She drew in a breath. Claire nodded, but there was a slight glaze to her expression. “I’ve lost you,” Jesse teased. “You’re so not into this.”
“No, it’s great.” Claire shrugged. “Okay. Maybe not. I guess I don’t have the bakery in my veins as much as I thought.”
“You’re forgiven. I’ve never been able to play the piano.”
Jesse frequently wondered what quirk of DNA had allowed her sister to be such a brilliant pianist. How did that happen? Was it deliberate or just one of those things?
Claire picked up an order form. “I can’t believe you pulled all this together so fast.”
“You’re not alone in that.” Jesse held up both hands. “Sorry. Pretend I didn’t say that. I’m trying to work on my attitude.”
“Still frustrated by Nicole?”
“Yes. And myself for letting her get to me.” Jesse crossed her arms over her chest. “I keep playing the same conversation over and over in my head. She didn’t trust me. She still doesn’t trust me. She wants me to fail. Then I tell myself that she needs more time, that we’re slowly working things out. Blah, blah, blah. I want to move on.”
“You want things back the way they were,” Claire said softly. “You want the bad stuff to have never happened.”
“That, too,” Jesse admitted. “But there’s a fantasy that will never be fulfilled. The situation exists. It can’t be changed.”
“She never stopped loving you,” Claire told her. “She missed you all the time.”
Jesse tried to find comfort in that. “Then why didn’t she get in touch with me? You did. I wasn’t that hard to find.”
“Nicole is different.”
“Stubborn. The Queen of Stubborn.”
“You share that title.”
Jesse didn’t say anything because she thought Claire might be right.
“She could have sent a postcard,” she grumbled.
“So could you.” Claire sighed. “She wanted to reconnect, but I don’t think she knew how.”
“Because she wasn’t ready to forgive me for something I didn’t do.”
“She didn’t know that.”
“I tried to tell her and she wouldn’t listen. She thought she knew everything. She thought I was the kind of person who would sleep with my sister’s husband.”
That’s what hurt the most. That Nicole had believed the worst about her.
“So Nicole isn’t the only one who has to think about offering forgiveness.”
Jesse opened her mouth and closed it. Was that the next step? Forgiving Nicole for thinking badly of her? Was Jesse ready for that?
“I’m very comfortable being right,” she admitted.
“We all are. But sometimes it’s a lonely place.”
JESSE’S DAY OF self-exploration and humility continued when Matt showed up that evening to spend some time with his son. She kept to the background as he and Gabe discovered the thrill of the remote car he’d brought over.
It had big wheels and a sturdy control that was easy to learn. Gabe made the car go forward and back, then giggled as he tipped it on a turn and it automatically righted itself.
“Excellent choice,” she murmured as Gabe went chasing after the car down the hallway. “He loves it.”
“I did a lot of research online,” Matt told her. “This had the highest rating.”
She wasn’t surprised he’d taken the time to find the toy, then buy it. The Matt she knew had always been thorough and thoughtful. When they’d been together, he’d taken care of her.
While he played with his son, she allowed herself to think about what Paula had said a few days before. How everything would have been different if Matt hadn’t found out about Nicole’s accusations the way he did. If she, Jesse, had been able to tell him herself.
Would they have made it? Would he have offered her that diamond ring? She knew she would have accepted his proposal. She would have been terrified of screwing up everything, but she’d loved him too much not to try.
She tried to imagine what their life would have been like, if only things had gone differently. Gabe would have grown up knowing his father. There might even be other children. She and Matt would have been together over five years now. An old married couple.
Happy, she thought wistfully. They could have been happy.
Later, Matt helped put Gabe to bed. He supervised the ritual of him brushing his teeth, then tucked him in bed and read him a story. Jesse sat curled up in a corner chair, watching the two of them together, feeling heartsick over all Gabe and Matt had missed.
Because she hadn’t just cheated the man she’d loved, she’d also cheated her child.
When Gabe had fallen asleep, she and Matt crept out of his room. She shut the door, then led the way back into the family room.
“He goes to bed early,” Matt said, glancing at the clock.
“He still needs a lot of sleep. He was taking naps until his last birthday.”
Matt nodded without saying anything. She had a feeling he was thinking he should know that.
“How late will my mom be out?” he asked.
“They’re going to dinner, then catching a late movie.” This was the first time Paula and Bill had gone out together. Jesse was excited for them but Matt didn’t seem that thrilled.
“You okay here on your own?”
She nodded. Being by herself with Gabe wasn’t anything new. She’d lived it for years.
Guilt flared up inside of her and made her hate herself. She looked at the man she’d wanted to love forever and wished everything could have been different.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, wanting to get it all out at once. “I’m really sorry I kept Gabe from you. You were right about all that. I knew you didn’t believe me and I couldn’t seem to see past that. I kept waiting for you to come after me, to find me and tell me you were wrong or at least that you were willing to listen to me. I never thought about it from your perspective. That you hadn’t believed me when I said the baby was yours. I should have given you another chance to know him. I should have called when he was born.”
She paused because her throat hurt and it was hard to get out the words. She felt awful inside.
“I was wrong,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry.”
Matt stood there, looking at her, judging her, she knew. “I can’t get that time back.”
It was like he’d stabbed her. “I know.”
“You didn’t have the right.”
If only she could go back in time and undo all her mistakes.
He reached out and grabbed her, then pulled her close. “Dammit, Jesse, what am I going to do with you?”
Before she could figure out what he meant, his mouth was on hers.
The kiss was hot and tempting, an unexpected reaction to their conversation. He held her against him as if he would never let go.
Wouldn’t that be wonderful? she thought as she gave in to the sweet, erotic pressure of his lips on hers. She kissed him back, pressing against him, trying to let her body speak for her. Trying to let it say how much he mattered, how sorry she was, how she wanted things to be different.
She wrapped her arms around him, holding on as if she would never let go. When his tongue swept across her lower lip, she parted for him and groaned when he pushed inside.
They teased each other, touching, brushing, circling. He ran his hands up and down her back, then raised them and cupped her face.
“I want you, Jess,” he breathed.
Magic words, she thought as her blood heated and need made her insides quiver. Words she’d waited a long time to hear.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
WITHOUT SPEAKING, JESSE took Matt’s hand and led him down the hall, to her room. Once inside, he shut the door, then drew her close and kissed her. At the same time, he cupped her butt, causing her to arch against him. He was already hard.
Liquid heat settled between her legs, making her long for more than just standing and kissing. She wanted th
em naked, touching, pleasuring each other. Somehow this wasn’t like the last time. Maybe because the emotional connection had returned.
He nudged her backward until she felt the bed behind her thighs, then he gently lowered her down on the mattress, with her legs dangling to the floor. He bent over her and pulled up her T-shirt, then kissed her belly.
He tickled and teased, kissing, licking, blowing on her skin. It was just her stomach-it shouldn’t have done much more than tickle. Yet her breasts swelled and she squirmed, wanting him to touch her lower.
She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it off. Matt smiled. “That’s my girl.”
He slid a hand under her and unfastened her bra, then removed it. She was bare to the waist and breath less in anticipation.
Her nipples ached for his touch. She wanted him kissing her there, licking and sucking. Wanting grew as she imagined the sensation. Her hips pulsed slightly. He bent down and pressed his mouth to hers. At the same time, he lightly stroked her breasts, exploring the curves, circling around, getting close but never actually touching her nipples.
She felt them getting hard. An ache began, low in her belly. She was hot and wet and more than ready. She wanted to push off her jeans and panties and beg him to fill her.
Sure the kissing was great. She loved closing her lips around his tongue and sucking so that he stiffened and groaned. She enjoyed the feel of his hard muscles, the thudding of his heart, the anticipation, but could he get to it already?
He pulled back slightly and trailed his mouth down the side of her neck. She held her breath as he got closer and closer to her breasts, then he moved between them and back to her belly.
She gasped in disappointment.
He raised his head. She saw the teasing light in his eyes. “What?” he asked innocently.
“You know what.”
His expression turned both passionate and knowing. “This?” he asked, flicking his tongue against her nipple. “Is this it?”
She groaned. Warmth and need poured through her, settling between her legs.
He did all that she’d imagined and more. He made love to her breasts until she was both tense and ready to explode. It was as if there was a direct connection between her chest and that spot between her thighs.
He sucked hard enough to make her groan and nearly come, all the while running his hands up and down her arms. Then he reached for the waistband of her jeans and unfastened the button. He lowered the zipper, then pulled off the rest of her clothes.
When she was naked, he knelt on the floor, parted her and kissed her between her legs. She was exposed and had nothing to brace herself on, nothing to do but enjoy the moment and give in to him.
He relearned all of her, finding familiar places that made her tremble and lose control. As he zeroed in on that one spot, she found herself racing toward her climax and did her best to hold back. Not yet, she thought. Not so fast.
She clutched at the bed, then when he withdrew slightly, pushed herself toward him. He couldn’t stop, she thought as her muscles tensed and the inevitable pleasure loomed closer. Not yet.
He licked her over and over again, then slipped a finger inside of her, imitating the final act of lovemaking. She felt the exact second he curled up his finger, so he touched her clit from the inside as well as with his tongue.
The pleasure was exquisite. Every muscle in her body tightened. She wanted to lose herself in the moment, but just as much she wanted to give herself to him…to this. She wanted him to make her come, as if that act would somehow heal them both.
Then she couldn’t think because it felt too good. There was too much, the touching, the rubbing. Tension grew until it was easy to simply give in to the pressure and let the thunder shake her into her release.
She writhed as her body surrendered to his touch. She groaned and gasped, then rode the climax as he drew it out, moving just as quickly but more gently, exactly the way she liked. As if he’d remembered what pleased her.
When she was done, she opened her eyes and found him staring at her intently. His eyes were dark with need and his mouth twisted slightly.
“What?” she asked, suddenly worried. “Are you okay?”
“No.” He stood up and swore, then began ripping at his clothes. “I nearly lost it while you were coming. I’m too old for that. What the hell are you doing to me?”
His shirt went flying. He kicked off his shoes, ripped off his socks, then pulled a condom out of his pocket and dropped his pants. He was already hard and, judging from his breathing, more than ready to be inside of her.
Delighted beyond words, she scrambled back on the bed, ready to welcome him. He knelt on the mattress, put on the condom, then moved between her legs.
“I’m better than this,” he growled as he braced himself. “I have learned a thing or two. I’m good, dammit.”
“Of course you are,” she soothed, trying not to giggle. “Matt, it’s okay. I like that you’re out of control. Just go for it.”
He kissed her once, then took her at her word, filling her in one fast, deep thrust. She held on to him, riding him as he took her hard.
There was nothing he could do she wouldn’t like, no way he could touch her that didn’t bring her pleasure. They were meant to be together, she thought as he pushed in again and, seconds later, gave in to his orgasm.
They held on to each other, joined. Maybe the past couldn’t be undone, but the present could be healed, she thought as hope filled her chest and made her believe in possibilities. Because her heart had only ever belonged to one man and she would do anything to win him back.
JESSE FLOATED INTO THE bakery. After last night, she felt so amazing that she thought she might actually be glowing. It wasn’t just the sex, either. The last time they’d done it, technically she’d had no complaints. But the previous evening had been different-she’d been with the man she remembered. The man she loved. Not some guy with something to prove and that made all the difference in the world.
She was hopeful that she and Matt could find their way back together. Okay, it was a long shot, but she knew there were still feelings there. Still a connection. She was willing to be patient, but wouldn’t it be amazing if they could fall in love again? He was the only man who had ever touched her heart. To be with him, the father of her child, the man who owned her heart, would be beyond extraordinary.
But first there was a bakery to run, she thought as she forced herself to concentrate on reviewing the orders that had come in during the night. The fresh brownies sat on trays on the tables lining one side of the front of the store. Sid and Jasper had the second batch of cakes in the oven. Everything was going smoothly. It was nearly eight in the morning when Nicole showed up, her serious expression making Jesse’s good mood start to fizzle.
No, she thought as she stood and looked at her sister. She wasn’t going to let Nicole ruin what was a perfectly excellent morning.
“Just so we’re clear,” she said. “I’m not fighting with you. There’s nothing you can say or do to make me angry.”
Nicole nodded, then surprised her by starting to cry. “Is that really what you think of me?” her sister asked. “That I only want to fight with you? I know it is and it’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
The unexpected confession nearly brought Jesse to her knees. She crossed to Nicole and hugged her. “No. I don’t think that. I don’t. I’m sorry. I just reacted.”
“Because we’ve been fighting.” Nicole hugged her back, then moved away and wiped her face. “It’s all right. I deserve what you said. Probably more. It’s been such a shock having you here. I was barely getting used to that when the bakery burned down.”
“I know. It’s okay.” Jesse felt awful.
Nicole ignored her. “It’s not okay. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and I don’t like the truth, even though I can’t escape it. The reality is I wanted you to be the guilty party with Drew. I wanted you to be the reason he cheated on me because if it wasn’t you, it
was him. It was me. I needed to blame you, so I took the easy way out. That was wrong of me and I’m really, really sorry.”
“Nicole, don’t blame yourself.”
“Why not? I did it all. I threw you out. You’re my baby sister and I love you and I sacrificed you because I was hurt and angry and I wouldn’t see the truth. I sent you away when you were pregnant. How could I have done that?”
“You didn’t send me away,” Jesse told her firmly. “I left on my own and it’s the best thing I could have done.”
“What if it wasn’t? What if you hadn’t found a job and somewhere to live? What if something awful had happened?”
Jesse noticed Jasper and Sid had disappeared into the kitchen, not that she could blame them. They wouldn’t want to be a part of this emotional moment. Even as she and Nicole talked it out, they were probably in the back, covering their ears and humming.
Jesse touched her shoulder. “If something awful had happened, I would have come home.”
Nicole stared at her. Her skin was blotchy, her eyes swollen. “Are you sure? Do you swear?”
“I swear. I was mad and hurt, but not suicidal. I wouldn’t have risked myself or Gabe.”
More tears filled Nicole’s eyes. “You had a baby all on your own. How did you do that? I was so scared when I had Eric and Hawk was with me.”
“I had friends.” Bill had been with her every second except for the actual birth.
“You should have had family. I’m sorry. I’ve been holding back because I’m scared of losing you again. But that’s wrong. You are wonderful and amazing and you deserved my support. I don’t know why I couldn’t give that to you.”
“Maybe because you were forced to raise your baby sister from the time you were twelve years old. Maybe because you never got to be a kid yourself.”
Nicole hugged her. “You’re not supposed to be so understanding. I have a whole speech prepared.”
They clung to each other.
“I’m so proud of you,” Nicole whispered fiercely. “Look at all you’ve done. You have great ideas. You’ve saved the business. I would have just shut down. All these people are working because of you. I can never thank you enough.”
Sweet Trouble Page 21