by ML Hamilton
“Shh,” hissed James. “I want him home where they know his case. Not here where I don’t know any of the doctors. My father will meet us at the airport in Los Angeles.”
“You don’t even know what’s wrong with him,” persisted Dominic.
“Yes, I do. He’s going through relapse.”
“You said he didn’t take the drug.”
James glanced apprehensively at the attendant, then back at Dominic. “He didn’t. According to my father, the stress of the tour and these past few months have brought it on.”
Dominic slumped into the seat opposite Joshua. “I still think he should be in the hospital.”
“Leave it alone,” muttered Joshua. He had his arms banded around his waist and was leaning his head back on the headrest. “Please.”
Dominic grumbled, but he didn’t say it loud enough to hear.
The flight attendant worked up the courage to approach them. “Is he all right?” she said.
James flashed her a smile. He wasn’t as charming as Joshua, but it had worked on some women. “A touch of the flu. How long until liftoff?”
“Half an hour.” Her worried gaze lowered to Joshua again. “Can I get him anything?”
“Just a pillow.”
She walked away, glancing back over her shoulder. James sank into the seat beside his brother. “How you doing, Josh?”
“Where’s Elena?”
James sighed. He’s explained this a number of times already. Joshua wasn’t able to focus on anything for too long. “I didn’t want her to see you like this,” he lied.
Joshua subsided, his eyes closing. They sat in silence as the pilot and the flight attendant made ready for take-off. Joshua’s breathing evened out and grew shallow. James prayed he’d sleep through most of the flight.
Dominic watched him. “How bad will it get?”
James shook his head. “Not as bad as the original withdrawal, but I just don’t know.”
“What are we talking about?”
“Tremors, hallucinations. Again, I just don’t know.”
“And you think he shouldn’t be in the hospital?”
James leaned forward, careful not to disturb his brother. “If I take him to a hospital that doesn’t know him and he’s hallucinating, what do you think they’ll do to him?”
“Commit him?”
James nodded. “Tie him down, medicate him to keep him still. I promised him I’d never let that happen again.”
“What happens when we get him home?”
“My dad takes over.”
Dominic looked out the window. “All right. I’m not sure I agree, but I’m here.”
James breathed a sigh of relief and sank back in his seat. Please let him be right, let him be able to control whatever was about to happen.
* * *
Joshua scratched at his arms frantically. James reached over and covered his hands with his own. “It’s all right, Josh.”
Joshua forced open his eyes, but they wouldn’t focus. A headache pounded in his temples and the light shining down on them burned. He felt as if insects were crawling across his skin.
“Please turn the light out,” he said, shutting his eyes again. Someone reached over him and flicked the switch. Joshua flinched at the sound; it echoed in his ears. He rubbed at the insects again. “They’re crawling all over me.”
James leaned close, his voice in Joshua’s ears. “There’s nothing on you, Josh. You’re all right.”
Joshua hunched his shoulders, trying to remember what was happening to him. He kept trying to tell himself it wasn’t real, but it felt real. The pain was real, curling around his back, seating deep inside his body. And he was hot, his skin felt dry and his lips were burning.
“Where’s Elena?” he heard himself ask.
“I didn’t want her to see you like this,” James answered. Joshua knew it wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but he couldn’t remember asking before.
He shifted restlessly in the seat and rubbed at his arms. The insects were crawling over his chest and down his spine. A spasm of pain made him roll to his side and curl his arms around his middle. He peered at Dominic through narrowed eyes. The huge man was watching him with a frown of worry, but as Joshua stared at him, his face warped and flowed as if he was looking at him beneath a pool of water. Joshua closed his eyes.
James’ fingers curled around his wrists. “Stop, Josh, please. You’re going to scratch yourself bloody.”
Joshua tried to stop himself, but the urge to brush the insects away was almost more than he could stand. Then the tremors began and he didn’t have time to worry about the insects anymore.
* * *
Kate tucked her arm in Elena’s as they entered the hospital. Elena forced a smile for her friend, although it was mostly show. She felt sick inside, sick and afraid. Thankfully, Kate had agreed to accompany her without any complaint or lecture. She’d seen the look on Elena’s face when she’d picked her up at the airport in San Francisco and that had been enough. They’d booked a flight into LAX for the next day.
Now Elena wanted to enter the ICU as if she had every right to do so. She’d browbeat Dominic until he’d told her where they’d taken Joshua. She’d browbeat Elliot until he’d told her what was wrong. She’d tried to browbeat the nurse on the phone into giving her an update on his condition, but that hadn’t work, and now she was here, entering a place she knew she wasn’t wanted.
She hoped Joshua’s family wasn’t here. She hoped she’d be able to sneak in and see him before anyone realized she wasn’t supposed to be there. If nothing else, she hoped she’d be able to see him and assure herself that he was all right.
Elliot had told her his kidneys weren’t functioning properly. Apparently, there had been some tense moments on the flight to California. He’d suffered a relapse and had some mild hallucinations, but she couldn’t get any other information. Elliot had given her James’ cell phone number, but James wouldn’t speak with her.
She still couldn’t believe John was behind the pranks against Joshua, and yet, she couldn’t deny it either. Elena didn’t understand how that made her an accomplice, but she was, at least in James’ eyes. He told her she wasn’t welcome anywhere around his brother. Well, he could go to hell. Elena wasn’t about to give up without a fight. She loved Joshua and she intended to be here for him, even through the worst.
“Wait here,” said Kate and released her, going up to the grey-haired woman who worked the information desk. Elena glanced around apprehensively, hoping she wouldn’t see James anywhere.
Kate returned. “This way,” she said, motioning toward the elevators. “Third floor.”
They walked to the mirrored doors and compressed the button. An elevator arrived a moment later and they entered. Kate pressed the button for the third floor. They stared at the numbers without talking until the bell dinged and the doors opened. Elena hesitated before leaving the small cell. She glanced down the hallways, hoping she wouldn’t see Joshua’s family. The only thing she could see was the nurses’ station in the middle of the floor.
Elena followed Kate from the elevator. They moved toward the nurses’ station, glancing around. No one was behind the desk, but Elena craned her neck to see down both corridors, then she leaned over the desk, hoping something would indicate where Joshua might be.
A cough echoed from the left corridor. Elena sank back on her heels and clasped her hands, waiting for the nurse to scuttle down the hallway and back to her post. “Sorry, we’re a little short handed right now.”
“No problem,” she answered, flashing her a smile. “I’m here to see Joshua Ravensong.”
The nurse studied her for a moment, then shook her head. “No one here by that name.”
“I’ll bet he checked in under a pseudonym,” offered Kate. “Protection from the paparazzi.”
Elena’s face fell. “You’re probably right. I just don’t know what that name might be.” She looked down in frustration, then remembered James
’ last name. “Connor? Is there anyone here by the last name of Connor?”
The nurse’s reaction told her she’d found part of the answer
“Joshua Connor?” she suggested.
The nurse grimaced in understanding. “I’m sorry. Only family is allowed to visit.”
Elena griped the counter. “Please. I just want to see him for a moment. You can come with me and if he says he doesn’t want to see me, I’ll leave immediately.”
The nurse hesitated, clearly moved by Elena’s plea. “Why don’t you tell me your name and I’ll ask him if he wants to see you?”
Elena opened her mouth to answer, but James’ voice interrupted her. “No, this woman isn’t allowed to see my brother.”
Elena closed her eyes in frustration, then turned to face him. “Joshua doesn’t get to decide that for himself?”
“Not right now. Not when he’s as sick as he is. After he’s well, then he can decide.”
Elena fought back tears. “What do you think I did?”
He didn’t answer her question. Instead he went on the offensive. “Your fiancé lost his medical license. If we can get Joshua to press charges, we’ll arrest him.”
“What exactly did he do? You wouldn’t tell me.”
“We finally got a judge to issue a subpoena on the pharmaceutical company and they revealed who’d placed the order. It was placed in Joshua’s name, but a physician had to approve it. Your fiancé was that physician. The syringe we found in Joshua’s dressing room was filled with morphine – again, something only a physician would have access to. When we questioned your fiancé, he confessed.”
“How did he do all of this from Colorado?”
“Apparently he sensed something was wrong between you two long before you made your trip to see him. He read all of the articles that pertained to Avalanche. In one, the reporter talked to a roadie, who seemed a bit disgruntled about hauling equipment. He contacted the roadie and paid him well to plant the various items. Joshua didn’t even know who the roadie was, apparently something that made the man more inclined to do Joshua some harm.”
Elena shared a miserable look with Kate. “I warned you about him,” she said in frustration. “I told you I thought something was wrong with him. Alec, right?”
“You didn’t tell me fast enough. By the time I got the guy’s last name, it was too late.”
“I can’t tell you how horrible I feel about this, but why are you blaming me? I never dreamed John was capable of such revenge.”
“Really? You had no inclination? Why did you wait so long to break it off?”
Elena closed her eyes. She wished she’d never kept her relationship with Joshua a secret. It had caused so much trouble. “I didn’t want to lose my job. I thought Julian would fire me.”
James gave her his cop look. “So you chose to expose my brother to dangerous pranks just to keep a job?”
“I didn’t know that’s what I was doing,” she protested. “James, I love your brother.”
“Really? Yet you didn’t want anyone to know you were together?”
“Hey, that’s out of line,” snapped Kate.
James glared at her, forcing Kate to back up behind Elena. “Spare me the false outrage, Elena. My brother doesn’t need someone who puts herself first.”
Elena moved closer to him. “You told me that you wanted Joshua to make his own decisions. Don’t you think this is his decision?”
James’ expression didn’t soften. “I was the one who found him when he tried to kill himself. I was the one, and I’ll never forget it. I can’t go through that again, so until he’s well, I think I’ll make the decisions.” He rubbed his eyes wearily. “Please just leave, Elena. I’m so tired, I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”
“I know you love your brother, James, and I know you think you’re protecting him. I just hope he doesn’t feel differently when he’s well. He might not thank you for interfering here.” She pointed a finger at him. “And you’d better make sure he knows I was here, James, because if he finds out you kept me away from him and then lied to him about it, I don’t think he’ll ever forgive you.”
With that she walked toward the elevators. She was proud that she didn’t burst into tears until the doors shut behind her and Kate.
* * *
Joshua zipped closed his bag, then wandered to the window to look out. How many times would he wind up in this facility, he wondered.
“I’ve got your release papers here. There are some instructions on what to watch out for and your level of activity for the next few weeks.”
Joshua nodded. Dr. Staddler came up beside him and held out the papers.
“You sure you’re ready to go home?”
He gave her a smile. “I want to see my daughter and I don’t want her seeing me here.” He took the papers and folded them in half. Once again he’d regained his freedom.
“If you need me, I’m just a call away,” she said, touching his arm.
He nodded. “Thank you.”
“They asked me to tell you that you have a visitor. Someone named Elliot. Do you want to see him?”
Joshua tossed the papers onto his bag. “Not in here. I’ll see him in the waiting room.”
“I understand,” she said, stepping away from him. “I meant what I said, Joshua. I’m here if you need me.” Then she led the way from the room.
Joshua felt the eyes of the nurses on him as he wandered down the hall toward the waiting room. It was dimly lit and a television blared from the wall. Elliot was sitting in a chair, his hands clasped before him. He looked up as Joshua entered.
“Josh?”
“Hey,” he said with a tight smile. He walked over to the television set and turned it off.
Elliot stood. “They said you were getting out today.”
“Yeah, going home.”
“To the city or your parents?”
“The city. I haven’t seen Tiffany yet.”
Elliot nodded. “Saw David yesterday.”
“How is he?”
“He’s doing real well – thin, but…” His voice trailed off and his eyes lowered over Joshua’s body.
Joshua knew he’d lost a lot of weight himself. He looked away. He felt like he had so many years ago, when he’d first stepped into Avalanche’s warehouse – uncertain and strange. Completely unbalanced.
“How are you?” asked Elliot.
Joshua looked back and the strangeness eased. “Better.”
“Your kidneys?”
Joshua shrugged. “I may need a transplant someday, but one’s functioning all right.”
They stared at each other awkwardly. Elliot rocked on his heels. Joshua didn’t know how to ease the tension. There wasn’t a guitar or music for them to focus on, just the two of them, standing close and yet so far apart. Joshua was surprised how much it still hurt him.
“Elliot?”
At the same time, Elliot moved closer. “Listen, Josh, I need to apologize…”
“Don’t finish that, please,” Joshua interrupted. “I need to apologize. I should have told you the first day I saw her. I knew even then that I wouldn’t be able to leave her alone.”
Elliot shook his head. “I’m just as bad. I let it get out of control. Honestly, I saw what was happening between you, but I just didn’t want to face the truth.”
Joshua forced a laugh. “Why don’t we agree to never talk about it again?”
Elliot laughed as well. “Sounds good to me.” He cuffed the floor with his foot. “We okay then?”
Joshua smiled. “Yeah, we’re good.”
Elliot sighed in relief.
“So, when do you leave for the world tour?”
Elliot gave a sarcastic laugh. “We put that on hold. Couldn’t face any more time on the road.”
Joshua nodded.
Elliot lifted his head and looked at him. “You think you’ll ever come back?”
Joshua drew a deep breath and exhaled. He realized the tension he’d fe
lt when Elliot first arrived had dissipated. “Honestly, I just don’t know, El. Right now I’m gonna concentrate on being a father. I think that might be enough for a while. That and maybe walking across the room without getting winded.”
Elliot smiled. “I get you.”
“You know, I hear that there’s a lead singer who’s looking for a job. Real enthusiastic fellow named Lucas?”
Elliot’s smile faded. “We decided we’d take a break. Avalanche already has a lead singer, the only one it’s ever going to have.”
Joshua briefly closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready again, El. You shouldn’t stop your music because of me.”
“I didn’t say I was stopping my music, but we all agreed. Avalanche wouldn’t be Avalanche without Joshua Ravensong.”
* * *
Elena rang the doorbell, fighting her desire to run. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he felt the same way James did? It had been two months since she’d seen him last, two months since she’d been allowed to speak with him.
David had told her he was home, but she hadn’t known what she was going to do with that knowledge. She’d picked up the phone and dialed his number at least a dozen times before hanging up again, then she’d decided to wait and see if he contacted her. Finally she knew she couldn’t let it go, she had to know exactly what he felt, and she had to hear it from him directly.
The door swung open and he was standing in the entrance. He wore a white shirt, the tails hanging over his jeans. His hair was loose and his feet were bare. He was thinner than she’d ever seen him and there were dark circles under his eyes, but she drank in the sight of him.
His expression shifted from curiosity to one she didn’t recognize, then he stepped back and motioned her inside. “Come in,” he said.
She stepped over the threshold and was immediately engulfed by Wolf. Joshua pulled him off and ordered him into the other room. The dog obeyed, glancing over his shoulder with a pitiful look.
Then they simply looked at one another. Elena clasped her hands and he continued to hold the doorknob. A blast of cold bay area wind blew into the house, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hey,” she responded and forced a smile. She didn’t want to burst into tears. That would seem desperate, but still the tears were very close under the surface. “David told me you were back.”