by Cassy Roop
That is how I ended up taking a cab over to The Celtic Knot. I instructed the driver to wait outside as I used my key to let myself in. The place didn’t feel the same as I flipped on a few lights, illuminating the empty room around me. This place should be crawling with people living out their real life fantasies and desires. The stage should be lit up with me doing the nightly lesson. I stood staring at the empty, dark stage as the memory of the night Ashley first came into the club flashed before my eyes. I remembered how fucking painful it was to tie her up in the Karada. The vision of the ropes on her, even though she was clothed still made me hard just thinking about it.
I tore my stare away from the club and stormed my way over behind the bar. I reached for the bottle of Jameson, and not bothering to get a glass, tipped the bottle back and chugged the Irish whiskey until the burn in my throat nearly made me choke. Slamming the bottle down onto the bar, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
I sat down on the floor behind the bar, resting my forearms on my knees. With my head hanging, I thought about my mom. That must be what she felt when she pined away for my father—the pain that she felt every day for ten years as she wanted someone who had her coming undone. I promised myself I would never feel that grief; I would never know the pain of what it felt like to have your heart and soul ripped from your chest. What a fucking bust that was. The moment Ashley walked into my club, she owned me. I have always been a dominant. I have always had control over everything in my life, but that night, when she walked through the front doors and my sight set on her, I should have known then that she would be the one who owned me.
I sat there on the floor going mad with thoughts about Kleinfield touching her, kissing her, making love to her. Why was it so fucking easy for her to destroy me? How could one person annihilate another person so completely?
I picked myself up off the floor and made my way back out toward the waiting cab. I couldn’t stay in The Knot any longer with all the memories of her floating around. I knew I would never get to sleep tonight if I didn’t go see if Rownan’s car was at her house. I slid into the backseat of the cab and gave him directions to Ashley and Kelly’s house. Just what I thought I would do if I did find his car there, I wasn’t sure about, but I knew I had to go.
The drive felt like it took an eternity. My heart nearly ruptured in my chest as the cabbie pulled up behind Rownan’s car and the lights shined in to show Rownan as he held my Ashley with his lips sealed to hers.
Rownan’s tongue explored my mouth, teasing with a very tender gentleness. He probably was aware of my already fragile state, but wanted to grant me my request. Our kiss was broken when a cab pulled up behind us, shining bright lights into the car. Rownan leaned his forehead against mine as we caught our breath. Kissing Rownan was nice, it was surprisingly sexy and a little thrilling, but in the end was nothing compared to kissing Dominic.
“Ashley, I’m not going to lie. I have wanted to do that since the first night I met you,” he admitted and heat crept into my cheeks. I felt my blush and was thankful that the cab that was behind us had pulled away, leaving us surrounded in the darkness of the car once more. I was loss for words on how I should reply to him. It did not have anything to do with not being attracted to him; it was just that my heart belonged to another man. If I had met Rownan before Dominic, maybe things would be different. Hell if Jared hadn’t cheated on me, I would still be married and none of this mess I was in would have ever taken place. It feels like Jared’s infidelity was a catalyst to all of the pain and suffering I had to endure. How the hell had my life gotten so out of control?
“Don’t worry, love,” Rownan said breaking through my thoughts, “I know how you feel about him. I saw it in your eyes at the club. He is one lucky son-of-a-bitch is all I have to say, though if you love him so much, why did you do what you did?”
He pulled away from me and I glanced behind him to see that Drake was no longer in the spot that I had last seen him. I looked around frantically, turning my head in every direction to see if I could find him.
“What are you looking for?” Rownan asked as he watched me looking around outside of the car.
“I’ll explain everything to you Rownan. I’m in big trouble, and I am going to need your help.”
“I’ll do everything I can.”
It had been two weeks since I pulled up and saw Ashley kissing Rownan. Rage still flooded my body every time I had to relive the sight in my mind and in my dreams at night. I could feel myself becoming more insane with each passing day. With the club being closed, I have had idle time to be prisoner to my own thoughts.
Knox and I had our preliminary hearing last week where we chose a trial by judge. The prosecution and judge both stated that there was enough evidence to try us, which is how we have gotten to this point, getting ready to head to court to enter our pleas. Toby requested that the pretrial and trial proceeding be closed to the public due to the media attention, which had now occurred surrounding the case. Knox and I have been deemed “The male Heidi Fleiss of Chicago,” due to our prostitution charges. Victoria has stepped up, acting as the publicist to both Knox and myself.
Not only have I had to endure countless attempts of paparazzi trying to get a statement out of either Knox or myself, but also I have had to watch the media hound Ashley on TV. The real fucking kick to the balls is having to see Rownan there by her side, offering support and comfort. Every time I had to see the images of both of them on TV, I would seethe with anger. I have had no release of this tension in two weeks, and I felt that at any moment, I would fucking explode. I had to get The Celtic Knot back open. If I ever stood a chance to get over Ashley, I needed something to focus on other than her memory twenty-four-seven.
Toby was sitting in my living room along with Knox and Victoria, going over what to expect in court today. I hadn’t paid much attention to him as I stared at the TV and watched as Rownan’s arm was wrapped around Ashley as they walked to his car. My fists were clenched so tightly, that I could feel my nails biting into my flesh. I welcomed the pain, begging it to replace the one in my chest while my heart was beating so hard, I feared that everyone in the room could hear it.
“Dominic...Nic!” Toby yelled as he waved his hands in front of my face trying to get my attention. Knox reached for the remote and turned off the TV when he noticed where my attention had been fixed.
“I’m sorry, guys,” I said as I scrubbed my hands over my roughly whiskered face. It had been several days since I shaved and the patch of fur now growing on my face felt itchy.
“Nic, I don’t need you distracted right now. You need to ignore her. I need your head in the game if we are going to have a chance in hell to be able to prove that you and Knox are innocent,” Toby said sternly.
Victoria came and sat down next to me on the couch. Her dark hair was pulled away from her face and she had normal street clothes on, but her makeup was the same as how she wore it at the club. Dark rimmed eyes and ruby red lips. Her perfume was floral, nothing like the sweet vanilla I was used to from Ashley.
Fucking dammit! Why does she have to invade my every thought?
“Dominic, she is doing it on purpose to taunt you. Don’t fall for her tactics. The people who love you the most are right here in this room. Focus on that. We will get you and Knox out of this mess,” she said as she placed her hand upon my thigh in support.
“You are a doll, Vic,” I said as I placed my hand on top of hers. She was correct. Knox, her, and Toby have been the three people in my life that I could always completely count on. At one point, I thought that I would be able to add Ashley to that equation, but I learned real fucking quick that it would never happen.
We spent the next hour going over our pleas—what to say and what not to say. Toby had our defense all planned out for when we went to trial, but if the prosecution decided to throw something at us we could be in trouble. I felt confident that, in the end, all of this would pan out. The only thing I wasn’t so sure about was my heart
.
“All rise for the Honorable Judge Hudson,” the bailiff’s voice rang through the murmured voices of the courtroom. I stood staring straight at the judge so that I wouldn’t be tempted to look back and see Ashley, who was sitting next to Rownan. It is a good damn thing we were in the courtroom because if we were anywhere else, I would be ripping his fucking face off. Victoria was left out in the hallway to fend off the fucking media sharks who were looking for the next “big story” about our case. Thank God, no one had been able to discover yet that Ashley and I had a relationship that existed outside of The Celtic Knot. That alone, would cause the already fucking annoying paparazzi to be more diligent.
Asher and Officer Russell were also present in the courtroom. Why the hell Asher saw it fit to be there was infuriating. His scrawny, smug ass grinned at me as Knox and I walked in to take our seats at the front of the courtroom for our plea declarations. I wanted desperately to grab him by the fucking throat and send him crashing through one of the antique glass windows of the courthouse.
“Mr. Johnson, am I to understand that you are counsel to both defendants?” The judge asked Toby as he looked to both Knox and me.
“Yes, Your Honor. Both Mr. Michaels and Mr. Tanner are under my counsel,” Toby explained as he shuffled a few pieces of paper in front of him.
“Very well. Let’s proceed. In the case of the State of Illinois versus Knoxville Tanner, how does your defendant plea?” the Judge asked.
“Not guilty, Your Honor,” Knox spoke with assertion to the judge. He nodded his head before turning his attention back to Toby.
“And in the case of the State of Illinois versus Dominic Michaels, how does your defendant plea?”
“Not guilty, Your Honor,” I said with every ounce of proclamation I had inside of me.
“Okay. Let it be known to the court that both defendants, Michaels and Tanner, have entered a plea of not guilty,” the Judge said to the court stenographer. He shuffled through some papers in front of him on the bench before he continued.
“I am setting the date for trial to begin two weeks from today on May the eighteenth at one pm. Court dismissed,” the judge said as he banged the gavel on the hard wood of the bench. The sound sent a ripple of anxiety racing through me. In two weeks, my future would be held in the hands of the judge, and the one fucking person in the world I loved and hated the most.
Victoria joined Toby, Knox, and I as we gathered our things to leave the courthouse. I could hear the snapping of shutters and flashes of light from cameras as the doors to the courthouse were opened. A loud murmur echoed into the room as the paparazzi started rapid firing questions to people as they left the courtroom. I made the mistake of looking back to the open doors to watch Ashley and Rownan walk out of the room hand in hand.
“Don’t let her get to you, Nic. She has obviously moved on to the next man to get her claws into. Everyone knows Kleinfield has money. It was never about love with her,” Victoria said as she slipped her arm in to hook with mine.
“Fuck love. I fell for it once, I am not about to be that stupid again,” I stated with confidence.
“Never say never,” Victoria said as we proceeded out of the courtroom to confront the paparazzi.
I don’t know how I would have made it through the last few weeks without Rownan. He had been a constant support and friend to me ever since I told him about the trouble I was in. When I told him how Asher had blackmailed me into lying and having The Celtic Knot closed and Dominic and Knox arrested, he was livid. Not only was he pissed off about the club closing, but also the fact that Asher was the one behind it all; especially when I told him about what Asher did to me that one night at the club.
Together, we had come up with a plan to try to get out of the situation I was in, but it was going to take a lot of strategy. The plan was risky because I had to hide it from both Dominic and Asher. Rownan reminded me that Dominic kept security feed in the club for safety reasons. In order for me to be able to get back at Asher for the blackmail, I needed to get the security feed from the night he nearly raped me. Just thinking about that night sent a chill through my spine. I licked the corner of my mouth where it was once split open from where the ball gag was placed in my mouth and Asher slapped me.
Since The Celtic Knot was closed until after the trial, I hoped it would be easier for me to somehow break in to retrieve the video. I didn’t tell Rownan how I was going to get the tape of Asher, only that I knew of a way that I could. I didn’t want to get him involved any more than what he already was. I felt like I could trust him, but I also thought that I could trust Drake too and look how that turned out. I still needed to tread carefully if I was going to ever survive this and get my friends free of that monster and myself.
It was late when I dressed in my dark jeans and black t-shirt. I pulled my hair back into a black baseball cap so that it would hide my blonde hair. Armed with a few small tools, a flashlight and my shaky nerves, I made my way to leave the apartment. I opened the apartment door only to come face to face with Kelly and Knox. I stood there in silence for what seemed like forever just staring at the two of them who were locked in a passionate embrace. The sound of the door opening caught their attention and they both stared at me with a deer in the headlights look. I hung my head in shame, not able to say the words to both of them I most desperately wanted to say.
“I-uh-was just leaving,” I explained still not able to lift my head to look at either of them. Staring at their feet, I saw when they left each other’s embrace.
“Ashley, where are you going? It is nearly midnight,” Kelly asked accusingly. Knox had yet to say a word and the longer I stood in their presence, the more anxious I started to feel, so I lied and told them the only thing that came to mind.
“I’m going to Rownan’s place tonight. He has offered to let me stay with him until I can find a place to live. He has given me a job at his art gallery that works with my class schedule,” I told the pair. It wasn’t all a lie. Rownan had offered for me to stay in a spare room at his place that was near the gallery. He also had offered me a job, which I had accepted three days ago. I was having trouble finding employment seeing as how I have been in the media and everyone in all of fucking Chicago knew who I was and what I had done.
Kelly stepped forward and placed her hands on my shoulders. I fought back the urge to cry. I hated how I had gotten to this point. The one person in the entire world who I absolutely knew without a doubt I could trust wholeheartedly, was one of the very people I was trying to protect so I couldn’t tell her a damn thing.
“Ashley, no. You can’t leave. What the hell has gotten into you? You are not the same person anymore. You are secretive, withdrawn, and you are doing things that you never would have done. I am extremely worried about you. Please...please tell us what is going on. I am begging you, as your best friend, to tell us,” she pleaded with me and I nearly lost it right there in front of them. I took a deep breath that froze in my lungs as I saw something out of my peripheral vision. Drake and Asher both stood around the corner. The icy glare on Asher’s face told me that I needed to choose my next words carefully. The only thing I could think of was to make them angry with me. Then, maybe, they wouldn’t be so inclined to try to understand what I was doing.
“That’s because I have changed, Kelly. I am so tired of being pushed around, told what to do, and shitted on by those around me. It is time I do for myself. Think about number one,” I sneered as I pointed my thumb into my chest for emphasis.
Knox took a tentative step toward me and I retaliated by stepping back. I wanted nothing more than to have the comfort of the man who I had grown to call my friend. He was the most influential person in helping me to break through to Dominic, and getting him to allow himself to open up to the idea of a relationship. A lot of good that did.
He stopped his forward progression when he saw how guarded I was trying to portray.
“Ashley, look at me,” he demanded in a firm tone. Slowly, I lifted my eyes t
o his and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the tears that stung my eyes.
“I don’t know what has happened, I don’t know what has influenced this, but I do know that this is not you. I will do everything in my power to help you, but you have to tell me what is going on,” he pled with me just like Kelly had. My eyes flicked behind him to see Drake and Asher still standing in the shadows of the hall. Kelly and Knox were both oblivious to their presence and I needed to keep it that way. I let out a sardonic laugh that sounded so real, I was almost convinced myself.
“Why can’t I get it through your thick skulls?” I said as I looked at both Kelly and Knox, “It is men like you and Dominic who make women feel important with your Dominant, BDSM lifestyles. It was only a matter of time before Dominic pulled my heart out and stomped on it, just like he did every time he walked out on one of those girls he fucked. What makes me any different from them?”
I continued on my fake tirade before they had the opportunity to respond or could see through my lies.
“Kelly, if I were you, I would get out while you still can. What makes you different from any of those girls at the club?” And with that, I pushed my way between the two of them and out of the apartment before I completely lost it from the words that were like acid on my tongue. The lies that I had to tell my friends nearly broke me as much as it did to be away from Dominic.
I quickly scurried down the hall of our apartment building just in case either one of them tried to follow me. Once I made it outside, I took a large inhale, trying to catch my breath that I always seemed to be lacking lately. A wave of dizziness overcame me and I had to put my hand out to brace myself against the brick wall of my apartment building to keep from falling over. Even though it was May, the night air was chilly and I felt goose bumps form on my skin.