by C. A. Harms
“I’m hoping our guy shows up tonight.”
My stomach tenses only making me feel nauseous all over again. “That man, and his hands,” she makes a mmm sound, and without being able to stop it I heave and instantly cover my mouth as I hurry from the chair I sat in.
I barely make it to the restroom before I lurch forward once again and move my hand just in time to expel everything I’d managed to eat that day into the nearest garbage can. It wasn’t much, that’s for sure, because from the moment I woke up I hadn’t felt well. I really should have considered calling in sick, but I need the money.
“Oh shit, hun.” Lacey steps in behind me and begins to gather my hair in her hands, holding it out of my face. “You need to go home and rest, you definitely don’t need to be here, dealing with a bunch of handsy drunk men.”
It was easier to be here dealing with this than home dealing with the truth. A truth that I’ve been attempting to ignore since it stared back at me earlier today. “I’ll be fine,” I try to say around another round of heaving.
“You’re so far from okay, Brynn.”
This time I don’t argue, I simply nod while I sit on the floor near the small can I held close as if it was my lifeline.
“Why don’t you let me talk to Loren and see what we can do about getting you home?” I begin to shake my head, then quickly change to a nod beforeI bury my head in the can once again. I didn’t even contain the energy to lift my head when I heard the Queen Ho make another comment about more men for her. It wasn’t even worth it any longer.
This was the moment my self pity settled in. It stuck with me on the entire ride back to my house while Lacey drove my car, followed by Loren. It didn’t fade as they both helped me inside and my sister emerged from Martha’s apartment. I didn’t miss the look of concern on her face, or that of Martha’s as I crawled into bed and still held the small garbage can safely.
“Are you okay?” Katelynn asks crawling in beside me and lifts her hand to feel my head. I close my eyes tight as I’m drowned by the compassion of my little sister. She immediately plays the mother hen, grabbing my favorite blanket, throwing it over my legs. “Do you need to go to the doctor?”
“No,” I say giving her my best fake smile. Eventually yes, but for now I just want to ignore my reality a little longer. “I’m good really,” I look toward the three woman standing near the entry to my bedroom. “Thank you both for getting me home and you, Martha, for keeping Katelynn company but I think I just need to sleep this funk off.”
If only it was that easy.
They all say theirs goodbyes and Martha makes us promise if we need anything that we call, which we agree to. We know better than to tell her no, it never ends well. She was a determined woman, very persistent.
When it’s just Katelynn and I, sitting side by side in my bed and she’s looking at me with a half terrified look in her eyes I knew what I had to do. I had to be honest with her, she deserved that.
“I’m not suffering from some incurable disease.” I reach out and take her hand in mine. “I’m pregnant.”
Her eyes grow wide, followed by a smile slowing covering her lips. “You’re gonna have a baby?” I nod. “Wait.” I watch as all the untold facts slowly register in her sweet little mind. “Jerk face is the dad, isn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you gonna tell him?” She spins around to face me, rising up on her knees.
“Even though it didn’t work out between us, he still deserves to know.” Just the idea of telling him had me feeling sick all over again. He didn’t want this, he wanted a noncommittal relationship. No strings, no attachments, and now I was about to lay a bomb in his lap. One I’m sure would make his head spin.
I stood outside the building that held Reynolds Investments. An impressive building that when looking up at the floor above it appears as if it goes on forever. I’ve been standing outside for nearly fifteen minutes, and still I can’t bring myself to go inside.
I still didn’t know what I would say, how I would break it to him. Just the word pregnant felt sour on my tongue.
With one last deep breath I open the door and begin moving toward the lobby, counting out the steps in my mind. It was better than focusing on the reason I was here, for now anyway. Forty-nine steps to the elevator, another three to move inside. I lean against the wall, this time counting the breaths I release until I arrive on the fifteenth floor. The sound of the cart arriving echoes through the small area only making my body jerk in reaction.
Which in turn I lurch forward and cover my chest with my hand, my heart racing. A panic settles in as I look out to the lobby of his business, his life, the world he built. It was then that the doubt hits me full on and began questioning exactly what I planned to say.
“God, I can’t do this,” I say, hanging my head and closing my eyes tight.
“Can’t do what?”
I lift my head, and suddenly everything I felt, all the hunger and desire that raced through me on that first night I was faced with Alec came rushing back. I felt dizzy, and lightheaded. “Can’t be here,” I say in a rush, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
As the door begins to slide shut Alec reaches out and stops them with his hand.
“I’ll admit I’m surprised to find you here. Last time I saw you, you were getting cozy on the side off the street with my brother.” It should surprise me that he’d seen us, yet I couldn’t get past the sudden irritation I felt by his words.
“Well, that last time I saw you, you were on your way to the VIP room with Raine. I’m sure your night was filled with a hell of a lot more then pizza, movies, and games. Oh wait, and a friendly kiss on the cheek to say goodbye.”
“Why him?” He ignores my jab at him and his whore. “You could have rebounded to any guy after me, yet your chose my brother.”
I don’t know where the hell my courage comes from, maybe I was channeling Katelynn. I step forward using my hand to push him back and exit the elevator. “First off, I didn’t choose anybody. Unlike you, I don’t make it a habit of jumping from one sexual partner to the next.” I should be concerned with who might hear us, but it was the least of my worries. “As for Aric, he was the one that extended the invite, and I don’t have many friends in the city so I didn’t see the harm. You made it perfectly clear that you and I were nothing more than a contract. An agreement that was void the moment you chose to go against one of your own rules.”
“What rules?”
“The one that states you can’t sleep with other woman while in an agreement with me.”
“There are a few things wrong with this little philosophy of yours.” He tilts his held to the side in that cocky manner that at one time I found appealing. “You were the one that voided our agreement when you left my penthouse after telling me that you couldn’t do it. You walked away, Brynn, not me.”
The confidence in me, the dominance I felt only moments ago slightly falters.
“I didn’t come here to rehash the reasons why you and I couldn’t be more than what we were.” I say this without looking at him, taking in one deep breath after another trying my best to hold it all together.
“Then why did you come?” He sounded so cold, so callus.
“I came to tell you that I’m pregnant.” Tears pooled in my eyes as I finally look up at him. His throb bobs as he swallows hard, yet he doesn’t say a word. “I just thought you should know.” I shrug, because damn it, I didn’t know what else to do. “I didn’t plan this, but I’m keeping the baby.”
“Is it mine?” With absolutely no emotion, no reaction to the fact that I told him I was pregnant. His only response was to say the one thing that solidifies his obvious true opinion of me.
“You really are an asshole.” I step back and smack the button for the elevator. “To think at one time I actually believed there was a good guy hiding somewhere deep inside you. A guy that didn’t know how to trust but maybe with the right person he could.”
The el
evator door slides open at my side and I step inside, looking up at him once more. “You don’t wanna be part of this baby’s life, that’s your choice, and I’ll make do. I’ll love him or her enough to fill the void of their absent father.”
“Brynn,” he says my name, his voice cracking.
“No,” I say, letting out the deep breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “You don’t get to backtrack, you already made it clear what you truly feel.”
As the door begins to slide shut I can see his arm twitch as if he wants to reach out to stop it, only he doesn’t.
Once I’m by myself, I sag back against the wall and let the tears fall. I’d never felt so alone. Not through all the years of being forced to fend for myself when I should’ve been being a kid, or any of the years that followed. It was then, when the man that held a piece of my heart, even though I tried to deny it, basically labeled me a slut.
Chapter 15
Alec
I should go after her, I knew this, but I couldn’t seem to move. I stood in the very same place staring at the closed elevator doors like if I looked long enough the last minutes would rewind and I could do them all over again.
I’m pregnant.
I reach out and place my hand against the wall, bracing the weight of my body.
Memories of Mandy telling me that very same thing with tears in her eyes over three years ago. She was waiting for me when I came home from work, the sonogram picture she’d gotten earlier that day in hand.
“You’re gonna be a daddy, Alec,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “I know it wasn’t planned but I still think you’re gonna be amazing at it. I just know it.”
I remember the feelings that raced through me, shock, fear, I felt it all. But then all those terrifying thoughts rolling through my mind changed, and in the end I felt nothing but joy.
One deep breath after another, nothing seemed to clear the pressure I felt in my chest. What had I done?
I begin hitting the button so hard over and over that the palm of my hand began to hurt. “Sir,” I look back to find Sommer, my assistant, looking at me with confusion on her face. “Is everything okay?”
“No,” I say without pause. “Everything’s a mess, and I need you to clear my schedule for the rest of the day.”
The sound of the elevator arriving alerts me and I rush inside pounding on the lobby button with as much force as I beckoned its arrival. Nervous energy racing through me as the doors slide and I slowly begin to descend. I swear there was never another time in my life that I felt like things were moving in such extreme slow motion. The hum of the cart, the tick of the floors passing by, it was all taunting me.
The doors couldn’t open fast enough, and my body was vibrating with nervous energy. Yet the seconds they do I practically sprint through the lobby toward the front doors and out onto the street. My head turning from side to side as I search the street, in desperate need to find her.
“Fuck,” I say, forgetting the fact that I was now standing on a busy street as onlookers give me strange looks. I hang my head and again take in another breath as I reach inside my jacket pocket and pull out my phone.
“Warren, I need a ride.”
I knew she was here, her car sat in the same parking spot it had every other time I’d seen it. The golden color was faded on the hood and trunk lid, almost as if it was slowly peeling away. The car was a wreck, and could be picked out from all the others.
I stood outside her apartment knocking on the door, knowing full well that she was just on the opposite side. I imagined her staring out angrily at me through the peephole, refusing to face me. That or she was planning my demise, either way, I’m sure I would be faced with one hell of a fire whenever she decided to open up the door.
I lift my fist and knock once more, this time leaning my forehead to the door. “Brynn, we need to talk,” I say, and don’t even flinch when I realize it’s a plea, “please.”
“So my guess is that you’re the one responsible for her current situation.” I spin around and come face to face with an elderly woman. Silver grey hair and accusing eyes watch me very closely. My guess is that before I even open my mouth, I’m already on this woman’s shit list.
“Good afternoon, ma’am,” I reach my hand out in greeting yet she doesn’t show even a small indication that she’d willing to be friendly. “What situation are we referring to?”
“I think we both know what I’m talking about.”
I stand frozen staring back at this tiny woman that looked fierce. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if the woman was referring to the current dilemma meaning Brynn’s pissed off state as of the now, or referring to the pregnancy as the situation.
“The walls around here are thin,” she adds, crossing her arms over her chest, still looking me directly in the eyes. “Fortunately, my hearing is one of the few things I’ve been lucky enough to hold onto in my older years. So are you here to grovel or cause more trouble?”
“I’m here to make things right,” I say with sincerity.
“Depends on what your version of right is.”
Damn she was difficult, but part of me was glad to know that Brynn had someone like this fireball on her side.
“I’ve done a lot of wrong in regard to Brynn,” I confess, “it’s time I start making things right.”
“Those two girls in that apartment have not had an easy life. I’ve watched them both go from two scared, quiet girls into fun loving, strong individuals. The last thing they need is a man coming in and messing all that up.” Suddenly I felt as if I was standing before my own grandmother being judged by every wrong move I’ve made. “They don’t need empty promises or any further heartbreak.”
I nod, hoping to convey that I understand the subtle warning she has provided.
I move to the side as she steps up to the door and pulls out a key from the pocket of her sweater. My heart hammering in my chest as she turns the handle and slowly pushes the door. Then she pauses and looks over at me, “You can wait here.”
Part of me wanted to laugh, she was a woman full of surprises.
The longer I stood outside the door waiting, the more anxious I became. What she said earlier about the walls being thin was true. I could hear their muffled voices just on the opposite side. They weren’t so clear that I was able to know each word they spoke but the rise and fall made me fully aware that whatever Brynn was saying to the woman definitely was heated with anger and frustration.
With the creak of the door I look up fully expecting to see the woman standing in the doorway but see Brynn instead. And in that very second I swear I felt like I’d had the wind knocked out of me, my chest ached with the impact. Her eyes, red and swollen, were like a kick to the stomach. “I’m sorry.” They were the first words that fell from my lips.
When Brynn flinched I stepped forward and am met with nothing but her hand as she pushes me back. “You’re sorry,” she laughs sarcastically. “I show up after you dismissed me like I was nothing special. After you throw in my face, loud and clear that I meant nothing to you.”
“Brynn—”
“No, you’ll listen.” I was surprised to be faced with the woman that stood before me. Where had that timid girl gone?
“You don’t deserve the right to explain anything at this point. But you will understand that after what you did I still felt it right to inform you of your child I’m carrying. Yours! Yet the only thing you had to say in return was that you had suspicions it wasn’t yours.” I felt sick to my stomach, the empty ache was surreal.
“So at this point there is nothing further for us to say to one another. When it has reached the stage that I can provide you a paternity test, I will. After that you can make a choice as to if you’d like to be in your child’s life. Because though I can barely stand to look at you right now, I would never be heartless enough to keep you from your own flesh and blood.” I wanted to reach out for her but I knew she’d only deny me. “As for you and I, we’re nothing more than
two people that created a life together.”
“We’re more than that.”
I stare at her seeing that no matter what I say or do I won’t be able to penetrate the hate she feels at this point.
“You can leave now.”
“It was a mistake, I never meant to hurt you.”
She laughs and hangs her head, taking in a deep calming breath. “Yet that’s exactly what you ended up doing.”
She steps back and slowly closes the door behind her leaving me standing in the hall.
I only remember once before feeling as defeated as I do at this very moment. When Mandy told me that Caden wasn’t my son.
Chapter 16
Brynn
It’d been over a week since Martha decided to enter my apartment and attempt to play Miss Fix It. I knew she meant well, but Alec was the last person I wanted to see. He was the one responsible for the ache I felt, and seeing him only enhanced it.
I had a lot of choices to make and none of them were easy. One being if I would continue out my employment at Erotic Nights. I knew once I started showing there would be a change in not only my expectations but my tips. I also knew the chances of seeing him and being forced to hold it together in his presence would be impossible.
A huge part of me hated him, for everything. For approaching me that night, for dangling the forbidden in my face and for making it hard to say no. Then there was the small nagging voice lingering in the back of my mind telling me over and over that there was something behind this reaction. Maybe it was me just being naive, but I wanted to believe that the good I’d been given a glimpse of did truly exist within Alec.
Sitting in the waiting room of an OB/GYN, one I’d found recommended through my regular doctor’s office, only made this all the more real. The nervous energy rolling around inside me made it difficult to sit still. With my legs crossed the upper one bouncing erratically, I looked around at the other patients waiting. There were two, but both of them sat side by side with the men responsible for their current state. One woman who appeared to be ready to pop, looked at a magazine while her husband-boyfriend-whatever soothingly rubbed her back. Another couple that sat to my left, talked amongst themselves quietly, both smiling at one another lovingly.