“Consider that done.”
“And, since I’ve returned and seen Susan again, I realize I still have feelings for her. However, she still harbors me ill feelings and I know that she still doesn’t trust me.”
“That I can’t do anything about, Simon. And you should also know that she’s involved with a Naval Captain and they are considering an engagement. You can’t expect her not to have moved on.”
Simon sighed. “No, I can’t. But you say she’s not actually engaged yet?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“Then might there still be hope?”
John was conflicted by that question. He had his own emerging feelings toward Susan and he didn’t know what to say.
“That must be between the two of you. I can’t advise you on that. But what I’d like you to consider is how we might be able to work together. Do you have any interest at all in staying at Haverford or do you wish to return to London?”
Simon looked at John and said with all sincerity, “London was nothing but ruin for me. I would love to explore any suggestions you might have.”
* * *
John sat at his desk in the library and couldn’t stop thinking about Susan. Ever since their ride together, and from the moment he lifted her up onto the horse, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. He could still feel her breath against his cheek. But then, as he looked back, he remembered the many small moments when he’d been stricken by her beauty or her exquisite sensitivity.
And, of course, there was her suburb regard for Elizabeth. He realized that, if not for Susan, he might still be neglecting his care for his daughter—separating himself from her young life.
But this was a very tricky situation. Miss Susan was his employee—the teacher and nanny to his child. And she was not of his class. But when had that ever mattered to him? He was already known amongst his peers as the rogue Duke—as he had so little regard for the trappings of his rank. In many ways, he was much more like her than he was to his father, the former Duke.
And then he remembered the great impediment—she was nearly engaged to that sea captain, and his spirits sank.
There was a knock at the door, and Miss Susan entered.
“I’m so glad you’re ready to work on the school now. Have you had an opportunity to review the list of equipment I gave you?”
John needed to pull himself together after his musings.
“Yes, I have and I see no impediment to moving forward. I’ve budgeted enough for what you suggest we need to purchase.”
“Excellent. Then what do you think about making the changes to the school building that we discussed earlier?”
“I think we may want to wait until the spring to make those changes. The house can be very cold to work in during the winter.”
Susan nodded. “Yes. That makes sense. Then would you like me to put together lesson plans for the classes? I could start on those.”
“Yes, and let’s work together on ordering all the equipment we’ll need. It’ll take time for the items to be shipped and in some cases installed. I know the kitchen is nowhere near being functional.”
Susan lit up. “Oh, John, I’m so excited about the school. I know the parents and children of the village are going to be so happy to finally have their school open.”
John was so taken with her glowing enthusiasm that he got up from his desk and went over to her and took her hands.
“Susan. You don’t mind me calling you just Susan, do you?”
Susan looked up at him with a glowing expression. “Not at all. In fact, I like it,” she said as she lowered her eyes.
“You know I hold you in very high regard.”
“Thank you, John. I am both humbled and honored.”
“But it’s not just for your service, but for you personally as well.
Susan looked up at him with a questioning regard. “But… John…I…”
“I know about your sea captain, but I can’t help myself. Susan, please, unless you’ve betrothed yourself to him please consider my suit.”
“Oh, John… I…” She removed her hands from his and turned toward the window.
“Susan, ever since…”
There was a knock at the door and Standish appeared.
“Your Grace, your guest, Miss Fitzwilliam, has arrived and wishes to be admitted.
Chapter 23
“Ah, John, how delightful to see you again,” Fitz cooed as she floated into the library, hands extended, to grab hold of John’s hands. But, as she neared, he took a step backward and withdrew his arms to his sides and frowned.
Fitz froze at the gesture. John was staring at Susan by the window and Fitz turned and saw her.
“Oh, Miss Susan…” She turned back to John. “I see you are engaged. Please excuse the interruption, but perhaps you might dismiss the help and welcome me properly.”
Susan heard Fitz’s words but didn’t register the meaning. She was totally overwhelmed by John’s words to her earlier. Her mind was spinning. John had feelings for her? How was this possible? But at the same time, she had to recognize that his words had stirred something deep within her that she now recognized had been there all along. She could not deny it, she responded to his declaration with a passionate longing.
She turned and looked out the window, trying to calm her inner turmoil at this new revelation.
“Miss Fitzwilliam,” John said. “You are most welcome, but Miss Susan is not the help and we are presently engaged in an important meeting. Standish will be happy to escort you to your room where you may lounge until I am prepared to visit with you.”
Fitz caught her breath and put her hand to her mouth, utterly confounded. She turned to Standish, and barked, “Make sure all of my luggage is properly stowed in my room. And I would like some tea immediately.”
She turned and swept out of the room in a huff.
Susan and John turned to look at each other, and at the same time burst out laughing. It gave each of them a release from their mutual tension at their previously interrupted moment.
Susan walked over to John and stood before him. “I didn’t know you were expecting company. I don’t mind leaving if I’m an inconvenience.”
John took her hands again. “You certainly are not.”
Susan lowered her eyes briefly and then looked up at him. “John, what you said earlier…”
“And I meant every word.”
“I know you did. And I’m not insensitive to your expression of affection. It’s just…” She winced slightly.
“Your captain. I know.”
“I truly care for him.”
“More than me?”
“Oh, John, how can you ask me that?”
“Then you do. He is your choice?”
Susan squeezed his hands. “I…” She shook her head. “I… I… don’t know. It’s too soon.”
“Then you do have feelings for me?”
“Yes, I do. But I don’t know what they mean. It’s all so sudden. So new. My head is swimming.”
John sighed. “Of course. For me too.”
“Then what? What do we do about this? It doesn’t make any sense right now. You have a beautiful woman who’s just come to spend time with you. And here you are declaring your affection for me. How can this be?”
“Miss Fitzwilliam invited herself. She is clearly out to capture herself a Duke with no subtlety at all. She’s like a vixen hunting her prey. But I’m not about to be her catch. Try as she might, her wiles have no effect on me, whatsoever.”
“Will you ask her to leave?” Susan asked, turning away.
“Not immediately. She’s a guest and I may not force her out until she is able to make plans to leave and has somewhere else to go.”
“Certainly that would be home, no?”
“You are probably not aware, but there is a certain class of ladies who are huntresses—constantly on the prowl for a romantic catch. They have no permanent abode but travel from house to house as guests, tra
ding on their charms until they find the perfect mark—a gentleman with title and means. However, their charms have a certain end date and there is a desperation in their hunt which reveals itself as insensitivity and impatience.”
“But what about Sir Andrew, is he not her beau?”
John laughed. “No, his interests lie elsewhere.”
“Then I am truly sorry for her.”
John nodded. “I as well.”
Susan clasped her hands before her. “John, I need time. I don’t think we should continue our meeting on the school today. I feel we both need some time to think about what has transpired today. At least, I know I do.”
“Yes, I agree.”
* * *
Susan desperately wanted to talk to someone about what had just happened. She wanted to see her friend, Katherine, but that was not convenient, and she would not be the most impartial judge, as Daniel was her brother.
Susan knocked on Clarissa’s door.
“Ah, was just thinking about you,” Clarissa greeted. “I saw you walking with Simon. He must be improving.”
“Yes, I believe he is,” Susan said shyly, but not wanting to talk about Simon. “Clarissa, might I discuss a delicate matter with you?”
“Of course, come sit by me.” She patted the seat on the sofa next to her.
“It’s about John… and Daniel.”
“Oh… you’d better tell me about this. It suggests a problem. Am I right?”
Susan nodded and folded her hands in her lap.
“John has declared that he has feelings for me,” Susan said softly.
“Oh, my… And you for him?”
She nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid I do.”
“And where is Daniel in all of this?”
“Out at sea.”
“Uh huh. Do I detect a possible shift in affection?”
“Possibly. Yes. Absolutely… I don’t know. Dear Aunt Clarissa, for I think of you as family, what am I to do? How do I figure this out?”
“Well… This is a development. Not that I’m surprised, mind you.”
“Really? What makes you say that?” Susan asked.
“Oh, my dear… Are you so unaware of your effect on men? First, there was Simon… although he made a mess of it. Then there was your charming captain. So obviously head over heels… And can you be surprised that John might also have feelings?”
“But he was so devoted to Annabel.”
“My dear, she died years ago. He is a man. He is of flesh and blood and he has seen how entirely devoted you are to Elizabeth, how could he be impervious to your other obvious charms?”
“And you have seen this?” Clarissa nodded. “Then why haven’t you said anything to me about this?”
“It wasn’t my place to do so. He’s a man with his own mind and heart. He must speak for himself—and it seems he has,” she said smiling broadly.
“But we haven’t addressed my dilemma. How do I reconcile my feeling for both of these men?”
“Very well, let me ask you this,” she said, picking up her knitting and returning to the socks she was making for Elizabeth. “How would you describe what you feel—physically—when you are with each man? Can you do that?”
Susan gave that some thought. “Well, Daniel makes me feel warm, safe, and comfortable.”
“And John?”
“Hmm. There have been times when I look at him and I can’t catch my breath. And if he touches me, I feel a shiver all the way down to my toes. It’s like a sudden spark when you least expect it—like when you reach out to touch someone when it’s dry in the winter and a spark jumps between the two of you.”
Clarissa nodded. “Can you see the difference from what you just said?”
Susan thought about that. “Safe and comfortable versus shivers and sparks. One sounds bland and the other passionate and exciting.”
“Hmm. Not to mention the fact that there is the problem of your captain being at sea for long periods of time. Now, I guess, it’s going to be up to you to make the final decision.”
Susan was still in turmoil. “I don’t know. Daniel is so ardent and caring. And I’ve only begun to explore my feelings for John. It’s just too early for me to make such a momentous decision.”
“And there’s also the fact that if you married John, you’d become Elizabeth’s step-mother. You would become a permanent part of her life. Does that appeal to you?”
Susan lit up. “Oh, Clarissa, you know it does.”
Susan’s body seemed to collapse. It was all too much to handle at the moment and she put her hands up to the sides of her head and just shook it.
* * *
John had told Standish to tell Miss Fitz that he would not have time to visit with her before supper. However, she had been invited to meet for sherry in the second drawing room at six.
She was already seated by the fireplace with a glass of sherry, with Standish standing by, when John entered. John gave a discreet nod to Standish and he left the room.
“Miss Fitz…” John started.
“Oh, please, just Fitz. Certainly, there’s no need for a great deal of formality between the two of us.”
She was dressed elegantly—far exceeding the dress requirement for a simple supper evening at home. Her hair was perfectly coiffed, her dress—a dazzle—and her physical attributes in full display.
She was seated on a love seat and patted the space next to her—clearly an invitation for John to sit beside her.
However, John remained standing and stood with his hands folded behind him—back to the fire.
“Miss Fitz,” John began, “I want you to know that I’m happy to have you in my house as my guest…”
“And I am delighted to be here.”
“However, it is rather an inconvenient time for me, as I am in the final stages of preparing my wool for shipment to market.”
John was trying to be polite and a good host.
“But certainly that doesn’t take all your time, every single day. You must make time for… recreation… as well, is that not so? I know you like to ride. And you shoot. And, of course, your evenings are free, are they not?”
John could see she was unrelenting in her pursuits and he determined to be forthright.
“Miss Fitz, what I am trying to say, is that I am aware of your intentions in finding a suitable husband.” She blanched at his directness. “And I see I must make it perfectly clear to you that, while one may not discount your undeniable charms, it is not to be me.”
She was stunned, and for a moment had no response. Then she asked with an obvious acerbity, “Is it that teacher? Has she insinuated herself into your life? Is she your intended?”
“That is neither here nor there, Miss Fitz. And my point is that while you are welcome to stay as long as it takes for you to make other arrangements, I expect you to make them in a timely manner. Am I perfectly clear?”
Fitz gazed down at her glass of sherry and nodded but did not speak.
Then John asked, “And how was your visit with Lady Briddlesworth? Is she still collecting orchids?”
Just then Simon came into the drawing room.
“Hello, I don’t believe I know you,” Simon said, going over to Fitz to introduce himself. “I’m John’s brother Simon.”
Fitz looked up slowly and a large grin crossed her face. “Miss Fiona Fitzwilliam, but all my friends call me Fitz.” She held up her glass to Simon. “Would you be a darling, and pour me another glass?”
* * *
Dinner was somewhat strained—with John barely tolerating Fitz, and Fitz barely tolerating Susan. That left Fitz and Simon to carry the brunt of the conversation.
“Do you ride?” Fitz asked, twirling one of her curls with a finger.
“I do. But I’ve not gone riding not since my illness.”
“Then you and I must get back in the saddle. Isn’t that what they say after one has suffered a misfortune? I should love to see the estate by horse. Perhaps you might show me. If you are
up to it that is.”
Susan was amused by Fitz’s obvious flirting. John must have said something to Fitz as she was now turning her attentions fully on Simon.
Diaries of a Heartbroken Duchess: A Historical Regency Romance Collection Page 23