resembled fear. Was it possible that he was just as frightened as she was at this moment?
“Hunter, I'm glad you fixed things with daddy, but that's between the two of you. It has nothing to do with me.” She was standing with her arms folded across her chest, her posture rigid and unyielding. She wasn't going to make this easy for him. If he wanted her, he was going to have to fight hard for her forgiveness.
“It has everything to do with you, Liv.”
“Why?” she said angrily. “What does this have to do with me?”
A Moment in the Moonlight (Secrets of Savannah Book 2) Page 15