Ryder was with her. His body was there, and they were in sync, closer than she could have possibly ever imagined.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
They weren’t dressed yet. They were lying on the couch in her living room with a blanket over their bodies, both a little hazy from the aftermath of their lovemaking. They cuddled close, but they hadn’t spoken much.
She was leaning on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her, and she felt safe and warm. Her eyes were closed. “I came to look for you tonight, you know?”
“What?”
“I went out to the spot where the carnival was, but you weren’t there anymore,” she said. “The carnival was gone. I felt like an idiot.”
“Yeah, we move on pretty regularly,” he said.
“It’s funny that you were thinking of me too.”
“It was because of the attack out west on the SF, actually,” he said.
“Really? Me too. I saw that, and I realized that Enoch was a horrible person, and I couldn’t fault you for being ruthless with a man like that, or with a man like Leroy. I don’t know if there’s any other way to deal with men like that.”
He was quiet.
She lifted her head to look at him. “I’m sorry. I should have given you more of a chance.”
“My brother kidnapped you and held you against your will. It only makes sense that you wouldn’t want anything to do with us.”
“But you’re a good man, Ryder. I can see that.”
“And you’re… amazing.” He caressed her cheek. “But I didn’t come here because I thought that there could be anything between us.”
“You didn’t?”
“I couldn’t imagine why you’d change your mind,” he said. “I came because… well, there’s a woman that used to be involved with Enoch, but she’s on her own now, and she made sure that Enoch didn’t hurt any of the children at the SF headquarters. She got them out, and she’s looking for good homes for them since their parents are dead. You had told me about wanting to have children, and I just thought…”
She cocked her head at him. “You came here to offer me a chance to adopt?”
“There’s a baby girl,” he said. “I know it’s horrible what Enoch did. There’s no excuse for it. And he won’t get away with it. Trust me on that count. But for these children, it’s much better that they don’t go into the regular system. They’re werewolves, and they’d be treated badly because of that.”
“But you knew how I felt about werewolves. And you still thought of me?”
“It’s like I said. I know your heart, Calla. I know you wouldn’t allow something like that to get in the way of taking care of a child in need.”
She sat back on the couch. She was confused now. She had given herself to Ryder, opened herself and told him that she wanted to run away with him, be part of his life. And he’d seemed to agree. But now, he was telling her about this baby, and she felt that familiar ache return, the hope she’d always held, deep down, that she’d be able to have a child. He was offering it to her, no strings attached.
“I knew it would be tough,” Ryder continued. “Because an adoption like this is illegal, and it would have to be covered up. You’re a teacher, and you’re an upstanding member of your community. But now that you’ve said you want to be with me, well, it makes it easier.”
She turned to him sharply. “You mean, you want that? You want that and an adopted baby?”
Ryder chuckled. “Is that hard to believe?”
“Kind of.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “What kind of man are you? How could you be so perfect?”
“I don’t remember things about when I was in wolf form—at least not the way I’d remember things about my human life. It’s sort of fuzzy, and there’s no language associated with it. So, it’s a little hard to talk about, but… the whole time I was a wolf, I knew there was something different about me. I couldn’t really be with other wolves in quite the same way, because I wasn’t really an animal. But I remember that I saw wolf packs out there—the mothers and fathers with their pups—and…” He furrowed his brow. “I guess I’m saying that having a family is something that I’ve wanted for a long time, but I’ve been denied it, and I wasn’t really sure why. The wolf part of me didn’t quite understand it. So, I know how frustrating it’s been for you.”
“Well, but like we both keep saying, we don’t know each other.”
He reached out and grasped both of her hands. “Calla, from the minute I saw you, I knew I wanted you. You spoke to me, and I heard your strength. It’s the kind of strength I wanted in a mate, in a partner. You’re the woman I’ve been waiting for. You brought be back to myself, do you understand how important that is?”
She felt shy. “I didn’t really do anything.”
“You made me want to be a man again. I wanted to be with you, and I fought as hard as I could to find a way back to being human.”
She gazed into his eyes, and she felt safe and at home here with him, like everything was perfect.
“Now, maybe I don’t know what your favorite TV series is or what you like to eat for breakfast, but I do feel like I know you. I feel like I belong with you.”
She touched his cheek. “I feel like that too, but… well, what if I’m wrong?”
“You’re not.”
She took a deep breath. “You don’t understand, Ryder. I’ve spent my whole life trying to get things just right, and no matter how I plan things, no matter how hard I try to make sure everything works out, it seems like my life just keeps blowing up in my face.”
He leaned closer. “Maybe you need to stop planning things. Maybe you need to go with the flow. Take a risk. How bad could it possibly be for us to be together?”
“Well, what if it doesn’t work out? I mean, what if we do start learning things about each other, and we don’t like them? What if you’re a slob, and I’m a neat freak?”
“Are you a neat freak?”
She cringed. “A little bit.”
He grinned. “Well, I don’t really like clutter either. See? We’re perfect together.”
“How are we supposed to get to know each other and raise a baby? We can’t start a family and a relationship at the same time.”
“Why can’t we?” he said. “If we’re living at the carnival, I guarantee you that my mother and sisters and cousins are going to want to watch the baby all the time. We’ll have time to be alone, trust me.”
“I just—”
“Stop worrying about it.”
“What if we end up hating each other?”
“I don’t think that I’ll hate you.”
“Well, I don’t think so either, but you can’t predict the future.”
“Exactly.” He chuckled. “What if everything turns out just fine?”
She chewed on her lip.
He kissed her.
* * *
It was early evening, and Calla was standing outside Ryder’s RV on the parking lot behind the carnival. She felt nervous as they stared out at the lights of the carnival—the Tilt-a-Whirl whirring through the night and the Ferris wheel standing stark against the night sky. She could smell the cotton candy and popcorn on the breeze.
She’d only been here for a few days, but she already loved it here. She loved that she’d taken a crazy chance, and she loved that she was with Ryder, who was chance embodied. He was wild and untamed. He was risk and heat. And she’d had enough of a well-planned life anyway. It was time to take a gamble.
It was time for family.
That was the carnival. She discovered it almost immediately when she arrived there. Jasper’s and Ryder’s family owned it, and there was a deep bond amongst the workers. Even those who weren’t related by blood seemed united. She liked how boisterous and alive the place seemed, everyone working together for a common goal. They worked hard and they played hard. They took their home wherever they went.
She just knew she was going to be happy here.
Ryder pointed. “You see
? She’s coming.”
She squinted. She didn’t see. Where he was pointing, all she could make out was the crush of carnival patrons. Parents with their children, teenage girls under the arms of their boyfriends.
But then she saw that someone was diverging from the crowd. A woman was heading towards the back parking lot, not towards the carnival gates. The woman was carrying a car seat in one hand.
Calla’s breath caught in her throat. “Is that really her?”
Ryder nodded. He was smiling, but she could see that he looked nervous.
Calla shut her eyes, her heart racing in her chest. This was crazy. This was absolutely insane. Ryder was going to back out, wasn’t he? What kind of man committed to being a father with a woman he barely knew? There was no way he was going to go through with it.
But Ryder reached down and grasped her hand, squeezing tightly. “Stop worrying,” he whispered in her ear.
It was as if he’d read her mind. She opened her eyes and gazed up at him in relief and happiness.
The group of people stopped in front of them. The woman held the car seat, but there was a cover over it, and Calla couldn’t see inside.
“Ryder,” said the woman, nodding a greeting.
“Good to see you again, Deedee,” said Ryder. “I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing for these kids.”
“Well, Enoch left them homeless,” said Deedee. “I think he half-wanted to kill all the kids as well, but I managed to convince him that if we gave these werewolf babies good homes with people who wouldn’t send them to the SF, that it would help his cause.” She shuddered. “I don’t know when he got so crazy with that. He used to be a visionary, and now he’s just… scary.”
Ryder nodded. “He’s lost it all right.”
Everyone was quiet for a minute.
Then Deedee turned to Calla, smiling. “You’re Calla, right?”
“Oh,” said Ryder. “I’m sorry. I should have introduced the two of you.”
“It’s okay,” said Calla, peering at the car seat. She still couldn’t see anything.
Deedee set the car seat down on a picnic table in front of Ryder’s RV. She reached down and hoisted a small, blanket-wrapped bundle into her arms.
Calla’s heart stopped beating. That was a baby. A real baby. Her baby. She could hardly breathe.
“The baby’s been sleeping,” said Deedee in a quiet voice, “but she’s probably going to wake up right about—”
A wail interrupted her.
Deedee laughed. “Yup, there she goes. She might be a little cranky. But do you want to hold her?”
Calla swallowed. She felt like she might start crying, and she didn’t trust her voice. She nodded.
Deedee approached.
Calla reached out.
And then Deedee placed the baby into Calla’s arms.
Calla looked down at the tiny face, red and screwed up from screaming. Calla started to cry too. “Hi there,” she whispered.
“Her name’s Gail,” said Deedee.
Calla touched the little girl’s face.
Gail opened her eyes and looked up. And—all at once—her wailing stopped. She hiccuped a few times and just gazed up at Calla, almost as if she was curious.
Deedee laughed. “Well, that’s a good sign. She must like you.”
Calla let out a little sob. The tiny baby seemed to fit so perfectly against her body. She never wanted to let her go.
Ryder pressed close, looking down at little Gail as well.
Calla turned her tear-streaked face up to look at him. She shook her head, feeling overwhelmed. “This is crazy.”
Ryder ran his thumb over her cheek, brushing away her tears. “Calla…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I think I like crazy.”
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