by ML Hamilton
“You’ve been in a car accident,” came the voice. “They’re going to start cutting you out now. I’ll stay right here with you, so you won’t be alone.”
When he tried to lift his hand again, he felt a pressure against his shoulder. “Don’t move. You might do more damage to yourself.”
Panic overwhelmed the pain. Car accident? What the hell had he hit? He had no memory of even getting in a car. And why couldn’t he see? Or move?
“What did I hit?” he forced out through gritted teeth. The pain was back, making him want to curl into a fetal position, but he couldn’t move.
“Tree. You must have been going pretty fast. The car’s totaled.”
He tried to swallow his panic. “Anyone else hurt?”
“Just you,” said the voice and more pressure was applied to his shoulder. “Please stay still.”
“Why can’t I move? Why can’t I see?”
“You’re pinned behind the steering wheel and there’s blood all over your face. It’s in your eyes.”
Joshua tried to force open his good eye, but all he saw was a blurred nightmare of red, pulsing lights, gyrating through the darkness, and the twisted mass of metal and plastic that molded around his chest like a glove. Another whimper of pain escaped him.
“It’s all right,” said the voice. Another voice spoke quietly to the first and they argued back and forth. Joshua felt the pressure on his shoulder again. “We’re going to start an IV.”
“No,” Joshua said in a strangled voice and tried to pull his arm away. If they rolled up his sleeve, they’d see. They’d know. And once they knew, they’d also know why he’d crashed the car. Then his parents would know…his mother…
“Easy,” came the man’s voice. “We just want to get an IV going in case we need to give you some medication.”
Joshua tried to pull his arm out of their grip. Pain exploded in every nerve ending and he cried out.
“Shit,” muttered the man’s voice. His companion said something in return, but Joshua couldn’t struggle any more. The pain and the terror of his situation caused him to reel toward a black hole from which he knew there was no way to return.
“Joshua!”
Joshua’s eyes snapped open and he jerked into a sitting position. Someone moved away from him, then light flooded the room. Joshua looked around, dazed. He couldn’t remember where he was.
“Joshua.” Someone sat down beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Are you awake?”
Joshua blinked. He was in a hotel room. He lifted a hand and felt his forehead. It was damp with sweat, nothing more. Pushing back the arm of his sweatshirt, he found the inside of his elbow was unblemished.
“Josh.”
He turned and stared at the woman. Elena. The rest of the dream dissipated and he remembered where he was.
“Are you all right?” He could hear the worry in her voice.
He looked around again. He was sitting on the couch in the main room of their suite. He must have fallen asleep here. He remembered being unable to go to sleep in the first place and getting up so he wouldn’t disturb her. Hunching his shoulders, he braced his forehead with his hands.
“Joshua, please answer me.”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. He realized his hands were shaking again. That alarmed him. His hands had shaken a lot when he’d first left rehab, but not since then, not for the last few years.
“Tell me what’s happening.”
Tell her? He didn’t even know himself. “It’s complicated.”
“You were dreaming?”
He nodded.
“Of what?”
“The car accident. Exactly how it was.”
She didn’t answer, but he could feel the pressure of her arm across his shoulders, the weight of her against his back. He took comfort that she wasn’t running away from him. Still, it wasn’t fair to her.
He turned his head so he could peer at her. “Elena, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“In what way?” she said. She looked so afraid.
“I’m not handling things well. I’m not sleeping, I’m having nightmares. Nothing is feeling right at the moment.”
She nodded, slowly. “I can feel how stressed you are.” Her fingers massaged the tightness in his shoulders.
“I can’t even tell you what’s wrong with me because I don’t know.”
“There’s a lot going on, Josh, not to mention that a tour would be difficult on anyone, with or without Julian.”
He reached for one of her hands and clasped it. “This isn’t the safe, quiet life you wanted with your doctor.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t matter. I didn’t really want that life anyway.”
He pressed her hand to his lips. “I want everything to be easy and good between us, though.”
She leaned her forehead against his. “It will be, once we get out of this tour.”
He sighed and let her support his weight for a moment. She wrapped him in her arms and held him tightly.
“Joshua?”
“Hm,” he said, letting himself sink into the comfort she offered.
“You told me once that you saw a psychologist in the past. Would it help to call him or her now?”
“It might if I knew what was getting me so worked up.”
“Julian trying to replace you, getting a concussion, David having a heart attack, Elliot behaving like he is.”
He gave a soft chuckle. “When you put it that way…” He mulled it over for a moment. “I don’t think she can help. I think this is something I have to work out on my own.” He leaned away from her and reached up to touch a curl. “I don’t want to drag you into this with me. If you want to go home, I understand. I haven’t been very good company lately.”
“Do you want me to go away?”
He frowned at her. “No, but…”
“But what?”
“I hate for you to see me being so strange, so scattered and confused and weak.”
She ran her hand through his loose hair. “Joshua Ravensong, I love you and I don’t care what you’re being. I want to be part of your life.”
He recoiled at her words, his eyes widening. He’d expected many things, but that hadn’t been one of them. “What did you say?”
She smiled calmly. He didn’t know how she could be so calm, when his heart had started banging like a drum. “I love you,” she repeated.
He blinked at her, then gave a nervous laugh. “Are you sure about that?”
She laughed in return. “Pretty sure.”
He stared at her in amazement, then rose to his feet and pulled her up with him. “I’ll be damned, woman. That probably wasn’t a wise thing to let happen.”
“Probably not,” she answered, allowing him to pull her against his body. “But then I’ve never done the wise thing.”
His eyes narrowed on her. “Elena, no matter what happens in the next few weeks, you need to know that I love you too.”
She gave a laugh. “Now that sounds ominous.”
He didn’t laugh. “I’ve never loved a woman like I do you,” he answered. “Please, never forget that.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and studied his face. “Why is it that you’re scaring me more now, when this is just what I’ve wanted to hear?”
He pressed his forehead to hers. “I don’t want to scare you,” he said, then he kissed her, placing all of his feelings into the kiss. When they parted, they were both breathing heavily. Taking her hand, he pulled her toward the bedroom. “Come on. Let’s not talk anymore, let me show you what really matters.”
* * *
“Ravensong, you have a visitor.”
Joshua turned away from the curtain and stared at the man standing next to the stage manager. He hadn’t seen him in many years, but he’d know him anywhere. He was a little older, a little more lined, but he was still handsome.
A sick feeling settled in the pit of Joshua’s stomach. “What the hell are you d
oing here?”
The man shook his head, then elbowed the stage manager. “Would you look at him? Worthless prick of a kid, but everything’s always landed in his lap. Hell, I’ll bet he shits solid gold.”
Joshua was aware of the other band members staring at him. They were sitting around backstage, waiting for Rage to finish their set. Dominic moved to Joshua’s left side. On his right, he felt Elena wrap her hands around his arm, but Joshua never took his gaze from his father’s face.
“He said he was your father,” remarked the stage manager, looking a little anxious. Obviously Joshua’s reaction wasn’t the one he’d expected.
“How did you get in?” demanded Joshua, ignoring the stage manager.
“Showed them my driver’s license. They saw the family resemblance.”
Joshua could tell he was drunk and his muscles tensed involuntarily.
Ray elbowed the stage manager again. “Can you believe I had to hear about the concert from a neighbor? He came and told me my son was playing the stadium. My son? No matter what you do, you can still draw them like flies to honey, eh? But you can’t get your own father a backstage pass?”
“What do you want?”
Ray smiled. He could be so damn charming when he set his mind to it. “To see my son play to 50,000 people. What more could any father want?” His eyes narrowed. “You look like hell. You using again? I read somewhere that…”
“Shut up!” snapped Joshua.
Ray’s eyes narrowed. “I also want some money. You can give me what you’ve got in your pocket, then write me a check when the concert is finished.” He pretended to look out at the audience. “$50,000 seems fair, a dollar a ticket.”
Joshua moved closer to him. “You can go to hell. I’m not giving you a dime.”
Ray’s face underwent an alarming change, contracting and twisting as rage spiraled through him. He struck Joshua with his fist, knocking him to the ground. The band members surged to their feet and Elena dropped beside Joshua. Grabbing him by his shirt, Dominic shoved Ray into the closest wall.
“Lay a hand on me and I’ll sue,” shouted Ray.
Joshua touched his mouth and winced. Looking at his hand, he wasn’t surprised to find blood on his fingers. Working his tongue around his teeth, he checked for any loose ones.
“What the hell is he doing here?” came Julian’s voice.
Joshua looked up in time to see Julian descending on him. With Elena’s help, he managed to gain his feet. Julian’s eyes widened and he caught Joshua’s chin.
“Shit,” he muttered, turning Joshua so he could look at his face.
Joshua pulled away, but Julian didn’t notice, rounding on Ray where Dominic had him pressed to the wall. “His face is worth a million dollars, you ass, and how is he supposed to sing with a split lip? Who the hell let this bastard in here? I want to know. I’ll have their job!”
The stage manager dropped his gaze, shifting anxiously. “I didn’t know…no one told me…”
“No one told you!” shouted Julian.
“Let it go, Julian. It wasn’t his fault,” said Joshua, taking the tissue Robert handed him. He pressed it to his lip. “Let him go, Dominic.”
The bodyguard looked over his shoulder at Joshua.
“Let him go,” Joshua repeated.
Stadium security had arrived with Julian. They surrounded Ray as Dominic slammed him hard into the wall and released him. He smoothed his clothes and glared at Joshua.
Joshua pulled away from Elena and moved closer to his father. Ray continued to glare at him, daring him with his look to strike him in return.
“Don’t ever come near me again,” Joshua said in a low voice.
Ray gave him a scoffing look, but Joshua glanced at the police officer. “Get him out of here.”
They grabbed Ray’s arms and pulled him toward the exit. As Joshua watched them go, Julian grabbed his arm and spun him to face him. He grabbed Joshua’s chin again, turning him to see the cut.
“Shit,” he said once more. “Get me a medic.”
Joshua pulled away from him and walked toward his dressing room, flanked on either side by Elena and Dominic. Once inside, Joshua leaned against the dressing table, pressing the tissue to his lip. It was still bleeding.
“Do you think he broke your jaw?” said Dominic, his teeth clenched in fury.
Julian had followed them inside and he gave Joshua an alarmed look. He truly seemed concerned the Joshua might really be hurt. Joshua knew he was afraid the concert might have to be canceled and the money returned.
“No,” he said, then glanced at Elena.
She had tears in her eyes. He reached for her hand, but he was distracted by the appearance of Elliot in the doorway. He didn’t come inside, but he stared at Joshua with a worried expression on his face.
“I’m all right,” he told Elena, brushing a tear away.
She nodded, but he could see she was shaken.
“How many times has that bastard done that to you?” asked Dominic angrily.
Joshua shrugged. “A few.”
“He do that when you were a kid?”
Joshua met his bodyguard’s gaze. Slowly he nodded.
Dominic’s hands clenched into fists. Elliot looked like he might be sick.
The medic appeared in the doorway and pushed inside.
“His lip is split. How the hell will he be able to sing without bleeding all over everything?” demanded Julian, looking over the medic’s shoulder.
The man gave Julian a quelling look, forcing Julian to take a step away, then he took Joshua’s chin in his hand and felt along his jaw. “Any loose teeth?”
Joshua shook his head.
“I can put a wound glue on the cut to hold it together. It’s the same stuff they use on athletes so they don’t bleed on the field. It’ll hold until the end of the concert. I don’t think you need stitches.”
Joshua nodded.
“You’re sure it’ll hold? What about swelling?” questioned Julian, hovering again at the medic’s back.
The medic rolled his eyes at Joshua, but spoke to Julian. “It’s gonna swell. He can put ice on it during sets, but there’s no way to stop that. I can only keep it from bleeding.”
“Shit!” said Julian, pacing back and forth across the small room. “A million dollar face…”
“Go ahead,” said Joshua, nodding at the medic.
The man cleaned the cut and then applied the wound glue. “Let it set for a moment.”
Joshua nodded.
“Call me if it breaks open again,” he said, then pushed out of the tight dressing room.
“I want you to press charges,” said Julian.
Joshua frowned. “It’s not worth it.”
“Not worth it? God damn it, your face is worth millions to Avalanche.”
Joshua narrowed his eyes on the manager. Not weeks ago, he’d been trying to replace him. What the hell was this about now? His eyes lifted to Elliot. The guitarist was still staring at him.
“What about a restraining order?” asked Dominic.
Joshua shook his head. “We just need to make it clear to the management that he’s not welcome backstage.” He felt his jaw. It was beginning to swell.
Elena touched his arm. “Joshua, I think you should do something more. They’re right. You need to make sure he’s never able to get near you again.”
He looked into her eyes. Reaching up, he brushed his hand over her cheek. How much longer could she take the train-wreck that was his life? He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.
“I don’t want to go into a courtroom, Elena,” he whispered into the top of her head. “Please understand.”
She tightened her hold on him and pressed her face into his throat. “Okay,” she said.
Joshua’s eyes lifted to Elliot’s again. Elliot looked down, then turned away and left the dressing room.
“I’ll get some ice,” said Julian over his shoulder as he followed him out.
Joshua reste
d his head against Elena’s and closed his eyes. Ray’s visit was more than odd. In all the years Joshua had been with Avalanche, not once had Ray shown up at a concert. In fact, the number of odd occurrences were increasing. Was Julian responsible for this too?
He’d seemed so surprised when he’d arrived. Was he that good of an actor?
CHAPTER 14
Joshua’s jaw ached as he waited in line behind Elena to go through the metal detector at the airport. His head felt fuzzy and his eyes burned. He was so damn tired. He wished they’d had another day before moving to the next location, but the tour couldn’t be stopped now. He’d already cost them one show.
He lifted a hand to finger the bruise. People in line kept looking at him. He wasn’t sure whether they were wondering what happened, or just trying to determine if he was who they thought he was.
Shifting his pack on his shoulder, he leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He hated flying. He hated airports. Since 9/11, it was impossible to get through the airport check-in without hassle.
“You okay?” asked Elena.
He nodded.
When the line moved forward, she tugged on his elbow and he moved up behind her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her back into him for comfort. He placed his forehead on her shoulder and closed his eyes again.
“Please have your tickets out,” said one of the attendants working the metal detector.
Joshua lifted his head and looked up. Only two people were in front of Elena. Swinging his backpack off his shoulder, he pulled it in front of him and unzipped the top compartment. He reached for the ticket without looking, pushing aside a change of clothes and a notebook he used for jotting lyrics. His fingers touched on something cold and smooth. He frowned and curled his fingers around it, pulling it to the top of the bag. When he opened his hand, he saw that it was a vial, containing some sort of fluid.
His heart slammed against his chest and his eyes widened. Elena moved forward and Joshua’s eyes snapped up to the metal detector. Only two people were between him and the airport police.
What the hell was in the vial?
A cold sweat broke out across his skin and he knew what it held.
Glancing around, he marked a number of policemen standing to the side of the metal detectors. In the next line over, Elliot frowned at him, but Joshua ignored the look, his heart hammering in his ears. He shifted and searched the entire terminal, lighting on the bathroom at the end of the hall.