by Anne Barwell
Jason closed his eyes, his lips turning up in a smile as he lost himself in the music. Sean kept playing, his fingers finding the keys without having to think about it, his voice growing in confidence as the music took over.
“We’re all just ripples in the water, trying to find our way. I’m looking for the right guy, losing my contentment for come what may.”
The notes echoed through the room after he stopped playing, but he kept his fingers on the keys, not quite ready to pull himself away from the magic.
Jason placed his hand over Sean’s. “Wow,” he murmured. “Just… wow.” His smile grew a little shyer. “It’s not finished, though, is it?”
“No.” Sean felt his breathing speed up when Jason moved to sit next to him on the piano stool. “There’s more, I have the music but not the words. I know what I want to say but it’s finding the right ones.”
“Yeah, they have to be the right ones.” Jason hummed some of the tune and frowned. “That’s weird,” he said. “It feels familiar, but I know I haven’t heard it before now. Not quite this bit, though, but almost.”
“I find that with some songs.” Sean shrugged. “You hear them and know what comes next or feel as though you do. That’s what happens with a lot I write.” He lifted his hands from the keyboard, threading his fingers through Jason’s. “Slow dreaming,” he whispered. “Ever feel that about life; that that’s exactly what we’re doing?”
He waited for the laughter, or at least a chuckle. What the hell had possessed him to come out with that? It was something he’d never told anyone before, not even Leilani.
Instead, Jason smiled. “Yeah, I do.” He cleared his throat and began to sing; his voice was deeper than Sean’s and very melodic. “I’m looking for the right guy, losing my contentment for come what may.” He reached out with his free hand, caressing Sean’s cheek.
Sean leaned into the touch and took a deep breath, hoping he was reading this right, that it was an invitation, and pressed his lips against Jason’s.
The response was everything he’d hoped for and more. Jason deepened the kiss, savoring it. A low moan escaped his lips. He pulled away, breathing heavily. “Is this what you want, Sean? I can’t promise you anything, not even to be here for you.”
“This is what I want,” Sean whispered. Surely a day or so was better than nothing? He’d… they’d have the memories, and maybe they could find a way to make this work. Or at least see if it could. “This is very much what I want.”
Jason smiled; it lit up his face. Pleasure, regret, and determination reflected in his eyes in rapid succession. “If we kiss again, I don’t want to have to stop.” He caressed Sean’s face again then ran his fingers over Sean’s jaw line. “I want to be with you, Sean, to give you this, even if that’s all I can do.”
“Then we won’t stop.” Sean kissed him again, parting his lips, sliding his tongue inside to explore Jason’s mouth. Jason groaned, running his hands up and down Sean’s back. Sean shuffled closer, pressing their bodies together, making it clear that yes, he did want more.
His fingers found the top button of Jason’s shirt. He broke the kiss to explore and suckle each bit of newly exposed skin. Jason groaned again, this time loudly. “Fuck.” He yanked at the bottom of Sean’s T-shirt, pulling it free from his jeans. “We need to move. This stool’s not big enough, and it’s bloody hard.”
Sean glanced down at Jason’s groin and grinned. Not as bloody hard as something else, apparently. “Do you want to come to bed?” The words came out more hopeful than he’d planned, but still a request rather than an assumption. This had to be completely mutual every step of the way.
“Oh God, yeah.” Jason followed Sean’s gaze and blushed. He reached over, tracing the hard outline in Sean’s jeans with one finger, grinning when Sean’s breath hitched in response. “I bet that would feel better without all those layers in the way.”
“Was that meant to be subtle?” Sean chuckled. “I already asked you to come to bed.” He slid off the stool, nearly landing on his backside on the floor when Jason moved forward suddenly. Jason caught him, holding him close.
“Subtle? I’ve never been much good at that.” Jason kissed up Sean’s neck, licking his ear. Sean shivered, warmth spreading through him. He let out a whimper.
“Please, Jason.” Foreplay on the stool was fine, but if they didn’t get to the bed, and soon, they’d never get there. He undid a couple more buttons on Jason’s shirt, then fumbled with his belt buckle.
To his surprise, Jason adjusted his grip and stood, carrying Sean to the bed.
“Hey!” Sean wrapped his legs around Jason, feeling the strong muscles flex as Jason laid them down and rolled them over so Sean was on top. “Jason?” he asked.
“This time is for you, Sean.” Jason bit his lip. “I’m yours. Whatever you want to do, okay? I’ll let you know if it’s something I’m not comfortable with.”
Sean shook his head. “No, Jason, this is for us. Even if we only do this the once, it’s for both of us. You don’t owe me anything.” He sat up into a crouch, straddling Jason, looking down at the man under him. “Is there something wrong? Did someone hurt you? I won’t. I promise you, I won’t.” The sadness he’d noticed before was there, just a hint of it, but still there, even through the hunger and need in Jason’s eyes. Sean bent his head, kissing along Jason’s shoulder, wanting to find some way to get rid of whatever the hell this was, to make Jason forget whoever or whatever had caused it.
“I want something I can’t have,” Jason whispered. “That line in your song, about being ripples in the water. I’m tired of just going with the flow, watching and doing nothing.” He closed his eyes. “I think… what I’m looking for…. I want you.”
“You want me?” Sean froze, wondering if he’d heard right. “Really?” No one had ever said that to him before. He took a deep breath and then kissed Jason on the lips, deepening it, trying to put as much emotion as he could behind it. To find someone, to feel that kind of immediate connection that only happened in fiction, and then to find it returned…. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
Jason had returned the kiss. This was real. “Yeah.” He caressed Sean’s face, studying him for a moment. “This isn’t a one-night stand, even if that’s all we have. I want you to know that.”
“I know that. You don’t have to keep bringing it up. Life goes on, right?” Something about the way in which Jason spoke made Sean uneasy. “You’re going away, I understand that, but there’s such a thing as a long-distance relationship.” Hold up, he was getting way ahead of himself. This wasn’t a relationship; they hadn’t known each other long enough. Jason hadn’t mentioned the word, and Sean didn’t expect him to. “Let’s just go with the flow, hmm?”
“Okay.” Jason blinked rapidly. He looked away for a moment then seemed to collect himself. “We can go with the flow. I can do that.” He tugged at the bottom of Sean’s T-shirt again, helping him pull it over his head. “You’re a good-looking guy, Sean.” A smile tugged at his lips. “Hot. Sexy.” One finger traced the outline of one of Sean’s nipples. Sean shivered.
“Please,” he whispered, “don’t stop.”
Jason grinned; he pushed his melancholy to one side, or at least what showed of it. He sucked on the finger he’d used to touch Sean, then caressed him with it again. “I wasn’t planning to, but you need to lose more than the T-shirt.”
“I was planning to.” Sean matched Jason’s grin. This felt right, and whatever the reason why, he wasn’t about to argue with it. “You need to lose your shirt, then, and more than just the buttons.”
Fair was fair. He helped Jason slip his shirt from his shoulders and lowered him back onto the pillow. Jason’s eyes drifted downward. “More than the T-shirt,” he repeated, cupping Sean’s buttocks through his jeans and squeezing.
“Yeah.” Sean fumbled with his belt, but his zipper cooperated more easily. His shoes and socks followed to lie in a heap on the floor. He flushed. Jason licked his lips, a
hungry expression in his eyes. “Lift your hips,” Sean ordered. If he was going to give Jason a show, then it was only fair that he get one in return.
Jason followed the directions obediently, easing his jeans and boxers down slowly. Sean felt himself harden. He moaned. Jason was beautiful, fine red hair dusting his chest and his groin. Sean leaned down, wanting to touch, running his fingers through it.
“How much can you see without your glasses?” Jason whispered. He arched his hips again, leaning into Sean’s touch. “I want to see you without them. Please.”
There was something in the way Jason said that word. Sean wanted to hear it again. “I can see enough.” He would be able to see Jason, beyond that didn’t matter. But before then, he needed to find something. Reluctantly he slid off the bed.
Jason propped himself up on one elbow, watching. “I hope the thought of having to look at me without them isn’t that scary,” he joked, his voice light.
“Hell no.” Sean looked up from where he was searching through the top drawer of his bedside table, the words taking him by surprise. “I could watch you for hours, but I want to do more than just touch.” Fuck, where were they?
“So do I.” Jason opened his arms. “Come back to bed, Sean. Whatever you’re looking for can wait.”
“No, it can’t.” Success at last. Sean threw the packet of condoms and the lube on the bed. “I don’t take chances, Jason, and I wouldn’t expect you to, either.”
Jason seemed surprised. “I’m clean, and we don’t need….” He shrugged and mumbled something under his breath. “Sorry, I didn’t think about this being… I haven’t had to….” He sighed. “I bet this wasn’t on the bloody file.”
“Excuse me?” Sean took off his glasses, laying them carefully on the table. Some of the stuff that Jason came out with did not make sense at all.
“Nothing.” Jason shrugged again. “I’m an idiot at times, and it shows. Just ignore me.” He turned around on the bed and shifted onto his stomach, his legs hanging over the side, so he and Sean were facing each other. “Shall we start again? Pick up where we left off?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Sean sat on the bed, gesturing for Jason to move over so that they could lie down together. “I didn’t scare you off by getting that stuff out, did I?” He was moving too fast, that must be it. “I just…. It’s just that once I start touching you again, I don’t want to have to stop, for anything.” He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop.
“I don’t scare that easily.” Jason pulled Sean close and kissed him. “You have the most amazing eyes, has anyone ever told you that? Actually, don’t tell me, I’d like the illusion that I’m the only one who has.”
“You are,” Sean assured him, returning the kiss. No one he’d been with before had ever complimented him the way that Jason did. He snuggled in, their bodies fitting together, a low moan escaping his lips as their cocks brushed. “Fuck.”
Jason grinned. “Yeah.” He ran his hand over Sean’s buttocks, shifting slightly to rub against him again. “You feel really good.”
Instead of answering, Sean lowered his head, tracing a pattern over Jason’s chest with his tongue. “You taste good.”
“You can do that all you want.” Jason kissed Sean again, this time harder and more demanding. “All over.” He groaned louder when Sean broke the kiss, shifting out of their embrace so that he could repeat the pattern he’d traced lower down. Jason threaded his fingers through Sean’s hair, his breath hot and heavy. “Fuck, oh yeah.”
This was very obviously something Jason liked. A lot. “Turn over.” If Jason wanted Sean’s mouth over him, then Sean would be more than happy to oblige. He’d always had a thing for tasting as well as touching.
Jason rolled over obediently, his hands fisting the pillows, his hips arching off the bed. His back was as well muscled as his chest, his spine tapering down into trim hips and….
“Is there something wrong?” Jason twisted his head, his tone almost petulant. “You stopped.”
“You’ve got a tattoo.” Sean slid further down, bending to examine it more closely. It was an interesting design, two oval circles flowing together so there was no beginning or end. He’d seen this before. “Infinity,” he whispered.
“Time,” Jason corrected quietly. “It has no beginning and no end, but it overlaps in places so that two can become one, if just for a few days.”
“Moments in time,” Sean sang softly, letting his breath brush over Jason’s skin. Was that what the two of them were? Moments in time, overlapping for just a few days? Unable to resist, he followed the outline of the tattoo with the tip of his tongue.
Jason groaned loudly. “Make love to me, Sean,” he whispered. “Take me, please.” He reached behind him, searching for Sean’s hand, linking their fingers together. “I want to be able to see you, though. I want to be able to remember this, to remember you like this.” His voice grew hoarse. When he rolled over to face Sean again, his eyes were misty. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He wiped at his eyes. “I want more than memories.”
“So do I, so do I.” They’d talk tomorrow, like Jason promised, and Sean would find out what the hell was going on with him. If he was in trouble, they’d find some way to sort things out. All this talk of Canada, and a false ID; there was much more to the story than Jason had admitted to. An inner voice hissed a warning, but Sean ignored it. He was tired of playing his life in a predictable melody that never varied; it was time to take a chance on someone, wherever it led. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m not prepared to let you go just yet.”
He kept his touch gentle, taking the condom from Jason as they prepared each other with whispered reassurances, caresses, and kisses. Their joining came quickly, Sean pushing into Jason carefully, Jason wrapping his legs around Sean and pulling him in fast. It was a melody, a harmony Sean had never felt before, their bodies finding a rhythm together, one complementing the other in a counterpoint that could only be described as right.
“Jason,” Sean whispered, caressing Jason’s face, kissing him, losing control on a wave of pure pleasure. “Oh God, oh fuck.”
“Sean, Sean, don’t leave me. Don’t….” Whatever Jason’s final word was, it was lost in a muffled scream as he buried his head against Sean’s shoulder as they both climaxed, then went limp in each other’s arms.
“I’m not leaving you,” Sean murmured when he had breath to speak again. He kissed the top of Jason’s head. “Spend the night.”
“It’s only afternoon.” Jason clung to Sean, not wanting to let go. He yawned, his eyes already closing, his skin still warm against Sean.
Sean pulled the blankets up over them. He didn’t want to move just yet either. “I know that, silly.” He could feel Jason relaxing against him, already drifting off into a half doze. “Nap now, and I promised you movies later, then you can spend the night.”
“Hmm, okay,” Jason murmured against Sean’s neck, wrapping his arms around him. A gentle snore filled the room moments later. He was apparently one of those guys who cuddled then slept after sex. Sean could deal with that.
He lay there for a while, watching Jason sleep, caressing his face, running fingers through his hair. “I could love you, Jason Adams,” he whispered, the sleepy thought crossing his mind as he drifted off that perhaps he already did.
THE music called to him just as it always did, promising him everything he wanted, glimpses of a future that could not be.
Jason woke with a start, groggy and confused. He blinked against the sunlight streaming into the room through a gap in the curtains. What the…? This wasn’t his room at the Tempus Institute.
He’d heard the music again, he was sure of it. He sat up, wrapping the blankets around him. The other half of the mattress was still warm, as though someone had vacated it recently.
Sean.
Memories came flooding back. Jason smiled, remembering the night before, the evening they’d spent cuddling on the sofa watching movies. After that, they’d retreated to bed, making lo
ve more than once, taking the time to explore each other’s bodies thoroughly. Sean was a passionate lover, gentle and caring.
A note sat on the bedside table, Sean’s glasses case on the edge of the top of it, acting as a paperweight. Jason reached over and picked it up, curious. It was manuscript paper with a roughly written tune and lyrics. Beneath it was scribbled, “I’ve finished it! Meet me at the cafe later. Had to leave early to fill in for Ruth and didn’t want to wake you. Sean.”
Jason knew enough about music to read the notation and hum a translation of the tune. His smile grew. He could imagine Sean being struck by inspiration, getting up early and working on his creation. Holding the manuscript carefully, Jason sang it to himself softly, his smile creasing into a frown the further the song progressed.
No, this couldn’t be right.
He sang a bit more, the words and music combining into something very familiar. No. Jason stared at the manuscript; it dropped from his fingers to the bed. He searched his memories frantically, humming the tune, imagining Sean singing the words. This wasn’t his imagination. This was real. His dream last night; he’d heard Sean. It had always been Sean.
Shit.
Jason pushed the blankets aside, nearly tripping over them in his haste to get dressed. He had to find Sean, to tell him everything. To hell with waiting until tonight.
Together they’d find a way to change history, to stay together, to keep Sean safe. This couldn’t be a coincidence. A lifetime of searching for a piece of music that couldn’t be found, and here it was. Sean had written the snippet that had haunted Jason’s dreams that morning while he’d slept. It had come together after they’d made love.
He wasn’t giving Sean up. Not after this. He couldn’t.
They still had until tomorrow. Sean wasn’t…. Jason shook his head. No, he wasn’t going to think of it. It wasn’t going to happen.
He wouldn’t allow it.