by King, Imani
“Shit Blaize, I’ve got a voicemail on my phone from Tiffany already. I wonder when she called .”
“Fuck Rolande! I’m afraid to look at my phone. If Tiffany’s trying to reach you, I’m sure Chelsea’s trying to reach me too .”
“Let me get you a drink to calm your nerves, and an ice pack for your face. Then you need to lie down and get some sleep before the show. They tape the show at six-thirty, and you can’t go on there looking like a prizefighter with a hangover. The last thing you need is to look like you’ve been partying it up while you’ve been apart from the Mrs .”
“The Mrs.? Did I hear you say the Mrs .?”
“Yeah. Don’t you think of Chelsea as your Mrs .?”
“Wow! You’re right, I do! How ‘bout that! That reminds me, I need you to make those marriage arrangements right after we get back .”
“Definitely, Blaize. Your time's running out for keeping your deal with Homeland Security .”
34
Chelsea
I stared at the mug shot photo on Tiffany’s phone in disbelief, and read the news caption :
Best-Selling Author/Playboy Blaize Simon Jailed in NYC Bar Brawl .
“I need to sit down, Tiff. I feel like I’m going to faint.” I plopped myself down at a sidewalk bistro table even though we weren’t customers. “Go in and get us a couple lemonades please, so they don’t make us leave.” I fanned myself with a menu .
I looked at the picture again. Oh my god! Blaize looked horrid! One eye was swollen shut and his perfect cheekbone was encrusted with dried blood. A friend of Tiffany’s sent her the photo along with the text: “Isn’t this the writer dude you work with ?”
Tiffany brought out 2 ice-cold lemonades and took the seat next to me. I took a long gulp of my drink and tried to keep myself from hyperventilating .
“Tiffany, I can’t stop looking at this! Look at his beautiful face !”
“Beautiful? That sure doesn’t look beautiful to me! Poor bastard !”
Tiffany’s phone chirped in my hand, indicating another text message. I handed it back to her so she could read it .
“Oh boy! Shit! Chelsea, you really don’t want to see this one. Trust me !”
“Why did you tell me that? Now I have to see it! Give me your phone dammit !”
Her friend sent another photo of Blaize. My head started swimming when I saw it. It was a picture of him sprawled out on the ground with a woman kneeling next to him…….kissing him on the mouth !
“Now Chelsea, before you get too upset over that one, he does appear to be unconscious …..”
“I can’t live like this Tiffany! I just can’t! I won’t stand for it! How could I have been so stupid? Getting involved with him and having a child! It’s like he’s still a child himself !”
“Chelsea, why don’t you call him? There is probably a perfectly good explanation for all this. You need to stay calm, and don’t jump to conclusions .”
“How can I stay calm? What can he possibly say to make any of this acceptable ?”
“Call him !”
I dialed him up and his phone rang briefly before going to voicemail. My message was brief: “Blaize please call me !”
“He isn’t answering Tiff. Can you call Rolande please ?”
“Sure. He’ll answer if he knows what’s good for him……” She called his number and waited …….
“His went to voicemail too! That bald little fucker !”
“Great! Now I’m forced to sit here seething all day until he calls me. He’s supposed to be on that talk show tonight. I wonder if he’s still gonna be on it. What a nightmare. I can’t believe this is happening .”
“Let’s go home, Chels. You need to rest for your sake and the baby’s .”
“You’re right Tiff…….I need to lie down…… Oh no! I just thought of something !”
“What is it Chels ?”
“My pop! I can just imagine what he’s going to say when he reads about this. That’s all I need .”
Suddenly my phone started ringing in my purse: I Left My Heart in San Francisco ….
“Daddy! I knew it !”
“Don’t answer it Chelsea! You already know what he’s gonna say. Talking to him will not help matters right now. Wait till you have all the facts. Just let it ring .”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you Tiff. You always know what’s best for me .”
“I try girlfriend. Lord knows I try! I don’t know what I’d do without you either .”
By the time we walked home, I was exhausted. I stretched out on my bed hoping to nap a little bit but my mind wouldn’t let me. There was so much I wanted to say to Blaize. And I was also seriously worried about him .
My phone suddenly chirped and vibrated, alerting me to a message. I snatched it off the nightstand and read the group text that Rolande also sent to Tiff. It said Blaize was okay and he’d explain everything on TV tonight. I felt a little better knowing Blaize was well enough to go on the talk show that evening. But I was still furious with him. I closed my eyes and took some deep relaxing breaths .
I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes my room was dark and Tiffany was frantically shaking my leg .
“The show’s going to be starting soon. I’ve got the TV turned on in my room, when you’re ready .”
I felt very groggy so I freshened up in the bathroom before joining Tiffany in front of the TV in her room. She summoned me to lie next to her on the bed .
The Johnny Allen show came on and he did his usual topical opening monologue. He announced his guests which included actress Sandra Block, Blaize, and a boy band called No Direction. I sat on pins and needles waiting for his appearance. I could hardly breathe from the nervous tension .
Sandra came on first, promoting her latest romantic comedy movie, and then the show went to a commercial break. I scurried to the kitchen for a banana, to calm my nerves and my unsettled stomach, and then hopped back into bed again beside Tiffany .
The show returned and Johnny Allen announced his next guest, Blaize Simon .
“That makes me so mad, Tiff. Why do they always have to label him as ‘Best-selling author, filmmaker and International Playboy ?!”
“It’s hard to change a public image overnight, Chelsea !”
Blaize sauntered onto the stage just as cool and relaxed as I’ve ever seen him. Like he hadn’t a care in the world. The nerve of him! Doesn’t he realize the hell I’ve been through today over his shenanigans ?
Johnny Allen focused his interview more on the bar incident than he did on Blaize’s latest book and film .
“Looks like our make-up girl did a splendid job of covering your bruises Blaize !”
“She did indeed, Johnny. Unfortunately, there’s not enough face powder in the world to cover my bruised ego. I’m afraid that bar brut got the best of me .”
Blaize spent most of his 15 minutes on the show laughing and making light of the situation. An opportunity to promote his work and his new image was wasted on nonsense .
He described how he ended up in jail, but I could barely stand to listen to it. Something about defending a lady’s honor, yadda yadda yadda. He briefly mentioned me, incidentally, saying he was probably in the dog house with “the Mrs.”. I was mortified. He didn’t seem the least bit sorry. It was all a big joke to him. Of course, the audience loved him and cheered his ridiculous underdog story. I grabbed the remote and switched off the TV .
“Does this mean you don’t want to watch the boy band that’s comin’ on next ?”
Tiffany was trying to cheer me up with her usual funny commentary but I was too full of despair. Suddenly, my phone rang, The Way You Look Tonight . It was Blaize. I hesitated to answer it, since I was seething with rage and disgust. I knew I should try to calm down first, but I picked it up anyway. Might as well just get this over with …..
“Hello?” I wasn’t ready to feel his name on my lips .
“Hi Chelsea, it’s me Blaize. Are you oka
y? Did you get my message? Did you watch me on The Johnny Allen Show ?”
“I got your message and I watched the show, but I am definitely NOT okay .”
I tried desperately to keep the tears out of my voice, but I knew he could hear them mixed in with my anger .
“I was afraid of that. Rolande said you’d be mad, even after you heard the truth of what happened .”
“You need your fucking agent to tell you that I’d be mad?! Really Blaize ?!”
“I’m sorry Chelsea, I really am. But I’m not entirely sure what you want from me, or exactly what’s got you this upset. Do you think it’s just baby hormones ?”
“Oh my god! Baby hormones?! You’re an idiot !!”
“Now now, name-calling never solved anything. If you’ll just calm down, I’m sure we can discuss this whole thing rationally. What is it that has you so upset with me? Whatever it is, I’m certain I can fix it .”
“That’s just it Blaize. I don’t think you can. It’s just you…. It’s just how you are and how you probably always will be .”
“What do you mean, Chelsea? How am I, exactly ?”
“Blaize, you’re larger than life! You don’t even seem to realize it. Things that are normal to you are not normal to me. You think getting beat up, kissed by a strange woman, thrown in jail, and then laughing about it on TV is normal! I’m on the other side of the country worrying myself sick. Is that NORMAL ?”
“You’ve been worried sick? Even though you got my message saying I was okay ?”
“Of course! What do you think seeing your mugshot did to me? Seeing your injured face? Wondering for hours what happened, and having to learn the details from a talk show? And then, you were so smug and casual about the whole thing, making it seem like a joke? For what? Laughs? I don’t get it. It wasn’t the least bit funny to me! I can’t live like this !”
“Chelsea, I had no idea what I put you through. I can’t apologize enough for that… But I couldn’t stand idly by while a man laid his hands on a woman… And if you want to know why I made light of it, you’re forgetting that I’m in the entertainment industry. That bar fight story will probably sell more of my books than if I’d spent my TV appearance trying to promote them .”
“You don’t need negative publicity Blaize !”
“There’s no such thing as negative publicity !”
“For you there is! You’re supposed to be ‘staying out of trouble’, according to your visa agreement. How is being incarcerated for fighting ‘staying out of trouble’? I’m starting to believe it really does follow you .”
“I’ve gotten a lot better since I met you, Chelsea. You can ask Rolande. He is constantly saying he can’t believe how much I’ve changed these last couple of months .”
“Apparently not enough to lose your title of International Playboy !”
“That’s a hard persona to shake. And unless I miss my mark, you fell in love with that International Playboy …”
“Well maybe I made a mistake. I don’t think I want a pretend marriage to an asshole, delinquent, idiot playboy !”
“I think we both need some time to cool off before we say things we’ll regret. I’ll see you in a few days Chelsea. Good-night .”
I hung up and looked over at Tiffany. She was pretending to read her novel, but the book was upside down .
“I guess I told him …….”
Tiffany turned a couple of pages, not realizing I was on to her obvious ruse .
“Huh? Did you? I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t listening…..……….Asshole, delinquent, idiot playboy? Whew! Maybe you were a little hard on him… He did stop an act of domestic violence …”
“And maybe I’ll get over it… But he’d better come home with one hell of a big apology bouquet .”
35
Blaize
R olande poured us each a glass of scotch rocks from the in-suite wet bar .
“That sounded brutal, Blaize .”
“I seriously fucked up this time, Rolande. I can’t believe what a giant ass I am! You were right on the nose about Chelsea being angry with me. She is positively livid. I had no idea you knew so much about women, you little shit .”
“Sometimes I even surprise myself. What are you going to do now ?”
“We still have a few more cities to do. I guess I’ll just have to wait to talk to her when I get back to L.A. Serious discussions shouldn’t be done over the phone. It sounds like she’s not willing to go through with the marriage contract. She said she doesn’t even want to pretend she’s married to an asshole like me …”
“Wow! That’s a low blow all right .”
“Evidently she was worried sick over this. I had no idea she would take things so hard. No woman has ever cared that much about me before. They’re usually only concerned about losing my money .”
“But you know Chelsea isn’t like that. Besides, she’s elevated you up to an even higher level now. You’re supposed to be the father of her child… That comes with certain responsibilities .”
“I’m trying to be responsible! I want to marry this woman and I want to have this family !”
“Blaize, are you even listening to yourself? If you want this girl, you need to fight for her. Prove it. Stop pissing and moaning about it and show her how you really feel !”
“Fuck Rolande! You just might be right again! Tomorrow morning we put in our flight plan. I want to be back on the West coast .”
“You still have three more engagements here in New York …”
“And none of them will matter if I don’t have Chelsea .”
“Sweet dreams Blaize, you lovesick sap ………”
“Sweet dreams, you beautiful bald asskisser .”
* * *
I woke in the morning with an ache in my heart. The fight with Chelsea had disturbed my sleep. Staying single had been so much easier! Relationship problems were something I had never truly experienced before .
Rolande and I had a lunch meeting scheduled at the Park Central Hotel, but he canceled them all. With Chelsea ignoring my calls, we decided to relax in the room until my plane was ready. I was contemplating the fascinating stains on the ceiling when Rolande’s phone buzzed with a text message .
“I wonder what this is about ?”
“Is Tiffany busting your balls too ?”
“No. Her message is kind of vague. It just says she and Chelsea are on their way to UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica, but not to worry, she’ll keep me posted .”
I sprang up off the couch and grabbed Rolande’s phone out of his hands .
“What?!! Is Chelsea okay ?”
I immediately dialed Tiffany on Rolande’s phone and got no answer. Then I dialed Chelsea and it went to voicemail .
“Fucking phones! Rolande, call the airport and tell them we’re on our way .”
“Your plane won’t be ready for hours… I’m not even sure they’ve fueled it up yet .”
“Then find me a flight out immediately. I don’t care if I have to ride with the damn baggage, we’re going to Santa Monica .”
“Tiffany said there’s nothing to worry about, Blaize… There’s no need to jump the gun …”
“Rolande, please just do as I say. I can’t sit over here on the other side of the country wondering if Chelsea and the baby are okay .”
We rushed to the airport, and with the promise of a very hefty bribe, Rolande managed to cut my private jet to the front of the refueling line. I was thankful that we wouldn’t be flying coach back across the country. Despite the speed with which we were in the air, the plane just couldn’t fly fast enough for me. I found myself cursing the earth’s gravity, and wishing I’d spent the extra million on the slightly faster gulf stream …
On landing, we took a cab from LAX to the medical center. I figured nobody could get us there faster than a city cab driver could. They were some of the most aggressive drivers in the world, and I paid him handsomely to make our trip a rapid one .
Meanwhile
, I was going absolutely crazy trying to get ahold of someone at the hospital. On the line, the nurses repeatedly claimed that they had no patients by the names of Chelsea Dixon or Tiffany Simpson. Worse yet, neither of them were answering my numerous calls and texts .
And things didn’t get any better the hospital itself… At the admissions counter, we grilled the administrator to the point of her threatening to call security on us .
“Look, I already told you two; nobody checked in under either of those names today .”
“Please check again! Under Chelsea Dixon or Tiffany Simpson! Or perhaps she checked herself in under my last name… We are getting married… Check for Chelsea Simon ?”
“I’m sorry, but there is no Chelsea Dixon, Simon, or any other damn name you care to shout at me. Now if you would please step aside, we have pa …”
A nurse walking by cut her off with a little tap on the counter. She turned and looked my way .
“Excuse me, but did you say Chelsea Dixon ?”
“Yes nurse! Do you know where I can find her please ?”
“Yes sir, I do..………Susan, I’ll take these gentlemen up to Miss Dixon. I just finished speaking with her .”
We followed the nurse, but she didn’t seem in a terribly big hurry and our slow trip through the hospital was infuriating .
“Is everything okay nurse ?”
“I’ll let you talk to her, sir .”
We trailed closely behind the dismissive woman as she led us up to the third floor .
“Nurse, I think you must be mistaken. This appears to be the geriatrics wing .”
“Yes sir. Here we are, room 303. Let me know if you need anything else .”
Rolande and I followed the nurse in and did a double take. Willie Dixon was lying in the hospital bed with Chelsea sitting on one side of him and Tiffany on the other. He was fully awake and laughing up a storm with the girls. I couldn’t decide whether to be pissed or relieved .
Tiffany let out a little squeal of shock .
“What are you guys doing here ?”