Yes, God-given.
That was something else that Ethan had been considering this past week. Once he’d allowed his heart to open a little to the possibilities of a Creator, everything just seemed to make a little more sense. He didn’t just wonder aimlessly about where he’d come from, or why he was alive to begin with, or what the whole purpose of his time on this Earth was all about. To be honest, it was a little exhilarating to not claim to have all the answers.
But all of these new mindsets didn’t change Ethan’s current situation. Truth be known, he had still messed up (messed up big-time), and he was still in trouble with his mom. He was still mid-tour, with at least fifty more stops to go in the US before its completion. And to top all of that off, he was still falling more and more everyday for a girl that he potentially had no future with.
Whoever said that just because you believe in God your life becomes easier was totally delusional.
Ethan had already ignored five persistent phone calls from Bruce that week. The voicemails started out with humor. “Hey there, lil’ buddy. How’s hillbilly hell treating you?” Then they’d turned to desperation. “Alright superstar, you’ve got to pull it together. I’ve got upcoming venue owners emailing me angry letters to find out if you’re going to be able to make it to your next concert. So far, we’ve only missed three shows. Right now, the press thinks you have laryngitis. Come back soon and maybe we can salvage this whole deal.” The final message portrayed a tone of hostility that Ethan had never heard from his fun loving agent. “Mr. Carter, I would like you to remember that you have signed a contract to complete this tour. It would be in your best financial interest to return to it as soon as possible before more drastic measures must be taken to assure your arrival.”
Ethan raked his hands through his hair as he leaned backward in the patio chair at the little table in the garden. When had life become so complicated? Were these the consequences to bad decisions? He didn’t want to think about his future, or his agent, or his tour right now. All he wanted was for Alaina to get home from work. Granny Mae and Ted had taken Ben to an arts and crafts show downtown and Ethan was looking forward to some quality time with Alaina.
Ethan would be perfectly satisfied with a lifetime of moments just like the one’s he’d shared with Alaina this week. Secret kisses in the hallway. Long talks in the garden until all hours of the night. Ethan sharing thoughts and feelings that he’d never told anyone else in his entire life. He told Alaina about his dad leaving. About how he felt deserted and was still angry and bitter about it all to this day. He talked about how he felt like he needed to support his mom to make up for his dad’s absence . . . one of the reasons why he worked so hard to be successful in his performing career. And Alaina always listened to it all with nonjudgmental ears. She always knew exactly what he needed to hear, whether it be just a word of advice, or something she’d read in a recent morning devotional.
And usually, at least once a day, there was a time that Alaina would allow Ethan to make her forget all the complications of her life. Those he always looked forward to. She’d sink into his arms, frail and tired in body, but alive and vibrant in spirit as her kisses filled him with an excitement unlike any other he’d ever felt. But Ethan was respectful and never pushy. He’d be angry with himself for being any different with Alaina. She deserved the best guy and he could only attempt to be a fragment of that for her.
Ethan certainly couldn’t deny his feelings for Alaina even though, at times, he’d tried to fight them. He understood her hesitation in their relationship. It was complicated, and most likely, it would only get worse as time progressed. But he was past the point of trying to fight the masses of obstacles. What he felt for Alaina was bigger than all of that . . . which was exactly what he planned on sharing with her tonight.
He glanced down at his watch. Quarter to eight. Alaina was working a double today so he had at least another hour before she would get home. He rose from the patio chair and made his way toward the sitting room, deciding that he might take a look at a few more of those psalms while everyone was out of the house. He’d just flipped the Bible open when a solid knock at the door resounded throughout the room.
Wondering who on earth could possibly be coming to visit at eight o’clock—surely not a salesman—Ethan rose from the couch, leaving the Bible open on the coffee table, and went to answer the knock. When he swung the door open, the bright mascara doused eyes that stared back surprised him more that any salesman ever could. The girl wore a dress that belonged only in a city night club, with large platform heels and some of the longest legs Ethan had tried so hard to forget.
“Vanessa?”
The blonde beauty smiled slyly. “Hi love. Nice hair.”
“Wh . . . what are you doing here?” Ethan’s heart pounded, and surprisingly not because of how his ex-girlfriend looked. It was as if Ethan’s two worlds—the crazy rock star world vs. the calm figure-his-life-out world—had just collided together causing a massive whirlwind that raced through his mind like a southern state twister. “How did you know where to find me?”
“Bruce called me. He sounded a little desperate. Said something about your mom threatening to cancel the tour if he visited you, but that she had never mentioned a problem with me visiting you.” She smiled. Her teeth were so white they could blind a person in pure sunlight. “So here I am. Now are you going to invite me in or not, silly?”
“I . . .” Before Ethan could reply that he didn’t really think that was the best idea, Vanessa pushed passed him and entered the small sitting room. Her heels clanked loudly against the hardwood floors. Once in the room, her hands went directly to her hips and an amused grin surfaced on her features.
“Wow, no wonder Bruce said he had to tie you to the plane to get you here. This place is a dump! How have you managed to keep your sanity this long?”
Ethan instantly wondered what he’d seen in Vanessa . . . aside from the legs. She was a vain attention hog.
“That must have been a pretty bad wreck for your mom to banish you to this place,” she continued, running a judgmental eye over every square inch of the room. “Exactly how drunk were you, anyway?”
Ethan paused. “Wait, how do you know why I’m here? Bruce told me the press thinks its laryngitis.”
Vanessa let out a short laugh. “Do I look like the press, doll? I don’t know one reporter that has legs like mine, and trust me; I know a lot of them.” She shot him wink and moved to the couch. When she sat, her dress rode up to her upper thigh, and as she crossed her legs in front of her, the high heels forced the muscles to protrude slightly in her calves.
Ethan shook his head and turned toward the grandfather clock that rested against the wall, trying to figure out what to do. Vanessa could not be there. Not now. Not ever. He had to make her leave, but how?
“Oh, double wow.” With a disgusted look, Vanessa pushed the book on the coffee table around with the tip of her heel. “Don’t tell me these people are Bible-thumpers too, E? How have you stood this for so long? You must be losing your mind. I’ve got some stuff in my bag if you need a little. . .” She let out a mischievous laugh under her breath. “. . .coping juice.”
Ethan couldn’t believe his ears. Was that “coping juice” not what landed him here in the first place? And now she was offering it to him as if it was the perfect solution to his every problem in life. How could he have ever been so ridiculously stupid to believe that people like Vanessa really cared about him?
Ethan took a deep breath, silently cooling his temper. “Why are you here, Vanessa? Don’t you have a party to be crashing or something?”
Vanessa rose gracefully from her place on the couch and turned to Ethan with a playful grin. “Bruce sent me to hurry this little rehab session along. He figured once you saw what you’d left behind, you’d be ready to come back. I’ve been worried about you, E. We all have.”
“Well, Bruce was wrong.” Ethan said. “And what’s up with the timely concern? I’ve been he
re almost a month and haven’t received so much as a phone call from you.”
“Baby, I’ve been busy. I was signed to that ad campaign for Victoria Secrets the day after you left. I’m going to be an Angel! Can you believe it?” Vanessa’s eyes glazed over as the imaginary camera flashes filled them. “Our dreams are coming true, E. You’re on this great tour. My modeling is taking off full force. Soon, we’ll be the most talked about couple in Hollywood.”
Ethan smirked, and not in an agreeing way. A few weeks ago, Vanessa’s daydreams would have sent his ego into overdrive. Now, the idea of that life seemed like a distant reality . . . one that he could defiantly stand to do without. None of what Vanessa said included him living his dream because he loved to write and loved to sing and play. That life was about getting the most attention, no matter what the costs.
“Like I was saying,” Vanessa continued. A sultry smile spread across her perfectly blushed cheeks and she started to slowly step toward where Ethan stood between her and the kitchen entryway. “I’ve missed you, E.” Her voice lowered seductively and she ran her fingertip down the length of his chest. “We have a lot to catch up on.”
Ethan took a step back, realizing that just because he’d made the decision to leave Vanessa after their drunken fight, didn’t mean that he’d actually voiced that to her. He’d just assumed she knew by the fact that he hadn’t made an attempt to call her in so long. Obviously, she didn’t catch on too quickly.
“About that,” he said, working to maintain his focus as she sauntered closer and closer to where he was now backed completely against the wall beside the door facing. “I think that maybe I should have explained things a little more clearly . . .”
As if sensing her upcoming rejection, Vanessa took another step forward, but caught her heel on the edge of the center rug, and flung forward. Instinctively, Ethan reached out to catch her, but Vanessa was quick and landed directly in his arms, their faces only centimeters apart.
“That’s much better,” she whispered. And before Ethan could move a muscle, her lips were pressed to his, hard and eager, pushing his head back against the solid wall. At first he tried to sway his head side to side to release the grip that her lips had on his, but when that wasn’t working, he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her off.
But it was too late.
A soft gasp echoed in his ears, burning a hole in his memory that would last until the day he died. No. Please no.
Vanessa, also hearing the gasp, spun around, finally releasing Ethan from her strong hold. “Oh, who do we have here?” She ran her eyes up and down Alaina with the same expression she’d used on the furniture.
“Ali,” Ethan voiced desperately. “Wh . . . what are you doing home so soon?”
Don’t ask that, you idiot! That only makes it look worse!
Alaina’s expression was flat, but Ethan could see the hurt welling in her eyes. He’d memorized those eyes.
“Slow night. Gabby let me come home early.” Her voice held a brisk tone. “Who’s your friend?” But then he saw her take a closer look, and a flash of understanding washed through the hurt. “Oh . . . Vanessa.”
Vanessa eyed Alaina’s waitressing attire and sloppy ponytail with a visible look of disdain. “Of course,” Vanessea said, as if the entire world should know who she was without having to ask. “And . . . you are?”
Alaina gave her a look that under different circumstances would have made Ethan laugh, but he had absolutely nothing to laugh about in this moment. Instead, her eyes flashed to his and he felt as if she’d burned through him with her gaze.
An awkward silence filled the room, but Alaina finally spoke, trying to keep hold of a shake in her voice. “What’s going on, Ethan? Why is Vanessa here?”
Before Ethan could even open his mouth, Vanessa rounded on Alaina, taking on her sassy stance. “Why shouldn’t I be here? I am his girlfriend after all.”
Oh, no.
Alaina looked like someone had punched her in the stomach. “His . . . his what?” She spun on Ethan. “Your what?”
“You thought one little alcohol induced fight would be enough to break up the hottest couple in Hollywood?” Vanessa scoffed and turned to Ethan. “Seriously, E, who is this girl?”
Alaina’s eyes grew wider and Ethan knew that she pulling all the pieces together. “I guess I wasn’t aware that Ethan was a drinker.”
It was obvious that Alaina was just humoring Vanessa now. Ethan knew it was time to step in.
“I . . . was . . .” he stammered. There was no way this was going to end well for him.
Vanessa butted in again. “E, don’t be modest.” She turned to Alaina. “This guy holds the A-list record for longest keg stand. He’s a legend.”
Alaina smirked. “Is that so?”
“Yeah, and he’s usually better at not getting caught, but I guess fighting with me really did a number on him.” Vanessa put her hand on Ethan’s shoulder. He instantly jerked it away. “That wreck totaled out his brand new Camero! But, you can just get a new one, can’t you, baby?” She smiled playfully, fully enjoying rubbing their money into Alaina’s face.
At this point, if Ethan’s mother had not taught him to never hit a girl, he could have knocked the paint right off of Vanessa’s face. His head hung with his eyes cemented to his feet. He didn’t dare look up. He could already feel Alaina’s expression boring into the top of his head.
“The wreck,” she said slowly, finally visualizing the whole picture. “The one that made your mom send you here. You were drunk? You drank and got in a vehicle and drove and got in a wreck?”
Ethan finally looked up with a grief stricken expression. All he could do was whisper, “yes”.
“And was anyone else involved in this accident?” Tears were visible at the corners of Alaina’s eyes, and Ethan knew exactly why. She was remembering her parent’s accident, just like he knew she would if he ever told her the real reason he was there.
“There was a man.” Ethan voiced quietly. “I almost hit his car, but I veered at the last second and missed him.”
Granny Mae was right all along. He should have just told her on day one. Any response from Alaina would have to have been better than the disgusted look of disappointment that she held now.
Alaina didn’t say a word. She just kept staring at him in disbelief.
Finally, Vanessa turned to Ethan and said, “What’s her problem?”
That’s all it took. Alaina spun and bolted for the door.
“Ali wait!”
Ethan took off after her, not even caring that a dumbfounded Vanessa was still standing in the sitting room wondering why he was chasing after this other girl. As he hit the lawn, a crack of lightning lit up the night sky, followed shortly by a blast of thunder. Alaina was already in her car and backing out of the driveway. Ethan bolted across the lawn, but she was gone.
He raced back into the house and into the kitchen where Ted had left the keys to the rental on top of the island.
“Ethan, stop chasing that girl like some love sick puppy,” Vanessa called through his frantic state of panic. It’s beneath you, doll. She’ll never be like us and you know it.”
Ethan retrieved his keys and paused just long enough to voice his retort.
“Oh, I’m counting on it.”
With that, he raced from the house, jumped in the Charger, and peeled it out into the street. He knew his chances of changing Alaina’s mind were slim, but if only for the sake of never having to ask "what if", he knew he had to try.
Chapter 23
Ethan
It was a long shot, but Ethan managed to find Alaina at the first location he tried. She was at the pier where they’d shared their first date, standing apron free, uniform shirt untucked, with her long, dark hair blowing wildly in the stormy wind. Her arms hung lifelessly to her sides and she stared out across the black choppy water. A faint light came from one lonely lamp at the end of the white boarded walkway and it cast dancing shadows across the wate
r. As he approached silently from behind, another flash of lightning rippled across the sky.
“Ethan, don’t.”
How did she even know he was there?
“Ali, please. Just hear me out for a second.”
“My name is Alaina.”
Okay, this was bad. The wall was back up, layered even thicker than it’d been the first time he’d met her. Alaina spun around and her expression shattered Ethan’s heart. It wasn’t the wild eyes, or the tear soaked cheeks that did it. It was the disappointment. Of all the things Ethan had wanted to be for Alaina, this is what it had came down to. Her viewing him in the exact way he viewed himself. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
“How could you not have told me?” Alaina spouted. “You lied to me, Ethan.”
“I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry, but after I found out what happened to your parents, I just couldn’t do it.”
“Why?” she persisted. “What could possibly have kept you from telling a secret like that?”
“I . . . don’t . . .”
She advanced on him. “Yeah? Spit it out.”
Ethan sought to catch his breath. “It . . . it’s just complicated, okay?”
Her mouth tightened in a thin line. “Complicated? What’s complicated about telling the truth, Ethan?” Ethan turned around, unable to look at her expression any longer. Alaina continued.
“Look at who you are! Look at what all you have! What all you’ve accomplished! What could you possibly have to lose by just being honest?”
Ethan spun back around, now mad himself at the fact that she even had to ask that question. He was losing control. His life was spinning out of control and so were his emotions. “I didn’t want you to look at me with the look you’re giving me right now, Alaina!”
“So instead you chose to lie to me?! How could you, Ethan? How could you drink and then drive like that? I have no parents right now because of someone who made that exact same decision! Ben is fighting cancer with no other support system than a teenager and your grandmother, because of that decision! You could have been the cause of a similar situation for someone else!”
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