“And they’ll taste as good too,” Bea says, wrapping her arms around Nona’s waist. “Nona is a secret-amazing cook.”
“Not so secret now,” Kayah says, jabbing Nona in the ribs. “Why didn’t you let on you can cook while you were staying at mine? I could have used a week off cheese toasties.”
Nona shrugs and grins. “Sorry, I only do baking. I’m going to leave school at the end of the year so I can study to be a pastry chef. I can’t wait.”
“Really?” Finn’s never met anyone who’s left school early. “Are your parents okay with it?”
“No, but what’s the point in staying? I know what I want to do, and I don’t need to study to do it. I’m crap at school, and I just want to get on with it and get a job. As soon as I have enough experience, I’ll start my own place.”
“That’s cool,” Finn says. Her mother makes it sound like leaving school’s the worst thing you could ever do, but what Nona says makes sense.
Nona rearranges a couple of the cakes and sighs. “Righto, I’m going home to get changed. No one touch the cakes until the presentation.” She points at Kayah. “Please, people. Watch her. I don’t trust her.”
Kayah holds up her hands in protest. “Why me?”
Everyone goes back to cleaning. Finn straightens some posters and mentally goes over her speech. She called her dad and read it to him last night, but he’s the only one who’s heard it.
“It’s good, kiddo,” he said, after making a couple of minor suggestions for flow. “Really good. I wish I could be there.”
“Don’t worry,” she grumbled. “It’s going to be recorded for posterity. Dan’s filming the whole thing.” The thought makes her insides clench.
But tonight she can’t even think about the cameras or the journalists coming down. If she does, she might lose courage.
“You okay, Harlow?” Dan asks as he sets up his camera in the corner. “You look pale.”
“Nervous,” she mutters through clenched teeth.
“What?” He pretends to look shocked. “Don’t be. This is your thing. Your amazing, righteous, do-gooder thing. You’ll rock it.”
“Gee, thanks.” She stalks off, looking for the next thing to clean.
“I mean it,” he calls after her.
He does mean it. She knows he does. But it doesn’t stop the nerves. It doesn’t matter that she does this kind of thing all the time. This seems bigger. Like there’s more hanging from it. And nothing Dan says is going to change that.
People start to trickle in about half an hour before the presentation is due to begin. The crowd is made up of parents and friends and the people from the church down the road who donated chairs for the event.
Finn’s sitting with some of the others, deciding which songs the DJ should play between speeches on the radio later, when she sees Willa standing by the door. She’s scanning the room, her hands jammed in her pockets. Finn’s barely seen her all week, and it feels so damn good to lay eyes on her that she scrambles out of her seat midway through Rosie’s argument for her case for a Beyoncé track.
“You came,” Finn says when she’s standing in front of her.
Willa pulls a face. “Of course I came.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Yes, I did. I came to see you do another amazing thing.”
Beautiful Willa. Finn grabs her hand. “Come meet my people.”
“Okay.” Willa presses her lips together and takes a breath through her nose, the way she always does when she’s trying to beat down shyness.
Finn smiles at the sight of it. Smiles because she knows her so well.
“You’ll be okay,” Finn tells her. “They’re nice.” She slides an arm around Willa’s waist, and they cross the room, the swing of their hips matching the same beat. As she spies Nona and Bea curiously watch their approach, Finn’s full to brimming with the fact that this beautiful, smart, cutely awkward human is her girlfriend. And she’s never felt more like she wants to be watched in the act of being someone’s girlfriend.
She slides into the seat, pulling Willa down next to her. “Guys, this is Willa.”
“So she does exist!” Nona looks over at Willa and then flicks her eyebrows up and down at Finn as if to say she approves.
Finn rolls her eyes and laughs, keeping a tight hold of Willa’s hand under the table. “We’re picking songs to play between our speeches on the radio tonight,” she tells her. She turns to Rosie “So, did Queen Bey make the cut?”
“No.” Rosie also rolls her eyes. “They picked some indie chick instead.”
“It’s a community radio station, Rosie,” Kayah reminds her. “I’m not sure they play a whole lot of Beyoncé there.”
“Well, maybe they should,” Rosie says. “Then maybe people would listen. What about Rihanna?”
“Um, maybe pick someone local,” Kayah suggests.
Rosie pulls a face. “Local?”
“As in Australian.”
“Australian? No way. Yuck. Our music is crap.”
“Wow. No wonder the industry fails to thrive,” Kayah’s boyfriend, Dominic, says. It’s the first time Finn’s met him. He’s short, dark, and extremely hot, with identical cropped curls to Kayah’s. But somehow they manage to pull the twinned dos off.
When the list is complete, Finn turns to check on Willa. She’s chatting to Nona. Well, Nona’s talking to her. And she’s also got that Nona look on her face.
“So, how’d you two meet?” she asks Willa. “Finn’s never told me.”
“Our schools were at the same camp.”
“And you thought she was hot straight-up?”
Willa blushes. And Finn has to smile, even as she tells Nona to leave Willa alone. But Nona just gives Finn a sly grin and turns back to Willa. “You’re gay, right? Like, totally gay?”
Willa face turns even redder as she nods.
“So, does it freak you out?”
“What?”
“Having a girlfriend who’s bi? I mean, don’t you worry she’s going to meet some dude she’s hot for?” Nona folds her arms. “I couldn’t do it.”
Willa stares at Nona for the longest time, her brow furrowed, like she’s trying to comprehend her words. Finally, she says, “If you don’t recognise the fundamental lack of logic in what you just said, I can’t help you.” She shakes her head. “No one can.”
Nona actually deigns to look uncomfortable.
And Finn grins. That’s one of the things she adores most about Willa. The staggering simplicity of her reactions to stupidity.
“Take that.” Kayah grins at Willa. “Don’t worry, even Nona doesn’t believe half the crap she says. She just wants the attention.”
Nona sits there and squirms, and all Finn can do is sit back and enjoy the mini takedown until it’s time to make her speech. Because that’s when the panic sets in. Finn stands at the front of the room, looking at everyone from the small platform they’ve made with wooden pallets, a rug, and Bea’s mad budget-decorating skills.
Her stomach starts its slow roller-coaster ride. From here, she can see everyone: Kayah with two journalists off at the side, gesticulating as she talks. Bea and Nona at the meeting table with some councillors, smiling as they serve the cupcakes with coffee and tea. Dan’s in the corner, fussing around with his tripod. Andy’s at the side of the stage, waiting his turn. Even her mum and Anna are there, standing at the back of the room, flanked by Willa and Rosie, looking proud and expectant. Finn quickly looks away, clenching and unclenching her fists.
At the nod from Andy, she moves to the front of the stage and pulls in a slow, steadying breath. The room quiets as she taps the microphone to check it’s on. Just pretend it’s a school assembly, she tells herself.
“Hello everyone,” she says, hearing the slight squeak of her nerves. She clears her throat and starts again. “Thank you for coming tonight and for taking the time to listen to what we have to say about the centre. This place might not look like much, but it means a lot to us.”
She looks around at everyone, making sure her smile lands on the councillors and journalists. “And given what it represents, maybe I should be talking about gay rights tonight. Maybe I should be talking about the marriage equality vote and the fact that politicians seem to think they and the rest of Australia has the right to decide on our equality as human beings. Maybe I should be talking about human rights. But I’m not. I want to talk about community.”
She takes another breath, feeling steadier now. She shoves the speech in her pocket and wings it from memory. “You know,” she continues. “There are only a few things in this world that most people seem to agree on. Like the fact that education is important. That flowers smell nice and pandas are cute. Beyoncé,” she adds with a grin, seeing Rosie snicker down the back. “But another thing I feel like everyone believes in is the power of community. The need to feel like we belong. To form bonds with others that we share something with for support.
“Some of us might take it for granted, but community is important,” she continues. “So important. Especially when you find yourself in a world where if you’re different, even in just one way, you can feel like an outsider, and that’s never a good feeling. This is when you have to go and find your own community. Because for some people, finding it can be lifesaving.” She pauses. “But the thing is, for it to be found, that community first has to be able to form. It’s places like this that make it possible.
“And, you know, maybe it’s because everyone’s talking about us right now, making decisions on our behalf about whether or not we get to live with the same rights as the rest of the world. But it feels like we need this sense of community more than ever. Because if the polls predicting the outcome of the marriage equality vote are right, out of every ten people who walk past me on the street, only two and a half of them don’t believe in our right to equality. Yet those two and a half have been given the right to speak their minds about this as much as the seven and a half who do.”
“And you know what?” she says, looking around the room, trying to keep people engaged. “Maybe hearing what they have to say will be easier if we’re together. Our community will protect us from some of that, but only if places like this make it possible for us to be together. And that’s why tonight we’re going to gather together to speak for ourselves, to tell the world why we need this dank concrete room.” People laugh quietly and shuffle. “So we can find each other.”
She smiles again, hoping she’s made some sense. Hoping that at least a part of what she wanted to express has come out right. “So, now, one member of our little community, Andy Nguyen, is going to come up and tell you his story, one of the many stories we’ll be telling tonight on the radio in the hope that we’re heard. Stories about why we need this centre, and each other. And why we’re scared we might be about to lose it. Thank you again for coming. And for listening to us. It means a lot.”
She gives them a quick smile and scuttles off the stage as the applause rises around her.
CHAPTER 55
Finn
When Finn finally drags herself up to the surface of sleep, the house is completely silent. Not even Banjo’s newfound snore, keeping time with her breath, can be heard.
From the slide of light through the blinds, she can tell as she rolls over that it’s late. Still, it’s a shock to see the time on her watch. Two-thirty pm.
But instead of crawling out of bed to get ready for round two, she just lies there, eyes shut, going over last night in her head. After the speech and the cupcakes and making polite conversation, they all had marched over to the radio station. That’s when it got fun. Because then it was just the community centre kids and Costa, their long-suffering youth worker, and a few supportive parents willing to supervise.
Some of the kids had been nervous about going on radio, but the DJ who did the graveyard shift was super chill and lovely. He showed them how to use the headphones and keep the microphones close to their mouths as they told their stories, and cracked jokes to stop nerves in their tracks. He was always ready to jump to a song if a story finished too quickly or to wait patiently when kids found out they had more to say than they thought they would.
While everyone took their turns, the rest of the group sat in the small, stuffy green room, offering encouragement as each pale-faced kid walked into the booth. They gave out rounds of applause whenever someone emerged, triumphant.
In the green room, they snacked and bantered their way through the six hours. And as the night wore on and she drank more coffee than was probably safe for any human, Finn listened to Nona’s story and to Bea’s and to Andy’s again. When Kayah went in, Finn smiled her sympathy as Kayah talked about being bisexual and about the stupid assumptions people made about her because of it.
“Sounds kinda familiar,” Finn said to Nona, who was curled up next to her on the couch, eyes half-closed.
Nona gave her a lazy smile. “You know I’m just messing with you when I say that stuff about you being bi, right?”
“I know.” Finn said. Then she shrugged and gave her a weary smile back. “But I also wouldn’t mind if you stopped doing it, you know.”
Nona looked at her for a long moment and nodded slowly. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” Finn blinked at her, not expecting that. “Thanks.”
“So this night has been pretty cool, huh?”
“Yeah.” She kicked her socked feet up onto the coffee shop and smiled. “Once the speech part was over.”
“You did great.”
“Thanks,” Finn said again. But she preferred this part, really, where it felt like they were all a team, making this thing happen together.
“So, you going to hang out with us now? At the centre? If we manage to save its butt?”
“For sure.” The ceiling was completely covered with music posters. Finn frowned at it. “You know, I don’t really have any gay friends, which is weird.”
“Well, you do now. A lot of us,” Nona said. “We should all go to the movies or something these holidays. Or there’s usually some all-ages queer parties happening.”
“Okay.” Finn wondered what Willa would say. But she figured if she could convince Willa to go to a Gandry party, she could convince her to do anything. “Sounds fun.”
“Your girlfriend is gorgeous, by the way,” Nona told her with a grin. “And utterly terrifying.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“How long have you been together?”
“A couple of months now. What about you and Bea?”
“Six months next week. I’m making her a totally lush picnic and taking her to a play in the park.”
“That’s really sweet.” Finn chewed at her lip. “Hey,” she said slowly, “can I ask you something?”
“I bet I know what it is.” Nona gave her another one of her lazy grins.
“Does that mean it’s okay to ask?”
She shrugged. “Of course.”
“Are you sleeping together?”
“One point to me.” She winked at Finn. “Yeah, for a few months now.”
“Right.” Finn stared at a chip in her nail polish.
“What about you and your ice queen?”
Finn hesitated.
“Hey, I’m a loudmouth, but I’m not a gossip,” Nona looked her straight in the eye as she said it, and Finn chose to believe her.
“We haven’t. Not yet.”
“Well, I can highly recommend it.”
“That’s a relief,” Finn said, “because the reviews are kinda mixed online.”
Nona laughed. “Is that so?”
Finn smiled but then turned serious. “At first I wanted to wait a bit, until I was ready. Last time I slept with someone, it didn’t work out so well.” Part of her couldn’t believe she was telling Nona this stuff, but she ploughed on. “But I’m also nervous. I’ve never slept with a girl. It’s kind of unknown territory. Okay, well, it’s not, really.” She blushed. “But you know what I mean.”
Instead of laughing at
Finn’s gaucheness, Nona just sat up and held out her hand.
“Give me your phone. There’s this cool website.” She grinned at Finn’s suspicious look. “Not porn. It’s this forum where girls talk about this stuff.”
“Oh.”
“Trust me, it’s great. I went on there a lot when I first started hooking up with girls. It actually helped.”
“Is it really that hard to figure it out?” Finn asked, only half-joking, as she passed over the phone. “Now I’m even more nervous.”
“No, of course not. Like you said, you’re not exactly dealing with unknown anatomical territory, but there are some areas where a little guidance doesn’t go astray, you know?” She types something into Finn’s phone. “And if you’re anything like me, you’ll like knowing other girls felt as dumb and clumsy as you at first.”
Finn grinned slyly at her. “And here I thought you came onto this earth knowing how to pull.”
“Bea was the first girl I ever slept with, actually. And I was terrified. I didn’t even tell her until after.” Nona put her fingers over her lips. “Don’t ever tell anyone I told you that.”
“I won’t,” Finn said, guessing she owed Nona one by now.
Nona passed back the phone. “Check it out. Seriously.”
“Wow.” Finn sighed loudly. “There’s even homework for sex.”
“Well, have you slept with a guy?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you fly blind the first time?”
“God no.” Finn spent way too much time online in the week before sleeping with Matt, freaking herself out. She even read the dumb sex book her mother gave her when she was thirteen, in case she’d missed something the first time round. “I’m way too much of an overthinker for that.”
“So it’s the same.” Nona handed her phone back. “I mean, just use it if you need it. You don’t have to write anything, just lurk and read. There’s so much crap on the net by horny guys and crazies out there. This forum’s different. I mean, why have these awkward conversations when you can have them anonymously online?” She grinned. “And you know what the best part was?”
All the Ways to Here Page 21