“I don't think this is something I want to talk about in front of Devany,” she said, keeping her flaming cheeks averted.
Reznik grinned again. “Sure thing, Seren. Topic dropped. For now.” She winked at Devany, who smiled back. Devany hadn't followed the conversation, being busy making interesting patterns with the sandwich pieces. “What did you bring in from the garden?”
Seren was grateful for the change of subject matter. “I thought I'd try my hand at coleslaw, today,” she replied. “And here, throw some tomato in a few of those sandwiches.” She washed the fruit and tossed them gently underhand. Reznik caught them deftly.
“How's Rapsim's exploration coming along?” Seren asked suddenly. “Any progress?”
Reznik shook her head. “He said there's a migrating field that he just can't pin down. It's making him crazy.” She laughed. “Rap is not used to being thwarted like this. He said there was big distortion wave across the yard earlier, but by the time he got close, it was gone.”
Seren frowned, thinking of the heat wave she had seen. She mentioned it to Reznik. Reznik whistled softly. “Tell him exactly what you saw, okay? It might be important.”
“Tell whom what?” asked Daffyd, coming in the back door. He was using his T-shirt to wipe sweat from his neck and chest. Both women looked over at him, mildly startled by his unexpected arrival.
“We think Seren saw one of the energy fields Rap's been chasing,” Reznik said.
“Was that what you saw out in the yard earlier, when we were talking in the living room?” he asked Seren, throwing the damp shirt across one shoulder.
She nodded, and dragged her attention back to her chopping and grating.
“I'll be interested to hear what he thinks,” said Daffyd. “In the meantime, I better go wash up.” He smiled at them both, and went on into the house. A few moments later, they could hear the shower running.
Reznik looked over at Seren. “This could be your big chance, you know,” she said, the impish smile back in place.
Seren looked over at her, confused. “What do you mean?”
Reznik rolled her eyes. “I mean: Daffyd; shower; naked; alone. Hint, hint.”
Seren's eyebrows drew together. “Gerri, just stop it, okay? Yes. The thought does things for me. He does things for me. I admit it. I think he's one of the most attractive and sexy men I've ever met. BUT, and this is a big ‘but', the attraction does not appear to be mutual.” She was becoming increasingly angry over the other woman's teasing. “What good will it do me to alienate him like that?”
Oh, but Seren, if you only knew how much he would love to have you join him right now. Reznik knew the attraction was mutual, and stronger than either of them realized, and it was frustrating to watch them dance around each other. If they didn't sort things out soon, she was sure the tension between them would reach a critical mass and trouble of some kind would ensue. “I'm sorry, Seren,” she said. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, or unhappy. I just don't believe that he would react as badly as you think. I'm sorry, though. I won't do it anymore.”
“Good!” Seren turned back to her coleslaw preparations. Devany knelt on the bench at the table and wondered what all the fuss was about. She decided it was probably some strange grown-up thing. Maybe she would ask Reznik about it later. She seemed a good source for information. Or perhaps she would ask Daffyd.
By the time Seren had grated the cabbage and carrots almost to molecule size bits, and the platters of sandwiches were ready for eating, Daffyd was back in the kitchen. He was wearing a polo shirt, unbuttoned at the throat, and shorts that came to just above the knee. His hair and beard were still damp from his shower. Seren was still simmering from Reznik's comments, and having a hard time fighting off the foul mood she could feel stealing over her. When Daffyd brushed against her shoulder as he reached into the cupboard above her for plates and cups, she pulled away almost violently. He looked down at her, opened his mouth to say something, and hesitated. He saw the storm clouds brewing in her dark eyes, and he held his tongue. He would wait until the tempest had passed before he spoke to her about it.
He passed the dishes down to her to set out on the table. “Here you go,” he said pleasantly.
“Thanks,” she replied curtly. She put four of everything in place and put the fifth place setting aside on the counter. “I'm really not that hungry,” she said, looking at Reznik coldly. She glanced at Devany and Daffyd, and went through the dining room. They heard the front door open and close as she went outside. Daffyd turned and stared at Reznik.
“What happened while I was gone?” he asked.
“I said something stupid,” she admitted. “It upset her.”
“Why do I think it had something to do with me?” his blue eyes held a hint of anger. “What did you say, exactly?”
Devany looked back and forth between them. She could tell Daffyd exactly what Reznik had said, word for word, if he asked. She had learned early in life not to volunteer information, though, so she remained silent.
“I suggested she should join you in the shower,” she said reluctantly, but operating on the theory that it was better to be in trouble for the truth than a lie.
“Dammit, Gerri!” His eyes flashed with a hint of the temper he was known to display in the face of other people's willful stupidity. He slammed his palm down on the table, making a sharp sound that startled Reznik and Devany both. Devany's eyes went wide with alarm. Daffyd caught her look out of the corner of his eye, and fought an inner battle. He sat suddenly in one of the big chairs and spoke directly to her. “I'm not angry at you, baby,” he told her gently. “You haven't done anything wrong, and you don't need to see me like this.” He managed a smile that was warm and genuine. He was very at ease with young children. “How about a hug?”
Devany nodded uncertainly, but climbed into his lap and hugged him around the neck. He returned the embrace, embellished it with a kiss on the forehead, and set her down. Then he rose to his feet.
“I have to go see if I can undo your mischief,” he said to Reznik. She understood his anger, but wished he understood what she was trying to do.
The road to Hell really is paved with good intentions, she thought. I must be halfway there, by now. She subvocalized to Rapsim that there was food ready, if he wanted to come eat. She and Devany sat down. Devany dove into the meal enthusiastically, while Reznik picked and nibbled at hers. She hoped she hadn't done any lasting harm. Rapsim joined them in a few minutes, and the mood improved a bit.
Daffyd went out the front door in search of Seren. He had half-expected her to be sitting on the porch swing, but she was nowhere to be seen. He debated with himself whether to call her name, and decided that she probably wouldn't answer; not in her current mood. He considered just leaving her alone to sort things out, as he had been granted the time yesterday, but he felt a powerful urge to find her and clear the air. The last thing he wanted was trouble between the two of them.
He went down the front steps into the yard, glancing around for signs of her passage or presence. The weather had continued hot and dry. The grass of the lawn was turning yellow from lack of water. It held no trace of her footprints. He wandered over to the path that led to the lake. Trees clustered thickly here, and the water was invisible until he had descended the trail fifteen feet or so. But there she was, sitting on the end of the dock. Her feet were in the water, her hands braced against the wood on either side, making her shoulders hunch.
He had paused when he first saw her, but now continued down the path. As he did, she suddenly pulled her knees up, planted her feet on the dock and rose gracefully. Still facing the lake, she started to undress, pulling her shirt over her head and dropping it at her feet. His eyes were on the trail in front of his feet. When he glanced up, he saw her, naked, balanced on her toes at the very edge of the dock. She dove gracefully into the water. He hesitated. I can't do this. I can't go down there and talk to her now. A voice in his mind answered his protests. You have to! If y
ou don't straighten this out now, you're going to lose a wonderful friend. She's worth the embarrassment and discomfort. Just go!
He went.
Seren realized he was there when he stepped out onto the dock. Oh no. I can't talk to him now; not like this. Shit!
Maybe you can. He obviously saw you, but he came down anyway. Maybe he's not as phobic as you think. And if the sight of your boobs makes him go blind, or have a heart attack, tough! He shoulda stayed in the house.
He sat with his feet apart, knees up, with his arms resting on them, fingers loosely interlaced. He looked out at her as she swam slowly back from the raft. She rested her crossed forearms on the end of the dock, her chin on her arms, and glared at him.
“What brings you down here?” she asked at last. Her tone was less than inviting.
“You.”
“Another of Gerri's bright ideas?” she asked sarcastically. The anger and hurt in her voice made him wince.
“No.” He gazed past the top of her head to the trees on the far side of the lake. He wished he felt as serene as they looked. “Seren, I haven't done anything to upset you. Have I?” His eyes sought hers. She stared into the blue depths, and slowly shook her head.
“No. No, you haven't,” she admitted quietly.
“Then please don't take your anger out on me,” he said gently.
She closed her eyes against a sudden burn of tears. Again? Holy shit, Seren, you've done more crying in the past three days than in the past ten years! Get a grip already! She looked at him again. “I'm sorry, Daffyd. It's not your doing. It's just ... things. And unfortunately, you're caught in the middle of it all.”
“I don't want to be part of the problem, Seren. I want.... “I want to share everything I am, everything I feel, with you. “I want to help.”
“I wish you could, dear.” She smiled at him so sadly he almost went into the water, clothes and all, just to put his arms around her and comfort her. Instead, he dropped one knee to the side, and leaned forward to take her hand in his. Her fingers closed around his, her thumb stroked across their backs. She turned her head and kissed the back of his hand. If you only knew what this does to me, she thought. Then, before she did something she might regret, she released him, pushed away from the dock and swam back out toward the raft.
“Seren!” he called, the imprint of her lips burning in his mind like a brand. He was confused by her behavior. For the past three days she had been acting like any normal woman from his world. She had been courteous, and pleasant, but there had been a few instances that she had surprised him with her casual contact. But none of her touches, even the couple of times she had kissed his cheek, had felt like the come-hither approaches of a hetero female on the prowl. They had just felt friendly. This press of her lips on his hand had felt incredibly erotic, but then she had retreated. He wished he knew what to do.
Go after her, suggested a quiet voice in his head.
I can't.
Just go after her. Look at her. She might need you.
He looked. She had reached the raft, and climbed out onto it. She was lying face down, her head pillowed on her arms, the soles of her feet facing Daffyd. At first glance, she appeared to be sunbathing, but her legs were tightly pressed together, and there was nothing in her posture that suggested she was at all relaxed. Her entire body seemed to be strung like a bow, humming with tension.
She might take my head off, if I go out there now.
She might need your shoulder to cry on again.
I can't.
Mykal had never encountered such stubborn resistance. He tried changing tactics. Perhaps you're right. Perhaps she's better off out there, alone, feeling deserted, friendless, and lonely; thinking her only friend in this place doesn't care.
Daffyd sighed heavily. He stood up, took off his shirt and sandals, and lowered himself into the water. He swam out to the raft, emerging from the lake at Seren's side. He sat near her hip, facing toward her head, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Her face was turned away, but she craned over her shoulder to look at him.
“You don't give up easily, do you?” she asked.
“Not when it's important; no,” he replied. Take a chance, whispered the voice. Touch her. He rested his left hand on her back. She flinched, but he did not withdraw. Her neck was cramping from being twisted around. She swung her head back to center, and rested her forehead on her arms again, all her attention focused on the warm hand in the small of her back.
When the hand moved, trailing gently up her back to her shoulders, she jumped; a convulsive, involuntary movement.
“Shall I stop?” he asked. She shook her head, never taking her eyes from the silvery wood of the raft an inch below her nose. He stroked across her shoulder, down the far side of her back to her hip, back to the center and up again. He repeated the movement down the near side. He felt, and saw, the rigidity leave her spine as she started to relax under his touch. He traced the same pattern, and then changed his position, kneeling at her side. She lifted her head then, and peered at him suspiciously. He smiled at her.
“I'm just switching to both hands. If you want me to stop, say so now.”
She shook her head again. “No. Keep going. It's not like I can't trust you.” She put her head back down.
This time, when his hands reached her shoulders, he began kneading the knots and tension out of the muscles there and in her neck. He seemed to know just where the worst spots were, and worked on them firmly, but without trying to dig his thumbs wrist-deep into her muscles. She sighed.
“Where'd you learn to do this?” she asked.
“Health class in high school,” he replied. “It's one of the few things I remember.”
“Health class? They taught you massage in health class?” She twisted her neck to see if he was teasing her. He gently moved it back to neutral, so he could rub it more easily.
“Of course. We did a lot of this on each other; boys and boys, girls and girls, boys and girls. It was to teach us that we could touch each other, without having it lead to sexual activity. For most of us, at that point, having someone put their hands all over you meant sex would follow. It was nice to be able to be together, and just give back rubs instead. It took a good deal of strain off a lot of relationships.” Especially for me with boyfriends.
“What a great idea!” she said. “I wish we had that in my world. That's fabulous.”
He smiled and continued rubbing her back. “Seren, do you trust me?” he asked her suddenly.
She lifted her head and looked at him. “Yes, completely. Why?”
“There's a technique I'd like to finish with, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.”
“Does it involve body cavities in any way?” she asked, smiling.
He laughed. “No. Not at all.”
“Then go ahead,” her head dropped down again.
He ran one hand in a long, slow movement from her shoulder, down her back, across the swell of her buttock, down her thigh and calf to her foot. From there, his hand moved to the other foot, and traveled up her body to her shoulder. Then he reversed the stroke, going down the side he'd just gone up, all the way to her feet, and back up the first side.
“There,” he said. “How's that?” He rose to his feet to ease the stiffness in his knees.
“Wonderful,” she sighed. “Absolutely wonderful.” He smiled to hear the earlier anger replaced by this relaxed tone. He looked down at her, pleased that the taut bowstring look to her body was gone. She looked at ease. He stepped across her legs, realizing suddenly that there was more room on the other side of the raft. Then he stretched himself out on his side, head propped on his left hand and gazed at her. She gazed back.
“If I wanted you to keep touching me,” she said hesitantly. “I mean, just rest your hand on my back; would that be asking too much?”
“No. I think I can handle that,” he said. He inched closer, and put his right hand on her back. “Seren,” he said after a long silence. “I wan
t you to know that I consider you a friend—a very dear friend-and that you can trust me.”
Blagdur and Graz hovered, drawn by the moment and its fragility. They grinned at the potential. Blagdur reached lightly into Daffyd's mind.
Daffyd opened his mouth to say, “I would never do anything to hurt you or upset you; not on purpose.” Instead, he heard himself blurting out, “I'm not ‘normal'. I don't fit society's standard regarding.... “He broke off, horrified and confused.
“Regarding sexuality, you mean,” she finished for him.
“Yes,” he said, wishing he had some control over his mouth. He heard distant whispering laughter and his stomach clenched.
“I don't care,” she said. Her eyes were on his, clear and free of deceit or hidden meaning. He felt a weight lift from his heart. The distant laughter stopped suddenly.
“You don't?” he asked in surprise, partly at her words, and partly that he seemed to be saying what he wanted.
“No. Who you want to be with is none of my business,” she smiled at him. “Look, Daffyd. I have two brothers, whom I love dearly. One of them has been married for twenty-some years to a wonderful woman, the other has been with an equally wonderful man for ten or eleven years. Do I care? No. Are they happy, productive people, with loving spouses? Yes. And that's what counts.”
Daffyd stared at her, unbelieving. Her brother had been with one woman for over twenty years! This was astounding! However, there was something else he needed to know, but wasn't certain how to ask. Seren saved him the trouble.
“I don't care what society declares is ‘normal',” she said. “Sexually speaking, I come under that heading, and so what? What does it mean?” She paused and reached out to stroke his cheek briefly. “All I care about, as far as you're concerned, is not losing whatever friendship we have. You've become very important to me the past few days. I don't want to lose you.”
“And this doesn't bother you?” he asked, running his hand across her back.
She smiled. “It bothers me more when you avoid me,” she said. “If you can stand being physically close, so to speak, with a—quote-unquote—'normal woman', I can certainly handle contact with an ‘unnormal man'.” She half turned on her side, and slipped her arm under his, her hand on his ribs.
Angels Among Us Page 26