by Louise Lyons
“I don't mind.” Tam kissed my ear. “I mean, if we're gonna do anything else…” He paused and cleared his throat. “I'd rather not use condoms with you… if we ever, you know, did that.”
I chuckled. “Did you just read my mind?”
“No, but I suppose we're bound to think along the same lines about some stuff.”
We joked and teased together, interspersing the foolishness with little kisses until the laughter was once again replaced by arousal. I returned the favor as I'd promised, getting more out of a simple blowjob than I thought possible. Maybe it was because I loved him so much and I was already so connected to him, or perhaps it was just that he was part of me and anything we did seemed more intense than it would have with a stranger, or even a boyfriend. A faint prickle of guilt still touched me when anything happened between us, but it was less than before.
We stayed in bed, snuggling and talking until hunger drove us to the kitchen. An hour later we headed out to the beach. Locals and tourists alike were making the most of the unusually high temperature. We wore only shorts, walking along the tideline with the sea lapping around our ankles.
“You might start getting a proper tan instead of that sunbed shit,” Tam teased.
“Hey!” I shoved him playfully and he stumbled. “At least I can keep it all year round.”
“And then it's obvious it's not natural.” He pushed me in return, then grabbed my arm as I almost fell. “At least you don't use that spray tan stuff and turn yourself orange.”
We wrestled and staggered around, each trying to trip the other until Tam lost his balance and fell on his ass in the water. I pulled him up and kept hold of his hand. “Is this okay? I mean, nobody around here knows who I am.”
“Yeah, I'm glad we don't look alike.” He gripped my hand tighter and we walked on. “I wish we had longer. Stef's back later. I mean, we still have tonight because he'll be at work, but you're going back tomorrow, aren't you?”
“Don't remind me. I could stay longer, in a hotel.”
“But I'll be working. We could Skype? I'm gonna buy a laptop this week. I can use Stef's, but I don't want to take the piss using it all the time.”
“Okay. It sucks living four hours apart. Maybe I should move,” I blurted.
“You'd do that?” Tam stopped walking and met my eyes.
“Yeah. I mean, one of us has to, right? At least eventually. It's much nicer here than in St. Albans. And far enough from my parents that they won't turn up unannounced and find out about us.”
“Are you talking about us sharing a place?” His eyes widened in what I hoped was eagerness.
“Would you want to?”
“Yes. Would you?”
“Yeah. We could look for a flat or a small house. I can do my course from anywhere, since it's online.”
“I'm sure Stef would be glad to have his own space again.”
“So, let's look at what's available.” I beamed at him. “It's stupid living four hours apart. There's no point waiting.”
We stayed on the beach for the rest of the morning, enjoying the sea and sun. When we returned to the house, I made some sandwiches with a random selection of items I found in the fridge, while Tam borrowed Stef's laptop and searched for property rentals in and around Salcombe.
The seaside town itself had very little to offer. There were several rooms to rent, a few expensive houses, and one small house in the same street Tam had lived in with his Dad, none of which were suitable. Tam didn't want to live in Kingsbridge where he worked, and Portlemouth was across the water, so although it had a number of suitable rentals, it would be a pain in the ass for Tam to get to work.
“Hope Cove?” Tam indicated a tiny seaside village on the map. “There's not much there, but it's only five miles from here and the same distance from Kingsbridge. There's a cottage for rent there, look.”
I looked at the listing for a two-bedroom cottage at a ridiculously low price. “Why's it so cheap? What's wrong with it?”
Tam summarized the description. “Needs decorating and a bit of updating. Price is low because the owner died and her son is overseas, and doesn't have the time or inclination to do anything about it.”
“So why doesn't he sell it?”
“I don't know, do I?” Tam shrugged one shoulder. “If they don't mind tenants doing the updating, we could have a decent place there for a lot less than you'd pay anywhere else in this area. It says there's a village shop with a post office, and a pub. I don't know how good the buses to Kingsbridge would be for my job.”
“You could use my car. I'll put you on the insurance. Or—” I grinned. “You could have my old car.”
“You have two cars?”
“Yeah, Mum and Dad gave me the Volvo for my birthday, but I've still got the Mini I had before that. You could have it.”
“Matt, you can't give me a car.”
“Well, I could just have two cars and put you on the insurance of both, then you could take your pick when you needed one. We might as well use what we've got. I was going to sell it, but I won't now.”
“What will your parents think about you moving four hours away?” Tam frowned.
“They'll miss me and help me out as much as I want, I should think. They'll probably be glad I'm going to start living my own life. I bet they've been thinking they'll never get rid of me. I'll call the agent about this cottage first thing tomorrow. Or you can. Either way, let's go for it.”
“Okay.” Eyes sparkling, Tam leaned closer. I cupped his face and covered his mouth with mine. Everything had moved so fast, but it felt like it was meant to be.
Tam pushed the laptop out of the way onto the couch and pressed closer, his tongue teasing mine as we kissed. I slid my hands into his hair and deepened it further, crushing his lips. A muffled sound, barely audible above the sound of our breathing, reached me, but I didn't register it as anything more than a random noise. Then Tam jerked away from me, eyes wide with horror.
“What the…? What are you…?”
I looked up at the sound of Stef's voice and met his shocked gaze. Speechless, he stared back, not moving from the doorway.
“I, um, it's not what it looks like,” Tam said lamely.
“Right.” Stef turned and darted upstairs to his room.
“Shit.”
I nodded, unable to think of a response. “Shit” seemed the only suitable comment. Tam gazed at me, unblinking, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I imagined my expression would be identical.
Chapter Eleven
Tremaine
I bookmarked the agent's page showing the cottage so we could easily find it later. Closing the laptop, I put it aside again and glanced at Matt. He looked pale and worried, which was how I felt, with a little nausea added. Stef was probably disgusted by what he'd seen, and with him heading out to work soon, I'd have to worry about it all night before I got the chance to speak to him. He was home earlier than planned, but his rapid exit told me he’d avoid me as long as he could.
Matt reached for my hand and squeezed it, but after the briefest response, I pulled away. Stef came downstairs, pointedly not looking into the room as he headed for the kitchen. A moment later he ran back up to the bathroom, clutching an armful of laundry, and closed the door behind him.
I groaned and ran my hands through my hair. “He's gonna hate me.”
“I'm sorry. Maybe I should go.”
“You don't have to.”
“But he's back early, isn't he? Surely he doesn't have to leave for work right away. If I go out for a while, you'd have the chance to talk to him. Or do you want me to stay and talk to him?”
“I don't know. He might not want to talk to me. He'll probably be glad when I tell him I'm moving out.”
“Tam, he's your friend, isn't he? I was hoping he'd be my friend, too. He might not understand, but surely he'll talk to you.”
“Probably. He's not usually one to avoid uncomfortable discussions.”
“So, do you want me to
go or stay?”
“Go. I mean, don't go home. Just go out for a bit. Do you mind?”
“Don't be silly.” Matt got up immediately. “I'll go for a walk. I've got my phone, so text me when you want me to come back.” He hesitated, bent and pressed a kiss to my forehead, then left. Five minutes later, Stef came back downstairs and paused at the lounge door.
“Hey.” I licked my dry lips and swallowed. “Can we talk?”
“I have to go to work.”
“No, you don't. You came home early. You're not due at work for two hours.”
“I don't know what to say to you.” Stef's face flushed and he avoided my gaze.
“Say what you think.”
“I don't know what to think! You said it's not what it looks like, but you were kissing him. Tongues and everything. It was exactly what it looked like and it's just… gross.”
“You weren't supposed to see that.”
“Well, I did, and believe me, I want to bleach my eyeballs right now.” He grimaced and folded his arms.
“Let me explain.”
“What is there to explain? You're fucking your brother, Tam!” In just a few words, and with his appalled tone, he made what Matt and I had sound sordid and shameful.
“I'm not! It's not like that.”
“Then what is it like? Whatever you've done or haven't done, it looked like it's heading that way. He's your twin. You're related. That's just freaky. How can you even fancy him?”
“I don't know. I don't really understand it myself. We talked about it.”
“Well, I'm not sure I want to talk about it. Where is he, anyway?”
“He went out so I could talk to you.”
Stef sighed and took a step into the room. I stayed silent, waiting for him to give me the go ahead. Eventually, he moved to the armchair in the corner and sat down. “Go on, then.”
“We don't look alike except for our eyes. When I met him, I just saw a guy I liked. It shocked me and I tried to ignore it. We connected as twins, but later it turned out he was looking at me the same way.”
“I don't get how either of you could think of each other like that. It's not normal.”
“Maybe not. But we thought it might be because we haven't grown up together. It might have been different if we'd always known each other.”
“Long lost siblings find each other all the time, and they don't want to get in each other's pants.”
“Can you stop saying things like that? I'm just trying to explain.”
“Are you telling me it’s not like that? You're not sleeping with him?”
My entire body flushed, but I met his stare with determination. “I'm not ashamed, Stef. I can't help the way I feel. I don't suppose for one minute we're the only ones. I love him. Both the way I'm supposed to, and the way I'm not supposed to. You weren't meant to find out, but since you did, at least it makes things easier. The only other people that matter are his parents. No one else would have a clue. Like I said, we don't look alike and we don't have the same last name. Honestly, who are we hurting?”
“Yourselves maybe, when you realize how wrong it is. Don't get me wrong, I know it's none of my business, but you're my friend. I already saw you go through a load of shit and get hurt before, remember? And you pushed me away then. I'm not going anywhere this time, so if it all falls down around your ears and you lose him as… whatever he is to you, I'll be here. But I just don't get it. That would be like me wanting to jump on my sister if I was straight. I mean, the very idea of that is… I can't even imagine.” Stef grimaced and gulped.
“Matt and I already tormented ourselves over it being wrong before anything happened. There was a moment when I was in London with him, and then we avoided each other for a while. Well, I avoided him. I thought he was horrified. Look, I understand that you don't get it. I expect most people wouldn't. But somehow, it's right for us. You don't have to accept it, but I'd appreciate it if you'd still be my friend. I don't expect it to fall down around my ears, to quote you, but I don't want you and I to fight again. We're looking for a place to rent together, so I won't even be here much longer.”
“You're gonna live with him?”
“Yeah. If he moves here, we won't have to worry about his parents finding out. If things don't work out with this in the long term, we're always going to want to be near each other as brothers anyway.”
Stef gave me the smallest of smiles. “I think you're nuts, but then I always thought that.”
“You're not grossed out?”
“I'm not going to answer that. I suppose I'll get used to it. It could have been worse.”
“How?”
“You could have gone back to Chris.” Stef made vomiting sounds.
I heaved a sigh of relief. I'd imagined the worst, but although he clearly wasn't delighted, at least he wasn't going to shun me. “Thanks, man.”
“You'd better let him know it's safe to come back.” Stef grinned. “I really am going to work early. I have to talk to some new trainees before my shift. I'll see you in the morning.”
He left moments later and I sent Matt a text. He was back within a couple of minutes as if he'd been hanging around nearby.
“Was it awful?” He studied my face and I smiled.
“Awkward at the start. But he's okay. He thinks we're weird and gross, and he doesn't understand. He's concerned that we'll figure out how wrong we are and he'll end up picking up the pieces when I lose you.”
“That's not going to happen,” Matt immediately put in. “If this doesn't work out, for whatever reason, however difficult it is to get past, I'm not gonna go back to not having you in my life.”
“I know. Me too. In a way, I'm glad Stef found out. I probably never would have had the guts to tell him otherwise, but it makes things easier.”
“Yeah, I suppose. You said in your text he's gone to work?”
I nodded and Matt immediately moved closer to brush his lips against mine. “We're going to have to be really careful if you come and visit me again. Or if my parents visit us here when we get our own place.”
“I hope we can get that cottage.” Stef's laptop was still open with the property on the screen. We took another look, scrolling through the pictures and planning what we'd do about decorating.
Later, we went to bed in my room, Matt not even making a pretence of going to Stef's room or preparing the couch. We didn't do anything more than we'd already done, but as before, it was one of the most intense experiences of my life. Falling asleep in his arms afterward was the best feeling in the world. It was being loved, and wanted, and being part of someone else all at once. The lines had already blurred at the beginning, but now they seemed to be on the way to disappearing. I could no longer keep things separated in my own head and I didn't try. Even though it had all happened so fast, I had no doubt it was what I wanted.
We woke late and spent another hour fooling around before we shared the shower for the first time. As soon as we'd had breakfast, I called the estate agent about the cottage. My heart sank when they told me they'd taken a deposit on it the previous afternoon, but it had been too late in the day to remove it from the website. My expression must have given away the news, and Matt's face fell as he sat watching me. I gave the agent details of what we were looking for, and my phone number, before I hung up.
“It's gone,” Matt stated.
“Yeah, only yesterday afternoon, too. We'll have to keep looking. I know there didn't seem to be anything else, but something is bound to come up sooner or later.”
Disappointed, we spent our last morning together before I had to go to work. Stef came home and after a brief greeting and a snack, went up to his room to sleep. We went out for a while to avoid disturbing him, until it came time for Matt to leave.
“Call me when you get home from work.” Matt nuzzled my ear as he crushed me in his arms. “It's going to be a long drive home.”
“I miss you already.” I chuckled sadly. “Now I just sound corny. Text me when y
ou get back, okay?”
“Yeah. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” I moved my face from Matt's neck and lifted my head to kiss him. Our lips caressed, slowly and sweetly, flooding my body with warmth. I didn't want him to go. Saying good-bye this time was so much harder. Last time I'd been in agony, thinking we'd have to stay apart. Now I knew he felt the same, letting him go felt like part of me was leaving with him.
Reluctantly, I broke the kiss and forced a smile. Don't go. I didn't voice the thought, but my eyes probably gave him the message.
“I wish I didn't have to go. I'll come back when you're next off work. Hopefully we won't have to wait too long to find a place to live.”
I nodded. Matt picked up his bag and I followed him out to his car. When he drove away, I hurried to get ready and catch the bus to Kingsbridge. Having to work would take my mind off missing him a little, but I'd still count off the hours until we could talk later. Setting aside the bond of twins, even with Chris I'd never felt anything this strongly, and I couldn't wait for us to be able to start our life together properly. If we were lucky in finding another place, it could be mere weeks before we were together permanently.
Chapter Twelve
Matthew
As predicted, the journey home was a long one. After that first drive, it seemed to grow worse each time. Every minute put another mile between us, and my heart ached. All I wanted to do was turn around and go back, even if I had to pay to live in a hotel until we could find somewhere to rent together. But I kept going, and with nothing to do other than listen to music as the car ate up the miles, I thought. And kept on thinking.
For the first hour, I only missed him. I longed for him, desperate to hear his voice, see his face, hold him in my arms, even though we'd parted so recently. I replayed our kisses over and over in my head, still amazed by the depth of feeling they invoked. My cock swelled as I remember the feel of Tam's hands on me, and his mouth, so hot and wet; every stroke filled with love. I'd never felt like this.