“When are, you heading out?” Emilia asks. “After lunch” Jace replies. Lunch seemed so far away. But at the same time not far at all. I was really glad that our drive was only an hour and half long. I needed more time to firm my resolve.
I smile at them both as I collect the empty plates and put them in the sink. Turning, I head back to our room to pack our stuff. There wasn’t much to pack. I collect the stuff from the shower. Placing it into the travel bag. Placing our clothes into their prospective bags.
Looking around the room, I can’t help but feel a slight twinge of sadness. This room was filled with good memory’s. But it was also filled with the crushed dreams of a foolish girl. A girl leaving this room a woman. My heart hardens a little more.
Not wanting to linger here in case Jace comes looking for me. I’m not ready to face him alone. At least alone in a room with a bed. I need space. Time to think. Time to harden a little more. With our bags in my hands, I walk out of that room without looking back.
This place made me a new person. Jace has made me a new person. I don’t think I know the girl I was a few hours ago, it feels like a lifetime ago. A slight pain in my chest. Straightening my spine and my resolve I prepare myself for the new reality. My new reality.
A reality of one-way love. I asked myself why? Why am I staying with him knowing the reality that comes with it? The answer is both complicated and easy. I love him. A love so deep. So, soul consuming without it, I might cease to exist.
A love that is like fire consuming a house. The fire can’t help itself and the house is helpless against it. This is the love of a woman. Not the love of a child. Not the love of a girl. Not like the love I had for Brandon.
That love was like the shedding a tree does in the fall. Its leaves are not needed for survival. They lose their usefulness. A small part wishes this love was the same. It was easier to shed. At the time, it didn’t feel that way. But today. Today has put a new perspective on it.
“Ella.” Emilia calls out. I look at her. She was standing there waving a hand in front of my face. Guess I zoned out. “Sorry Emilia. Guess all this excitement is catching up with me. Haven’t felt like myself these last few days.” I tell her with a forced smile.
“It’s okay Ella I understand.” She whispers. The look she gives me tells me she just might. Almost like she could see right through me. Like she can see what I’m trying to hide from the world. Who knows, maybe she can. I give her a small smile and a shrug. There wasn’t anything else to say.
We both walk into the main room. Jace was standing there talking to Beau, Jackal and Hyde. The four of them go silent when they see us standing there. Almost like they don’t want us to hear whatever they were talking about.
They probably really don’t. Must be some club business. “Ready sweetheart?” Jace asks quietly. I nod at him. Turning to Emilia I give her a hug. Getting as close as her pregnant belly would allow. “Going to miss you Ella.” She whispers into my ear. “I’ll miss you too Emilia.” I tell her gently.
Stepping back, I turn to Beau. I give him a quick hug. Then Jackal and Hyde are there waiting. Lucy was standing off to the side. I didn’t get to speak to her much. She’s really shy. When I asked Emilia, she closed up a little. Then told me it was Lucy story to tell.
I respected that. I give her a smile. “Hope we can talk more Lucy. Friends are few and far between.” I tell her with a smile. Her eyes widen slightly in surprise. But her smile was warm. Her head nods vigorously. Her smile was huge.
Hyde hugs me again. “Thanks Ella.” he whispers in my ear. One more squeeze of gratitude. I give him a smile. I wasn’t offering for him. I guess I should have made more of an effort to bring her into the fold. Maybe talked to her more.
“Maybe you and Lucy can come down with Emilia and Beau?” I ask Hyde hopefully. I know Jackal is the VP so he can’t leave with Beau gone. But Hyde was the Sargent at arms. “Beau. Lucy could drive that way you can take your bike.” Emilia says excitedly.
Beau looks at Hyde. Who agrees. I wonder if he even had a choice in the matter. I let out a light laugh. Next thing I know Jace has my hand is all but dragging me out the door. What crawled up his ass and died?
“Did they have to hug you so fucking long?” he mumbles to himself. At least I think it was to his self. It was directed like a question. Like he was asking me. I just shrug at his back. He’ll get over it. Slipping the helmet over my head, I strap it in place.
Jace places the bags into his saddle bags. Then turns to me like he was going to put it on for me. I think about it for a moment. I guess he has been doing it for me this whole time. I give him another shrug. Once again, he’ll get over it.
The look on his face was one of confusion. I let him help me onto his bike. “We can stop for dinner.” Jace says over his shoulder at me. He hasn’t started the bike yet. “No. Let’s just go home.” I tell him. I really don’t think I can handle another waitress right now. I keep that part to myself, though.
He gives me a frown. Then finally starts his bike. Thank you. I think as I wrap my arms around him. Holding him close I close my eyes. I love the feeling of holding him. I wonder if that will ever fade. Will it always feel like this between us?
This feeling of safety and caring? If I’m being honest with myself, I hope it last forever. I may never have his love, but this I hope to always have. This sense of closeness. This security. I feel a sigh rise up and I let it out.
The walls around my heart get a little thicker. The more miles the bike eats up the firmer my resolve gets. I needed this to come to terms with everything. My future has changed drastically. I now know love from him is impossible. I no longer need to fight for it.
Keeping my eyes closed I let my mind wander to the possible outcomes of our lives together. Because together is all I have now.
Chapter 12
Jace
Something is different with her. It’s like something happened between last night when I put her to bed and this morning. I’m at a fucking loss as to what that could possibly be. She seems distant. Almost colder.
I have a moment when I think the cold that is so much a part of me has somehow rubbed off onto her. The bright, vibrant Ella may somehow be diminished slightly. If I was a better man I would let her go. But I’m not. She’s mine.
The miles between home and us seem endless. I want nothing more than to get home. Once there I have no idea what I’ll do. I haven’t thought that far ahead. This feels important. Life changing. Her leaving me isn’t an option. Not for either of us.
I feel her pulling away from me. Whatever this shit is it needs to take a back burner for now. As much as I want to know what the fuck is going on in that head of hers. I needed to focus on what I learned yesterday.
Axel needs to hear this shit. Stopping at a gas station I grab Ella’s hand’s and give them a gentle squeeze before releasing them. Getting off my bike I pick her up and set her down. “Go get us some drinks and maybe a snack sweetheart.” I say with a smile and a pat on her ass.
She gives me a bright smile and a nod. Then she skips to the store. If I didn’t know her better, I would think all was right in her world. But I did know her. All was defiantly not right.
The sparkle she used to have in her eyes when she looked at me was gone. Her smile was less bright and brilliant. More forced and censored. She didn’t look at me like I hung the fucking moon and stars anymore I realized.
Filling the tank seemed to be never ending. Ella was in the store for what felt like forever. Maybe it was that time of the month. It would explain a lot. Yeah, that must be it. In a few days, all will be back to normal.
With that all settled. I turn my focus back onto the shit at Beau’s. The girls in cages that were being shipped and sold. My fist clench in anger. Mother fucker. Ella finally comes out of the gas station I fight to smooth the anger from my face.
Shit was already off with her. No need to add more bullshit to the list. Plus, if she was having that woman thing. I really didn�
��t want to get her going. She may take my fucking head off. Guess sex was off the menu for a while.
She smiles and hands me some jerky and chips. I point to the field not that far from the gas station. She looks and gives me a small nod. Words it seems went out the window as well. Another side effect?
She holds up the bag with a couple of pops and some candy in it. Yeah, candy was a sign. Feeling better now that I figured it out I relax a little. Grabbing my bike, I push it in the direction we need to go. No need to get her saddled up for a ride. Not when we were going about thirty feet or so away.
Parking the bike. We walk a few feet and sit in the grass. Ella sits in my lap. No prompting needed. Another sign that things were going to be okay. Ella sighs happily. Almost like she needed this. Wrapping my arms around her waist I kiss the back of her neck.
She lets out a giggle. I loved that sound. Wanting more I slip my hands to her sides and run my fingers over her ribs. She squirms and twists trying to get away from my relentless tickling. Her laughter was loud and musical. A sound I could get used to hearing every day.
“Want some jerky baby?” I ask her with a laugh. It almost sounded dirty. She smacks my arm. “Yes, to the beef jerky.” She says with a laugh. She hands me a pop. I twist the cap and drink greedily. Keeping my eyes on her the whole time.
She was drinking her own pop. Not paying any attention. I could still see the change right below the surface. She still had an air of coldness to her. If I wasn’t so attuned to her I would never have noticed.
“Was it bad?” She asks quietly. “Was what bad baby?” I answer her with a question. I had an idea what she was asking and I couldn’t tell her. “What you went up to Beaus for. Was it bad?” she asks again. “You know I can’t answer that sweetheart.” I tell her.
“Not even a hint that it’s bad or not?” she asks again. More pressing. She knows I can’t do that. There’s no way around shit like this. Ella knew the rules better than the other old lady’s. “Yeah, sweetheart its bad.” I say with a sigh. I really didn’t want to worry her.
She nods her head. I could see the concern. This is what I wanted to avoid. I can’t put her worries to rest. She will sit here thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts. “Does it affect the club in a serious way?” she asks.
That’s a trick question on one hand, yes it did on the other no not really. Yes, we were going to get those girls back. We needed to find a way to end this shit with these assholes. Trevor stirred up a shit storm. The trust fund dick had an endless supply of money at his disposal. That is until Tessa killed him.
John on the other hand. He wasn’t a trust fund baby. He earned that shit over the year he had stepped into Trevor’s place. Knowing the way, he earned that money makes me sick. I look at Ella and picture her in a cage like that.
My stomach drops out. No. That’s never going to happen. “Yes and no sweetheart. Don’t worry, no cops okay.” I tell her. I hope that helps with whatever her imagination was running rampant with. She smiles and nods. Perfect. It was the concern cops were involved.
I watch her devour her snack. Seems she has had a much larger appetite lately. I know it’s only been a few days, but something has changed. Concern. I feel concerned. Then I realize I have been working her pretty hard. The thought makes me smile.
“Come on sweetheart let’s get going.” she smiles and nods. Standing I hold my hand out. She places her hand in mine and I gently pull her up. Right into my arms. Hugging her to me, I kiss her beautiful lips. I can’t live without this. Without her.
Holding her hand as we walk back to my bike. I need the contact. After the thought of her in a cage. Then of her not being here anymore. With me. I needed to feel the contact. She lets me strap the helmet on her. Then I’m helping her onto the bike.
The feel of her close. Wrapped around me. Right where she belongs. Has the monster in me calming? I feel relief. Whatever happened this morning seems to have finally dissipated. Her glow was back. The glow that seems to have gotten brighter over the last few days.
The rest of our ride was uneventful. Pulling up to the clubhouse was a relief. This shit needed to be handled. So, I can move on and figure this shit out with Ella. Axel was already outside waiting. I didn’t even get my bike parked and he was standing there.
Ella climbs off the back with Axel’s help. Giving him a hug and me a quick peck on the lips she’s off. Rushing into the club house. We both look at each other. “We need to talk.” we both say at the same time.
I really look at him. Studying his face. There’s deep concern etched into his features. There’s no way he already knew. Something else has happened. Climbing off my bike. I follow him into the clubhouse. Ella was already with Tessa.
Not bothering to look at anyone else I quickly follow Axel into the office. He sits down heavily and gestures to the flowers, bears, and candy scattered all over his office. “Tessa, feel you needed a little love?” I ask him with a laugh.
He glares at me. “Sit the fuck down.” his voice was firm but I could hear an underlining of concern threaded into it. I also sit down hard. The shit weighing down on my shoulders makes me feel fucking old.
“All this. This was sent to Ella.” he says quietly. I look around the office again. We have only been gone three fucking days. I look back at Axel. “There were photos of her doing everyday shit. Like walking into the store, collecting the mail, getting into her car, and pulling into the club house.
He sighs. “They’re all addressed to her from her secret friend.” Anger surges through me. What the fuck was going on here. “Shit Axel. I have no clue what to do with this.” I say in exasperation. He nods his head in agreement.
“I know Jace.” He sighs. “I can’t fight the unseen.” I tell him. Once again, he nods. There really are no words for something like this. I need to tell him mine now. As much as I don’t want to move on from this I need to. There is nothing I can do right now.
“It was a shit storm at Beaus.” I tell him. “The two extras he got were Trevor’s and Johns. Guess Chad’s calling the shots. At least that’s what Joe says. Joe was very forthcoming. A little persuasion and he sang like a little bird.” I say with a smile.
“Promised him we would watch out for his wife and kid. The other guy was useless. They’re still caged woman Axel. They were there to convince our good captain into shipping them out for them.” I pause before continuing.
“They’re auctioning them off.” I snarl in anger. “Beau’s on board with hunting them down. Hits a little close to home for him and Hyde.” I tell him quietly. The memories of finding Emilia and the others in those cages haunt me.
Axel needed to stay home with Tessa at the time. So, I went with Brandon and Jesse. “I’m going on this one Axel. You need to be here for Tessa and the baby.” He starts to protest. Holding up my hand I continue. “I need to see this shit through” I tell him.
He looks at me. Really looks at me. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to do this. But I could also see understanding there. This was my mission. I thought we finished this shit. I need to end it. The images were burned into my brain.
I may be a cold bastard. But even I was moved by this. It hurt a little to see them crammed into those dog cages. Hunched in on themselves. Fear was written all over their faces. Yeah, the memories make the need to end this more potent. Death will come for Chad. I will come for Chad. For I am death.
Chapter 13
Ella
Finally, we were home. Being on solid ground. In my home environment was just what I needed. It was like I was walking in a fog. A fog of my own making. I can see clearly now. I always knew he wouldn’t love me. That he couldn’t love me.
As much as I tried to bury my head in the sand and pretend all was right with the world. My fantasy world. I always knew this was all I would get. I was getting more than I thought I would. He cared for me.
Made me feel important. Like what I said mattered. That my feelings, my needs mattered. I grew up with him. I think of thi
s now. I knew what I was getting. Yet here I pout like a spoiled child. I pretended that it would be different.
I know now just like I always have this dream that I had conjured up. It was never going to be a reality. I guess that makes me spineless to some. But I’m not. I have steel in my spine. I’m resilient. I would be considered gullible.
That is if I never knew the truth. My tender heart took a few too many hits though. I will accept fault for some of it. Brandon was a whore. Had always been one. The moment he figured out how to use his dick. He was fucking woman left and right.
Yet I still loved him. I was childish in my wants. I blinded myself to the truth. The same for Jace. He’s always been this cold person. Unfeeling in his quest. That was what made him a perfect second. He could do the shit that needed to be done.
I watched him over the years execute some plans. I know could have been much worse had I not been there. The glee he had in his killing. His maneuvers were quick and if I had never witnessed it. Well, let’s just say I would laugh in your face.
There was never any softness in Jace. No matter how hard you looked. Not matter how hard you wished. There was none to be found. The most caring I’ve seen him was recently with me. I should be happy I get that. I’m not settling. This, he is something I’ve wanted for a long time.
Subconsciously I think I fell in love with him when we were kids. But I knew even then I would get nothing in return. I watched how Brandon acted towards the woman he wanted. The affection and tenderness he sometimes showed.
I craved that. As I sit here I realize I projected the feelings I’ve always had for Jace on to Brandon. You can’t settle if it’s something you have always wanted. I’m no push over either. Cheating is a no go. A death sentence to our relationship and possibly both party’s involved.
That is something I can never forgive. I can never forget. I love him. But that love can only go so far. I won’t want another like I want him. It’s always been that way. I realize every time Brandon went with another woman, it only hurt when I pictured the love of my life doing it.
Jace: The Son's Of The Apocalypse MC Page 7