“Yikes.”
She kissed his chest. “Hey, don’t take it wrong.”
“Oh, that was a compliment?”
“It certainly wasn’t an insult. It’s just how I saw things.”
“I guess I am different. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to be manly. To lose their virginity and teach a woman the ropes in bed.” He scratched his sandpapery jaw. “If I hadn’t been connected with a girl, hell, I might have been like a lot of my friends, sampling every skirt that came along. Back home, no one ever questioned my masculinity. I would have throttled them.”
“Well, just to be clear, your virginity wasn’t etched across your forehead in bold letters, and having sex doesn’t make you a man. Trust me, I’ve been with a few cowboys who’d been around the bend a few times that couldn’t do a third of what you just did.”
“Thank you, I guess.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
“No. I just…well…every time we talk about you with another man, I get an ache way down deep. It’s not a good feeling. I don’t want to feel that way.”
“I get a little that way when you talk about your ex-girlfriend.”
“To answer your question, almost dying, it puts things into perspective very quickly. I laid in the hospital bed for a lot of hours, day after day, with nothing to do but figure out where I belong in this thing called life. I was told it’s normal to get angry, but it’s important to use it constructively. One of the docs came in one morning and saw that I was a mess. He said, “There’s a big difference between giving up and knowing you’ve had enough. Which side of the fence will you land?” His words are embedded in my mind, even now. I didn’t know if I’d ever walk again and I began to wonder what I’d do, where I’d go. I didn’t want to go back home. There was only one choice at that point. I had to step up and make a difference for myself.”
“Sounds like you had a great doctor.”
“The best.”
“Would it have been that bad to go home?”
Silence filled the space, until he sighed. “At that time, yes.”
She lifted up onto one elbow and looked down at him. “And now?”
“I’m still not ready, but I could be more independent now. Maybe even feel confident enough to take over the ranch, make it more than it is today.”
“I have a secret to tell. When I was fifteen, I ran away from home with a boy I met who was seventeen.”
He blinked. “So that’s why Chase is the protective brother?”
“He was before and that’s why I rebelled. The boy’s name was Brody and he certainly was a charmer, but I just wanted to prove to my family that I could handle myself. Brody and I didn’t get very far before Chase found us ten miles outside of the state line. Poor Brody, I thought he was going to piss his pants when Chase walked up to the window of the car. Honestly, I was happy to see my brother. I was ready to go home.”
“Funny how that happens. We don’t realize how much we miss something until we let it go, even for a little while. Was Chase spittin’ mad? Did he hurt the boy?”
“Oh, he was fit to be tied, but I think he was glad to see me safe and sound, and not ruined, so to speak.” She laughed. “Chase and I are alike. We both have the Sever DNA that makes us susceptible to trouble, and being stubborn.”
“Maybe that’s why you two butt heads all of the time.”
“Could be the reason.”
Silence filled the room and he guessed they were thinking the same thing, what would Chase do if he found out about what they’d shared?
“This could be a silly question, but why aren’t you married?” he asked.
“Because I haven’t been asked.”
“Pfft. Liar!”
“Okay, I have, but never by the right guy. And really, like I’ve said, I have been neck deep in college. Getting my degree meant something.”
“Well, I count myself damn lucky. If one of them would have been Prince Charming, I wouldn’t be with you here. I wouldn’t have shared the best damn thing with you.”
She smiled so deeply that a dimple appeared on her cheek. “And I would have missed out on amazing sex.” She yawned and stretched her arm above her head. “But wow, you tired me out.”
“Then sleep.” He coaxed her, rubbing her scalp with firm pressure. Within minutes she was asleep and softly breathing. He’d never slept with a woman in a bed. He wasn’t sure what to think of sharing his bed with her, but he wouldn’t complain. There was something very intimate about two naked bodies lying close. This woman was effecting him in many ways. From her gorgeous smile that rocked his world to a simple touch, to making love. The need he had for her scared the hell out of him, but he didn’t feel the urge to run like he had felt many times with his ex-girlfriend.
In fact, Dade would stand up to Chase and tell him the truth if that was what was needed. He and Felicia hadn’t done anything wrong. They were consenting adults.
But where would things go from here?
Would she leave and forget about him? After all, wasn’t that what he wanted? He wasn’t wanting a relationship. He had plans to fully recover and work at Nirvana. That was his only goal—had been his only goal. That was his only desire—but was it?
She shifted and softly snored. He smiled. He didn’t mind her snoring. He thought it was cute, although she probably didn’t think so. He carefully moved to his side so that they were tucked closer together. Damn, he could get used to this.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
WARMTH OOZED THROUGH Felicia’s cheek and hip as she was tugged from her dream of a cowboy. She fluttered her eyes open and jerked. Dade’s face was within inches of hers and he was snoring. Not loud, but enough that she knew he was still sleeping soundly. A part of her thought she should hurry and leave before he awoke, but in all honestly, she didn’t want to move one muscle. She’d slept like a baby. There was something very nice about sleeping here, with him, and for the first time, she didn’t feel regret after sleeping with a man all night.
“Good morning.” He flicked one eye open.
“Morning, cowboy.”
“I thought I was only dreaming of sleeping next to a beauty.”
“Well, I probably don’t look much like a beauty this morning.” She tried tugging her fingers through her knotted hair, but it was no use. That’s what happened when a woman had wild sex. She’d be just fine worrying about her hair later. “Wonder what time it is?”
“Not quite six. My alarm hasn’t gone off yet.”
“You get up at six every morning?” she asked.
“Yup. Love the mornings when everything is new.”
She smiled and sat up, feeling a chill come over her skin. “Damn, why is it so cold?”
“Because you’re no longer laying against my body.”
“Yeah, that’s a good reason.”
“So maybe you should snuggle back close.” He lifted the sheet and her heart melted. She had a hard time resisting his gorgeous naked manliness. But she did.
“If I do that, how will I sneak out of here before anyone sees me?”
“Probably too late anyway.”
She narrowed her gaze. “Why is that?”
“Most of the hands are on the land at five.”
“Oh shit! I’ll be stuck in here all day.”
“Would that really be a problem? I could think of something nice for us to do to stay occupied.”
She laughed and almost thought about saying “the hell with it” and curling back next to him. “That’d be great, but…I’m supposed to be at Chase and Kaycee’s for breakfast. If I don’t show up, I’m sure Chase will send the Swat Team out for me.”
He laughed a sleep, husky sound that made her body throb in special places. “Yeah, I can see that happening.”
“Any idea how I can sneak out?”
He sat up, leaning on his elbow, scrubbing his jaw and the sound reminded her of sandpaper against wood. She could only imagine what the layer of beard would feel like against
her sensitive skin. Oh brother! Stay on track, woman, You gotta get out of here.
“Wait until after six. Less chance of anyone being around.”
“Okay. I can do that. I don’t have to be at Chase’s until eight.”
“Hmm…so what do we do until then?” He lifted a thick brow.
“I don’t have a clue.” She laughed.
He slid from bed, letting the sheet fall from his body, showing off his gorgeous muscular physique. He was no longer self-conscious of his scars and she was glad. “I have an idea.”
“What’s that?”
He bent and before she could voice a word, he had her scooped up into his arms and was holding her close as he carried her into the bathroom. “I’ve always wanted to take a shower with a woman.”
“But…but…,” she stammered as he set her down on her feet by the shower stall.
“You don’t want to?”
She moistened her lips. “I do, but…” How could she put this in a ladylike way? “Don’t most people have to pee first thing in the morning? If I don’t pee before I get in, the water will make me do it in the shower.”
He wagged his brows. “Uhh…”
She knew where he was heading. “Not going to happen.” She shook her finger at him.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, sicko. I was only going to say don’t most people pee in the shower?”
Her cheeks flushed. “I don’t have a clue. That’s not a question I bring up the morning after.”
“Okay, I’ll turn and you can pee.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“You can’t pee while someone’s in the room? What happens when you go into a public restroom? I thought all women took a friend to the bathroom.”
“Not true. And I’m in a stall, alone.”
“All right. I’ll step out. Just yell when you’re ready.”
Once he was gone, she quickly did her business and started the water. She stepped in and the warm spray felt delicious.
“Hey, you were supposed to let me know.” Dade popped his head around the curtain.
“Sorry, I wanted to get a head start.”
He stepped in beside her and they were pressed together. The shower was barely big enough for one, and two made it mighty close quarters. “Ah, now I know why you wanted to get a head start. But here, I’ll help.” He grabbed a white bottle from the edge and squirted some shampoo into his palm. “Sorry, this ain’t one of those shampoos that smell like coconut or some exotic beach. This is cheap stuff that I get at the Five and Dime.”
She laughed. “Okay, I’ll forgive you just this once for not being a good host.” Her thoughts were lost as he rubbed the creamy liquid into her hair and massaged her head. She could have melted down the drain with the suds and water.
“Step back to rinse it,” he said.
Regretfully, she did as he requested. Once the shampoo was out, she watched him hurry to repeat the process with his own hair. He didn’t have much so it didn’t take him long, but the drops of soap falling to his chest, making his body slick, certainly did erupt a fiery sensation between her legs.
“Now for the body.” He grabbed the blue and white striped soap from the tray and he started rubbing the bar over her chest. His eyes widened. “Damn, I didn’t know this would be so damn sexy.” His erection was full.
“So, you’re not disappointed? You know, you’re experiencing a lot of firsts.”
“Hell, I’m ready to burst already.”
She took the bar from him, soaped her hands up really good, then took his cock into her hands. Folding her palms around him, he leaned against the ceramic tiles and closed his eyes. He groaned heavily and she smiled, loving watching his face speckle with desire. She continued to rub her hands on him, massaging his iron hard shaft until he stiffened. “If you don’t stop I’m going to go,” he whispered.
“Yes, Dade. Please.”
She quickened her thrusts until he jerked, his cum squirted all over her hands and stomach. When his breathing relaxed he opened his eyes.
“That brings new meaning to a hand job.” One corner of his mouth lifted. “Looks like I’m going to have to wash your body again. This might take a while.”
****
Dade pushed back from the fence where he’d been watching Jace brush and tend to one of the mares. He ached to get back onto the land and work up a sweat. Soon, he wouldn’t have the cane and he’d be strong and ready to take on chores like the rest of the hands. Hell, he could do more now, but the hands wouldn’t let him.
He met Jace inside of the barn where he was putting the horse back into the stall. When he was finished, he turned to Dade and sighed. “You know, I think of you as a good friend, buddy, and I’d never stand in your way or try to convince you to do anything different, but I hope you know what you’re doing.” Jace thumped him on the back as he passed to grab a pair of gloves from the workbench.
“I’ll be back on track soon.” Dade patted his wounded leg.
Jace blinked. “That’s not what I’m referring to, bro.”
Dade took a moment and prepared himself. “Don’t have a clue what you mean, Jace.” Or maybe he did.
“Let me refresh your memory. Blonde. Purty blue eyes. Kin to the boss.”
He hauled in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “How’d you know?”
“Oh, fuck, buddy. I was guessing and I was hoping I was wrong.” Jace shook his head and scrubbed his two-day old beard. “Damn. Do you have a death wish?”
“At least I’d die a happy man.” He smiled, but Jace’s cold stare made it fizzle.
“Is she worth it? Losing your job here?”
He thought about it for a moment. “I guess I’ll face whatever rage Chase tosses my way.”
Jace blew out a long breath. “Look, I get that she’s a beauty, but you know the rules of Nirvana. No fucking with the guests, and especially those that share in the boss’ DNA. You’re a smart man, my friend, but you certainly allowed your dick to lead you right down shit valley. He likes you, you’re his favorite, but he won’t forgive you for this one. It’s a pride thing. You know, man. You have sisters.”
“I’m not going to ask for his forgiveness. Felicia and I are adults.”
“Oh, so then you’re brave enough to march straight up to his office and confess? If I found out without even trying, trust me, Chase probably already suspects what’s going on. Probably best you do tell him as soon as possible. If you have nothing you’re ashamed of and you like her, then tell him because maybe he’ll take pity on you.” Jace grabbed the rope off a hook on the wall and swung it over his shoulder. “Just my opinion.”
“Jace?”
The man stopped at the door and looked over his shoulder. “Yup?”
“Are you saying this because something happened between you and Felicia?”
A smile curved his lips. “Dade, I won’t lie and say it didn’t cross my mind, but she wasn’t interested in me like people said she was. I think I was a tool to show Chase that she was an adult, not anything important. You? She’s sneaking around and hiding it from her brother. That should tell you something as strange as it sounds.” Then he stomped out of the barn.
Dade stood alone for the longest time, contemplating Jace’s words, over and over again until his mind was swirling with several different paths he could, or should, choose. He was raised to be an upstanding man. He’d never do something he was ashamed of, so denying it, or lying, wouldn’t suffice. He cared for Felicia, and didn’t want to see her have more problems with Chase, but if it meant that Dade would have to leave Nirvana to keep the peace, he’d do so. However, one thing he wouldn’t do was ask for forgiveness for something he wouldn’t change if he could.
That left only one option. He’d confess what he’d done to Chase.
His stomach twisted. It wouldn’t be easy, but a man had to do what a man had to do. And Dade was a man and it was time some folks on the ranch understood that fact.
/> Sliding behind the wheel of his cart, he started the engine and pulled toward the backside of the ranch where he knew Felicia was eating breakfast with her family. As he approached the two story newly built house, his heart raced and his palms turned clammy. Hell, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m either going to earn Chase’s respect, or he’s going to punch me in the face.
Turning off the Gator, Dade climbed out and made his way up to the porch. It was a nice, warm sunny day. The door and windows were open, and he heard talking from the kitchen. He smiled. There was something humbling about a family sitting down at the table together. That’s what he missed most about being back home. The home cooked meals he’d shared at the farmhouse table with the people he loved. He started to knock, but stopped, hand suspended two inches from the screen door. He’d heard his name. His ears perked up. It was Felicia’s soft, melodic voice. His stomach twisted. Maybe he wouldn’t have to tell Chase after all. Wow, what if she told her brother the truth…
Dade’s heart swelled.
“Dade is a great guy, sure,” Felicia said. He could hear the smile in her voice.
“But like I said, he’s got a lot on his plate right now,” Chase said.
“I still can’t believe you’d think I would chase after him. That’s such a silly thought.”
Dade’s gut twisted.
“You did say you wanted to have…,” there was a clearing of Chase’s throat, “well, you remember.”
“For a fleeting moment. But you know how I am. Ideas, desires, cravings come and go, then I’m on to the next one. You were completely right. Dade is not at a point where he’s ready to even think of a relationship. He’s certainly not the man for me.”
Dade heard soft footsteps and before he could dash out of sight, Kaycee was standing at the door, holding the baby in her arms and looking at him through the screen. “Dade? What are you doing standing out there on the porch? Come on in. We’re just sitting down to breakfast, but there’s plenty for one more.” She pushed open the door.
The Discreet Cowboy (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 6) Page 12