“My shell?” I wasn’t a recluse. I went out all the time.
“Yes. The turtle shell that is your life. When is the last time you went on a date?”
She knew the answer, so I remained silent. I hadn’t been out on a date since I broke up with Gio. The day the video made front-page news.
“Exactly.” She wobbled back and forth slightly as she sat up tall in her chair. Somehow in the last day she looked like her belly had grown even bigger. I could see how uncomfortable she was, and I hoped it was just normal pregnancy aches and pains and not that my refusal was adding to her stress.
She rested her forearms on the tabletop and leaned forward. Earnestness brimming in her eyes. “You can host the show or not, that’s up to you. I don’t care about the show. I mean, I care about it, obviously, but not more than I care about you. I’m worried about you, hon. I haven’t said anything before, because who am I to judge the timeline of someone recovering from that sort of trauma. But I think it’s past time to take your power back. That stuff is out there and there is nothing that you can do about it. You can’t hide for the rest of your life.”
I didn’t see why not. That sounded like a great plan to me.
“When is the last time you’ve even been interested in someone?”
My cheeks heated as I pictured Jackson’s face.
“Oh, is there someone you’re interested in?”
“No,” I lied. “There’s not.”
“I see your nose growing, Pinocchio.”
Lying was always the last resort for me. Mainly because I was horrible at it. Sadly, I had not inherited my grandmother’s gift for acting and rarely got away with being deceitful. But there was no way I was going to admit to Mia that in the past two days I’d developed a Grand Canyon-sized crush on her brother-in-law.
“Is it Jackson?” she whispered conspiratorially, even though we were the only two people in the house.
Her bullseye guess caught me off guard and I sucked in a startled breath.
“It is Jackson.” She pointed her finger at me accusatorily as her smile stretched from ear to ear.
There was no point in denying what my reaction had confirmed. “How did you know?”
“Well, first, because I have eyes. I mean look at him. He’s gorgeous. Also, I was running errands after our lunch yesterday and I saw him giving you a walking tour of the town. I called out and waved, but you two looked like you were in your own world together. I’m pretty sure a volcano could’ve erupted next to you and neither one of you would’ve noticed.”
That was exactly how it had felt, like we’d been in our own private bubble. But I never would’ve guessed that’s what it would look like from the outside.
“You two looked so cute together.”
Mia James was a consummate romantic, and I knew that I needed to nip this in the bud before she had us walking down the aisle. “Even if, hypothetically, I did have a crush on him. It wouldn’t matter. His next job is in two weeks.”
“That’s perfect!” She clapped her hands together. “You’re probably way out of practice with the triple Fs.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her mention of the ‘triple Fs’. My grandmother had coined that phrase on her podcast. She said that the key to any healthy relationship was acing the triple Fs. Flirting. Foreplay. Fornication.
“You can practice on Jackson, build your confidence back up. It will eliminate all the normal insecurities someone has in the beginning of a relationship. What is he thinking? Where is this going? What does this mean? You can have a flaming hot fling with him, no pressure, no strings because you know there is an expiration date. He’ll be leaving on a jet plane and you will be ready for the real thing.”
“You want me to have a flaming hot fling with your brother-in-law?”
“Why not?” She shrugged. “Keep it in the family.”
I chuckled just as I saw the color drain from her face as she tensed up and placed her hand on her belly. It was only for a split-second and then she returned to normal. If I’d blinked, I would’ve missed it. But I hadn’t blinked. I’d seen it, and that meant I really didn’t have a choice.
“I’ll do it.” Not because I planned on having a “flaming hot fling” or because I wanted to “take my power back,” but because I didn’t want Mia to stress. She was the Diana Barry to my Anne Shirley. We were kindred spirits. I would do anything for her. Even if that meant agreeing to something that every part of me was screaming not to do.
Well, not every part. My lady parts were very excited about this development. Which only made me wish I actually had a shell to hide in.
Chapter 13
Jackson
“Darling, family is nothing more than a group of people that have chosen to love one another. DNA is irrelevant.”
~ Josephine Grace Clarke
The front door opened and, like Pavlov’s dog, my eyes shot to the entryway. When I saw my brother Trace and his wife and son enter, I let out a breath that I’d been holding and relaxed my shoulders. It turned out “on pins and needles” wasn’t a cool and comfortable place to hang out, and that’s exactly where I’d been all day.
Josie still wasn’t back from her meeting with Mia. She’d been gone since this morning. Every time I’d heard a noise, I’d checked to see if it was her, only to be disappointed.
I stood and hugged my brother Trace and his wife Cara and gave Trace Jr. a tiny high five, but the entire time my eye was on the front door. I’d never been so preoccupied with another person before. It was unnerving.
“Mom in the kitchen?” Trace asked.
“Yep.”
The trio made their way to the back of the house and I lowered down onto the sofa. Ever since the talk with my mom this morning, I’d been on edge. I had this overwhelming need to see Josie. Even though I knew what happened to her had been a decade ago, I just needed to see her with my own eyes. I needed to see that she was okay. It didn’t make any sense. Nothing had changed since I’d seen her yesterday, except for my knowledge of her past. But that was all it took for me to wear down the wood planks on the porch from pacing on it all day.
I’d even come up with excuses to show up at Travis’s house, but thankfully, I hadn’t done it. Nothing about my reaction to her made sense to me. I’d never felt so responsible for someone that I had absolutely no relationship with.
“So, I heard Madison gave you a ride home.” My brother JJ plopped beside me on the couch and handed me a beer.
I popped the top and took a swig. I could actually use something stronger, but I was hoping that this would take the edge off.
“You know she’s always had a thing for you,” he continued, taking a drink of his own beer.
“How do you know?” I asked.
My brother JJ had only moved back to Wishing Well a few years ago after a shoulder injury ended his professional baseball career. Before that, he’d come home even less than I did.
“Destiny,” he named his wife, as if that was obvious.
I nodded and returned my attention to the front door.
“So?” he asked.
“So what?” My brothers had never given two shits about anything that had to do with my personal life. They were always too busy juggling their own. But I guessed now that JJ was married, he had to live vicariously through others.
“You don’t think she’s cute?” he asked.
I stared at my brother in disbelief that we were grown-ass men having this conversation. “Did you really just ask me if I think a girl’s cute?”
JJ leaned toward me, lifting his bottle to his mouth as he said between clenched teeth. “I’m doing recon for Destiny. Madison wanted her to find out what your deal is.”
Ah. So, it wasn’t boredom that was fueling this inquiry. It was my brother being whipped. I never would’ve thought that my little sister’s best friend Destiny would be the one to tame JJ, but I guess I hadn’t been around in a while.
He leaned back and repeated, “So, do you think
she’s cute?”
“She’s fine.”
“Is she your type?”
“I don’t have a type.”
“Everyone has a type.”
When I didn’t respond he clapped his hands. “No type. Okay, well then why don’t you take Madison to the Tipsy Cow tonight?”
I didn’t reply, but I had no plans on taking Madison to the bar. If a ride had gotten this many people interested in my personal life, what the hell would having a drink together do?
“If you don’t have a type, then how do you know it’s not her?” JJ reasoned.
“You know I don’t date people from here.”
It wasn’t a big secret. Everyone in Clover County knew that. Holden Reed and I had made a pact not to date girls from Wishing Well because we hadn’t wanted to get stuck here. We’d both had big plans to get out, and we had succeeded.
“Bro.” My brother lifted his brows. “You’re not a teenager anymore.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” I tilted my beer toward him in cheers before taking another drink.
“You know what I mean. You’re not getting any younger. Don’t you think it might be time to settle down? Have something more than just your career to keep you warm at night.” JJ kicked his feet up on the coffee table. “Wife and kids, white picket fence?”
“Nope.”
“Feet off the table, Jefferson James.” Our mom called out from the kitchen in the back of the house. “We’re all here! Let’s eat.”
Shit. We were all here. That meant Josie wasn’t coming. I stood up, doing my best to mask the disappointment I was feeling. The last thing I needed was for my family to sniff it out. They couldn’t stop talking about a ride I’d accepted. If they thought I was actually upset that Josie wasn’t here, I’d never hear the end of it.
As it turned out, I didn’t have to worry about that. When I stood and turned around, Josie was standing behind the couch with Mia. She looked up at me and the moment our eyes met, I felt something I’d never experienced before. It was relief, it was joy, it felt like part of me had been missing and now that I saw her, it was back. I’d been hoping to disguise my disappointment at her not being here and I tried to do the same thing with my reaction to seeing her.
“When did you get here?”
She grinned. “A few minutes ago.”
“I didn’t see you come in.” I could hear the gravelly quality in my voice and there was nothing I could do about it.
It might’ve been my imagination, but I could’ve sworn I saw a flush rise on her cheeks.
“We came in the back.” She smiled and walked behind Mia to the dining room.
When I started to take a step to follow her, I felt a hand on my shoulder. JJ gripped it and pulled me closer to him. “Looks like you do have a type.”
I ignored his remark and shrugged off his hold.
We all took our seats and started eating. Sunday dinners had always been packed. Having eight siblings at our dinner table made for a full house. But now that most of my siblings were married and starting their own families, it was busting at the seams.
I’d tried to snag a seat next to Josie, but my sister Harmony and Mia were faster. As everyone took their places, it sort of felt like musical chairs. I ended up on the opposite end of the table from her. Thankfully, I had a clear view, so it wouldn’t be obvious that I was staring at her. Which I couldn’t help but do when she was around.
After my dad said grace, my brothers attacked the food like Viking savages. None of their manners had improved as adults. As I looked around, I realized that the only missing Briggs was Wyatt, who worked in D.C. doing something for the government that I didn’t understand. He was the real-life Will Hunting, the character Matt Damon had played in Good Will Hunting.
A sense of nostalgia washed over me, but it was mixed with something else as my gaze fell on Josie, who was now holding my nephew, Trace Jr. His head was resting on her shoulder and he looked totally content. I envied the kid. I’d love to be snuggled up to Josie.
The sight evoked two intense reactions in me. First, she looked so natural and relaxed with my family, and that was no small feat. Many a female had crumbled under the weight of Sunday Dinner. But not Josie, she looked like she belonged.
And second, seeing her with my nephew made me want to put a baby in her. I hadn’t been lying to my brother when I’d said that I had no interest in settling down. But there was just something about Josie that made every primal, primitive instinct come roaring to life. I knew why I was feeling the way I was, it was an instinct hardwired into most males’ DNA so the human race wouldn’t become extinct.
But what I didn’t know or understand was why Josie was the only person that had ever brought it out in me. Or why the thought of Josie cradling our child didn’t terrify me and send me running for the hills.
Maybe I was having a mid-life crisis. Was thirty-four too early to have one? If that was the case, I thought men were supposed go out and buy Ferraris and get new wardrobes. Why in the hell was my midlife crisis wanting to put a ring on and a baby in Josie?
As I looked around the table at everyone laughing and eating, it hit me that I needed to get the hell out of Wishing Well. All of my siblings at this table, except Beau, were coupled up. It was a sobering visual. Something must be in the water.
Tomorrow morning’s flight could not come soon enough. I needed to put hundreds of miles between me and the woman I was fantasizing about, and I needed to do it fast. I might even crash at JJ’s house tonight just so I didn’t find myself creeping to her room at midnight.
All I needed to do was get through the next twelve hours and then I was out of here, and away from the woman that made me understand how people could meet and get married three months later. Away from the woman that made me want to kill her ex in a brutal and torturous way. Away from the woman who had me imagining walking down the aisle, white picket fences, late-night feedings, and growing old together sitting on a porch sipping sweet tea.
Away from the woman that made me feel like I’d been doing it wrong. That the only real success, the only thing that actually mattered, was what I’d been trying to avoid my entire life. Being tied down. Having obligations. Those things used to feel like a noose around my neck but thinking of being with Josie made me feel like I had wings. Like having those things was where true happiness was found.
Yeah, I definitely needed to get the hell out of Dodge.
“So how are things going with the show, girls?” my mom asked as she passed the potatoes to my brother Sawyer.
Mia smiled. “Amazing! All of our locations and interviewees are locked in and we have our host.” Her voice got higher as she said ‘our host.’
“Oh, good! Who did you get?” Harmony asked.
“Josie Clarke!” Mia announced enthusiastically.
There was a wave of applause and my eyes shot to Josie. She was smiling but I could see that, behind the smile, her eyes were filled with terror. I wasn’t sure if her anxiety had to do with me, or the situation in general. Everyone peppered Mia and Josie with questions, and I could see that her anxiety was building. All I wanted to do was march down to the end of the table, pick her up Richard Gere in Officer and a Gentleman style and march out of here.
“Jackson, can you help me grab more rolls?”
“Ooohhh!” A chorus of oohs rose from the table as several of my siblings pointed at me and laughed.
“Someone’s in trouble,” Harmony, my baby sister sing-songed.
I did what I’d done all my life when my brothers and sister started, I flipped them off.
“Hey!” JJ swatted me in the back of my head as my niece giggled from his lap. “Watch it.”
Shit, I’d have to be more careful. There was a new generation of Briggs coming up and I didn’t want to be the one to corrupt them.
I followed behind my mom knowing exactly what this trip was about. I grabbed the basket to hold the rolls in and waited for the inquisition to begin.
“Sooo?” she said vaguely as she opened the oven and started pulling out the bread.
I had a feeling that I knew where she was headed with this, but I wasn’t about to fill in any blanks. That was a rookie mistake that only someone who hadn’t been raised by Dolly Briggs would make. Actually, that wasn’t true. I’d seen my little brothers and sister make it on more than one occasion.
Mom would speak with a suggestive tone indicating that she knew something, and they would fold like a cheap suit. They’d admitted to things I was sure she had zero knowledge of.
“So, what?”
“You and Josie are going to be going on a road trip.”
“We’re going to be travelling for work by plane and rental car. I don’t think it qualifies as a road trip unless you’re driving the whole time.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do I?” I planned on avoiding the subject as long as possible.
I didn’t even understand how I was feeling about Josie, the last thing I needed was my mother sniffing it out and drawing her own conclusions.
She closed the oven, straightened and stared at me for a moment. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to make my mind totally blank just in case she actually had mindreading abilities.
Her eyes narrowed as she tilted her head to the side. “Just because I retracted my objection doesn’t mean that you don’t need to watch yourself with her.”
“I would never do anything to hurt her.” I may not know exactly what I was feeling for her, but I did know that.
“Oh, my sweet boy.” My mom patted my cheek gently. “After seeing you tonight at dinner, it’s not her I’m worried about.”
And with that ominous declaration, she carried the rolls out into the dining room.
I stood in the kitchen and, even though I knew better, I was overwhelmed with excitement that I’d be getting so much one-on-one time with Josie, who I feared I would have been thinking about and missing all day even if I hadn’t heard about the trauma in her life.
My mom was right to be worried. I was in trouble.
Chapter 14
Loving Jackson (Wishing Well, Texas Book 10) Page 8