The battle to avoid the falling of my tears was lost with his completely accurate depiction of what I had done and the reason behind it. When my head hit the desk I knew the war had begun. Body wrenching sobs took over my entire being. Warm hands found my shoulders, pulling me back into a strong chest. The smell of Martin’s cologne engulfed me, giving me hope of something positive to chase this particular demon away.
“Let it out, sweetheart.” He rubbed my back in slow and deliberate circles. “You have held this in for far too long.”
And so, in the late morning of a beautiful October day, I allowed myself to let out every pent up emotion I had buried inside of me. I cried for the loss of Holden’s affections; for the abandonment of my mother; for the little girl who didn’t deserve any of this. But mostly, I cried because it was finally out in the open and the relief of the truth was so cleansing and pure.
“I said some nasty things to him, accused him of terrible things.” My voice cracked with emotion. It was hard to talk as the sobs were still present; preventing me from getting in a breath. “He may never forgive me.”
Martin pulled me away from his chest, a smile giving way to body rocking laughter. “Natalie, this is the same man who spent weeks trying to get your attention. I can say, with certainty, he is thinking the same thing about you.” Handing me another tissue, kissing my forehead as he made his way back to his seat.
“I have to ask, Dr. Crain, what will happen to Dr. Garrison?”
Martin’s face turned from the content grin to one of frustration. “Tiffany, as she is going to be referred to for the rest of her life, has had her Doctorate revoked.” My face surely showed my shock, as my mouth hung open. “You weren’t privy to the reasons why Tiffany came to our hospital in the beginning.” I shook my head, no. “A colleague of mine from Massachusetts contacted me asking for a favor. He had a student who showed real potential. However, she was having a difficult time separating her personal from her professional life. Grant was quite adamant he wanted nothing to do with her the very second she walked into the office.”
I could clearly picture Grant standing firm on his dislike of her presence. He might be a complete professional when it comes to his patients, but when he was in his jeans, he was a different person.
“She has been reprimanded for a number of things during her stay here, nothing like what you witnessed at Grant’s house; dress too short, her breasts on display.”
I nearly choked as he read off her previous offences. “Wait...she dresses pretty provocatively now.” Although in fairness to Tiffany, everyone dresses too provocatively compared to myself.
“Oh, she has cleaned things up substantially since she first arrived. Not that it matters anymore.” The latter was followed by a short snort.
“Anyway, as I was saying, she is no longer in any residency program; ours was the third, by the way. She has been banned from the hospital and Grant’s office, his house and if he got his way, the same state.” His attempt at humor was refreshing given the intensity of our conversation.
“Wait, if she has no real place to study, her career is in the toilet by all accounts. Why is she still hanging around town? I mean, I saw her just the other day sitting inside a restaurant.”
Martin’s expression changed as he leaned over placing his forearms on his thighs. “That, my dear Natalie, is the easiest of everything to explain.” His voice was reassuring and I questioned the punch line. “She knows you and Grant are at odds, she also knows you took a trip out of town and I’m pretty sure if I know Emily, as well as I do, she also knows another man is sending you flowers.”
“So she is waiting and watching.” It wasn’t a question, we both knew the answer.
“She has come far in her pursuit of him. She sees this as her biggest opportunity.” His cell vibrated again, the distraction too much to ignore.
“Dr. Crain, if you need to take that, I will completely understand,” I assured, looking for a reason to separate myself from the heaviness in the air.
“It’s just Grant. He wants to know why I am at the library, sitting inside your office, with the door closed,” Martin admitted, a sly smile on his lips. “I reminded him I am the parent in this relationship and therefore not required to clear anything with him.”
I couldn’t help myself as laughter came bubbling out of me, lifting my spirits to a new level, a place I hadn’t visited in a while. “I’m surprised he isn’t heading over here, making sure everything is okay.” The words left my mouth before I had time to filter them.
“Actually, I told him to stay at the hospital. I would fill him in when I returned later.” Martin stood from his chair, his look softer than when he came through the door earlier.
He had given me tons to think about, to figure out how I wanted to proceed.
“Oh, one more thing, Natalie.” Martin turned just as he was opening the door. “Peyton would have hated Saint Anthony’s.”
AFTER MARTIN LEFT, I SAT at my desk in stunned silence. I contacted my father to see if he had spoken to him, which would explain how he knew about the details of my trip. Dad denied talking to him, however found the situation quite humorous. “Martin is peculiar that way.” He gave no further explanation, only continuing to laugh at the situation.
As the evening grew later, I bathed Peyton and tucked her into bed. Still lost as to what to do about speaking with Grant. What would I say? Sorry didn’t seem an accurate enough word for the assumptions I had made. In my defense, the embrace looked authentic enough; no doubt Tiffany was using this estrangement to her advantage.
With the feeling sleep would be unattainable tonight, I headed for the kitchen for a cup of herbal tea. Maybe the words I would need in order to talk with Grant would magically appear at the bottom of the cup. Just as I headed in that direction, my door bell sounded. I let out a sigh and turned my body, trudging with trepidation in my steps. I didn’t feel like being gracious as the ladies referred to it here. Opening your home at a moment’s notice, sweet tea at the ready.
The man standing in the light of my front porch wiped away my plans to figure out what I would say to Grant. He stood there in all of his blue jean glory, defeated and, dare I say, depressed on my front steps.
But he looked good standing there, in all his handsome glory. I imagined him to be like Sean Connery, aged with charisma. His wife would be a lucky girl to wake up to him every morning.
“Natalie, I know it’s late, but I just need a moment of your time.”
There was no malice in his words, no charm or hidden agenda. Only a man about to close the door on a painful memory.
“I was just about to have a cup of tea. Can I get you anything?” I motioned for him to enter. He silently complied.
“I’ll have whatever you are having.”
I smiled as I turned and walked to the kitchen. How things had changed since the last time he was here. I was so sure about things that day. I was certain I would get my happy ever after.
“Is Peyton asleep?” His voice was still the same, deep and manly. I would miss that at the end of the day...middle of the night.
“Yes, she was having a really bad day, so I put her down early.” Peyton had been having more and more days like that. Just all around cranky, throwing toys and crying at the drop of a hat. I knew it was because of the recent upheaval in our life; the rift between Grant and myself and me being out of town. I hoped the decision I made about Atlanta would help her.
Grant sat at the bar while I stirred our cups of tea. I had wanted to rehearse this much needed conversation, have exactly what I would say memorized in my head. However, the only thing that came to mind right now was...do it quick, rip off the Band-Aid. “I’m glad you came by, I wanted, needed to talk with you.” I could do this. I would give each of us the closure we needed.
“First, I need to apologize to you for the harsh and undeserved words I spoke to you that night. You have been nothing but wonderful to me and to Peyton. She would be a lucky little girl to hav
e someone like you to call daddy.” Grant tried to interrupt. “Please.” I lifted my hand and placed it on his warm one. “Let me do this and when I am done, I will listen to anything you have to say.” I watched as his blue eyes softened.
“I’m sorry for treating you like I should have been treating Holden and Jackie. You and your family have been there for us and I thank you by screaming horrible insults at you. For that I am so sorry—you have no idea. I will be formally apologizing to them, as well.” I looked into his eyes as I said the words that fell without my input.
“When I found out about Holden and my mother, I wasn’t only hurt. I was destroyed. It has never been a secret that my mom was an attractive woman. I just...well...” The words were so clear in my mind, my tongue was just having issues releasing them.
“Grant, I will always be there for Peyton. I will give up my own life for her. I would never dream of betraying her the way my mother did me. When I saw your eyes roaming all over her body—and I know it was an irrational reaction—I felt like it was happening all over again. She was trading Holden for you.”
He took in a deep breath and shook his head. I was about to question him when he spoke. “Natalie, I admit I was angry at you for what you said. I didn’t understand where you were coming from when you accused me of checking out your mother.” I watched his eyes dance as he leaned back into the bar stool.
“I have to apologize to you as well.” I gave him a questioning look. “Please, I let you have your time.” I nodded my head, encouraging him to continue.
“I am sorry I walked out that door. I should have stayed and talked some sense into you. I should have called the Sheriff when they first came through the door and had them escorted off the property.”
I watched as he eyes fell to his hands; his breathing had increased and he was clearly struggling with himself.
“Never once did I look at your mother with anything except pity. She will never get to do the normal things mothers and daughters do. She will never know the love that comes from spending time with her granddaughter.” His eyes flashing back and forth between mine. “I also looked at her with humor. She has no idea that she looked so sewn together.”
I looked at the kitchen counter for several minutes, absorbing his words I knew were the truth. He was right. She would never be the one I called for a new recipe or advice on getting a stain out of clothes. She would never watch Peyton open a Christmas gift or dance at a ballet recital.
“I’ve spoken with my father. He informed me of your conversation.” He swallowed and blew out a breath. “I know you went to Atlanta and had dinner with a man named Evan Tucker.”
I could only imagine how the conversation went between him and Martin. Did he wrap a comforting arm around him, assuring him every thing would be all right? Or did he play with him a little, set him up in a frenzy. No doubt in my mind the latter occurred.
“I just want you to know that if he is what you want then...” He didn’t get to finish his sentence as a raspy voice interrupted.
“Grant?” Peyton stood in her little pink night gown, her favorite animal secured in her left arm. “You came back.” She cleared the space between them in a second flat. I watched as she held her arms out for him to pick her up. She then wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. Grant hugged her back and closed his eyes.
“I missed you, Grant.” Her tiny hand wiped at her sleepy eyes as she snuggled into his chest.
“Peyton, honey, you are supposed to be in bed, little one.” I walked around the bar to take her out of his arms. It wasn’t fair to her to let her sit in his lap when he wouldn’t be back to comfort her again.
“Can Grant take me back?”
I looked into the innocent eyes of my daughter. I could give her this.
“You have to make sure Grant wants to.” I looked to Grant with pleading eyes. Please don’t deny my baby.
“I would love to.”
He didn’t wait for her to ask, as he rose and began to walk toward her bedroom. I closed my eyes and tried so hard not to follow them, but my feet moved of their own volition. He needed to say goodbye to her; I needed to protect her.
“Grant, I didn’t want you to go away. I just want a daddy like Savannah. I sorry if dat makes you sad.”
My heart clenched as her words were now out in the open. Grant stood with her still wrapped around his neck.
“Peyton, it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes Mommies and Daddies say things to each other that they don’t mean. You never made me sad, only very happy.” He kissed her sweet hair as he laid them both down on her bed.
“But just say you're sorry and then you can be my daddy.” Her tiny voice and her innocent thoughts were so simple yet nearly impossible.
“Peyton, I want so much to be your daddy.”
His words were meant to be a whisper, but they were loud and clear. I wouldn’t let him do this to her. He couldn’t just say things like that to her and then go running off to another bed. I removed myself from the hall, knowing I had to end this now. I would put as many miles as possible between us.
I returned to the kitchen, my decision made.
“She’s back to sleep now.” His voice startled me. With my last ounce of courage, I turned and began to speak.
“Grant, you should know I am also well aware of the rumors running around town. Some of them place you in an ill light, just as others do me.” I watched as his face turned to shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off before he could interrupt.
“That night you came home from your medical conference, I went to your house. I saw you and Tiffany kissing and holding each other, as well as both of your...lack of clothing. I was so hurt and upset, I turned around and left.” Even knowing the truth, the memory of her hands on his chest and his hands on her made my heart clench and my chest tighten.
“I can’t allow you to have a personal relationship with Peyton when you are having a sexual one with someone else. It isn’t fair to Peyton, it would confuse her and I can’t allow that.” I could feel my maternal instinct raging through me.
His face turned from shock to something I couldn’t put my finger on. “Tell me something, Natalie.” His eyes now vibrant blue and his skin flushed. “You say that you saw the two of us kissing, wrapped around each other. Tell me, is that how I normally act around Tiffany? Am I friendly to her or do I act professional with her? Do we have lunch together? Do I have her over for movie nights? Do I call her for no reason or just to say hello?” He was right, of course. I lowered my eyes as I held back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Are the rumors true about you and Evan? Is he the new man in your life?” His anger growing, nostrils flared, teeth bared and clenched. As twisted as it sounded, I was becoming turned on.
“Did you think about me when you had dinner with him? When you held his hand across a table or when you took him back to your room and into your bed. Did you tell him you had a boyfriend back home and a little girl?”
His words should have insulted me, caused me to slap his gorgeous face. Instead, it made me want to grab him and do extremely naughty things.
“Natalie, he doesn’t even know you like I do. He sent you flowers for Christ’s sake and you hate getting flowers! Does he know Peyton likes to have her back rubbed when you hold her or her favorite bunny is named Albert? Does he know she knows every word to the movie Beauty and the Beast?”
He began to walk closer to me, like a lion marking his territory. “Does he know that you have a birthmark on the inside of your left thigh that looks like a comma? Or that your legs start to shake when you are about to come? Has he ever heard you say his name while you are sleeping in his arms?”
His face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath as he spoke each word. “I am sorry for a lot of things that night, but I’m not sorry I told you I love you.” His lips crashed into mine as my back was against the wall. This kiss was primal and raw. He was taking charge and clearly
reminding me of the passion we once had. His tongue entered my mouth; he didn’t wait for permission, as he thrust his tongue and pelvis at the same time.
“Tell me, Natalie, can he make you feel the way I do?” His lips were back on mine as I gave up the fight and pulled him in closer to me. If this was the last kiss I ever received from him, I wanted to remember it forever.
“I didn’t touch Tiffany.” He words were spoken into my neck and enough of a wakeup call to cause me to pull my head back. He slowly lowered my feet back to the ground.
“She got into my house because I left the door unlocked for the pizza guy. She threw herself at me and I then proceeded to throw her out. “
“But...” I tried to protest.
“I know you spoke with my father. He won't admit to what you two spoke of, but call him and ask him if you don’t believe me. I called him immediately and had her banned from working with me. Would I do that if I wanted her?”
Martin had kept our conversation between us—huge brownie points for him in my book. We needed to have this conversation, battle it out.
“But you never answered me about Evan. Did something happen between you? Are you moving to Atlanta?” I raised my hand to touch his face. His lips were red and swollen from our kissing. My anger was now completely gone.
“Evan is a member of the city council of Atlanta. He took me to dinner to show me the city. Well, that’s what he told me at first. However, I got the impression he wanted more from me. I left him sitting at the table, got back in my car and came here.”
His eyes searched mine as he took my face in both of his hands. “Tell me you believe me about Tiffany.”
My eyes never left his. “I believe you.”
Those words barely left my lips, before he crashed his back to mine. My face was still in his hands as he kissed me with heart and passion. “I love you, Natalie. I swear to God if we can get through this, I will make you and Peyton so happy.”
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