by Leona Fox
“Please don't tell me you believe in all those silly superstitions. Nothing I saw will have any consequence on what happens in the future.”
“That may be, but I'd still prefer not to take the chance. It's your wedding for goodness' sake!”
But Kelly remained relaxed about the whole thing, and the two women continued speaking about the wedding plans and what they needed to do in the short time they had. However, while they were talking about happy things Ellen noticed Kelly started to get quieter and more distracted, looking away from Ellen as though she were ashamed of something.
“There's something I have to tell you,” Kelly said.
Then she began telling Ellen about how she and Matthew had talked through their problems. She said that mostly they had been caused by the fact that she had not been able to let go of a secret she had been keeping for years. Now it was time for her to tell the truth because she had been hiding it from Ellen, too.
Ellen looked surprised. As far as she was concerned Kelly always had been an open book, and from the grave look on her friend's face she knew this secret had been weighing heavily on her. In a drawn out tone Kelly told Ellen about how she had lied about becoming an artist, that actually she had won the lottery and used those funds to maintain her lifestyle while she managed to carve out a humble living as an artist. It all never would have happened if it hadn't been for that lottery win and she felt so fraudulent about it, Kelly said. Even now it drove her close to tears and Ellen's heart went out to her friend.
“I hate that you feel like you couldn't have told me about this a long time ago. Of course I don't judge you or anything, I'm just sorry you felt like you had to keep this secret to yourself.”
“You're not going to look at me any differently?” Kelly asked, sniffing.
“No, well, I'll be looking at you to get the drinks more often,” Ellen said, and the two women laughed with relief.
“I'm just glad you were able to get through it yourself and talk to Matthew about it. It seems silly to let something like that get in the way of your relationship, when now you're getting married!”
“I know. To be honest, I looked at you and Andy and saw how you were with each other. I know you've always been a stickler for honesty and that being open with each other helped the two of you have a stronger bond. I wanted that for me and Matthew.”
“Having no secrets definitely helped me and Andy,” Ellen said.
And yet, while she was saying this to Kelly, Andy was back in his house, sitting in his office with a pained look on his face. His head was in his hands and he was tearing his hair out as he stared at the letters he had been receiving, all of them referencing that case. That one case that he never would be allowed to forget, as much as he might try, as much as Ellen wanted him to move on. The letters may as well have been sent by the demon that was plaguing his own mind, the one that continually replayed the mistakes he had made, the ones that had cost a young boy his life.
When Andy had been a young boy he had dreamed of becoming a hero and saving those in need. He had failed that little boy. Who knew what he had dreamed of? It didn't matter in the end because he never would dream of anything ever again. Andy's hand curled into a fist and he beat the desk, causing everything to jump. He had tried so hard to move on and establish a life for himself, and just when he started to believe it was possible this had happened. Not only that, but Paul Diamond had come to town as well. He had to ask himself if the two were connected, but he couldn't come to any firm conclusions. His mind was all over the place and he couldn't focus on anything. Who would be coming after him after all this time, and why? It didn't make any sense. Or was it all just some cruel, sick prank?
They all had been typed on a typewriter. The hammer had smashed the words into the soft paper, leaving small dents. The writing was formal and to the point. There were no flowery words and as far as Andy could see there were no hidden meanings in the words either. It was simple. Whomever was sending him the letters blamed him for the death of that little boy. He threatened to bring the truth to light, and that justice soon would be done. What did he mean by that? Andy did not know, but it was dark and disturbing. As of yet he had not told anyone else, not even Ellen, even though he knew she would be angry at him. In truth he hoped they would have gone away by now, that the mysterious author would have become bored with this little game. Yet the letters kept coming and Andy grew more and more irritated with them.
In a fit of anger, he swept them off the desk and roared in frustration before his primal emotions fell from their crescendo and he was forced to clean up the mess and hide it again from Ellen's sight. As he gathered up the papers he was filled with a sinking feeling of shame, guilty that he was hiding something of such magnitude from Ellen. But how could he tell her when she had begged him for so long to break free of his past? He stuffed the file back into the drawer and locked it, then inhaled deeply and returned to the normal routine of the day.
When Ellen returned to his place she spoke of Kelly's plans for the wedding and Andy tried to not give her any sign that his mind was on anything else. However, Ellen was a keen observer of people and it took a skilled liar to get anything past her. Yet when she inquired as to what was bothering him he merely brushed it off as the distractions that came from Paul Diamond's visit. He only wondered how long that excuse would last.
Ellen wasn't convinced at all but she wasn't about to pry, feeling that he would tell her if she gave him enough time and space. Besides, she wanted to think of happy things and so concentrated on Kelly's wedding. Although her friend had expressed a wish to keep things small, Ellen still wanted to make sure it was a special day. There had been an old case she had worked on where she had encountered a wedding planner. It turned out they were innocent of the crime but now Ellen figured she may as well get in touch and use the person’s services.
However, as she was looking for the information she caught sight of a piece of paper jutting out from in between the desk and the wall. She leaned down to pick it up, but when she looked at it she froze. Upon her first reading she didn't process what the letters meant, so she read it again and a chill crept up her spine. She looked around the rest of the office, for this letter referenced others so it couldn't have been the only one. But as she searched the desk she stopped. She realized she was no better than a meddler, clandestinely burrowing through her boyfriend's things, trying to get to the bottom of it, when all she needed to do was go to Andy. Yet that was difficult as it was clear he had been keeping this from her, after all the discussions they had had about keeping secrets.
Chapter 2
The anger inside her swelled as she gripped the letter in between her fingers, and in the heat of rage she stormed into the bedroom and flung it down on the bed. Andy took one look at it and his expression turned to stone.
“Where did you find this?” he asked, his voice hollow.
“Does it matter? When were you going to tell me about it? Or is that a stupid question?” she yelled.
Andy pushed himself up in bed and pressed his lips together, making a concerted effort to keep his voice low and even.
“Ellen, you have to believe me, I wanted to tell you but I thought it would stop and when it didn't it just...come on, I know how much you've wanted me to leave my past behind.”
“Yes, but I don't want you to hide something like this from me! How many have there been?”
With a reluctant sigh Andy dragged himself out of bed, looking older than she ever had seen him, and beckoned her to follow him down to the office. He opened the door and pulled out the file, handing over all the letters to her. Ellen took them, still unsure of the emotions running through her. Her brow furrowed and her throat tightened as she opened the folder and took out the letters, reading them one by one, while Andy stood leaning against the wall, his head arched back.
The window to the room was slightly open, allowing a soft evening breeze to come through. The glow of dusk gave a dim illumination to the room. The
leaves of plants rustled outside. Birds chirped, dogs barked in the distance, it all seemed peaceful and yet Ellen felt an unsettling fear creep up her spine as her eyes danced over the typed words. They were cold, and calculating, and as she read them she tried imagining the person writing them, sitting behind a desk, hunched over a typewriter. As she read them she placed the letters face down on the able, but hiding the words did not sap away their power. The letters only grew more personal, more violating the more she read them, and by the end of it she was speechless. When she had found them her first reaction had been to shout at Andy, to yell at him for once again keeping secrets from her. Now that she had read them she only wanted to hold him close to her, to reassure him that he was safe, to cloak him in the comfort that only she could offer. Ellen let the final letter fall down to the desk. It swayed as it was pulled down by gravity, and before it had landed on the neat pile of paper Ellen strode across the room, embracing Andy tightly.
“I thought you'd be mad,” he said softly, his arms lazily wrapping themselves around her waist.
The cool air from outside wafted against his cheek, and this only made the warmth of her body more apparent. They melted into each other and Andy relaxed. For the first time since the letters started the tension had eased within him, and he felt complete with her again. Ellen kissed him softly and buried her face in his chest.
“I am a little…you know that I hate us having secrets. Why didn't you just tell me this from the beginning?”
Andy sighed. “I got the first one and I thought, well, maybe I hoped, that it was a hoax. You know what it's like as a cop, sometimes you get things like this. Then the second one came and the third soon followed, and I started thinking maybe there's more to it than I thought. But you were so insistent I try moving on from the past and that's what I wanted, too. So I tried my best to ignore them and just focus on my life as it is now. Then Paul came into town and the whole thing just made it feel like I was cursed, like I never was going to free myself from what happened, and how could I tell that to you?”
Ellen heard the beating of his powerful heart and she stepped back, tilting her head up so she could look him directly in the eyes.
“I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't talk about this to me but this is different. Whomever is writing you these letters...they're the one who is not allowing you to move on. I know you've tried and I love you for making the effort. We just have to try figuring out who is doing this, and why. You really should have come to me before. You know we make a good team.”
“I know, I just got so messed up about it. You don't know what it's like. Every day I have to live with that failure. Every day I see him and I keep thinking to myself, ‘Why am I still here?’ ‘Why did I get to live my life when he never got to grow up?’ ‘He never got to graduate high school or fall in love.’ There are just so many things he never got to do.”
“But those things aren't on you. They're on the man who kidnapped him, and who murdered him. You did your best and that's all anybody could have asked.”
Ellen placed her hand on the side of his face and caressed it gently. He closed his eyes, and in that moment Andy looked exhausted.
“Come on,” she said softly, “let's get you to bed.”
She took his hand and led him to the bedroom where they sank into the plush mattress. It was like falling onto a cloud, and Ellen's body instinctively draped itself around him, their bodies melting together in the soft calm of the evening. Ellen stroked his chest and enjoyed the steady rhythm of his breathing.
“I spoke to Kelly about the wedding today,” she said, trying to take their minds off the letters, even though she knew it was futile because it was impossible not to think of them. But if she could just distract Andy for even a moment then she knew it was worth it.
“Oh yeah?”
“She wants a small thing, and a quick thing. You'd better get your suit cleaned soon because it looks like it's going to happen in just a few weeks.”
“That is quick, do you think you can pull it off in time?”
“I don't know. Part of me wishes she wouldn't rush into it, but ultimately it's really their decision. I guess I can understand it from Matthew's perspective. He's already done the whole wedding thing once so it's probably strange to go through it all over again.”
“And Kelly?”
“She says she just wants to get to the married part. For someone who is so outgoing and friendly she has a weird thing about being the center of attention.”
“Maybe that's why she became an artist. Her pictures can get all the attention while she hangs back.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Ellen said, and decided not to tell him the truth regarding Kelly's background.
Although Ellen disliked secrets she was also loyal to her friends, and she knew this secret was Kelly's to tell, not hers.
“What about you? Have you ever thought of getting married?” Andy asked.
Ellen glanced up at him. His eyes were closed, his words were low and his head nestled into the pillow. His body and face were illuminated by the soft glow of the moon that sliced in through a slit in the drawn curtains. They had spoken of many things in their bed when the nights were late and dreams were waiting for them, yet the topic of marriage never had never arisen. She wondered then if it had been a conscious thing, if she had purposefully avoided the subject. While they had been upfront with their love and devotion to each other, they never really had spoken about their plans for the future or the direction of their relationship. Instead, they had taken things slowly, one day at a time, and enjoyed the present without being weighed down by thoughts of the future. Yet, now that the question was presented to her Ellen was unsure how to answer.
“I guess once, a long time ago.”
“What happened? Were you ever close to getting engaged?”
She, of course, knew he had been engaged once, but they didn't tend to talk about their relationship history with each other. Perhaps that was going to change. Although it made her feel anxious she couldn't very well back out, not if it helped Andy deal with his own demons from the past.
“I was with someone in the city for a while but it never really was going to work out. I had my job and he had his. We were both career people at that point and everything else came second.”
“It's strange to think of you like that, a career woman.”
“Seems a long time ago now,” she said with a slight smile.
“When I found out my parents were ill; my career didn't seem to matter so much. In a lot of ways, it felt as though I had wasted my life, and the rest is history. Then it got to a point where I figured marriage probably wouldn't be in the cards for me. I don't feel upset about it too much, I'm happy and healthy and enjoying life, that's more important than setting up milestones for yourself.”
“I used to think about it all the time. Always wanted a wife and a family. Just seemed the natural thing to do. And Louise, we were, you know...” he said, trailing off.
“You can talk about it if you want to.”
“I'm not sure I do. I'm sorry. I know it must be strange to hear me talking about Louise.”
“We all have a past and we all have our exes. Whatever happened back then made you into the man I know today, the man I fell in love with. It must have been hard knowing you couldn't fulfill that dream.”
“We both wanted it, you know, maybe she a little more than me. When it all went off the rails I didn't see how I could stand up at the altar and say that I always could be there to protect her and love her. Love seemed like a joke. How could she love me? Why would she love me?”
“You've been through so much,” Ellen said, getting tighter and closer against him, kissing his chest.
Conversation subsided and they gave themselves over to slumber. The quiet night soothed them and allowed their minds to rest, for when they awoke they would be plagued by a need to solve this most desperate, most personal mystery. Usually Ellen had to become involved in other people's lives
to solve a case, but this time her boyfriend was being threatened, making the stakes more intense than usual.
In the morning Andy rose and made them both breakfast. They avoided talking anymore about marriage, but Ellen couldn't ignore the letters.
“What do you want to do about them?”
“I want to wait for them to stop,” Andy said, chewing on his omelet.
“I don't think that's going to happen,” Ellen said bluntly.
“I know, but I don't want to let my past interfere with my present. Letters I can deal with.”
“What if that's not the end of it? What if whomever is writing these decides to come here?”
“Then we'll deal with it the same way we deal with anything else, together,” he said, moving over to her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.
“I'm going to head off to work, I'll see you later?” he asked.
Ellen nodded, but while she finished off her own breakfast she gazed out of the window and feared there was somebody out there coming for Andy. There was a chance it was just some freak who felt intimidating behind a typewriter, but equally it could prove to be dangerous. Ellen felt an unsettling sense of paranoia spread through her body. She picked up her plate and rinsed it under the faucet, then got ready for the day, trying not to peer too far into the shadows, afraid of what she may find.
Meanwhile, on the outskirts of East Pender, little Scott Bishop was wandering in the forest. He was a small boy, not even ten years old. His heart was in that sweet spot where it was filled with dreams and anything seemed possible. The world was entirely new and everything was a fresh discovery. He had achieved a small amount of fame when he, along with some friends, had discovered the skeleton of Michael van De Lay, which had led to a protracted case regarding the old mill. Ever since then Scott explored the woods as much as possible, trying to happen upon another hidden treasure that meant he could work with Ellen and Andy again. He looked up to the two of them and saw what they did as wondrous, especially Andy. Scott's father worked on an oil rig so he was gone from home months at a time, and the memories Scott had of him were only faded and hazy. So Andy was someone to look up to, a real life inspiration to go along with those in his fiction books.